Should I do it.

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Acook17

New member
Jun 14, 2018
6
7
3
#1
I really wanna cut my hair off super short. I have never been confidant enough to do it before but finally wanna go through with it. However my husband likes my hair long. I asked him if it would be ok for me to cut and of course he said he wouldn’t like that. I want to respect him but also really want to cut my hair. My question is, is it biblical for me to have to listen to him? I know the way I worded makes it sound like he is being controlling but long hair is his preference. I knew this from the beginning. That is just what he is attracted to, the same way I like for him to keep a beard. What is y’all thought?
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
14,319
6,681
113
#2
That is just what he is attracted to, the same way I like for him to keep a beard. What is y’all thought?
If you want marital harmony leave well enough alone. At the same time ask yourself what's driving you to cut your hair "super short". There's clearly more to this than meets the eye.
 
S

Scribe

Guest
#3
I really wanna cut my hair off super short. I have never been confidant enough to do it before but finally wanna go through with it. However my husband likes my hair long. I asked him if it would be ok for me to cut and of course he said he wouldn’t like that. I want to respect him but also really want to cut my hair. My question is, is it biblical for me to have to listen to him? I know the way I worded makes it sound like he is being controlling but long hair is his preference. I knew this from the beginning. That is just what he is attracted to, the same way I like for him to keep a beard. What is y’all thought?
Get a wig to show him what it would look like. Or an app that will do it on the computer. Then see if he thinks he would like it.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,543
2,110
113
#5
I think it sounds instigating to do something, purposefully, that you know will impact your marriage. Ask yourself what matters to you most, your husband and your marriage, or the length of your hair?
Is it worth the risk of your husband losing some of his attraction to you?
You don't need a biblical answer to know that this situation is about to cause problems in your marriage. I just wonder if, in a year, it will be worth all the potential problems that may arise?
 

soggykitten

Well-known member
Jul 3, 2020
2,322
1,361
113
#6
I really wanna cut my hair off super short. I have never been confidant enough to do it before but finally wanna go through with it. However my husband likes my hair long. I asked him if it would be ok for me to cut and of course he said he wouldn’t like that. I want to respect him but also really want to cut my hair. My question is, is it biblical for me to have to listen to him? I know the way I worded makes it sound like he is being controlling but long hair is his preference. I knew this from the beginning. That is just what he is attracted to, the same way I like for him to keep a beard. What is y’all thought?
I like the idea of an app that shows you with short hair first. This way he can see if he likes it.
If he does, why not compromise? Agree to let him shave his beard and you cut your hair as super short as you wish. The good thing about hair and beards? They grow back.

Hairdressers would say that to me when they would screw up the cut on my naturally curly hair. "Oh, honey! It'll grow back." Finally out of deep frustration and that I looked like a roadrunner on the last cut, I looked at my watch and then at the stylist and said. "In the next five minutes before I reach the car?" Straight faced.
She turned really red and said, maybe not that fast. :LOL:

Now, I cut my own hair. And for the first time in a lot of years, my natural curly hair actually curls all over the way it should. Dang, I'm good. And I don't even have to tip myself. Saves money all around.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,700
3,879
113
#7
Cut it off and give the pony tail to him as a present he can keep forever.
Your hair will grow back eventually.

of course you are meant to listen to your husband, but doesnt mean you will always do what he wants cos news flash, you do have a mind of your own. Its more of what God wants really. Have you asked Him?

Your husband probably wont think its very attractive anymore but you will have to deal with it if he starts looking at other long haired women I suppose.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
6,909
4,826
113
#8
When my hubby and I met and married, my hair was always down, fixed up and pretty.
THEN mom life happened and it was messy buns and ponytails for quite a while......
He made a comment one day about my hair never being down anymore, and how he liked it down.
I made an :rolleyes: and comment about it being a pain and in my way (note, I saw a look of hurt and disappointment in his eyes)
i kept wearing it up, and over time we started having some serious rocky marriage moments (NOT because of hairstyles.......)
I was reading book after book, web page after web page, and listening to video after video on marriage stuff.
One common thing I noticed through out all of it is the fact that a wifes appearance matters to her husband (in MOST cases)
so, one afternoon (I was in NO MOOD to have this mop down in my face and in the way ) I kept notice of the time before he got home, darted in the bathroom, pulled the pony tail out, brushed through it and called it done.
When he got home, his face lit up like the 4th of july.
No "hi, how are ya?" or usual after work chit chat.....
instead the first thing he said was "Your hairs down"...... :D
I kept doing that for some time, as well as making sure it was done and fixed whenever we went out (even if it was just to the hardware store), and ya know, it's amazing how that simple little act opened the doorway for healing and restoration in the areas that were of major concern.

When I first read this post the other night, it was late and I was falling asleep, only half skimming through. Now going back and rereading it all I find it very interesting that there are reputable men on here basically all saying the same thing. You're hair is long, that's how your husband likes it. best to leave it that way.

To answer your concern: NO, it doesn't make your husband sound controlling to request that you leave it long.
However, rushing out to chop it off because you're suddenly in this mood to do so could potentially open doors of him doubting your respect towards him. "if she's doing her own thing on something minor like this, what will she do when major issues arise?"

Some have suggested trying hair/makeover apps, that might one option if you're really gung ho on seeing if this will work for you or not. And if you're really not happy with your current hair, maybe try opting for something less dramatic, like a color/shade change, high/low lights, cutting just a little amount, like an inch or two, or adding layers so it's not all one long length.

:)
 

posthuman

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2013
30,883
10,145
113
#9
I really wanna cut my hair off super short. I have never been confidant enough to do it before but finally wanna go through with it. However my husband likes my hair long. I asked him if it would be ok for me to cut and of course he said he wouldn’t like that. I want to respect him but also really want to cut my hair. My question is, is it biblical for me to have to listen to him? I know the way I worded makes it sound like he is being controlling but long hair is his preference. I knew this from the beginning. That is just what he is attracted to, the same way I like for him to keep a beard. What is y’all thought?
if you've already talked to him about it and he doesn't want you to, seems like you'd be knowingly offending him to do it anyway.
seeing that you're posting about it, it's clear you still want to. so i assume y'all talked and his reasons were not convincing to you?

did that conversation go any further than "would you like it if i had short hair?" -- "no i would not i like your long hair" ?
what are your reasons for wanting short hair? just for the look, or for the easier-to-manage and the cooler-in-summer etc ?

my advice would be don't, because he is the head of your house, and he's said no -- you would be dishonoring him and introducing strife in your relationship to go and do what he's expressly told you he doesn't want you to do.
but talk to him more about it. try to convince him, get him on board with it. when he agrees that he won't be mad at you for doing it, then do it :)
 
S

Scribe

Guest
#10
My guess? Since starting this post. She already cut it. :)
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,700
3,879
113
#11
she gave him her hair?
what next.
I dont like wearing clothes anymore. Should I go round naked? (you can always put them back on)

its kinda weird but for me personally whenever I get my long hair short people always compliment it and say it looks better short. Only a very few are like YOU CUT YOUR HAIR???

but then I dont have a husband to please. So I dont need to ask anyone. I do make an appointment with my hairdresser though, and shes a christian so...


Personally I think when you are married your husband DOES control you. But you actually signed up to be controlled. You both have power over each others bodies so if you told him to stop wearing socks with his sandals he kinda has to do it or feel your wrath.
 

posthuman

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2013
30,883
10,145
113
#12
if you told him to stop wearing socks with his sandals he kinda has to do it or feel your wrath.
he really ought to do that without someone having to tell him..

.. what kind of person marries someone that wears socks with their sandals, anyway??
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,700
3,879
113
#15
he really ought to do that without someone having to tell him..

.. what kind of person marries someone that wears socks with their sandals, anyway??
I dont know. Maybe anyone thats female?
Ive never seen women wear 'em but lots of men do and I suppose some women marry these men right?
Marriage is a two way street dont you know...equal oppurtunity for those with bad haircuts AND bad fashion sense.
 
S

Scribe

Guest
#16
I dont know. Maybe anyone thats female?
Ive never seen women wear 'em but lots of men do and I suppose some women marry these men right?
Marriage is a two way street dont you know...equal oppurtunity for those with bad haircuts AND bad fashion sense.
What? It is a turn off to women for me to wear socks with sandals? :oops: All this time I have been trying to get fat to keep them at bay and all I had to do was wear socks with sandals?
 

posthuman

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2013
30,883
10,145
113
#17
I dont know. Maybe anyone thats female?
Ive never seen women wear 'em but lots of men do and I suppose some women marry these men right?
Marriage is a two way street dont you know...equal oppurtunity for those with bad haircuts AND bad fashion sense.
i wonder if those men did that before they were married, or only after?
or maybe once they were married they stopped caring about whether it would drive people away and started doing it in public. hmm
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#19
I know the way I worded makes it sound like he is being controlling
You mentioned in another thread that your husband promised to kill himself if you left him.

And now he is saying you can't cut your hair?
No I actually have not. Since reads everyone’s opinion, I have opted not to.
Are you happy with your decision not to cut your hair?
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
1,102
780
113
#20
I would probably keep the long hair but won't be too happy about it (in the event I really wanted short hair for whatever reason). The shortest I would cut my hair is a short bob, not super short. Short hair shows off neck and shoulders which I think is attractive. But, the biggest reason is that it is easier to manage. I think there are more important things to bicker about than looks, assuming the spouse makes at least some sort of effort on looks.