Single Mom

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misskayanne

Junior Member
May 18, 2017
35
54
18
#1
I haven't posted in a long time, but I logged in here the other day and have been poking around. There has been something weighing heavy on my heart and mind and I thought I'd reach out here for encouragement.

I am a single mom. My son is 2.5 years old. I am also divorced. My ex husband left me for another woman nearly 5 years ago. I ended up getting pregnant about a year after my husband left me and that man bailed as soon as I told him I was pregnant. So I went through my pregnancy alone and have been raising my son on my own as well.

I feel like my life has been so heavily marked with sin (divorce, sexual immorality, having a child out of wedlock, etc) that I don't really feel like I am forgivable. I am so ashamed of my past. Recently I've given my life back to God and am committed to following Him. I believe I am in my current situation of being a single mom due to all the sin that has been in life. And now, although I've repented, I feel like it's too late for God to really bless me or my son. I feel like it's too late to be a godly woman and too late for God to bless me with a godly and loving husband. I don't even feel like ever dating again, because I've been hurt and used so many times. Even "Christian" men have done the same to me. I'm at a loss. All I've ever wanted was a husband and family, and I feel like because I've messed up so much, it will never happen for me. That I am destined to be alone and my son will never have a father in his life.

Am I wrong for thinking this way? Is there any hope for me?
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
1,211
1,012
113
#2
I'd say you're very wrong.
Let's consider this issue of not being forgivable or able to be blessed. Let's change the wording to see what else you say by saying that...
God is weaker than my sin
The power of sin is greater than Gods love
Gods love isn't enough
The words in the bible aren't meant for me and only me
I have zero doubt if I asked you those things separately you'd say they're not true, but it is what you are saying now.

Let's look at Saul/Paul. He was a prideful religious leader who attempted to wipe Christian's off the face of the earth in a murderous crusade. He was forgiven and even went on to wrote most of the NT.
But you made a few bad choices, and your husband cheated and left, and now you And your son are too far gone?
Somehow I'm not seeing how a man that declared war on Gods people forgivable, but a woman who made a few bad choices isn't. That simply does not make sense to me.

And your husband cheated and left, why would you be punished for that divorce? Even the bible says that's an acceptable term of divorce. So did God lie? Or is it that you have standards you hold to yourself that are not actually Gods standards?

Spiritually we can be forgiven, but that doesn't mean we escape the physical consequences. That's not punishment, it's just how life works.
If one murders someone and gets sent to prison he doesn't get out of prison if he gets saved. That's not God punishing him, that's natural consequences of living.

And, yes, there are a lot of users out there but it also begs the question "what choices are you making that allows you to be used so often?".
Relationships always involve an element of risk, but we can also use wisdom to minimize it so it isn't so frequent.
And single moms can be especially prone to this as the desire to get help, feel loved, bring in a father, etc... can push them into rushing into things.

What I see when reading your post is a good person that's made some bad decisions and feels overwhelmed by trying to live with them.
I see someone who spends a lot of their time in the past.
I see someone that punishes themselves far beyond what's reasonable.
I see someone that may need to focus more on the good things and spend less time worrying about what they did years ago.
Someone that won't feel Gods forgiveness until they forgive themselves.
Someone putting up barriers instead of tearing them down.
I see someone who still has hope, but closes their eyes to it.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
10,666
1,680
113
#3
Excellent post! Subhumanoid!

The fact is, we are all miserable sinners until God saves us. You may think everyone is clean, but we were all reprobates with black hearts. Maybe we looked good on the outside, but God knows the heart, and the truth that none of us are the way God has planned for us.

I'm not sharing my testmony, just to say I was not worth saving, but God did anyway! If God has saved you, you are righteous. But not because of anything you have done, but because Jesus paid the price in the cross.

My advice is to read the Bible (a modern version, that you can understand) daily! God is going to show you who he is, what he has done, and direct your paths. If a passage or verse really stands out to you, memorize it and say it daily, till it permeates your soul. God uses his Word to heal us. Remember to pray, and find a loving, Bible believing church. The fanciest, biggest show... oops, I meant church, is not always the best place to go. Never mind all the TV screens, the video announcements, and the laser show during worship service.

Instead, pray for God to show you a church that loves, and that can be your family.

Finally, no one's life is perfect. God wants us to repent of our sins, but we still walk as a people awaiting the redemption of our bodies. Keep your accounts short with God, and you will do well.

"Heavenly Father, I pray for misskayanne to understand the true gospel message. Encourage her as she walks with you, bring godly and loving people into her life. Comfort her when she is lonely, and help her to draw close to you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
 

TM19782017

Active member
Dec 15, 2018
213
137
43
#4
Let me guess:

You automatically assume that since you have 2 kids, there is no way possible any guy will not judge you for it?

However, as an older person, my views on women with kids has changed dramatically since my 20’s.....I look at a woman with kids as someone who has been blessed with caring for children of my father from above and it would be an honor to help in that role wherever I can.
I also look at a woman who has been “dragged through the mud” and been shown exactly what real love doesn’t look like, will completely see and appreciate what a good loving guy looks like.

Stay strong! Don’t stop believing for the best.
 

Epiphany

Associate Sinner
Jan 15, 2019
7
6
3
#5
I had a girl tell me that she had an abortion and that it was my baby and that she didn't tell me before hand because she knew i would change her mind. So if you chose to have your son when you did not have to, well my friend that is the love God is looking for. Your right where your suppose to be and your "sins" are forgiven, but if you want to go further then just simply be you with the love of Jesus Christ surrounding and inside you. People will take notice and some will test you. Stay strong. If you don't know scripture then get google ready or talk to one of these fine folks. I have horrible memory so i rely on others knowledge a lot of times. Thank you everyone btw! I would look at what The Bible says to expect to be hardest for you as a female. i can't remember them, but i'm sure someone does or it's at least a google search away. i'm praying for someone to give you a hug! Your so precious in his eyes, i hope you can see that. Stay strong!
 

cv5

Well-known member
Nov 20, 2018
1,517
686
113
#6
I haven't posted in a long time, but I logged in here the other day and have been poking around. There has been something weighing heavy on my heart and mind and I thought I'd reach out here for encouragement.

I am a single mom. My son is 2.5 years old. I am also divorced. My ex husband left me for another woman nearly 5 years ago. I ended up getting pregnant about a year after my husband left me and that man bailed as soon as I told him I was pregnant. So I went through my pregnancy alone and have been raising my son on my own as well.

I feel like my life has been so heavily marked with sin (divorce, sexual immorality, having a child out of wedlock, etc) that I don't really feel like I am forgivable. I am so ashamed of my past. Recently I've given my life back to God and am committed to following Him. I believe I am in my current situation of being a single mom due to all the sin that has been in life. And now, although I've repented, I feel like it's too late for God to really bless me or my son. I feel like it's too late to be a godly woman and too late for God to bless me with a godly and loving husband. I don't even feel like ever dating again, because I've been hurt and used so many times. Even "Christian" men have done the same to me. I'm at a loss. All I've ever wanted was a husband and family, and I feel like because I've messed up so much, it will never happen for me. That I am destined to be alone and my son will never have a father in his life.

Am I wrong for thinking this way? Is there any hope for me?
Ungodly men tend to treat women like a perishable commodity. Reborn saved men do not. You have been victimized by sin, sinners and ignorance. Hold on dearly to Christ and wait for the windows of heaven to pour out a blessing.....
 

misskayanne

Junior Member
May 18, 2017
35
54
18
#7
I'd say you're very wrong.
Let's consider this issue of not being forgivable or able to be blessed. Let's change the wording to see what else you say by saying that...
God is weaker than my sin
The power of sin is greater than Gods love
Gods love isn't enough
The words in the bible aren't meant for me and only me
I have zero doubt if I asked you those things separately you'd say they're not true, but it is what you are saying now.

Let's look at Saul/Paul. He was a prideful religious leader who attempted to wipe Christian's off the face of the earth in a murderous crusade. He was forgiven and even went on to wrote most of the NT.
But you made a few bad choices, and your husband cheated and left, and now you And your son are too far gone?
Somehow I'm not seeing how a man that declared war on Gods people forgivable, but a woman who made a few bad choices isn't. That simply does not make sense to me.

And your husband cheated and left, why would you be punished for that divorce? Even the bible says that's an acceptable term of divorce. So did God lie? Or is it that you have standards you hold to yourself that are not actually Gods standards?

Spiritually we can be forgiven, but that doesn't mean we escape the physical consequences. That's not punishment, it's just how life works.
If one murders someone and gets sent to prison he doesn't get out of prison if he gets saved. That's not God punishing him, that's natural consequences of living.

And, yes, there are a lot of users out there but it also begs the question "what choices are you making that allows you to be used so often?".
Relationships always involve an element of risk, but we can also use wisdom to minimize it so it isn't so frequent.
And single moms can be especially prone to this as the desire to get help, feel loved, bring in a father, etc... can push them into rushing into things.

What I see when reading your post is a good person that's made some bad decisions and feels overwhelmed by trying to live with them.
I see someone who spends a lot of their time in the past.
I see someone that punishes themselves far beyond what's reasonable.
I see someone that may need to focus more on the good things and spend less time worrying about what they did years ago.
Someone that won't feel Gods forgiveness until they forgive themselves.
Someone putting up barriers instead of tearing them down.
I see someone who still has hope, but closes their eyes to it.

Thank you SO much for this! I read this while I was at work and had to step away from my desk for a moment because I was just so touched by the truth you spoke. You gave me a lot of points to consider and think about. I do tend to live in the past...I have a hard time forgiving myself for my past mistakes. Something I need to pray about for sure.
 

misskayanne

Junior Member
May 18, 2017
35
54
18
#8
Excellent post! Subhumanoid!

The fact is, we are all miserable sinners until God saves us. You may think everyone is clean, but we were all reprobates with black hearts. Maybe we looked good on the outside, but God knows the heart, and the truth that none of us are the way God has planned for us.

I'm not sharing my testmony, just to say I was not worth saving, but God did anyway! If God has saved you, you are righteous. But not because of anything you have done, but because Jesus paid the price in the cross.

My advice is to read the Bible (a modern version, that you can understand) daily! God is going to show you who he is, what he has done, and direct your paths. If a passage or verse really stands out to you, memorize it and say it daily, till it permeates your soul. God uses his Word to heal us. Remember to pray, and find a loving, Bible believing church. The fanciest, biggest show... oops, I meant church, is not always the best place to go. Never mind all the TV screens, the video announcements, and the laser show during worship service.

Instead, pray for God to show you a church that loves, and that can be your family.

Finally, no one's life is perfect. God wants us to repent of our sins, but we still walk as a people awaiting the redemption of our bodies. Keep your accounts short with God, and you will do well.

"Heavenly Father, I pray for misskayanne to understand the true gospel message. Encourage her as she walks with you, bring godly and loving people into her life. Comfort her when she is lonely, and help her to draw close to you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Thank for you advice and your prayer for me! I currently attend a church as you describe, complete with the TV screens and laser shows. I have been thinking about finding a different church for a few reasons, I just haven't ventured out yet to find one. I will certainly be praying and seeking God's guidance in finding the right church for my son and I.

I especially appreciate your comment that none of us are the way God has planned for us. I sometimes get stuck thinking about all the ways I messed up and how I've ruined the life God had planned for me...and I look around places like church feel like every one else has it together. But you are right...none of are perfect. We are all sinners. I think I just really needed to be reminded of this truth today.
 

misskayanne

Junior Member
May 18, 2017
35
54
18
#9
Let me guess:

You automatically assume that since you have 2 kids, there is no way possible any guy will not judge you for it?

However, as an older person, my views on women with kids has changed dramatically since my 20’s.....I look at a woman with kids as someone who has been blessed with caring for children of my father from above and it would be an honor to help in that role wherever I can.
I also look at a woman who has been “dragged through the mud” and been shown exactly what real love doesn’t look like, will completely see and appreciate what a good loving guy looks like.

Stay strong! Don’t stop believing for the best.
I only have one child, but yes, I do feel this way sometimes. I do feel "less-than" due to my sin and past mistakes. Thank you very much for your kind words.
 
Feb 6, 2019
133
132
43
#10
Ungodly men tend to treat women like a perishable commodity. Reborn saved men do not. You have been victimized by sin, sinners and ignorance. Hold on dearly to Christ and wait for the windows of heaven to pour out a blessing.....
Amen!
 

misskayanne

Junior Member
May 18, 2017
35
54
18
#11
I had a girl tell me that she had an abortion and that it was my baby and that she didn't tell me before hand because she knew i would change her mind. So if you chose to have your son when you did not have to, well my friend that is the love God is looking for. Your right where your suppose to be and your "sins" are forgiven, but if you want to go further then just simply be you with the love of Jesus Christ surrounding and inside you. People will take notice and some will test you. Stay strong. If you don't know scripture then get google ready or talk to one of these fine folks. I have horrible memory so i rely on others knowledge a lot of times. Thank you everyone btw! I would look at what The Bible says to expect to be hardest for you as a female. i can't remember them, but i'm sure someone does or it's at least a google search away. i'm praying for someone to give you a hug! Your so precious in his eyes, i hope you can see that. Stay strong!
I am so sad to hear about the girl you described having an abortion. I am, and have always been, very pro-life. I am extremely passionate about it. I am so sorry to hear she didn't choose life :(

It't been a while since I've read my Bible regularly, but I will certainly be doing regularly moving forward. Thank you for your encouragement!
 
Feb 6, 2019
133
132
43
#12
Children are God’s creation , May He fully pour out the Holy Spirit on you and your family
 

misskayanne

Junior Member
May 18, 2017
35
54
18
#13
Ungodly men tend to treat women like a perishable commodity. Reborn saved men do not. You have been victimized by sin, sinners and ignorance. Hold on dearly to Christ and wait for the windows of heaven to pour out a blessing.....
This is so true, sadly. I certainly have become more discerning regarding men and their intentions.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
2,595
2,122
113
#16
There are many examples of sinners in the NT, Saul/Paul and the woman men wanted to stone and God changed and forgave them as He has done for all of us. My 3rd child was out of wedlock, I kept him, he's going to UCR and God forgave me the instant I asked for forgiveness. If He doesn't remember our sins, what good is it for us to? God bless.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
1,211
1,012
113
#17
I only have one child, but yes, I do feel this way sometimes. I do feel "less-than" due to my sin and past mistakes. Thank you very much for your kind words.
It can be a hindrance, but that doesn't mean you're less than or hopeless.
I have dated a number of single moms and while there are some difficulties that come with it I actually enjoyed it.
There are plenty of men that wouldn't think less of you in the slightest for it. Or for your past. And if you find one chances are they'll be more loving and devoted because they willfully marry someone that brings some extra work with them. But they'll know it's worth it.
My dad did the same thing, he married a woman with three kids and loved all of them as if they were his own.
You just work on being a mom and taking care of yourself and healing and you still have a chance for someone to recognize how wonderful it can be to find you and your son.
 

Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
1,046
555
113
#18
Misskayann, I so totally respect you for having your child. I know that raising a child alone can be a struggle, but I am praying for you
that you continue raising him (or her) in the Lord.
Don't listen to the enemy as he tries to pull you down. Chin up, the Lord is with you!!
Chin up, you are forgiven, daughter of God!
 

Ellorah

Well-known member
Jan 28, 2019
419
645
93
26
South Carolina
#19
I have so much I could say. I'm very passionate about children. You chose life 🙏

God sees great things in you and your child. You both where fearfully and wonderfully made. Forgive yourself as our Father forgives us. Then trust in him. Our treasures lie in heaven so that's where to seek answers. I'm wrapping you in a sisterly hug and praying for you both !!
 
#20
Thank you SO much for this! I read this while I was at work and had to step away from my desk for a moment because I was just so touched by the truth you spoke. You gave me a lot of points to consider and think about. I do tend to live in the past...I have a hard time forgiving myself for my past mistakes. Something I need to pray about for sure.
Thing is? And, it's a pretty big thing! Is to learn from your history, so as to not condemn yourself into repeating it!

Should you hear a voice ask you "Are you ready?", And the question asked, tugs at you, like Jesus says: "The sheep know My Voice", in like somewhere, something inside of you recognizes that voice?
ANSWER IT!
You won't be sorry! ;)