Talk about your marriage.

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FENNER2

Junior Member
Apr 21, 2018
47
51
18
#1
This year my Husband and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. I think as far as married people go we are normal in our ups and downs. I think he knows me better than anyone else does and I know him.

I know what makes him happy and I know what makes him not so happy. I know that he appreciates the little things I do and he's in general a good Husband and Father.

I'm just curious about the other married people here.

What do you enjoy doing together as a couple? How long have you been married? Any advice for a happy marriage?
 

MissCris

Senior Member
Aug 24, 2011
6,601
263
83
#2
Nice thread :)

This summer is our 13th anniversary. Sometimes one of us will look at the other during some mundane thing we're doing and go "Have we really been together this long?"

We're pretty boring as couples go. We both would rather be at home than anywhere else. We have separate hobbies for the most part; he's into ham radio and video games and I go around making everything prettier and rearranging our little world. We both like river rafting, camping, reading. We both like making terrible jokes or puns just to see the other person roll their eyes.

I guess the main things I can think of that make my marriage a happy one would be communication, knowing neither of us are perfect, and being willing to do things together even if one of us isn't really into it.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
24,157
2,618
113
63
Florida
#3
We will be celebrating our 4th anniversary in November and we really love and enjoy each other's company very much. She is my best friend in life and I am her best friend. Yeah, we have had a few ups and downs too but that goes with the territory and it is good to not having to face difficult situations all alone in this world. I fully agree with you about doing a myriad amount of little things to please your spouse and as a way to express your love. The little things add up to a happy marriage.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
24,157
2,618
113
63
Florida
#4
Nice thread :)

This summer is our 13th anniversary. Sometimes one of us will look at the other during some mundane thing we're doing and go "Have we really been together this long?"

We're pretty boring as couples go. We both would rather be at home than anywhere else. We have separate hobbies for the most part; he's into ham radio and video games and I go around making everything prettier and rearranging our little world. We both like river rafting, camping, reading. We both like making terrible jokes or puns just to see the other person roll their eyes.

I guess the main things I can think of that make my marriage a happy one would be communication, knowing neither of us are perfect, and being willing to do things together even if one of us isn't really into it.
Communication is key in a happy marriage. It looks like you are both on the same page and that's a very good thing. My wife and I are a bit of a homebody too but do enjoy and occasional movie, or dinner and weekend getaway trips. I agree that it is very important that you accept your spouse as the person that they are.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
6,192
1,488
113
#5
Since I'm "formerly married", I won't write of my own marriage, but I'll share about my parents' marriage. They recently celebrated 62 years together. Both love the Lord, and though Dad came to know Him later in life, he has grown to be more caring and gracious as Mom's health has seen some significant challenges. She can't see to read, and her hearing is compromised, but she is used to his tone of voice and can hear him adequately. She says that she senses the Lord's presence much more as her world becomes smaller. These days, they don't go to church often, but every day Dad reads to Mom from the Bible... for up to an hour.
 

Sherril

Senior Member
Jan 28, 2017
204
356
63
#6
Since I'm "formerly married", I won't write of my own marriage, but I'll share about my parents' marriage. They recently celebrated 62 years together. Both love the Lord, and though Dad came to know Him later in life, he has grown to be more caring and gracious as Mom's health has seen some significant challenges. She can't see to read, and her hearing is compromised, but she is used to his tone of voice and can hear him adequately. She says that she senses the Lord's presence much more as her world becomes smaller. These days, they don't go to church often, but every day Dad reads to Mom from the Bible... for up to an hour.
That's so beautiful Dino, a beautiful love your mom and dad have for each other as Gods love flow out from them to each other ........and being married 62 years wow that says a lot......God bless you dear family Dino....love in Christ Sherril....
 

Sherril

Senior Member
Jan 28, 2017
204
356
63
#7
We have found when God has 1st place in each of us then our relationship goes well..... when God has 1 place in our hearts, then also as a couple our walk is fixed on God...when we are in the flesh we tend to be more selfish at times that's no fun.....when we are being lead by Gods Spirit Gods peace and His love flow to us then out to each other.....we will be married 12 years in a few weeks God brought us together in our older years to honor Him, being of like mind and spirit.....its really amazing how close we are, we are almost all the way retied now and home together 99% of the time or out together I guess we enjoy being together that much...hehe...for and old guy he is a blessing he spoils me and watches over me caring showing tenderness toward this old gal...God hand picked us to be together.....we really believe that.....we are on this life walk together......God is good.....Love in Christ Sherril....
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,181
824
113
#8
well.... husband and I celebrated our 1st anniversary in April! so we are newbies lol. we've both learned a lot about each other and ourselves. we both participate at our local fellowship in the music team. when I was single, one of the things I always desired, if it was God's will for me to marry, was for my husband and I to minister together. yay!
 

BillG

Senior Member
Feb 15, 2017
5,552
1,024
113
#9
Since I'm "formerly married", I won't write of my own marriage, but I'll share about my parents' marriage. They recently celebrated 62 years together. Both love the Lord, and though Dad came to know Him later in life, he has grown to be more caring and gracious as Mom's health has seen some significant challenges. She can't see to read, and her hearing is compromised, but she is used to his tone of voice and can hear him adequately. She says that she senses the Lord's presence much more as her world becomes smaller. These days, they don't go to church often, but every day Dad reads to Mom from the Bible... for up to an hour.
Thank you so much for sharing the above
 

BillG

Senior Member
Feb 15, 2017
5,552
1,024
113
#10
Virtually everyone in my family has been married and divorced.
Seems a family trait.
My mum married 4 times and divorced and 3 live in partners.

I've grown up with seeing marriage and divorce as the norm.

I was engaged as a Christian to another Christian.
Found myself in a place where actually it wasn't what I wanted but was willing to marry her.

Get divorced, have kids and get to see them at weekends.
Sat in church one Sunday thinking those thoughts.
All of a sudden my heart was ripped apart and I broke it off that afternoon.
Since then I have suffered bad anxiety.

BUT BUT


Now I have been married for 24 years to the most amazing woman in the world.
Totally different backgrounds.
She was bought up in a Christian family, I was bought up in a mess.
She was well grounded, me I ate dirt and was covered in it.
In fact when we first started to date her family disapoved.
She led worship in church.
After a couple of months I broke up with her.
Emotionally I could not cope.

God stepped in.
We got back together (God ordained circumstances)
Even then I struggled.
Then God said to one day "She is your wife to be, marry her"
What I did not know is that God said to my wife "Bill is husband to be, trust me and be patient"

She told me that when I asked her to marry me.
When I asked her dad if I could marry her he looked at me and said "This morning I said to Tori, if you are not serous about Bill call it off"

Then he smiled at me and said "I give you my blessing and so does Polly (his wife)

I couldn't wait to get married.

God knew who I needed as a life partner.
Tori says the same.

She says I have taught her so much.
Love, compassion, insight into real life.
I say that her that you have taught me so much.
Stability and love.

In fact on our wedding day my speech was along the lines of.

"I have never known love, life experiences of hate and rejection, I have always sought love and acceptance"

Then I read out 1 Corinthians 13 and said "Today I'm married to that love"

So 24 years later we are still married, will be for as long as I live.

She is my soul mate, without her I'm nothing and with her I'm everything.
I would never leave her, reject her or fosake her.

We complete each other.
At times it's not been easy but what we do know that God has given us each other.

What is very important is that we do not try to change each other, accept each other warts and all. We talk when we want to, if not then we don't.
We know when to talk or ask and when not to.
We forgive quickly and in a sense do not need to ask for it.
We know each others heart, that we seek to love and not be loved.

Our wedding day



EC1723D5-D1EF-4221-8DD2-5B6B81C3F0D6.jpeg
 

Sherril

Senior Member
Jan 28, 2017
204
356
63
#11
Virtually everyone in my family has been married and divorced.
Seems a family trait.
My mum married 4 times and divorced and 3 live in partners.

I've grown up with seeing marriage and divorce as the norm.

I was engaged as a Christian to another Christian.
Found myself in a place where actually it wasn't what I wanted but was willing to marry her.

Get divorced, have kids and get to see them at weekends.
Sat in church one Sunday thinking those thoughts.
All of a sudden my heart was ripped apart and I broke it off that afternoon.
Since then I have suffered bad anxiety.

BUT BUT


Now I have been married for 24 years to the most amazing woman in the world.
Totally different backgrounds.
She was bought up in a Christian family, I was bought up in a mess.
She was well grounded, me I ate dirt and was covered in it.
In fact when we first started to date her family disapoved.
She led worship in church.
After a couple of months I broke up with her.
Emotionally I could not cope.

God stepped in.
We got back together (God ordained circumstances)
Even then I struggled.
Then God said to one day "She is your wife to be, marry her"
What I did not know is that God said to my wife "Bill is husband to be, trust me and be patient"

She told me that when I asked her to marry me.
When I asked her dad if I could marry her he looked at me and said "This morning I said to Tori, if you are not serous about Bill call it off"

Then he smiled at me and said "I give you my blessing and so does Polly (his wife)

I couldn't wait to get married.

God knew who I needed as a life partner.
Tori says the same.

She says I have taught her so much.
Love, compassion, insight into real life.
I say that her that you have taught me so much.
Stability and love.

In fact on our wedding day my speech was along the lines of.

"I have never known love, life experiences of hate and rejection, I have always sought love and acceptance"

Then I read out 1 Corinthians 13 and said "Today I'm married to that love"

So 24 years later we are still married, will be for as long as I live.

She is my soul mate, without her I'm nothing and with her I'm everything.
I would never leave her, reject her or fosake her.

We complete each other.
At times it's not been easy but what we do know that God has given us each other.

What is very important is that we do not try to change each other, accept each other warts and all. We talk when we want to, if not then we don't.
We know when to talk or ask and when not to.
We forgive quickly and in a sense do not need to ask for it.
We know each others heart, that we seek to love and not be loved.

Our wedding day



View attachment 183974
Beautiful see how God is when He brings 2 together picked by his will .....its beyond what we could imagine..... my husband and I are the same as God brought us together for His glory as to honor Him.....we even had on our wedding cake wrote these words....God Did It! .......love in Christ Sherril....praise the Lord for He sure is good.....:)
 

hlazos

New member
Jun 15, 2018
2
1
3
#12
how do you bounce back from an affair? its killing me but itake my vows very seriously and I don't want to leave
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
64,606
2,977
113
#13
My parents have been married since 1955. 63 years if my math is correct..

lol
 

FENNER2

Junior Member
Apr 21, 2018
47
51
18
#14
We have found when God has 1st place in each of us then our relationship goes well..... when God has 1 place in our hearts, then also as a couple our walk is fixed on God...when we are in the flesh we tend to be more selfish at times that's no fun.....when we are being lead by Gods Spirit Gods peace and His love flow to us then out to each other.....we will be married 12 years in a few weeks God brought us together in our older years to honor Him, being of like mind and spirit.....its really amazing how close we are, we are almost all the way retied now and home together 99% of the time or out together I guess we enjoy being together that
much...hehe...for and old guy he is a blessing he spoils me and watches over me caring showing tenderness toward this old gal...God hand picked us to be together.....we really believe that.....we are on this life walk together......God is good.....Love in Christ Sherril....

That's really beautiful.
 

FENNER2

Junior Member
Apr 21, 2018
47
51
18
#15
how do you bounce back from an affair? its killing me but itake my vows very seriously and I don't want to leave

Well I'm not sure to be honest. I imagine time will be the biggest healer in your situation. Both parties will need to have to be open and honest with each other. I know people can heal the marriage though and make it work. You don't want to leave that's a good sign.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
24,157
2,618
113
63
Florida
#16
how do you bounce back from an affair? its killing me but itake my vows very seriously and I don't want to leave
You don't bounce back from an affair, you leave it behind you and move forward with your life. It's sad that your spouse didn't take the vows seriously. A spiritual marriage is a contract that is sanctioned by God, due to the adultery the contract can become null and void. The only way to have healing in this type of situation is to remove the cancer that will eventually eat you from the inside out. I will say a prayer for God to provide clarity of thought on to how to proceed.
 

hlazos

New member
Jun 15, 2018
2
1
3
#17
You don't bounce back from an affair, you leave it behind you and move forward with your life. It's sad that your spouse didn't take the vows seriously. A spiritual marriage is a contract that is sanctioned by God, due to the adultery the contract can become null and void. The only way to have healing in this type of situation is to remove the cancer that will eventually eat you from the inside out. I will say a prayer for God to provide clarity of thought on to how to proceed.
thank you so much I have never hurt like this and I did take my vows very seriously I want to do what is right in Gods eyes not for my husband but for God .
 

BillG

Senior Member
Feb 15, 2017
5,552
1,024
113
#18
thank you so much I have never hurt like this and I did take my vows very seriously I want to do what is right in Gods eyes not for my husband but for God .
I so feel for you sister.
It is difficult to give advice, especially if someone has not been through it.

I would say though and I honour your earnest desire to do what is right in Gods eyes but I would like to say remember also that God knows what is best for you.

And if it is to divorce then you are doing what is right in Gods eyes.
You made your vows seriously and maybe your husband did.
He has been overcome and broken those vows and under the authority of God you no longer have an obligation to stay in this marriage.

I totally agree with Tourist, level headed and always gives good advice.

Whatever you decide to do, you are going to need help, counsel and healing.
God will provide that.

Bill
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
4,641
2,300
113
72
#19
thank you so much I have never hurt like this and I did take my vows very seriously I want to do what is right in Gods eyes not for my husband but for God .
Whatever you do sister, don't sweep it into a closet and try to live with it. That is what I did in my first marriage, but I also quit trying to resolve any differences. I stayed in the marriage because I didn't trust her to raise my child. I had promised myself that once my child was of age, I would leave. 15 years later, my child is old enough to always know me, but my wife had changed and got her act together.

The only trouble is this thing in the closet, how do I deal with that. We never argued because I never tried to make things work. I had quit early on in the relationship. I even felt guilty about keeping my promise to myself about leaving. I told her to let me go so I can work things out, and maybe I'll be back. That is when her old selfish character reared its ugly head again. She fought me tooth and toenail to stay together. I got a job driving 48 Continental States and Canada. After about a year of driving and thinking, I came in and asked for a divorce. My daughter typed up the papers and I told my wife to file them, or I would make some new and file on her. By the time she let me go, I knew I wouldn't be back.

in-deep-thought-smiley-emoticon.gif
 

AUDDY7

New member
Jun 2, 2018
11
14
3
#20
Well I'm not sure to be honest. I imagine time will be the biggest healer in your situation. Both parties will need to have to be open and honest with each other. I know people can heal the marriage though and make it work. You don't want to leave that's a good sign.