The flame has fizzled
- Thread starter Wonderland
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L
Is she a believer? If not, I would ask her to try to see a marriage councilor. Sometimes they can be helpful. But it all comes down to if she wants to stay in the marriage. If she is not sure if she ever loved him, she might have one or both feet out the door and is just looking for someone to tell her she is doing the right thing. The best thing you can do for her is to pray for her, her husband and for GOD to enter her life and show her the joy that she is obviously lacking. Remind her that marriage is a covenant with GOD and her husband. Does she really want to lie to GOD?
T
www.marriageontherock.com
A marriage is a full time job. Your spouse must be number one in your life, after our lord or course, ahead of kids, job, sports, church everything.
A marriage is a full time job. Your spouse must be number one in your life, after our lord or course, ahead of kids, job, sports, church everything.
C
These are a start:
Staying Married Is Not About Staying in Love, Part 1 - Desiring God
Staying Married Is Not About Staying in Love, Part 2 - Desiring God
Aside from that, I would ask her what she believes "love" is. Does she think it's just a feeling? Does she think it's just a choice? Love is not simply either of those things. Love is a virtue, which is a way of life acquired over time--something like a habit--and it is directed toward the good of another. (In this sense, the messages I linked to above are not technically correct in their title. Staying is loving, if we correctly understand love. But if we think love is just a feeling, then the title is correct: staying married is not about staying "in love.") She can learn to love her husband. But it's not something she will wake up experiencing by one choice.
Staying Married Is Not About Staying in Love, Part 1 - Desiring God
Staying Married Is Not About Staying in Love, Part 2 - Desiring God
Aside from that, I would ask her what she believes "love" is. Does she think it's just a feeling? Does she think it's just a choice? Love is not simply either of those things. Love is a virtue, which is a way of life acquired over time--something like a habit--and it is directed toward the good of another. (In this sense, the messages I linked to above are not technically correct in their title. Staying is loving, if we correctly understand love. But if we think love is just a feeling, then the title is correct: staying married is not about staying "in love.") She can learn to love her husband. But it's not something she will wake up experiencing by one choice.
G
Life is spiritual. She has some spiritual forces that has invaded her mind. Making her go the way her family went-marry and re-marry. That is the situation here. Ask her what her experience was with her family. Father let your mercy and grace speak for them. Thank you heavenly father. Beacause nothing is beyond your power. Amen
If she isn't a Christian then I guess telling her she's breaking a vow to God will not have much affect. I hope it will though!
I've been married 26 years and I'll be honest and say that I think the marriage relationship does change over time. I don't think that's a bad thing. People just change. I still love my husband VERY MUCH but the kind of love I have for him is different now. We've both matured; we both now know what's most important in a relationship and it isn't physical attraction. It's a soul deep commitment to the welfare of each other and includes self-sacrifice.
That's a strong type of love and when people jump out of a relationship simply because it's changing, it short-circuits a very deep and meaningful growth experience. So they jump into another relationship and it will follow the same pattern-when the physical spark gets low, they'll go to someone else. They will NEVER know the satisfaction and security of a strong commitment with another human being.
And later in life, when the physical appeal is really gone, they will be all alone and feel unlovable.
I will pray for you that you can make her see that a life-long commitment to one person is the path to happiness.
Thank you all for your suggestions and prayers. Does anyone have any action-oriented suggestions she could try? Such as "set time aside to do devotions with your husband" (Which I suggested and she agreed to)--get involved with your church family again (which I also suggested and she agreed to)... What other things can I suggest to get her marriage back on track?
B
I am 28yrs old and have been married since I was 20"(I know it is that long in a realm of a lifetime!). But marriage absolutely has its ups and downs. Like any normal human relationship. I was really encouraged by the movie FireProof ...not even that we are having issues. It just made me realize a lot of things about marriage....it takes hard work and devotion. Of course there are a lot of times where it is easy. But with a friend if there is an issue you always try to get to the bottom of it. So why not work out with someone you made vows with!!!! I will br praying for these people. Blessings.
D
There are many factors that you don't mention. How long has the couple been married? Do they have children? You say the woman is a co-worker; do the couples' careers contribute to their drifting apart? Does she "love" somebody else (a common problem)?
If you have her respect you can point out that marriage is a journey; that a loving relationship evolves from passion to comfort over a period of time. You can tell her that being "in love" is different from loving somebody. Teenagers are "in love". Adults "love".
However, if she has her mind made up there is really not much you can do but pray for her and her husband. Ultimately, the responsibility rests with her. You might remind her of Christ's admonition in Matthew19:6, "what God has joined together, let no man separate.". (NIV)
If you have her respect you can point out that marriage is a journey; that a loving relationship evolves from passion to comfort over a period of time. You can tell her that being "in love" is different from loving somebody. Teenagers are "in love". Adults "love".
However, if she has her mind made up there is really not much you can do but pray for her and her husband. Ultimately, the responsibility rests with her. You might remind her of Christ's admonition in Matthew19:6, "what God has joined together, let no man separate.". (NIV)
The couple has been married 10 years. They have 3 children. Her career is very important to her, but her husband sees it as an inconvenience. She is not "in love" with someone else.
I think her mind is made up, and she's just going through the motions of "getting help" so she can say she tried everything--but I'm getting the vibe that her heart is not in it and she kind of wants someone to tell her "it is absolutely fine to get a divorce--you need to do what makes you happy." Of course I'm not going to tell her that, but I think that's what she wants...
I think her mind is made up, and she's just going through the motions of "getting help" so she can say she tried everything--but I'm getting the vibe that her heart is not in it and she kind of wants someone to tell her "it is absolutely fine to get a divorce--you need to do what makes you happy." Of course I'm not going to tell her that, but I think that's what she wants...
I read a testamony many years ago that was filled with the power and love of Jesus.
This woman, like the one you speak of, had fallen out of love with her husband.
She was at the point of divorce.
Because of her faith and love for Jesus, she was willing to find a way to try.
So in prayer, she asked Jesus to give her His love for her husband.
Her testamony went on to describe the mirical of Jesus's love for her husband filled her life, and brought an even greater love for her husband to her.
I know she wrote a book about it, but Im sorry, I cannot remember the name of the book.
But any time I start to feel any anger or irritation with my hubby, I call on Jesus to fill my heart with His love for my husband.
In this, I have seen my love renewed and hold fast even through the most difficult times.
I hope this helps you some way.
In Jesus, God bless.
pickles
This woman, like the one you speak of, had fallen out of love with her husband.
She was at the point of divorce.
Because of her faith and love for Jesus, she was willing to find a way to try.
So in prayer, she asked Jesus to give her His love for her husband.
Her testamony went on to describe the mirical of Jesus's love for her husband filled her life, and brought an even greater love for her husband to her.
I know she wrote a book about it, but Im sorry, I cannot remember the name of the book.
But any time I start to feel any anger or irritation with my hubby, I call on Jesus to fill my heart with His love for my husband.
In this, I have seen my love renewed and hold fast even through the most difficult times.
I hope this helps you some way.
In Jesus, God bless.
pickles
C
I have been going through the same situation as the woman whom is falling out of love with her husband--my husband has proclaimed himself an atheist and has decided not to even go to church anymore with myself and our two children--I pray constantly for God to strengthen me so that I can strive to continue to love my husband regardless of his beliefs, I continue to have faith in God that he will continue to be a part of my family's life no matter what my husband decides to believe. So my advice to all who are married and having difficulties is to just pray and know that God will be there for you always no matter what you are going through.
H
the only action I know to suggest is that she fall upon her knees & cry out to GOD, for her to askk HIM to remove everything that stands between herself & GOD - for HIM to reveal to her all that seperates her from HIM... to work on getting herself closer to GOD, centered on GOD and working in HIS will for her, for her marriage... Bend her knees, open up her heart & lift her voice - it's the only action I know to suggest.
B
In Marriage, after time, it seems that if you dont work on it the less invested you become in it. It isnt an easy thing. But she married him so obviously she had to have fallen in love with him to say YES to having a life with him. They should maybe go to counselling and work on there marriage. That is a hard position to be in. I have only been married 9yrs and am very young to be giving advice. But from my experience, in any relationship, even our realtionship with God we need to work at it. Relationships are very exciting in the beginning because htey are new and you think of all the things you have to look forward to but we also have to sustain and work on those relationships to make them stronger. I do believe that sometimes the other spouse is jsut "BORED" and they need to do something adventurous or different as a couple. I know for my husband and I we have to keep it real land continue going on "Dates". There are times I feel like I love him more than others BUT he is always going to be here for me and i here for him. WE all have rough patches and getting through them is what makes us stronger as people and as a couple. They need to spark the flame again!!!! thats a hard spot to be in though. I hope that helps....i feel like it was a ramble.... sorry if it comes across that way! my intentions are good!