Triggers

[S94NY]

Hi,

I am a mom. And like most moms (and some dads), I am over whelmed ALL the time. I have devoted my life to raising my kids, only I am not raising them, I am going through life like a zombie. Everyday is the same routine, we go to bed and its all the same again. I have always harbored anger in my heart and at times they see this. They hear it. I need it to stop.

About a year ago I found and purchased this book Triggers(Exchanging Parents' Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses) by Amber Lia & Wendy Speake. One year later I finally cracked it open.

And so the journey begins. I decided to share it here. Hope Ya'll don't mind. Feel free to join me.

Section One: External Triggers - When it has everything to do with them ...

Disobedience
Scriptures:
1 John 5:3
Psalm 16:6
Proverbs 16:7

Obedient acts are blessings disguised as boundaries.

When are kids disobey us, we have an immediate opportunity to model obedience ourselves by being slow to anger, long-suffering, and gracious.

"His commandments are not burdensome"

Q&A
How can you practically deal with this trigger in your own life?

Well I failed at this, this morning. I have been sick for weeks on and off, but that doesn't mean I get time off (mentally). All of yesterday I was in bed coughing up a lung and with migraines. All the while going through the checklist of errands and projects I had planned that were now being pushed back. Also wondering what was not happening outside my bedroom, like the kitchen being torn about by my boys and husband. Sure enough, I woke up at 6 this morning only to find a sink full of dishes. And I WENT OFF!!!!! At 6 am. I didnt care who was asleep. I was still coughing up a lung. And I did not have this book in mind or God for that matter, only to ask him why is my family so hateful. Because thats what it feels like when youre so sick to move and yet no one is worried about you enough or at all to help you in the slightest way.

What are some reasons your child(ren) disobeys you? How can you reach the root and speak to their heart so you can guide them to understanding?
I very quickly realize that before I can even answer these questions, I need to get to the root of my own issues. It would be hypocritical of me to speak to their hearts when mine is full of anger and resentment. I have a long ways to go but I'm going to keep moving on. The mere jotting of words are already helping a bit.

Id like to hear yours ...

 

[Dino246]

Kids disobey primarily because they have a sin nature. There are more-effective and less-effective ways of dealing with kids though. Anger is, of course, one of the latter. I haven't read the book you describe, but it sounds helpful. Another that may help you, and which is along the same lines, is Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. There is a "With Kids" version.

 

[theanointedwinner]

The anger of humans does not achieve the righteousness of God

 

[tourist]

The anger of humans does not achieve the righteousness of God

Jesus got angry in the temple though and He was definitely had righteousness of God. Anger is an emotional outlet that must be vented or it will eventually corrode you like a cancer.

 

[calibob]

…25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26“Be angry, yet do not sin.” Do not let the sun set upon your anger, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.…
Berean Study Bible Ephesians 4:26

 

[mar09]

Hi s94, and welcome. I can identify with you. Just before our third child came, i gave up outside work, which i didnt realize would last longer than i thought. Anyway, i was decided that i did not want others (helpers/strangers) bringing the kids to school, feeding them, etc. So I was very enthusiastic abt caring for the young ones... for a time. It gets to a point, esp after many sleepless weeks and mos. when you get weary doing good, esp when there's a toddler or preschooler, aside from the baby. But it was workable, by God's grace, and in fact it's after the older kids were in their pre-teens and teens that i found it harder to deal w/ the 'reasons' for everything. I can be patient w/ little ones, but the teens reason out abt the littlest things, and living far from my own family or in laws, it was mainly dealing with things and deciding on our own abt a lot of things.

A trial on getting sick was in fact quite recent (abt 1 1/2 yrs ago).. With simple lifestyle and diet perhaps, i wasnt one to get sick much thru the years, and they too, perhaps bec. of the care they receive=)). But this time, i had a pinched nerve wc was bearable the first days i planned to bring to doc soon, but came to a point where it didnt let me sleep even as i changed positions. I started to sing and praise God quietly in the night, having started to learn abt healing by praying and commanding sickness away. The pain that night was not bearable tho, worse than childbirth contractions, i say, and i'd have taken some celecoxib if there was one at home, but i see we have run out of. While we grew up going to the doctor as needed, i didnt want to disturb esp my husband in the middle of the night, who had work the next day. Even when i went out to let it pass, the pain didnt, so soon i had to call ppl, who seemed to be so deep in sleep and were not responding. Afterwards, it was one time i really spoke out to them in anger when they got to realize someone else at home was in distress, and not just them always needing caring. Thankfully, med they got me helped during the night, wc allowed us to rest still, and i to go to orthopedic surgeon the following day yet, without disrupting many ppl's skeds/schooling.

I know many families involve the children in many house/famly needs and demands, but many also assume the mom catches it all (or most) when they leave, whether the mom is stay at home or even working outside. You didnt mention children's ages, but i pray the Lord lead you to discuss matters at home, responsibilities and share of the work and fun, having regular fam. meeting of sorts. God bless you and yours.

 

[Godsgirl83]

Hey 94! glad you found your way here. Hope this opens up some doors for you to find the help you are seeking.

Kids disobey primarily because they have a sin nature. There are more-effective and less-effective ways of dealing with kids though. Anger is, of course, one of the latter. I haven't read the book you describe, but it sounds helpful. Another that may help you, and which is along the same lines, is Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. There is a "With Kids" version.

wasn't aware of the kids version, that might be helpful.

Jesus got angry in the temple though and He was definitely had righteousness of God. Anger is an emotional outlet that must be vented or it will eventually corrode you like a cancer.

Holding anger in is not beneficial, however, venting it can be even more damaging if we're not careful as calibob posted:

…25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26“Be angry, yet do not sin.” Do not let the sun set upon your anger, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.…
Berean Study Bible Ephesians 4:26

When you are angry and your your mind is clouded, it is difficult to keep this in perspective. (I know, personally I have dealt with this very recently, and the Lord has been helping me with this)it is OKAY to be angry, it's how we deal with it that matters and makes the difference. As I've been keeping this verse in perspective and not having emotional responses to anger, those around me who have been my triggers have become less of triggers to me.........