Trying to save my marriage

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Justice74

Junior Member
Sep 28, 2017
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#1
My wife is seeking a divorce. In many ways this is my fault, I have been so focused on my jobs and trying to provide more for our family, that I neglected our relationship. This allowed a lot of little issues to build up into big grudges. I have been trying to do the Love Dare; but she is not very receptive. I am worried for our young children and feel somewhat lost. I ask you all for prayers to heal my family.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
5,393
779
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#2
Hello and welcome.

If you're a Christian, spend some time alone with the Lord. Ask Him what you need to do. We can certainly pray for you, but you need to hear from God. I suspect He has some comfort and direction for you. He may also have some correction, but that's between you, Him, and your wife.
 

Solemateleft

Senior Member
Jun 25, 2017
130
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#3
Justice,

I have tremendous empathy for your situation, and I am saddened that your family is having to suffer thru journey.. I will pray for you and your family. You absolutely have to put your faith in the lord. It would seem that your wife is has reached a point in your relationship that there is nothing you can 'say' that will fix what you both recognize is broken... Your best hope is to give her space, and strive to become the best version of yourself that is humanly possible in your faith-filled journey. It is your 'actions' not necessarily your 'words' at this point that will likely help you to find peace at this stage of your journey as you strive to demonstrate that you can be a better you. Unfortunately, it is likely that you will struggle with the uncertainty of how much space and how much time she needs - the bottom line is that it is ultimately up to her to decide upon her path.
In addition to prayer and improving your faith and relationship with the lord, the link below may also help you with your anxiety and coping. Mort Fertel is the designer of a Marriage Fitness program that provides numerous examples of actionable things that you can do along your path to becoming a better version of yourself.
God Bless you and your family
https://marriagemax.com/marriage-he...XLy0lS_ToDfHWRKGOnacxOSRp8you7ARoCHQYQAvD_BwE
 

mzjulia

Junior Member
Nov 19, 2016
14
1
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#4
Go to the book of 1st Corinthians chapter 7 God tells you how to make your relationship and your marriage work
 

mzjulia

Junior Member
Nov 19, 2016
14
1
0
#5
Go to the book of 1st Corinthians chapter 7 God tells you how to make your relationship and your marriage work
 

Prov910

Senior Member
Jan 10, 2017
880
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#6
Has she actually filed for divorce yet? Or just said she wants a divorce?

You might mention to her that you realize your marriage has suffered due putting work before family. And then suggest that the two of you spend a bit of time together before she proceeds further with thoughts of divorce. Perhaps you could arrange a couple of date nights to test the water. Or maybe go on a weekend getaway with just the two of you.

If she's reluctant, you could ask her whether a little effort on your part (yours and hers) would be worthwhile to avoid the toll on your children due to breaking up their family.

Godspeed to you, Justice74, in your efforts to save your marriage!
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
9,949
773
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#7
I've been in some terrible car accidents, including being rear ended by a drunk resulting in a whiplash injury which basically ruined my life. (I have never been out of pain since then, that was 29 years ago!) But having freedom to drive is more important than any anxieties or fears. I agree it is usually the other driver is often at fault. But there are defensive driving techniques you could use.

The point is, why are you letting anxiety ruin your life? Regardless of what you decide to do about driving, one way or another, here is a verse to memorize and meditate on.

"Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
9,949
773
113
#8
Sorry, my post #7 was meant for a different thread! Not sorry how this happened!
 

HannahA

Senior Member
Sep 16, 2017
132
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#9
i pray for your family brother
may God restore your marriage
 
Oct 19, 2016
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#10
I’m so sorry to hear that, friend. This is a hard thing to go through. My heart ached as I read your post, and I know how painful it must be for you. I just said a prayer for you and your wife, asking God to bring healing and hope to your marriage. Have you ever considered talking with a counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? A caring professional might be able to give you some solid guidance. I know it’s not easy right now, but stay strong. Sending prayers & wishing you well!
 

Maka

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2017
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#11
I think it’s wonderful you’re trying to save your marriage. I’m praying for you and your family.
 

LookUp1430

Junior Member
Jul 7, 2017
22
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#12
I am very sorry you are going through this. I can feel the sincerity in your words. If your wife is not committed to the Love Dare, have you considered maybe attending a marriage intensive weekend such as Hope Restored? They have a great track record for helping to rebuild marriages. I think I was able to attach a shortcut to this post. If not, you can probably google it. Something like that may prove helpful in saving your marriage. I am praying for peace in your heart and a willingness for your wife to grasp your reaching out.
 

Justice74

Junior Member
Sep 28, 2017
3
1
0
#13
My wife is seeking a divorce. In many ways this is my fault, I have been so focused on my jobs and trying to provide more for our family, that I neglected our relationship. This allowed a lot of little issues to build up into big grudges. I have been trying to do the Love Dare; but she is not very receptive. I am worried for our young children and feel somewhat lost. I ask you all for prayers to heal my family.

So I am very confused, my wife is continuing to say that she doesn't want our relationship and keeping me at arms length. But then just this past Wednesday when I got home from work, just before she left for her job she gave me a huge 5 minute hug. And then Thursday and today she is back to looking for an apartment to move out.... I just don't understand .... I am still working on the Love Dare (up to Day 18 in the book, which I have been working at for 51 days now) and I am doing all I can think of; but I honestly don't have a clue where we stand...

Thank you all for your prayers!

I hope you all have a blessed weekend.
 

mcubed

Senior Member
Dec 20, 2013
1,435
174
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#14
I wouldn't be responsive to some "Love Dare" either but I would be responsive to my man. So talk to her and honestly if you are out on off hours, go home. Or anything you say is worthless. Be present when you can and be a husband. If she thinks she has to hold the family together, instead of you, you lost your family. All a man has to do is bring the money home, and let your wife know she is the one! Not hard. But too hard for some. The way it sounds she doesn't have anything to prove but you do... women normally are not that bad unless there is bad history....
 

Justice74

Junior Member
Sep 28, 2017
3
1
0
#15
I am home, for the last 52 days I have been home all I can and doing all the house work (dishes, laundry, etc...). When I come home, she goes out of her way to leave.
 

mcubed

Senior Member
Dec 20, 2013
1,435
174
63
#16
I am home, for the last 52 days I have been home all I can and doing all the house work (dishes, laundry, etc...). When I come home, she goes out of her way to leave.
So you have been at home 52 days according to your own words 52 days...

Well there is 365 days in a year....


There is more to this story...I would go out of my way to leave you to...
 
Feb 5, 2017
1,119
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#17
When is the last time you had a laugh together?
 

Lighthouse08

Junior Member
Oct 23, 2017
12
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#18
I've been there, friend. Hit your knees and seek Jesus with all your heart, all your strength, and all your mind. Beg Him for repentance of your sins and then turn from your sins in obedience. Ask Him to break any bondage in your life. Be specific. Seek and obey the commands Jesus gave us. He will reveal himself to you. He can heal your family.