What do you do to “be fair” with your kids?

[ArtsieSteph]

I think of the tale of the two mothers who were fighting over a child, and Solomon mused that they “fair thing” would be to slice the baby in half and give them both a half.

When multiple kids are in the mix, often times both giving of items as well as discipline have to be evenly distributed to keep resentments low. Or do they not?

What do you think, and what are some examples of “fair treatment” you try to enforce if at all? If not, why?

The first thing that comes to mind is if you don’t know who did it, everyone goes in the corner. And everyone gets the same treat, no favoritism even if the child is older.

 

[Dino246]

Solomon didn't say anything about "fair", nor does the text (unless it's a very loose paraphrase). His concern was wise resolution of a very unpleasant dispute. He succeeded.

Some things should be doled out evenly, some should not. "Fair" does not necessarily mean "equal" though. For example, older children should get a larger share of food (including dessert) than smaller kids, simply because their needs are greater, and their capacity to process the food is greater. At the same time, all kids should have to obey the house rules, and the consequences for infractions should be doled out evenly as well.

I don't agree that all children should be punished for the infraction of one, when the perpetrator is unidentified. A little careful questioning should be enough to reveal whodunit.

On the very few occasions that my kids argued that something wasn't "fair", I reminded them that Jesus paid for their sins. "Fair" would mean that they pay for their own. They didn't like that reasoning, but they couldn't argue with it either.

 

[oldethennew]

a REAl Mother is always in the mix, noting-discerning-hands-on, for this is our JOB...
She not only sees, but discerns the motive -s', and if she is a real Mother, she will be
the real TEACHER that forms her off-spring the true and moral ways that they will
need to be able to survive in this un-holy and corrupt world that they have been
born into...if Mother is sincere, may Yeshua have mercy upon them and theirs...

 

[laughingheart]

Fair and equal are not always the same thing. Do not abdicate the right to be the decision maker in your home. You do not answer to your children. They do not have the capacity to understand all of your reasoning. If you are fair, loving and merciful they will learn to trust your choices.

 

[morefaithrequired]

My parents never came to my rescue when older brothers bullied me. They were too busy. And I saw my older siblings as surrogate parents anyway. I deserved it sometimes.; it wasn't Hollywood horrific. pretty mild really.

 

[pottersclay]

I raised my kids a bit different than others. At least I think so.
They were raised that this was all of our house and it takes all of us to make it function.
Outside of their bedrooms and personal effects no one had a designated chore.
If it needed to be done it was a task for who was available, or they would pick and choose.
One night my son might take care of the dinner dishes while my daughter cut the grass. My younger son helps mom with laundry' while my daughter helps me clean the garage.
If it needs to be done then just do it . That way no one can say they did the harder or longer thing.
My sons as well as my daughter all were well rounded and practice the same in their household.