What should we be teaching our kids about sex?

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MissCris

Senior Member
Aug 24, 2011
6,599
255
83
#1
My church is in the middle of a class for married couples- yesterday’s topic was about sex, and one of the questions was how we, as parents, have explained or plan to explain to our children what God’s intent for sex is.

This lead everybody way off track, talking not about what they teach their kids, but rather what sexual topics their kids are dealing with at school. One father stated that he found out a bunch of teenage boys are taking bets on who will take his daughter’s virginity. A mother talked about how her third grader found pictures of boys holding hands and girls holding hands drawn on a bathroom stall and her child wanted to know what that meant. A junior high teacher told us that kids are constantly making out in the halls at school and much of the time it’s girls with girls or boys with boys. She said nobody knows what to do about it for fear of offending somebody.

There were so many stories; but the common theme in them all is that kids are being exposed to this stuff at school all the time- and the common consensus in our class was that Christian parents have to step up and teach their own children what God intended for marriage and sex so they aren’t confused and taught wrongly by their peers- and teachers.

So, my questions for you-

How old should a child be when they start learning about sexual topics?

How can parents give their kids a firm, Godly understanding of sex and marriage?

If you have experience with this, what did you tell your children?

Do you think that Christian families should even send their children to public school, given how poorly sexual topics are handled?
 

stand2

Senior Member
Dec 6, 2017
288
19
0
#2
Hi Cris, ....Well, given the state of today's schools I'm going to pass on all the others and skip right to the last question because it essentially negates all the others. Home school your kids if at all possible. Second choice, a Christian school. As kids get older, they have already become accustomed to the "atmosphere" of public education as well as attached to their peer group. When they hit those "rebellious" years, trying to pull them away from their peer group is like trying to pull a cow through a knothole. Putting your kids in today's public education "system" is like (and I'm sorry to say) throwing them to the wolves.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,205
223
63
#3
My son was home schooled until my wife left. She put both kids in public school. They are both still in elementary school, so I don't think it's a problem yet.

My daughter asked when she was 4, how she got in her mommies belly. I just told her that mommy and daddy loved each other so much, God put her there.

This may not help. It's the only experience I have so far.

When the kids were around here, I use to eat lunch with them every chance I got. I did notice little boys holding hands. I don't think they were gay. I just think the feminization of the male youth population, is well underway.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,456
299
83
#4
let us pray for our children, for we already know how Jesus Loves them -
but alas, they are at such a great dis-advantage in this fallen world,
as we well know whom rules this wicked world...
for those few who know Jesus and serve Him, take and run with every advantage that He gives...
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,498
286
83
#5
i was taught everything in school about the anatomy, even putting on condoms, how contraception works etc.
it came up when i was around 5th grade. mom did a good job with my brotehr and I. we go to her because of anything. Sexuality should be treated and taught normal as anything else imo
 

Depleted

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2015
22,166
480
83
Philly, PA, USA
#6
I keep wondering exactly why it isn't okay to lock the kids in their rooms until they're 35. But, meh. Looks like that's just me. :rolleyes:

That said, schools weren't all that different back when I was in school. I learned a lot of garbage. And my parents (Mom) would check in on how my day went and then check in on my homework to learn what they were teaching me. If it was wrong, but not terribly, she'd tell me. If it was terribly wrong, off to the principal she'd go. And, boy, oh boy, I really heard why both before and after. lol

(I get my quiet, demur, unimposing, ladylike personality from Mom. :eek:)

Oh, also the reason we changed schools often even before we ever moved.
 

Depleted

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2015
22,166
480
83
Philly, PA, USA
#7
i was taught everything in school about the anatomy, even putting on condoms, how contraception works etc.
it came up when i was around 5th grade. mom did a good job with my brotehr and I. we go to her because of anything. Sexuality should be treated and taught normal as anything else imo
Yeesh, you know more than I do. (Only learned what I needed to know when I needed to know it. lol)
 

NoNameMcgee

Senior Member
May 6, 2017
4,640
677
113
#8
i dont have children....

but this thread makes me feel protective over them already:confused:
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
303
12
18
#10
My church is in the middle of a class for married couples- yesterday’s topic was about sex, and one of the questions was how we, as parents, have explained or plan to explain to our children what God’s intent for sex is.

This lead everybody way off track, talking not about what they teach their kids, but rather what sexual topics their kids are dealing with at school. One father stated that he found out a bunch of teenage boys are taking bets on who will take his daughter’s virginity. A mother talked about how her third grader found pictures of boys holding hands and girls holding hands drawn on a bathroom stall and her child wanted to know what that meant. A junior high teacher told us that kids are constantly making out in the halls at school and much of the time it’s girls with girls or boys with boys. She said nobody knows what to do about it for fear of offending somebody.

There were so many stories; but the common theme in them all is that kids are being exposed to this stuff at school all the time- and the common consensus in our class was that Christian parents have to step up and teach their own children what God intended for marriage and sex so they aren’t confused and taught wrongly by their peers- and teachers.

So, my questions for you-

How old should a child be when they start learning about sexual topics?

How can parents give their kids a firm, Godly understanding of sex and marriage?

If you have experience with this, what did you tell your children?

Do you think that Christian families should even send their children to public school, given how poorly sexual topics are handled?
Here is my answers.
First, talk to your kids when they start asking questions.
I got all my advice on sex from School, and all they taught is the reproductive system and how it works. Plus how to have safe sex. (They did not discuss morals and ethics of sexual relationships.)

Second Every parent needs to make the descision based on their child. Every one is different, you may need to talk to your boys before you talk to your girls, or you may decide that they need the discussion before most of the other children need the talk.

A childs age shouldn't matter, it's their maturity you need to worry about.
Every human being develops and matures differently from other people. The parent needs to decide if the child is old enough and mature enough to hear the discussion on the subject.

Every parent should realize the reason the kids are the way they are is because of what they are taught from a young age, and kids tend to copy things they see. So my advice Mom and dad should live a good Godly life, to be an example to their children, The way mom and dad live, is the pattern kids will take with them into adulthood.

No, I don't have experience, I do not have kids but would love to have some, one day.
I can only tell you what the Bible says and give you advice based on my personal experience on the subject.

No only an idiot would send their child to public school, This is based on the fact that school was the beginning of sorrows for me and why I spent half my life with severe depression and suicidal tendencies, It's also part of the reason I have Post traumatic Stress and some what paranoid.
 

AdolfHipster

Senior Member
Jan 15, 2018
221
8
0
#11
How old should a child be when they start learning about sexual topics?
I think this really depends on the mental maturity of the child. Not every child is the same.

How can parents give their kids a firm, Godly understanding of sex and marriage?
By teaching them the purpose of sex within a marriage according to the bible. I think many Christian families and churches do a huge disservice to children/young adults by using so much negative reinforcement about sex. I've known Christian females who admitted to feeling like a whore on their wedding night... they waited until marriage. It's tragic, they clearly were not taught proper Christian sex education whatsoever!

I also think it's absolutely bogus to teach children that their "virginity" is some prestigious gift. Too often, young Christians lose their virginity and have this mindset of "Well, I've already lost my virginity... I may as well have sex with my bf/gf". The fact is, God has commanded us to wait until marriage and for that reason alone are we suppose to wait until marriage... not because "it's some amazing gift". They should be taught that if one sins, to not give up the fight in abstaining until marriage. That it's man (not God) that hypes and perverts the concept of "virginity", and whether you are or aren't a virgin, God forgives you and sees you NO DIFFERENTLY than if you have had sex before marriage provided you forsake your sin. Man will remind you of your sin even if you forsake it ("You're not a virgin."), God doesn't remind you... He rejoices when we repent and forsake our sins to Him.

If you have experience with this, what did you tell your children?
I don't have any children. I plan on teaching them that sex isn't taboo. That God has made it enjoyable/pleasurable for people within a marriage. That while it's not taboo, it is nevertheless sacred... Not something you should joke/brag about with other married couples. If there is a legitimate question about sex, it's absolutely okay to discuss it provided you do so with with maturity and respect.

I'd talk to them about the societal double-standards of sex. How society is wrong to say a guy can have sex with a lot of girls and he's a "playa" but if a girl does it, she's a "whore". I can understand a father taking it harder if his teenage daughter was having pre-marital sex than if his son was, but I'm trying to un-brainwash myself from thinking like that. Son or daughter, it's equally wrong and unacceptable.

Do you think that Christian families should even send their children to public school, given how poorly sexual topics are handled?
That's a good question. I'm not a fan of public education teaching evolution is essentially fact, that homosexuality is morally acceptable, and any discussion relating to sex (including masturbation). Morals should be taught in the home and not at school. Sadly, school is where a lot of public students learn them. Maybe a charter school/Christian school would be better?
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,498
286
83
#12
Yeesh, you know more than I do. (Only learned what I needed to know when I needed to know it. lol)
Lol 5th grade u learn anatomy, contraceptions and what orgasm is blabla around 6th or 7th and ends with u getting tested and going through putting a condom on an wooden manhood. Then arpund 9th and/or 10th u study hormones lol
Everything else came through mom in time lol
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,388
1,352
113
#13
Did NOT learn ANY of THIS in any part of MY schooling.. lol

Lol 5th grade u learn anatomy, contraceptions and what orgasm is blabla around 6th or 7th and ends with u getting tested and going through putting a condom on an wooden manhood. Then arpund 9th and/or 10th u study hormones lol
Everything else came through mom in time lol
 

Peacebwu

Junior Member
Feb 20, 2018
4
0
0
#14
My church is in the middle of a class for married couples- yesterday’s topic was about sex, and one of the questions was how we, as parents, have explained or plan to explain to our children what God’s intent for sex is.

This lead everybody way off track, talking not about what they teach their kids, but rather what sexual topics their kids are dealing with at school. One father stated that he found out a bunch of teenage boys are taking bets on who will take his daughter’s virginity. A mother talked about how her third grader found pictures of boys holding hands and girls holding hands drawn on a bathroom stall and her child wanted to know what that meant. A junior high teacher told us that kids are constantly making out in the halls at school and much of the time it’s girls with girls or boys with boys. She said nobody knows what to do about it for fear of offending somebody.

There were so many stories; but the common theme in them all is that kids are being exposed to this stuff at school all the time- and the common consensus in our class was that Christian parents have to step up and teach their own children what God intended for marriage and sex so they aren’t confused and taught wrongly by their peers- and teachers.

So, my questions for you-

How old should a child be when they start learning about sexual topics?

How can parents give their kids a firm, Godly understanding of sex and marriage?

If you have experience with this, what did you tell your children?

Do you think that Christian families should even send their children to public school, given how poorly sexual topics are handled?
Thank you for your post! I love the community of wisdom and sharing! You are asking some really good questions! I am a mom of 3 kids ranging from 7 to23. I have a blended family where I havestep parented another teen. I have seenhow training and teaching a child, in the midst of a very confusing culture reapsbenefits. My son chose through his ownrelationship discovery in Christ that he’d deny his flesh and choose God’s way.He broke up with a beauty in flesh that didn’t align spiritually to choose agodly aligned woman and walk down the aisle a virgin at age 20. I share all of this to encourage that whatyou do to train a child in the way they should go definitely is worth it! I am in the midst of my second teen. I’ve seen exposure to pornography as early asmiddle school with all of our teens, which turned out to be opportunity foraddictions. I have had to have somereally hard conversations with middle schoolers about gay, lesbian andtransgender and how those are people confused in their identity of Christ alongwith what God has created in man and woman, along with what a godlyrelationship looks like. I found publicschool often drove questions much earlier than a child was ready to learn. However, public school also allows us toteach through a very real way, sometimes on a crash course, how to be in theworld but set ourselves apart from the world. The reality is that these kids grow to be adults and must learn to deal with these very real issues. It means a faster and deeper intentionality for Christian parents totrain up their child. We live in a worldwithout many censures and protections. Iheld off answering questions about sex until it became apparent my childrenknew what they were asking about. Thequestions in grade school of how are babies made often are innocent. I found the most effective route was to answertheir question with a question. How doyou think babies are made? What do youknow about this subject? Then I knew howdeep the conversation would need to go. I also worked on training every opportunity I had about what makes goodrelationships. The kids grow up hearingabout how their first love needs to be Jesus and someday they will have a marriagepartner and then a baby. That’s basicbut it plants a seed of order. I alsodiscuss with my kids, depending on the gender, what their roles are and how Godwill prepare them for those roles as time moves on. I teach my boys to find their empathy sideand my girls to emotionally regulate. Weuse hardships like bullying, same-sex friends and opposite-sex friendships to maneuverthrough what it looks like to have healthy boundaries, how to communicate andrespond. The topic of sex is much deeperthan a physical conversation. It encompassesevery part of life. Way to go parentsfor being intentional! You are notalone! This day and age is hard toparent godly kids in. We need each otherto press in and on. Thank you forsharing!
 

stand2

Senior Member
Dec 6, 2017
288
19
0
#15
I keep wondering exactly why it isn't okay to lock the kids in their rooms until they're 35. But, meh. Looks like that's just me. :rolleyes:

That said, schools weren't all that different back when I was in school. I learned a lot of garbage. And my parents (Mom) would check in on how my day went and then check in on my homework to learn what they were teaching me. If it was wrong, but not terribly, she'd tell me. If it was terribly wrong, off to the principal she'd go. And, boy, oh boy, I really heard why both before and after. lol

(I get my quiet, demur, unimposing, ladylike personality from Mom. :eek:)

Oh, also the reason we changed schools often even before we ever moved.
I like your Mom already........;)
 

Tinuviel

Senior Member
Jun 6, 2015
4,748
248
63
#17
Keeping in mind that I am not married, and have had no children...

How old should a child be when they start learning about sexual topics?

I say it depends upon the child. I do not foster the "let them ask for the info when they need it" and I do not foster "THE talk" my parents favored both of these options. The result? I have yet to ask my mom for any information on anything remotely related to sex, and very likely never will, and I lived in terror of "THE talk" I think that children should be educated early on, in increments. Let them know that sex is normal and lovely within the bonds of marriage. That it is a GOOD thing. I was really messed up about my ideas of sex as a young teen, because I never heard it talked about except in a very non-Christian setting, so it seemed wrong and dirty to me...and appealing! Thank God it didn't go further than that! You know your child. You are a unique authority for them. Fill them in as they get ready for the information.

How can parents give their kids a firm, Godly understanding of sex and marriage?

I cannot emphasize how important it is to have a healthy relationship with your marriage partner. This will give kids a godly understanding of marriage. As for giving them a godly understanding of sex, I think that can come later. It IS ok to have "sheltered" children, parents! That's what God put you in their lives for! The kiddos can wait a bit to know about sex from you--as long as they are not hearing warped views from others first.

Do you think that Christian families should even send their children to public school, given how poorly sexual topics are handled?

Nope. Not if they can help it. Of course, it will depend upon the situation.
 
Aug 2, 2009
20,322
560
113
52
#18
So, my questions for you-

How old should a child be when they start learning about sexual topics?

How can parents give their kids a firm, Godly understanding of sex and marriage?

If you have experience with this, what did you tell your children?

Do you think that Christian families should even send their children to public school, given how poorly sexual topics are handled?
24

Tell them that caring for a baby is just like having to clean your room 20 times a day..

Don't have sex.

Niet.



 

Depleted

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2015
22,166
480
83
Philly, PA, USA
#19
Lol 5th grade u learn anatomy, contraceptions and what orgasm is blabla around 6th or 7th and ends with u getting tested and going through putting a condom on an wooden manhood. Then arpund 9th and/or 10th u study hormones lol
Everything else came through mom in time lol
I remember anatomy. I couldn't care less. Yeah, male/female required to have offspring. Okey dokey. Ultimately, doodling on my paper was much more important.

Mom told me about periods when I was 8, since her older sister started having them at 10. Gross! Didn't like the idea. I suspect she kept telling me through the years about it hoping I'd ask question, but I honestly wasn't interested in sex even when I was 16. Kissing a guy was interesting. (He wasn't a good kisser, and I had no idea what I was doing, so neither was I. lol) Sex? Meh. Rather listen to an album.

Honestly though? Condoms? Yo! I'll deal with condoms when he deals with tampons.

That's one of those things that would have made Mom march to the principal's office, yet again, and this time with a group of mothers. Just, no!

I finally caught up on that whole sex-thing at 19. Since Mom died shortly after I turned 16, she wasn't the person to ask. And since Dad finally had his sex-talk with my oldest brother when my brother was 20, he certainly wasn't the one to ask. Roommates gave me the general gist.

At 22 an older women clued me in on the hows.

When I was engaged at 24, a book taught me the finer details.
 

cherishedgal

Junior Member
Dec 21, 2017
7
0
0
#20
Unfortunately, there is a lot of people in this country that have no choice but to send their children to public school. They don't have the opportunity to send them to a Christian School or to Home School them. I think you have to be proactive to counteract what they are going to see and hear at a very young age in the hallways of the public school. Just as you teach your child respect and love for one another you are going to have to teach them what the Bible tells them about sex. If they are staying the night at their friends' home and their friends' family is not Christians what are they going to see or hear in those homes? They need to be prepared. Age is not something you can pinpoint it's more about who their friends are and where they are going that will be influencing them.