What should we be teaching our kids about sex?

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MissCris

Senior Member
Aug 24, 2011
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#41
I appreciate everyone’s responses so far :)

My kids are in a unique situation as far as school- our town is very small, only 17 kids go to the school here. It’s a single classroom, kindergarten-6th grade. Everybody knows everybody’s families and the class is encouraged to treat each other more like siblings than just classmates; this means the older ones being kind and helping the younger ones, the younger ones being respectful to the older ones.

As far as I am aware, they don’t learn any kind of sex ed here. That doesn’t mean that none of the kids will ever talk about it, but I think it less likely that any kid could get away with spreading wrong or bad information for very long without all the parents intervening.

So it’s not this particular school that I’m worried about- it’s when 7th grade starts for my kids, when they have to go into town for middle and high school, where the things I mentioned originally are mostly happening.

I do agree that young kids only need to be told as much as they think to ask about sex. My kids so far know that only a man and a woman who are not related constitute a marriage (my son told me he would just marry his sister when they grow up because then he wouldn’t have to work so hard to impress some girl someday...). They know only married mommies and daddies should have babies, but that it doesn’t always happen that way (their aunt is a single mom and they know she wasn’t married when she had their cousin). And they know God gives parents babies. I think that’s plenty for a five and seven year old.
 
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#42
Have to read others responses when I get time...but here are mine:

How old should a child be when they start learning about sexual topics?

I started when my son was 3 by asking if the girls fought over holding his hand like they did his classmate? Two little girls playing tug of war with a little boy and saying he was THEIR BOYFRIEND.....I found it very distrubing.

How can parents give their kids a firm, Godly understanding of sex and marriage? By example

If you have experience with this, what did you tell your children? Sex should be saved for marriage and it complicates matters with dating.....always ask yourself..would you want to raise kids with this person ?before sleeping with them (is what I told my college friends and probably will tell my kids too when they are older)

Do you think that Christian families should even send their children to public school, given how poorly sexual topics are handled?

Yes public school job isn't to teach them about sex or raise our kids for us. Parents need to step up and teach our kids to be able to discern good from evil and take responsibility for their choices.
When I was younger, (I think I lost the memories in my 40s), I could run down every "boyfriend" from kindergarten to 7th grade by name. I've always liked guys... a lot. BUT not a single one of them knew he was my boyfriend, and even if he did and accepted the role, that was it. I just wanted them to like me as much as I liked them. Not even a clue kissing was supposed to be involved until about 5th grade, and I went with "let's just skip that part and play a game instead."

I looked back at who I was in kindergarten when David Carlton was my boyfriend, (although, David never knew that, nor did anyone else lol), and I keep getting stuck with the obvious now that I'm older. "What in the world was I thinking?" Because I didn't even know holding hands, kissing, or talking was involved with a boyfriend back then.

I suspect the 3 year olds were just trying to get the boy to like them. It might have really been a "them" too without any thought that he had to choose. They already chose. Why does it matter about him anyway? Just because little kids get their are boyfriends and girlfriends doesn't mean they have a clue what that is supposed to mean.

BTW, my first real-life boyfriend happened when I was 15. Just so you get the difference between what Little Lynnie was thinking versus reality. lol
 
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#43
I am 35 and still never "practice putting on a condom" I would lead a protest if the school taught our girls that....probably even the boys...just not their place.
I still think there is no reason whatsoever girls or women need to know how to put on a condom. (Do they think it prudent for boys to learn how to use a tampon.? Ew, ew on both fronts. lol) However, exactly who is teaching your son how to put on a condom? And when? :eek:
 
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#44
If all the "good Christians" take their kids out of public schools....then how can they make friends with the people who really need their friendship and love?
Actually, I think the bad assumption is people assume Christian schools mean real-Christians.
 

seoulsearch

Senior Member
May 23, 2009
10,806
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#45
Actually, I think the bad assumption is people assume Christian schools mean real-Christians.
Hey MissCris,

I'm so sorry to possibly derail your thread again, but I had to nod in agreement with Lynn's post.

I'm only one person who experienced one Christian school system, so others might have very different experiences, but I think people mistakenly believe that a Christian school will mean a protected life that's somewhat free from harm or sin. All I can say is that my Christian school was full of ordinary people who, like ordinary Christians, were trying their best, but we all have slips and falls along the way.

A few memories that stand out to me are:

* The time a couple got caught passing racy notes to each other in class. The girl was a friend of mine, so I knew these were easily X-rated type things, because she let me read the notes. We had an entire chapel service that basically skimmed around the entire subject of sex, but told us not to do it, and if we did, to have the strength to repent of it.

* Another couple in their senior year who got caught when they skipped class... because the girl had an abortion. They were allowed to finish out the rest of the year (but I can bet you that if she HAD carried the baby, she wouldn't have been allowed back in class), but both of them had to write a letter of apology to the student body (I remember thinking, "Why on earth would they have to apologize to ME? They didn't do anything to sin against me,") and were not allowed to walk at graduation.

* I had mentioned that my high school only had 124 students when I graduated. Not one, but two girls I remember very well... went on to get married... One was very popular, the quintessential overachiever, and seen to have the perfect Christian marriage. The other was quiet, but also very pretty, and all she could talk about is how much she wanted to marry her boyfriend.

In both cases... The husbands were abusive, and wound up emptying guns into these girls' heads. In the case of the popular girl, her three kids were present, and one of them made the call to 911 in order to try to save her, but it was too late. And in the case of the quiet girl, she had actually done everything they recommend to get away from an abuser, including moving to a new location and place without him knowing, but he found her anyway, and decided that if he couldn't have her, neither would anyone else.

Sadly, I think we all believe, or at least want to believe, that if we set up enough Christian organizations that are "apart from the world", we can somehow shield ourselves from sinful actions.

I do have to say though that I know my school was founded on sincere beliefs, and there were many wonderful teachers and staff members who I know loved us and poured their lives into our well-being, no matter how awful we were.

And now, to try to say contribute something that's actually on-topic... As I had said in my previous post, I wasn't taught anything, not a single thing, about sex in my Christian schools (except what my friends told me,) but my parents sat us down to read a book with my Mom when we were about 9.

I remember reading "the crucial part" out loud, stopping to close the book out of shock, and then declaring to my Mom, "I don't see how (the parts could ever work that way)!", to which she burst out laughing and said, "Oh believe me honey, they do!"

I know some would think that age 9 is too young to know about the body parts and how they function, but my parents' main concern was protecting us from any kind of abuse. After all, how many young children are abused when someone asks them if they "want to play a game", or tell them that "this is what people do when they love each other."

My parents wanted us to be clearly informed and if anyone besides a doctor that they took us to was trying to get close to us in any of these ways, we were to tell them about it immediately.

I have nothing but respect for all of you out there who are raising children. I can't imagine the vast responsibility. And here I thought I had it tough when my then-boyfriend's 4-year-old asked us why God loves us...

God bless you all who are making these heart-wrenching decisions about when and what to teach your children.
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
16,931
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#46
I still think there is no reason whatsoever girls or women need to know how to put on a condom. (Do they think it prudent for boys to learn how to use a tampon.? Ew, ew on both fronts. lol) However, exactly who is teaching your son how to put on a condom? And when? :eek:
I think you, misread my post it was in response to a previous one saying that public school taught them that..,, I was saying I would probably lead a protest if it happened here...,implying it has not not do I believe anyone would suggest doing it here, but I could be wrong.
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
16,931
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#47
I guess I am one of those parents that show their kids pictures of lung cancer to show why they shouldn't smoke....probably let them watch someone giving birth of a baby if they really wanted to know....it's science after all.

It is important to let little kids that no one should touch their privates (anything in underwear) except the doctor or if they need help wiping after they go potty (everyone thanks God when they grow old enough to do that themselves).
 
Aug 31, 2017
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#48
I strongly believe when a child is old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to receive the correct Biblical and scientific answer to that question. I don't give any more information than they ask, but when I do answer, I do so from a standpoint that our bodies are miraculous wonders of art made from the hands of a loving Creator. We discuss it scientifically and also make sure they understand it's purpose, it's beauty, and how we are to be good stewards of what God has given us. My 6 and 8 year olds have even watched videos of natural childbirth. We don't make it into a dirty secret or a shameful topic, but rather something to be celebrated with your husband.

As far as the public school question, I will probably get a lot of flack for this, but I honestly believe Christians sending their kids to public school would constitute sin.

We are placing our children under the care and instruction of an anti-Christian establishment/institution to be trained and molded for a majority of their forming years.

We are surrounding our not-yet fully trained and susceptible children around 30 other peers who believe sin is okay and the right way to live.

We allow an anti-God institution to drill into our children's minds that in order to receive high marks and be considered bright/smart, they must think like the rest of the sinful world.

We are putting our children into a situation where they are going to be actively taught sin is okay (denial of a Creator, acceptance of sexual sin, abortion, etc.).

We are putting our children into a situatiom where theu are then going to be educated on sins they never even knew existed. (Kids in lower elementary are now learning about homosexuality, transgenderism, different forms of sex including oral and anal, etc.)

We are putting our children into a situation where theu are going to be actively taught how to perform these sins safely. (Kids are now being taught how to have safe sex, and how oral and anal sex are safe alternatives and what they should do to perform them safely. They are also taught that they can have sex with girls or boys.)

We are actively leaving our children alone and surrounded by the enemy, expecting them to stand up for what is right, knowing they will be punished, made an example of, and bullied for doing so. Even Christ did not start his ministry til he was 30 and well trained. How can we expect our not full trained children surrounded by peers to take up this cross?

We are placing our children under champions of sin for 8 hours a day for 12 years and then expect 2 days of 3 hour worship service to undo all the damage done. You do realize our children are spending more time in the instruction of the world than in discipleship of God's kingdom?

We are actively sending our children to be taught by men that God does not exist, that His creation was an accident or mistake, and thay in fact He created nothing at all.

We are putting our children into a forum where we know they are going to be taught lies without the option of being able to sit in, hear, know, or even correct what it being said.

We are sending our kids to an institution that teaches them they do not need to obey or honor their parents. In fact, they even help them to sue their parents for the right of the child to a trans-sex operation of which the cost is forxed upon the disagreeing parent (it has already happened). They even will take your children to Planned Parenthood for abortions without speaking with or informing the parents (it has already happened). They are encouraging our children to perform sins (dressing transgender) and make it a rule that parents need not be informed due to privacy (again, it is already happening).

Every commandment is being broken and encouraged by the public school system and we just give them full reign over our children for 8 hours a day.
 
Aug 31, 2017
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#49
If a babysitter or heaven forbid even a family member gave us these same qualifications and asked to watch our kids, we would look at them like they were crazy. We would send them right out the door and tell them they needed help. Yet, we send our children everyday into these battlefields without a second thought.
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,574
382
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Germany
#50
I still think there is no reason whatsoever girls or women need to know how to put on a condom. (Do they think it prudent for boys to learn how to use a tampon.? Ew, ew on both fronts. lol) However, exactly who is teaching your son how to put on a condom? And when? :eek:
Well its not only girls who learn it.
Fun fact; when my brother was a teen and started mingling with girls, he had a whole drawer filled with condoms and the message of my mom “ you want nice cars. Nice cars cost money. So better use these or ull be paying for a baby the rest of your life and no money for nice cars“

It worked lol. He is 28 and having cars and no accidents lol

*shrugs
Better safe than sorry.
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
16,931
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#51
Wow...you have an awful school system..,, I currently spend 4 out 5 days at my daughter's school and have even prayed with some of the teachers...so i,know for a fact she is surrounded by prayer and godly Christians seeking to teach her and other children values that build good character and self discipline.

Our kids can't live in a bubble and must learn to discern good from evil, right from wrong. Even for parents who can't go and visit their schools we should foster a relationship with our kids where they can discuss what is being taught and ask them what they Bible and let them compare what they are being taught with the Bible.

We as parents should pray with and for our kids daily.

Some people have the knowledge to homeschool their kids or the means to send them to a private Christian school (although those schools are not really better because they are still populated by people and the curriculum may appear to be based on the Bible but sometimes is NOT for God made this world and the Bible and science are NOT enemies)

However fear should not motivate people to make rash decisions.

People should pray and ask God what they should do. It you don't have the knowledge to homeschool your kids and realise the importance of reading,mathematics, social interactions, etc...then sending your kid to public school is NOT a sin.
 
Aug 31, 2017
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#52
Being homeschooled does not equate to living in a bubble. We are to train our children in the way they should go. That also means guiding them in discernment and backing off slowly and letting them learn themselves. It doesn't mean dumping them in the system because they turned 5. Earlier for those who do preschool. God gives us the tools to raise our kids. Sometimes, it just takes a step of faith, but God will provide. And if you can't figure something out, nowadays, there are a million ways to teach your children something without having to actually know it: tutors, co-ops, Google, other homeschooling parents, online curriculums that you can see, etc.

Homeschooling actually opens up a world of possibilities. They aren't stuck in a house all day. Instead of only "socializing" with a single age group (that will never again happen in life), they learn to interact with infants through seniors. Parents who homeschool their kids are usually more invested and studies have shown that kids with homeschooled parents who never graduated high school on average will score higher than kids in pu lic school whose parents graduated college.
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
16,931
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#53
Yes homeschooling is great if it's done right.
.however I know some people who pull their kids out of school because their kids can't get along with other kids..so they spend all their time at home on video games and have no accountability.they do just enough to get a "d" with online schooling while their mom is strung out on drugs.

In those cases, public school would be a better option for the child. Even though the convient excuse of how evil public school is may be used, it doesn't make it true.
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,574
382
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Germany
#54
Its an realistic school system. Not an evil one. Teens that fall in love (most but not all) will eventually have sex. So it is provided by the government through school and health care that they can be safe as possible and without parents being unrealistic able to stop them from being properly educated about safety
 
Aug 31, 2017
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#55
1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
Schools that teach evolution is truth and that God is not responsible for creation can NOT be considered anything but evil. Anything that denies our Creator is evil.

2. Thou shalt not make any graven images. When a child is encouraged to put their mental issues ahead of everything else and to rock it, and to forget anybody who tries to tell them it's wrong or a sin - they are encouraging that child to make themselves god. Evil.

3. Taking the Lord's name in vain. OMG is the thing to say today. You are surrounding your child with children who live much of their lives in shorthand in virtual lalaland and express their frustrations with OMG as if it were as common as finding a penny on the ground.

4. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. Well, at least the kids don't have school on Sundays.

5. Honor thy father and mother. Schools teach kids they don't have to tell their parents anything, encourage them to sin and dress transgender at school, and then use privacy as a reason to not inform their parents. Same goes with, shhh... we'll take you to Planned Parenthood. They don't have to know. Kids are now given questionnaires aboit their parents and homes and told they can't take thrm home or take pictures of them to share with their parents.

6. Thou shalt not kill. And public schools are taking kids to Planned Parenthood to kill their unborn children. Not to mention public schools are becoming breeding grounds for shootings/stabbings.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Kids are taught sex before marriage is okay. And in fact, polyamory is okay as well. Some people like to be with multiple people and it's okay. Who are we to judge?

8. I'm bored and moving on. Public schools are evil.
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
16,931
428
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#56
I didn't have sex as a teenager. I believe sex education should focus on sexually transmitted diseases and the risk of pregnancy.
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,574
382
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Germany
#57
Thats a part of the education here too. Different stds in their forms including some graphic pictures and risks of pregnancy, c section etc
Its all inclusive
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
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#58
Public schools aren't evil and it's not a sin to send your kids to them...I believe it is arrogant and prideful to tell people they are.

Arrogant because some people don't have money or education to teach their kids at home. My mother loved us but doesn't know how to read or write English.

Yes I could teach my kids more educational content in a day then they learn at school, but they peer tutor and learn social skills and the value of doing God's work in whatever situation they are placed in.
 
Aug 31, 2017
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#59
When it comes to public schools, Christians are so hypocritical. Never would a Christian hire a stranger they don't know with values opposite to them, knowing they are going to actively teach against God, help raise their children. Unless it's public school. Also, you can homeschool for free. There are many free curriculums out there now.
 
Aug 31, 2017
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#60
Whatever you need to teach your kid, you can also learn along the way. Where there is a will, there is a way. For some reason, we are capable of teaching our children until they turn the magical age of five. Then all of a sudden, we are unqualified. This is despite the fact that you know more about your child than anyone else: their strengths, their weaknesses, their challenges, their learning styles, etc. You can preach poor or whatever to me, but here I stand a single mom without any help, not on government assistance, working 2 jobs, going to 2 different schools myself, and homeschooling my kids. Ask God and He will provide.