Why is parenting so difficult? My mother says I'm a horrible mom.

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Beckie

Well-known member
Feb 15, 2022
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342
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#21
As for your Mom . The Scriptures tell us to honor our parents it doesn't say only when they as they should be. I would make myself scarce, with out being disrespectful. Your first priority is to your own home.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
3,113
2,507
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#22
I'd suggest, as others have, getting some professional help.

Kids manipulate because they've found its what works for them. I grew up as a manipulative kid and didn't realize it till I was an adult and still manipulating. I was the youngest and quietest of 4. My siblings were all older, louder and more willing to speak up. I found I had to use other means to get things, hence the manipulation.

Also, when I was maybe 5-ish I'm told I suddenly stopped eating. I'd eat half a bologna sandwich a day and nothing else. I was in and out of hospitals getting all kinds of testing. After a year I snapped out of it. No cause was ever found.
The doctors told my parents to give me anything I asked for any time I wanted to eat, since I wasn't eating enough.
I was a picky eater, still am at 46. My parents tried the "no leaving the table till you finish everything" tactic all the time. Issue was, I just actually didn't like those things, and still don't.

As a parent you, no doubt, want to be able to solve all this on your own, but that's not what's always best. Sometimes it's better to go to outside sources for help and ideas.
So find a counselor or psychologist. Get a doctor involved. Maybe a nutritionist too. Find out what you're dealing with and the best plan on how to go about it.
 
Jul 7, 2022
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#23
Im not criticizing you. It's none of my business if Dad is around.
It's been my experience as a teacher and growing up in a broken home that t of the biggest challenges raising strong willed children are....
A. Both parents aren't home, but work outside the home. Junior is with others through the day.
B. Mom and dad divorced and Mom is trying to fill the role of Mom And Dad. OR
C. Dad is permissive and needs biblical training with regards to that. Biblical training is what he needs, Not psychological training from a counseling center that teaches Time Out (B.F. Skinner Behavioral models). "Professionals are called that because they get paid and have some state certification, not because they are much help.

A "father figure" isn't the answer IMHO for a few reasons. I only bring that up because lot's of single moms are looking for that. It's none of my business if that's the case or not.
No need to go there.

Your mother sounds like she speaks her mind, even if she is just speaking from frustration. Easier said than done, but don't take it too personal even though it is. People think and say things at times that they never think the rest of the time. When she's not stressed, maybe she would calmly and kindly offer advice on child rearing. It may or may not be helpful. At least you'll know what's bothering her. Perhaps she never had a child, like your siblings, who was strong willed.

Do you have a home church?
 
Jul 30, 2018
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#24
Knowing it is not always possible but staying home raising our kids is the most important career a person can have. Sounds like a very smart 4 year old. Who sees you leave him most days to take care of other kids.
My, 'take care of your own kids' lesson was learned. I come home from work Suzanne the baby sitter said Beckie you did not tell me Johnny could walk. You can never get back first steps or any other firsts.
Talking 50+ years ago most stuff was not so expensive as to day. As a family we did not have the big toys our friends had , Did not have a new car etc.
If i could go back years i would make less demands on the kids but make the demands stick. We did not have a picky eater not even close. As said above be comfortable he is medically okay then put the rules in action. The 1 year old is watching and learning.
I've been home with him a lot because of covid and it still didn't help. I thought him being so little it would be fine. However he's an extrovert and did not do well. I still remember the first time he saw florescent lights. He was asking me why the floor looked so strange. It was really sad.

Obviously that's an extreme example but I don't think he would do well with homeschool or being with me all the time. He loves going to school and being with kids. He does well with the structure and he learns quickly. He gets bored easily. Plus he behaves better around other kids.

Believe me I would have loved to homeschool him and keep him here, but its just not the best thing for him.

I definitely worry my little one is watching him. He eats everything right now and hasn't had any of the strange texture issues as my first. It's night and day difference right now in that regard.
 

Beckie

Well-known member
Feb 15, 2022
1,048
342
83
#25
You know your child best. Please do your best to not let anyone tell yo to drug him. IF a trusted doctor says to drug him get at least one 'second' opinion. Not speaking of meds but the beavour drugs. My 2 kids as different as night and day. We learned early on at time out for Jr caused trouble... running laps in the back yard pulling weed. anything but 'time out . Baby girl time outs were a wonderful rest for her... Old great grandma here also believes a swift swat to the back side.
 

Genipher

Well-known member
Jan 6, 2019
1,539
1,153
113
#26
Totally agree with you. I told my son from a very small age whatever he does not finish at a meal will be served the next meal until he finishes it. My child's doctor told me that you never negotiate with a child. My boy tried it once or twice and then he saw I was serious and he started eating everything I put on the plate.
I remember eating vegetable soup for breakfast because my mom had that same rule. She only had to enforce it once because caught on quick. Lol. She was, however, merciful in allowing us kids to have 2 food items we just didn't like. Mine were tomatoes and onions, which I grew to love when my tastes matured as an adult.
 
Jul 30, 2018
343
229
43
#27
Im not criticizing you. It's none of my business if Dad is around.
It's been my experience as a teacher and growing up in a broken home that t of the biggest challenges raising strong willed children are....
A. Both parents aren't home, but work outside the home. Junior is with others through the day.
B. Mom and dad divorced and Mom is trying to fill the role of Mom And Dad. OR
C. Dad is permissive and needs biblical training with regards to that. Biblical training is what he needs, Not psychological training from a counseling center that teaches Time Out (B.F. Skinner Behavioral models). "Professionals are called that because they get paid and have some state certification, not because they are much help.

A "father figure" isn't the answer IMHO for a few reasons. I only bring that up because lot's of single moms are looking for that. It's none of my business if that's the case or not.
No need to go there.

Your mother sounds like she speaks her mind, even if she is just speaking from frustration. Easier said than done, but don't take it too personal even though it is. People think and say things at times that they never think the rest of the time. When she's not stressed, maybe she would calmly and kindly offer advice on child rearing. It may or may not be helpful. At least you'll know what's bothering her. Perhaps she never had a child, like your siblings, who was strong willed.

Do you have a home church?

Thankfully his father is around. I would never describe my husband as permissive. The men in his family are all police, prison guards, and military. His family was pretty strict. We're more in the middle with our kids though. My son listens better to my husband.

He was mostly with me bc of covid with the exception of last year being in preschool. It was only half day though since my husband works nights. This year he'll be at prek all day so we'll see how that goes. He loves school so far so hopefully well.

Time Out worked when he was 2. As soon as he turned 3 he didn't care about it. He'd even put himself there independently when he did something wrong. He has a speech delay. He actually didn't even talk until close to 3. When he started talking it was in complete sentences. So at 2 I didn't know how much he understood and let a lot slide. He's also very hyper and impulsive. Currently my 1 year old has 2 bruises on his face from him. It's not on purpose, but he doesn't know how to be gentle. He talks kindly to him and plays mostly well for a 4 year old. I don't know how much he's able to control and what he can't. His number 1 rule is to listen the first time... you know not the 5th. It's just so frustrating.