Wife gets pregnant, now wants to leave me.

[Ottotheotter]

I wanted to say too, that due to her past issues she is very vunerable, to satans enticement and he zeros in on anyone that has a weakness, (hers is obvious) she has no idea how to fight what she is feeling at the moment, and needs you to intercede for her, she has no parental cover, no close examples of what is expected of marriage, no strong foundation to back her up, and most likely no strong biblical foundation either, her foundation is like sand, and the bible tells us what happens with such a foundation, she is flailing around trying to find something or someone to cling to, and satans plant looks good at the moment because that is what satan does, steal, kill and destroy, but your love is greater than all his power, and you will win if you can hang on now, this is the roughest part ,once she sees and understands the God kind of love, the rest will be easy.

Yes, all those things are true.. She has only been Christian for about 6 years now and before it was dependent on what family she was with. But when she first became Christian she was truly on fire for God and I know it's still in her

She made some more crazy choices Friday but I've really been working on how I word things to her and talk with her.. She has done better today and I pray I say the right things and keep being strong in my faith

 

[Jimbone]

Yes, all those things are true.. She has only been Christian for about 6 years now and before it was dependent on what family she was with. But when she first became Christian she was truly on fire for God and I know it's still in her

She made some more crazy choices Friday but I've really been working on how I word things to her and talk with her.. She has done better today and I pray I say the right things and keep being strong in my faith

Man I have been praying that God use this to help her and make you both stronger together in Him. I also know these things are so unpredictable, but I still pray God is making you the rock in her life right now. These kinds of betrayals hurt so bad, especially when you are the one in it, but God obviously loves this girl enough to have you in her life in this very moment and that He is working in you in the same way described in Hosea, only Hosea is on about 36 or 37 levels beyond what we've had to deal with, but all that is a picture of Gods love for Israel even though Israel kept on playing the harlot repeatedly.

It seems like all this revolves around the love of the bride. I truly believe that is part of the reason God is so long suffering with us. I don't believe the fall was because Eve talked Adam into eating the fruit, nor do I think he ate it to be "enlightened", it says clearly that Eve was deceived, but Adam "KNEW" what he was doing. The only thing that makes any kind of sense in my head is Adam was horrified to learn his bride was going to die, that she faced death, and he couldn't let her face it alone. So it was his "love for the bride", that motivated his rebellion. Now this is all just my understanding admittedly, I wasn't there and the text doesn't say that, but to me the text supports it at least. This leads me to think of a time on one of my daily walks when I was thinking of this in a lighthearted joking type mood, I was thinking of this whole Adam and Eve thing, when I was like "that's why Jesus could stay sinless, He didn't have a wife there in the mix to complicate things so He could focus." "But"....that was when it hit me like the very hand of our God from heaven, EVERYTHING Jesus did, He did for His bride. It was all for the bride, for us. Everything was "for the love of the bride", and just WOW.

So there is something worth fighting for here. She needs you just as much as you need her, (at this point she needs you much more, but there will come a day that you need her) and I pray in Jesus name that you both are reconciled and brought into His peace to be made stronger and better equipped to go out there and testify, to help other in the same situation in ways people that haven't been through something like this never could. I pray that You help to strengthen Otto and soften her heart, and open her eyes to what you've blessed her with, and that Your name is glorified by these testimonies You bless them with. I pray this all in Jesus name. Amen.

 

[JesusLives]

You mentioned that this guy is from another country....GREEN CARD ALERT! He has found a mark to get a green card so he is not going to give up so easily, however, once he gets his green card he will kick her to the curb baby and all.

She is in for a lot of heartache if she continues this path she needs help with counseling involved given her past and this present situation. Prayers for your trial that you are living right now and that your wife can see the light as to what this guy really wants which is an in to the country and not a life partner.

 

[Ottotheotter]

Man I have been praying that God use this to help her and make you both stronger together in Him. I also know these things are so unpredictable, but I still pray God is making you the rock in her life right now. These kinds of betrayals hurt so bad, especially when you are the one in it, but God obviously loves this girl enough to have you in her life in this very moment and that He is working in you in the same way described in Hosea, only Hosea is on about 36 or 37 levels beyond what we've had to deal with, but all that is a picture of Gods love for Israel even though Israel kept on playing the harlot repeatedly.

It seems like all this revolves around the love of the bride. I truly believe that is part of the reason God is so long suffering with us. I don't believe the fall was because Eve talked Adam into eating the fruit, nor do I think he ate it to be "enlightened", it says clearly that Eve was deceived, but Adam "KNEW" what he was doing. The only thing that makes any kind of sense in my head is Adam was horrified to learn his bride was going to die, that she faced death, and he couldn't let her face it alone. So it was his "love for the bride", that motivated his rebellion. Now this is all just my understanding admittedly, I wasn't there and the text doesn't say that, but to me the text supports it at least. This leads me to think of a time on one of my daily walks when I was thinking of this in a lighthearted joking type mood, I was thinking of this whole Adam and Eve thing, when I was like "that's why Jesus could stay sinless, He didn't have a wife there in the mix to complicate things so He could focus." "But"....that was when it hit me like the very hand of our God from heaven, EVERYTHING Jesus did, He did for His bride. It was all for the bride, for us. Everything was "for the love of the bride", and just WOW.

So there is something worth fighting for here. She needs you just as much as you need her, (at this point she needs you much more, but there will come a day that you need her) and I pray in Jesus name that you both are reconciled and brought into His peace to be made stronger and better equipped to go out there and testify, to help other in the same situation in ways people that haven't been through something like this never could. I pray that You help to strengthen Otto and soften her heart, and open her eyes to what you've blessed her with, and that Your name is glorified by these testimonies You bless them with. I pray this all in Jesus name. Amen.

So things have gotten a little bit better...I have been working on the way I talk to her. She is at least being nice to me and we have been hanging out. I know she is still talking to him and "loves" him all over calls and texts. So it is just hard, but I'm keeping strong.

I am having a hard time finding a counselor for her that is Christian and will pick up their phone or return a call.

I recently got his (the cheater) mother's name. Should I message his mom on Facebook? He currently lives with her. I know my wife would find out and she would be mad. I have been advised by a friend to not do that. Just wanted a second opinion.

 

[Godsgirl83]

So things have gotten a little bit better...I have been working on the way I talk to her. She is at least being nice to me and we have been hanging out. I know she is still talking to him and "loves" him all over calls and texts. So it is just hard, but I'm keeping strong.

I am having a hard time finding a counselor for her that is Christian and will pick up their phone or return a call.

I recently got his (the cheater) mother's name. Should I message his mom on Facebook? He currently lives with her. I know my wife would find out and she would be mad. I have been advised by a friend to not do that. Just wanted a second opinion.

personally, I agree with your friend. At this point that might not be a wise thing to do. You stated that at this point things have gotten a little better, that you're working on the way you talk to her. That's a BIG STEP. Keep standing!

 

[DerVille]

Hello,
My wife 24F and I 25M have been trying to have a baby.. She was so excited for us to start a family and telling church friends about it...I love her and was wanting a baby as well... Right after she got pregnant she met this guy online on a game...I felt like we were both happy and just 1 day out of no where she just flipped. She started to act very unlike her and crazy, within 2 weeks of talking to him she told me she loved him and she wanted a divorce and had bought a plane ticket to visit him.. Then a week later she found out she was pregnant...she is making crazy choices she would have never done before. Every day I could get a happy or very mad wife. A little back story is she has had a rough past with 20 plus foster homes. I personally think her issues are with her past or pregnancy hormones.. I'm not a perfect man but I try and be the best husband I can. I'm drop dead in love with her. Her grandma made her refund the tickets thankfully. This guy smokes, has no job and lives with his mom and is not a citizen. im shocked and confused.. I have been reading and applying to my life the love dare book from fireproof .. We get along but it's killing me she has another man and I don't know what I did wrong, she tells everyone a different story and can't keep her lies straight. Any advice, really want my wife back and I am heart broken and depressed ... I told the baby doctor about the erratic behavior and they signed us up for counseling.. She had previously refused to go, I'm glad she convinced her but she is very unwilling to try anything . I have been in talk with our pastor and he has helped me, she won't talk with him... Now she is even questioning her faith and she is a good Christian woman. Should I continue to be nice and do everything I can for her?
It's been the worst month or so of my life and sad she is unwilling to work on our marriage.. I don't want a split family and still in love with my wife.

Well someone else was just asking about divorce on another thread and I just copied Jesus's answer to divorce: "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

It sounds as if your wife has willingly chosen to entertain a crush with another man and instead of fleeing any tingly feelings she was getting for another man she chose to wallow in them and let them grow. It sounds as though she may have already had sex with this guy.

I'd say Jesus's words of: "EXCEPT FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY" fall over this.

I'd say the first thing you may need to do is verify if the child in her now is actually yours or another man's.

If she's had sex with another man and also, if she has another man's child in her, divorce may be in order.
I mean God can work miracles, that's up to you if you want to hang in their while she's having an active sexual affair and possibly has another man's child God could work a miracle. It sounds like a biblical divorce may be available here.
I can't tell you what to do. I don't think I'd want her anymore. She's gone too far.

 

[Ottotheotter]

Well someone else was just asking about divorce on another thread and I just copied Jesus's answer to divorce: "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

It sounds as if your wife has willingly chosen to entertain a crush with another man and instead of fleeing any tingly feelings she was getting for another man she chose to wallow in them and let them grow. It sounds as though she may have already had sex with this guy.

I'd say Jesus's words of: "EXCEPT FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY" fall over this.

I'd say the first thing you may need to do is verify if the child in her now is actually yours or another man's.

If she's had sex with another man and also, if she has another man's child in her, divorce may be in order.
I mean God can work miracles, that's up to you if you want to hang in their while she's having an active sexual affair and possibly has another man's child God could work a miracle. It sounds like a biblical divorce may be available here.
I can't tell you what to do. I don't think I'd want her anymore. She's gone too far.

She has never met him so they have not had sex yet

 

[Ottotheotter]

personally, I agree with your friend. At this point that might not be a wise thing to do. You stated that at this point things have gotten a little better, that you're working on the way you talk to her. That's a BIG STEP. Keep standing!

I agree, just needed some confirmation. I Will not message her.

Today I got my wife a Christian counselor and have an appointment this Friday. Glad we found one finally available. Praying that will go well.

Tomorrow my wife is meeting a Christian friend who I know is a good influence. Glad she will Hopfully have someone to talk to and give her good advice.

Today she said she was sick but it might just be depression... I think living two different life's and the baby have made her sad.. Hopfully these things this week will help

 

[Godsgirl83]

I agree, just needed some confirmation. I Will not message her.

Today I got my wife a Christian counselor and have an appointment this Friday. Glad we found one finally available. Praying that will go well.

Tomorrow my wife is meeting a Christian friend who I know is a good influence. Glad she will Hopfully have someone to talk to and give her good advice.

Today she said she was sick but it might just be depression... I think living two different life's and the baby have made her sad.. Hopfully these things this week will help

Will be praying for you both

 

[Jimbone]

So things have gotten a little bit better...I have been working on the way I talk to her. She is at least being nice to me and we have been hanging out. I know she is still talking to him and "loves" him all over calls and texts. So it is just hard, but I'm keeping strong.

I am having a hard time finding a counselor for her that is Christian and will pick up their phone or return a call.

I recently got his (the cheater) mother's name. Should I message his mom on Facebook? He currently lives with her. I know my wife would find out and she would be mad. I have been advised by a friend to not do that. Just wanted a second opinion.

Sorry it took so long, but no don't do that. I don't think it could do anything bot drive her closer to him, just stay strong. Keep it like your talking about. Rebuild a friendship and know what you are doing for her right now, by loving her through this will not be in vain. When she see's everything she is doing now in truth, she will be ashamed, and know even more how much you love her and meant your vows. I know this can't last forever, and you can't just accept this at all, but doing what you are doing and trying to rebuild in her head the truth of how much you love her, then you need to sit her down in love and tell her that you love her, but what she is doing is wrong, you've stood by her to show her "look I do love you, even in your sinning against me this way, but it's not Gods design, or even emotionally possible to live like this. You love her, you will fight for her to the very end, but you can't play second fiddle to some "guy on the internet that lives with his mom". LOL, same exact thing my wife did, I was just dumbfounded, I was like "you're always mad at me because I don't go out enough, you don't like to do things". Yet she talking to A Guy that is literally unable to leave his house do to anxiety. You are going to sacrifice 10 years of being together, a 3 year old son, 6 months of marriage, the love I've shown you, the lengths you've seen me go to protect those I love, my hard working nature, and providing heart, for I guy that hasn't left the house in years because mommy provides and allows it? Really? Woman I want you, I love you with all that I can, I am a man and will always love you, but if that's what you want, it's him or me. This is not an in anger conversation, this is an in love Please I want you but will not be the 2nd guy, kind of conversation.

Thais my opinion anyway. I'll still be praying brother. Keep faith.

 

[tourist]

A trial separation might be helpful. She's obviously taking you for granted and disregards your feelings, she may need a psychiatrist. Love is a 2 way street, but your traveling down a one way road. Letting her go might be hard, but it could be best in the long run. It takes 2 to make a marriage work, but only one to ruin it. She's pregnant and got a plane ticket to go see some bum! Tell her flat out that if she see's him or continues communicating with him, your gone... And mean it. She knows your patient and will do anything to make your marriage work. Your being played my friend. She's obviously one horse shy of a merry-go-round, but if she won't see a shrink, you can't fix it, and it will probably only get worse... jmo

Actually, there are times that love is only a 1 way street. Marriage is not really 50 / 50 either. Sometimes it is 60 / 40 or 70 /30. In the case of my marriage to my late second wife, at the end it was more like 95 / 5. You are most correct in saying that it takes 2 to make a marriage work and only 1 to ruin it. If I were in the shoes of the OP I would probably end up filing for divorce as there is no way I would tolerate a cheating spouse.

 

[Deade]

I agree, just needed some confirmation. I Will not message her.

Today I got my wife a Christian counselor and have an appointment this Friday. Glad we found one finally available. Praying that will go well.

Tomorrow my wife is meeting a Christian friend who I know is a good influence. Glad she will Hopfully have someone to talk to and give her good advice.

Today she said she was sick but it might just be depression... I think living two different life's and the baby have made her sad.. Hopfully these things this week will help

You are not wrestling with flesh and blood. You have been attacked by Satan and God knows all about what you are going through. Watch every step you take and every word you utter. This is a test, so stand your ground and learn. Do not try to change something you have no control over. I will be praying for you and your's, brother.

 

[Jimbone]

Actually, there are times that love is only a 1 way street. Marriage is not really 50 / 50 either. Sometimes it is 60 / 40 or 70 /30. In the case of my marriage to my late second wife, at the end it was more like 95 / 5. You are most correct in saying that it takes 2 to make a marriage work and only 1 to ruin it. If I were in the shoes of the OP I would probably end up filing for divorce as there is no way I would tolerate a cheating spouse.

In this situation, a situation I've found myself in as you can read, this girl is confused, she finds herself married, pregnant, confused and freaking out. This action, in my opinion, is a cry for help, and I applaud Otto for being willing to fight for this relationship and while I would agree she is cheating 100%, no doubt, things have not gotten physical. They've never even met face to face. She is chasing a fantasy and need her man right now more than ever to fight for her. I know there is a point, there is a line and that is for Otto and God to decide what it is, but right now him loving her through this is exactly what Jesus wants. I think you're being a bit hard nosed about how you'd handle it, and I understand, but as one who has WAY too many skeletons in my closet (I guess a wide open closet because none a secret) to judge anyone, but I know what happen when I stood and fought for my wife, I thank God every day for her, now married 14 years, together 23. I just think the "kick'em to the curb", answer is WAY too popular among Christians, even though you weren't really even doing this in the way I'm talking about, but this girl need this guy in her life right now just like he will need here, back and forth.

So I understand what you are saying (only what you would do, not what he should), and like I've said this understanding and trying to work it out can only last to a point, so I do agree with you that this is NOT okay at ALL, but I know I am praying God opens her eyes to what she has in this guy.

 

[Godsgirl83]

I'm glad that Jesus loves me UNCONDITIONALLY and never "kicks me to the curb" when I mess up.

 

[tourist]

In this situation, a situation I've found myself in as you can read, this girl is confused, she finds herself married, pregnant, confused and freaking out. This action, in my opinion, is a cry for help, and I applaud Otto for being willing to fight for this relationship and while I would agree she is cheating 100%, no doubt, things have not gotten physical. They've never even met face to face. She is chasing a fantasy and need her man right now more than ever to fight for her. I know there is a point, there is a line and that is for Otto and God to decide what it is, but right now him loving her through this is exactly what Jesus wants. I think you're being a bit hard nosed about how you'd handle it, and I understand, but as one who has WAY too many skeletons in my closet (I guess a wide open closet because none a secret) to judge anyone, but I know what happen when I stood and fought for my wife, I thank God every day for her, now married 14 years, together 23. I just think the "kick'em to the curb", answer is WAY too popular among Christians, even though you weren't really even doing this in the way I'm talking about, but this girl need this guy in her life right now just like he will need here, back and forth.

So I understand what you are saying (only what you would do, not what he should), and like I've said this understanding and trying to work it out can only last to a point, so I do agree with you that this is NOT okay at ALL, but I know I am praying God opens her eyes to what she has in this guy.

Regarding my counsel of divorce, (last resort) it was based on my own experience from my horrible first marriage, which among other hatefull and destructives things, she also cheated on me. I will say though, that despite this, I chose to remain in the marriage. My X subsequently filed for divorce and not myself. It was several years later that I came the conclusion that God gave me a tremendous blessing freeing me from that horrible spouse.

Regarding the situation of the OP, I would say, as long as she was sorry, to let that internet exchange slide with the understanding that this is highly inappropriate and not something to do for a husband that you are suppose to remain faithful to and love. However, if she decided to follow through with her plans and leave then it would be understood that if she did leave she is not to come back and that if she physically cheated on him then the marriage is toast and to remain in it would be a sham.

 

[Godsgirl83]

Regarding my counsel of divorce, (last resort) it was based on my own experience from my horrible first marriage, which among other hatefull and destructives things, she also cheated on me. I will say though, that despite this, I chose to remain in the marriage. My X subsequently filed for divorce and not myself. It was several years later that I came the conclusion that God gave me a tremendous blessing freeing me from that horrible spouse.

Regarding the situation of the OP, I would say, as long as she was sorry, to let that internet exchange slide with the understanding that this is highly inappropriate and not something to do for a husband that you are suppose to remain faithful to and love. However, if she decided to follow through with her plans and leave then it would be understood that if she did leave she is not to come back and that if she physically cheated on him then the marriage is toast and to remain in it would be a sham.

Don't have to explain yourself to me

 

[Magenta]

I'm glad that Jesus loves me UNCONDITIONALLY and never "kicks me to the curb" when I mess up.

He doesn't cheat on us either, or beat us up, or continually lie to us, or treat us like second class citizens.

 

[Godsgirl83]

He doesn't cheat on us either, or beat us up, or continually lie to us, or treat us like second class citizens.

HE IS the perfect example of how we should be to one another.

 

[Magenta]

HE IS the perfect example of how we should be to one another.

And WE will never be perfect in this life. If we could be, we would have had no need of His sacrifice to pay the sin debt on our behalf in the first place. Marriage is a representative picture of His love for us, His devotion and commitment. Being unequally yoked is not a good place to start, or a proper reflection of that at all. I feel sorry for people who try to put themselves under the law as if it applied in all cases, when it obviously does not. People will fail us, and we fail our own selves. Sometimes picking yourself up and brushing yourself off is the best one can do. Jesus recommended it for those who do not agree. We do not live in the stone age any more.

 

[Deade]

HE IS the perfect example of how we should be to one another.

Yes GG, Jesus taught us how to love. The whole of the law and the prophets can be summed up in the two great commandments. Love God will all you have and show Him by loving your neighbor made in His image. Paul put it like this:

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing."

Once love is perfected in us, the Lord will no longer see us as sinful.

James 5:19, 20 "Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins."

1 Peter 4:8 "And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins."

Love overcomes sin.