Worried for a Friend,Dont know What to Tell Her

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kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#1
Normally Id put this in the ladies forum but some men may have good advice and insight. I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I have a dear,dear friend,she's actually a friend of the family. She's my parents age and she's known me all my life. We have some years between us but we've always had a special friendship and its gotten closer over the years. She divorced some years ago and has been single for some time.She has dated on and off but the other night I was talking to her and she told me she'd met someone. I was so happy for her and told her so. Then she told me more about her new love.

Her new love is from Pakistan,they met online and far as I know haven't met in person. He says he's a preacher,an evangelist. Then she sent me his picture. Now my friend is in her 60s,she's certainly not a homely woman and she's very sweet,but she's 60. The picture she sent me was of a man that was in his thirties,early at that I'd say. He looked like a male model and as soon as we were done talking I checked the picture with google to make sure she wasn't getting cat-fished. She said that his family,who met her online,have accepted her and love her. Well my head was spinning with all this news when she informed me she is going to Pakistan to meet him. Pakistan is an Islamic state and my heart fell. Before I could form a thought she tells me she's going to be married! I was dumbfounded. I did not know what to say.She's been through a lot,I want her to be happy but Im so very worried for her. She didn't even tell her own sister,she told me first. Her daughter is so angry with her that she wont talk to her. I didn't want to do something for her to shut me out,she needs someone to confide in.

This man may be the most wonderful thing that has happened to her. Maybe Im too over cautious but so many red flags are going up. She says her fiances father has given them a home in Pakistan. She told me the weddings there are elaborate and they pamper the bride. I want this to be true for her,I certainly want to be happy for her. I told her to please stay in touch. But I just don't know what else to say. All of it has me not sleeping at night worried for her safety. I know if I push in she'll shut down. Im between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Even if he is a Christian,the culture there is very different from here. Im at a loss as to what to do.If she gets hurt I'll feel so awful.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,833
1,732
113
#2
If he looks like a male model, and doesn't look 30, there's a good chance she's being played. This guy is in an Muslim country that practices Islam. If she goes, she'll have to switch to their religion, cover herself from head to toe and basically be his property....

Luke 1:37
 

RedeemedGift

Senior Member
May 28, 2017
118
5
0
#3
Oh dear. I'm not sure what to say but your concerns are definitely founded. Prayers are with you both.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,606
424
83
#4
nuff said, for right now, thanks Blue for your insight...

kay, give your worries and stress over to Jesus and take rest in His arms precious one...
just always remember, no matter the consequence, we must follow-speak-honor His Ways above
the worlds, at ALL COSTS!...
 
Z

Zi

Guest
#5
Sorry to hear. I can't imagine playing the waiting game that you are kinda forced into.. Beyond that I am speechless, who knows what to say?
 

Desertsrose

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2016
2,803
183
63
#6
Normally Id put this in the ladies forum but some men may have good advice and insight. I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I have a dear,dear friend,she's actually a friend of the family. She's my parents age and she's known me all my life. We have some years between us but we've always had a special friendship and its gotten closer over the years. She divorced some years ago and has been single for some time.She has dated on and off but the other night I was talking to her and she told me she'd met someone. I was so happy for her and told her so. Then she told me more about her new love.Her new love is from Pakistan,they met online and far as I know haven't met in person. He says he's a preacher,an evangelist. Then she sent me his picture. Now my friend is in her 60s,she's certainly not a homely woman and she's very sweet,but she's 60. The picture she sent me was of a man that was in his thirties,early at that I'd say. He looked like a male model and as soon as we were done talking I checked the picture with google to make sure she wasn't getting cat-fished. She said that his family,who met her online,have accepted her and love her. Well my head was spinning with all this news when she informed me she is going to Pakistan to meet him. Pakistan is an Islamic state and my heart fell. Before I could form a thought she tells me she's going to be married! I was dumbfounded. I did not know what to say.She's been through a lot,I want her to be happy but Im so very worried for her. She didn't even tell her own sister,she told me first. Her daughter is so angry with her that she wont talk to her. I didn't want to do something for her to shut me out,she needs someone to confide in.This man may be the most wonderful thing that has happened to her. Maybe Im too over cautious but so many red flags are going up. She says her fiances father has given them a home in Pakistan. She told me the weddings there are elaborate and they pamper the bride. I want this to be true for her,I certainly want to be happy for her. I told her to please stay in touch. But I just don't know what else to say. All of it has me not sleeping at night worried for her safety. I know if I push in she'll shut down. Im between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Even if he is a Christian,the culture there is very different from here. Im at a loss as to what to do.If she gets hurt I'll feel so awful.[/QUOTE

Hi Kayla,


Just my $0.02.....:)


In situations like this, I ask myself that if I were in that situation, how would I want someone else to react? What would I want my friend to do? What would I want them to tell me?


Do you know how long this relationship has been going on?


Anyway, as I read you're post, shooting stars, rockets and bells and sirens were going off. I want to believe the best for your friend, but it's kind of difficult with him being 30 and with her having to go there to Pakistan.


Kayla, I would tell her all ...... every fear you have. Pray and ask God how to approach this, but what if she were killed? Or beaten every day for the rest of her life. Would you forgive yourself for not saying something?


You may lose a precious friendship, but if you say it in love, I'm sure you'll remain friends. She'll see that you love and care for her.


I'd also ask her to watch the movie, "Not Without My Daughter."


Also, is there a male person that she loves and respects like your dad? Someone she would take counsel from?


I'm praying for your dear friend!
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#7
If he looks like a male model, and doesn't look 30, there's a good chance she's being played. This guy is in an Muslim country that practices Islam. If she goes, she'll have to switch to their religion, cover herself from head to toe and basically be his property....

Luke 1:37
IDK, she's telling me he's a Christian and an evangelist...
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#8
nuff said, for right now, thanks Blue for your insight...

kay, give your worries and stress over to Jesus and take rest in His arms precious one...
just always remember, no matter the consequence, we must follow-speak-honor His Ways above
the worlds, at ALL COSTS!...


Whenever I think of her I pray for her. I dont her to be heartbroken,but I also don't want her in danger.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#9
Normally Id put this in the ladies forum but some men may have good advice and insight. I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I have a dear,dear friend,she's actually a friend of the family. She's my parents age and she's known me all my life. We have some years between us but we've always had a special friendship and its gotten closer over the years. She divorced some years ago and has been single for some time.She has dated on and off but the other night I was talking to her and she told me she'd met someone. I was so happy for her and told her so. Then she told me more about her new love.Her new love is from Pakistan,they met online and far as I know haven't met in person. He says he's a preacher,an evangelist. Then she sent me his picture. Now my friend is in her 60s,she's certainly not a homely woman and she's very sweet,but she's 60. The picture she sent me was of a man that was in his thirties,early at that I'd say. He looked like a male model and as soon as we were done talking I checked the picture with google to make sure she wasn't getting cat-fished. She said that his family,who met her online,have accepted her and love her. Well my head was spinning with all this news when she informed me she is going to Pakistan to meet him. Pakistan is an Islamic state and my heart fell. Before I could form a thought she tells me she's going to be married! I was dumbfounded. I did not know what to say.She's been through a lot,I want her to be happy but Im so very worried for her. She didn't even tell her own sister,she told me first. Her daughter is so angry with her that she wont talk to her. I didn't want to do something for her to shut me out,she needs someone to confide in.This man may be the most wonderful thing that has happened to her. Maybe Im too over cautious but so many red flags are going up. She says her fiances father has given them a home in Pakistan. She told me the weddings there are elaborate and they pamper the bride. I want this to be true for her,I certainly want to be happy for her. I told her to please stay in touch. But I just don't know what else to say. All of it has me not sleeping at night worried for her safety. I know if I push in she'll shut down. Im between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Even if he is a Christian,the culture there is very different from here. Im at a loss as to what to do.If she gets hurt I'll feel so awful.[/QUOTE

Hi Kayla,


Just my $0.02.....:)


In situations like this, I ask myself that if I were in that situation, how would I want someone else to react? What would I want my friend to do? What would I want them to tell me?


Do you know how long this relationship has been going on?


Anyway, as I read you're post, shooting stars, rockets and bells and sirens were going off. I want to believe the best for your friend, but it's kind of difficult with him being 30 and with her having to go there to Pakistan.


Kayla, I would tell her all ...... every fear you have. Pray and ask God how to approach this, but what if she were killed? Or beaten every day for the rest of her life. Would you forgive yourself for not saying something?


You may lose a precious friendship, but if you say it in love, I'm sure you'll remain friends. She'll see that you love and care for her.


I'd also ask her to watch the movie, "Not Without My Daughter."


Also, is there a male person that she loves and respects like your dad? Someone she would take counsel from?


I'm praying for your dear friend!
Thank you all for remembering her in prayer. She's been hurt a lot by her family.She's overly sensitive to any thing she sees as judgement. My father,while they've been friends for years,is very direct and I know she'd shut him down fast. I can tell by pressing a little that she's made up her mind.If she wont listen to her own daughters fears I doubt she'll listen to mine. So Im just praying and told her to promise to keep in touch. But once she's in that country there is nothing I or anyone else can do for her,especially if she marries him and I have no doubt she will. She says his family loves her,she's head over heals for him,just like a teenager. It really is tearing me up.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#10
Normally Id put this in the ladies forum but some men may have good advice and insight. I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I have a dear,dear friend,she's actually a friend of the family. She's my parents age and she's known me all my life. We have some years between us but we've always had a special friendship and its gotten closer over the years. She divorced some years ago and has been single for some time.She has dated on and off but the other night I was talking to her and she told me she'd met someone. I was so happy for her and told her so. Then she told me more about her new love.

Her new love is from Pakistan,they met online and far as I know haven't met in person. He says he's a preacher,an evangelist. Then she sent me his picture. Now my friend is in her 60s,she's certainly not a homely woman and she's very sweet,but she's 60. The picture she sent me was of a man that was in his thirties,early at that I'd say. He looked like a male model and as soon as we were done talking I checked the picture with google to make sure she wasn't getting cat-fished. She said that his family,who met her online,have accepted her and love her. Well my head was spinning with all this news when she informed me she is going to Pakistan to meet him. Pakistan is an Islamic state and my heart fell. Before I could form a thought she tells me she's going to be married! I was dumbfounded. I did not know what to say.She's been through a lot,I want her to be happy but Im so very worried for her. She didn't even tell her own sister,she told me first. Her daughter is so angry with her that she wont talk to her. I didn't want to do something for her to shut me out,she needs someone to confide in.

This man may be the most wonderful thing that has happened to her. Maybe Im too over cautious but so many red flags are going up. She says her fiances father has given them a home in Pakistan. She told me the weddings there are elaborate and they pamper the bride. I want this to be true for her,I certainly want to be happy for her. I told her to please stay in touch. But I just don't know what else to say. All of it has me not sleeping at night worried for her safety. I know if I push in she'll shut down. Im between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Even if he is a Christian,the culture there is very different from here. Im at a loss as to what to do.If she gets hurt I'll feel so awful.
I've got to go out soon, so can't do it myself, but do some research online as to what it's like to be a Pakistani wife. Everyone is pampered as a bride. It's what happens the day after that would worry me. And then do some research on what it is to live in Pakistan, because, all in all? Out of all I've seen in that country? I'd rather live in Haiti. (Haiti. The place I most feared God would send me. To me, that country is hell on earth, yet Pakistan seems worse than that.) When words fail, give her your research. She might get angry you did that, but we are women, and nosy usually wins out.
 

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
Dec 11, 2014
3,630
148
63
29
#12
Seriously? A CHRISTIAN EVANGELIST in an ISLAMIC state? Where they KILL CHRISTIANS???
There are Christians in Islamic nations. They are heavily persecuted but they are there.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,833
1,732
113
#13
Nonetheless, I think her friend is making a COLOSSAL mistake..
 

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
Dec 11, 2014
3,630
148
63
29
#14
Nonetheless, I think her friend is making a COLOSSAL mistake..
Oh, Im not arguing that. I certainly felt worry after reading kaylas post too. I dunno what to say, I mean weve all heard the horror stories of women who moved to an Islamic nation to marry a Muslim man, and after being abused they learned that they couldnt leave. Its certainly scary.
My point was just that there are Christians in these nations.
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
4,961
508
113
#15
I'm sorry Kayla. I wish I can say something other than I hope she can escape with her life.

Unless the Lord calls a woman there very clearly, you are ignorant or insane to go there.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#16
Seriously? A CHRISTIAN EVANGELIST in an ISLAMIC state? Where they KILL CHRISTIANS???
Yep,that was my thought exactly. She's Canadian and apparently,or supposedly, she attends a church that has some kind of outreach in Pakistan. Still doesn't make it seem less dangerous to me.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#17
Oh, Im not arguing that. I certainly felt worry after reading kaylas post too. I dunno what to say, I mean weve all heard the horror stories of women who moved to an Islamic nation to marry a Muslim man, and after being abused they learned that they couldnt leave. Its certainly scary.
My point was just that there are Christians in these nations.
Right,if she had said she was marrying him in Canada and living there Id feel slightly better. But the fact that she's saying there is a home over there and that she believes his family loves her just because they met on Skype,and that she believes they're going to have some kind of traveling ministry,all red flags to me. Women can't even go in public without a male there. Im praying,but its hard not to worry.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
12,205
337
83
#18
I'm sorry Kayla. I wish I can say something other than I hope she can escape with her life.

Unless the Lord calls a woman there very clearly, you are ignorant or insane to go there.
She told me she feels its a "God thing" but then she keeps talking about how gorgeous her future husband is and how she can't wait till the wedding night. So that worries me. Also a friend of hers tried to friend me on Facebook {before she told me about her relationship.} I asked her about him and she said he was from Pakistan. He also looked like a model. I told her to tell her friend Im married and not interested in being friends,at all. So where are all these men coming from? Like I said,I checked the picture of her fiance in google to be sure it wasnt stolen from another page. But its all fishy to me.
 
H

heartofdavid

Guest
#19
Tell her " as a friend I am telling you DO NOT DO THIS"

Wait,pray,meet here in USA,or whatever,but you are definitely stepping into a big trap.

She could die or even worse. Women are less than a dog there
 

Pilkington

Senior Member
Jan 13, 2015
640
52
28
#20
Even best case scenario and he is a Christian and an Evangelist. There are still many red flags. Why does he want to marry a woman so much older than himself. My gut say's he is marrying for money or passport. Cross cultural relationships are incredibly difficult, I don't feel she is likely to have a sufficient understanding of Parkistani culture and life. By all means go and stay with his family and see if you can cope with the culture. Finally if he has a travelling ministry what happens if he is beaten up, arrested or murdered. I used to go to a Church which had links to a Parkistani church it was burnt down. Is she ready to be persecuted. Ask questions about how long she has known him encourage her not to rush into anything.