Epidemic of childless and miserable 40+ women

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Dude653

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2011
9,533
582
113
This entire thread is just speculation. The idea that childless women are miserable is just that. Speculation
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,459
2,639
113
You sound like you are wise in your relationship with your sister. I do believe that children/ young adults are enriched by having relationships with extended family members. You are right that you cannot generalize because not everyone fits into column A or B - only sometimes do people fit into a column. In this particular instance, it was sad that my sister was unhappy about her own life choices; my husband said she always put out the persona of being the happy, fun person whose life was great - when it was a lie she told herself and everyone else. She didn't want the life she acted like was so great. I believe in her mind she had a belief that she was finally going to fulfill a long-held (but suppressed beneath her consciousness) desire for children.

I do think there was something in my family line that wasn't good. My great grandfather was a pastor but someone dropped the ball. I think that forgiving my sister and allowing her to continue to wreak havoc in my family was not what God called me to do. My friend actually said "she is frightening!" Because she knew the horrendous trials I was going through. The sharks come swimming around when they smell blood in the water. She was no friend.

She knew something extremely evil that the oldest one did and she was okay with her...as long as it wasn't done to HER. I did not come from a good family.

Some people are very aggressive - and she is - and the more you back off the worse they get. I tried doing the Christian thing but she lied about what she was doing and when I told her how much harm she caused she never once apologized. I knew something was up when she was acting odd; she never contacted me to find out how I was doing but she was texting and contacting my family. That's weird. She waited until my husband and I left town and got my family together to go out to dinner - without us. They sent a photo of her parked with her rear-end in the middle of MY family like the matriarch. A picture is worth a thousand words.

I had to cut her off because she wouldn't control herself. She wasn't being honest about her true motives. When you ask someone to stop contacting your family because they're interfering most people would politely back off. She went crazy and then tried to use her position as Executrix to take money out of my inheritance.

When you've walked with God long enough you can sense the footsteps of the evil one and the people he controls and he was controlling her and the crooked lawyer she hired. Maybe it will give her time to face herself, her motives, and God. I think when we rush to forgive too soon we short-circuit that process of repentance for sin.
This sounds like a personality disorder. They are permanent, cannot be fixed. It's like a hollow emptiness inside, no conscience, and they fill it with something that might have worked once in their childhood. But it is a substitute for the real thing, and doesn't work.

I have an unanswerable question, as to whether someone with a personality disorder can be saved. I've never met one, but perhaps God saves them and makes major changes immediately after they are saved?

Sadly, I think you did the right thing. Even though it hurts.
 

Handyman62

Active member
Jan 10, 2021
141
74
28
Have you never met an unhappy married woman? They aren't in shortage sadly.

I don't think the issue you have with your sister is in anyway related to her not having children. Maybe I'm wrong, I've only read a few posts, I'm just not able to adequately connect the dots.

I haven't read through all the comments so I don't know how much this has been addressed but a common thread is menopause.

I watched as my wife's personality changed when she started going through it. Up to that point we got along great. But then she went from someone I could talk to and joke around with to being offended by almost everything I said including when I complimented her. I was basically blamed for her perceived unhappiness.

It wasn't until after I went through the hell of divorce that I did a little research into menopause and wasn't surprised to read that a lot of 40 something divorces are related to menopause. I think society tends to ignore the negative effects it has on marriages and is happy with blaming men for almost all marital problems.
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
1,524
1,109
113
The majority of married people I know are not really happy; they are either unhappy with their spouse or it could be unrelated to their spouse (meaning, unhappy with themselves or about life in general). Sometimes, it is not because of the spouse. This is not anecdotal, because statistically about half of marriages end in divorce and some of the remaining marrieds are also unhappy. It is possible to love someone but still be unhappy.
 

Dymes

Junior Member
Dec 11, 2016
52
32
18
The single state is an anomaly, and celibacy is an abomination when you look at the results.
An abomination? I wouldn't go that far. The most important man in history was single. Paul says it's good to be single. Ive found nothing in the Bible that suggest singleness is bad. The word abomination is used for things God hate. Celibacy is not one of those things.
 

Dude653

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2011
9,533
582
113
An abomination? I wouldn't go that far. The most important man in history was single. Paul says it's good to be single. Ive found nothing in the Bible that suggest singleness is bad. The word abomination is used for things God hate. Celibacy is not one of those things.
Yeah I'm going to need to see a scripture where it says having sex is required
 

Dymes

Junior Member
Dec 11, 2016
52
32
18
The women in those links are Born again Christians? they don't sound like they are... because without God in our lives it is indeed a miserable life...

I am 42 going to 43... I love kids because I came from a big family of 11... there were men who were willing to impregnate me when I was younger if I wanted it...and even right now...but I believe that that is not right and God will not approve it...I tried to adopt a few years back but it didn't happen, the first parent gave the baby to other people because I can't decide fast...but the couple who took the baby gave back the baby again to the true mother after a month or more (not sure) and the parents decided to raise the baby ... The second one the father changed his mind and decided not to continue to put their baby for adoption...I gave up because in my mind maybe God has other plans for me...I am still hoping to get married at the age of 44 and have one child yeah it is quite risky according to Science but God can do miracles I believe that 😇 My friend a Christian also got married in her 40's and got pregnant when she was 44 😊 to a healthy baby 😊


My sister the other day pushing me to get married she said I can still have a child...my answer to her is the Lord knows what's best for me... I have waited for 42 years for God to bless me a mate and a family and I'm going to ruin it because people think that I got no time anymore? Lol I know and I am very aware that I am not young anymore and in the eyes of the world my womb is closing up already 😅 but I think I understand that because the world won't understand God's perfect timing...I do... And I trust Him...


And Maybe I am still single next year... I don't know...but still,my answer won't change I will wait on the Lord 😊
Waiting sounds good when you expect to get what you desire. But if you find yourself at the end of your life alone, will waiting still be worth it? Will you be content if God doesn't give you a husband?
 

Dymes

Junior Member
Dec 11, 2016
52
32
18
Yeah I'm going to need to see a scripture where it says having sex is required
Huh? Apparently I've misunderstood you. I didn't imply that sex was required for anything.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,459
2,639
113
As a married woman way passed 40, I think there are few guarantees for happiness, except walking with Christ. And we still suffer & endure even walking close to him.

When I was young, my friends & I all became feminists. That means we went and got University educations and good careers. But we also all got married and had children. With my 4 children I was a real throw back. I regret I didn't have more.

I kept my teaching career going, although we moved during a recession, I could not get hired, and ended up staying home with my toddlers, which was perfect. I got on part time, but I never worked full time till they were all in school. I lasted 1 year, and my body broke. Probably playing in a large church orchestra, being on the executive of minor hockey, and figure skating, off season hockey, music lessons, and being in charge of every household job except dishes, and changing the oil on our 2 cars was a bit too hard on me.

The reason I never became bitter, even after getting severe Rheumatoid Arthritis at 44? I did what I wanted. I was happily married, I adored my kids, and although I did want to go to seminary, as God called me, God opened that door in my early 50's.

I studied music. Languages in my 50s& 60s. I've just started studying Ukrainian. I would like to exercise more, but I can't seem to find a med to help me get my RA under control.

I totally backed my husband in his building & car projects and our sailboat. I made a way for my kids to pursue their goals and dreams. But I didn't give up my dreams and interests either.
Having a lot of children enriched my life. I feel sorry for woman who think having a child will wreck their life. One close friend of mine married late, only had one child. I heard her answering someone about whether a child had dampened her career, and her answer was she wished she'd had 5 more.

Of course. I did and still am loving life. I try to let God direct my life. But being Type A, I have pushed myself too hard.

My mom is 91 & she is one of the most bitter people I know. She really has no health issues. She married & had 3 kids. But she was the top student in her high school, and put my father through university, where he became a professor. They had lots of money, she could have gone back to school. But she wanted to be a kept woman and play golf all day. She hated my dad relating all his stories about his accomplishments. She was jealous. Other than being women's Club Champion for golf, she didn't accomplish much and her 3 children were pretty screwed up. If God had not saved me and straighted me out, I can't imagine the mess my life would have been.

Women need to find fulfillment, too! Some women enjoy crafts and quilting and that is enough. That's great! But being a wife and mother is not enough, when kids start leaving home in their 40's and your husband becomes career driven it doesn't fulfill like it used to!

I don't believe marriage and children is the full answer for many women. They need to have life interests. If their husband and children suddenly died, a woman would have nothing left.

There was a time when being a wife and mother was a full time career, at least till the children stopped coming! But these days, it is not really a full time job. All women need to enrich their lives, esp as the children become more independent. I wept bitterly when my youngest went off to university. I was 54. But then, I picked up following my interests, which included seminary by then.

I just can't buy into the barefoot pregnant wife thing. If single. childless women are bitter, not much different than my mom, who didn't need to work for money, but she sure needed to work for her mental health.

Just some of my experiences.
 

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
May 13, 2021
871
491
63
As a married woman way passed 40, I think there are few guarantees for happiness, except walking with Christ. And we still suffer & endure even walking close to him.

When I was young, my friends & I all became feminists. That means we went and got University educations and good careers. But we also all got married and had children. With my 4 children I was a real throw back. I regret I didn't have more.

I kept my teaching career going, although we moved during a recession, I could not get hired, and ended up staying home with my toddlers, which was perfect. I got on part time, but I never worked full time till they were all in school. I lasted 1 year, and my body broke. Probably playing in a large church orchestra, being on the executive of minor hockey, and figure skating, off season hockey, music lessons, and being in charge of every household job except dishes, and changing the oil on our 2 cars was a bit too hard on me.

The reason I never became bitter, even after getting severe Rheumatoid Arthritis at 44? I did what I wanted. I was happily married, I adored my kids, and although I did want to go to seminary, as God called me, God opened that door in my early 50's.

I studied music. Languages in my 50s& 60s. I've just started studying Ukrainian. I would like to exercise more, but I can't seem to find a med to help me get my RA under control.

I totally backed my husband in his building & car projects and our sailboat. I made a way for my kids to pursue their goals and dreams. But I didn't give up my dreams and interests either.
Having a lot of children enriched my life. I feel sorry for woman who think having a child will wreck their life. One close friend of mine married late, only had one child. I heard her answering someone about whether a child had dampened her career, and her answer was she wished she'd had 5 more.

Of course. I did and still am loving life. I try to let God direct my life. But being Type A, I have pushed myself too hard.

My mom is 91 & she is one of the most bitter people I know. She really has no health issues. She married & had 3 kids. But she was the top student in her high school, and put my father through university, where he became a professor. They had lots of money, she could have gone back to school. But she wanted to be a kept woman and play golf all day. She hated my dad relating all his stories about his accomplishments. She was jealous. Other than being women's Club Champion for golf, she didn't accomplish much and her 3 children were pretty screwed up. If God had not saved me and straighted me out, I can't imagine the mess my life would have been.

Women need to find fulfillment, too! Some women enjoy crafts and quilting and that is enough. That's great! But being a wife and mother is not enough, when kids start leaving home in their 40's and your husband becomes career driven it doesn't fulfill like it used to!

I don't believe marriage and children is the full answer for many women. They need to have life interests. If their husband and children suddenly died, a woman would have nothing left.

There was a time when being a wife and mother was a full time career, at least till the children stopped coming! But these days, it is not really a full time job. All women need to enrich their lives, esp as the children become more independent. I wept bitterly when my youngest went off to university. I was 54. But then, I picked up following my interests, which included seminary by then.

I just can't buy into the barefoot pregnant wife thing. If single. childless women are bitter, not much different than my mom, who didn't need to work for money, but she sure needed to work for her mental health.

Just some of my experiences.
You need to consider a blog/book. Or a YouTube video sharing your life experiences
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
1,445
809
113
Child envy...oh yeah...
I get that. I have one son by a previous marriage and my current wife can't have any. (But I really wish we could) my wife loves my son wholeheartedly.

As it is I play "grandpa" to a lot of kids of the couples in my Sunday School class... taking them fishing and playing Santa at Christmas. My wife is right there with me... loving every minute of it.
We have nieces that we practically mother...the WHOLE family feels a right to parent them. My Sister-in-law is similar in age to my son...she gets parented too. My Father-in-law winking at me when I tell her something that she needs to hear.

I'm not a parent to these kids...nor is my wife. She really wants one...but it just isn't in the cards. She isn't bitter about it too often...we have our lot in life and we choose to view it as a freedom that others don't have.

We choose to love everyone. (Including siblings and their kids) Love is a choice. Yes, we feel robbed in a lot of ways. But that has no bearing on our choice to love. It's not the same as having our own...but life is what you make of it. Same with the community we live in. And we don't need to put others down to make ourselves stand taller.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
16,218
7,995
113
An abomination? I wouldn't go that far. The most important man in history was single
At the time he was writing Paul was single. But since the general practice for Hebrews was marriage at a relatively young age, it is more than likely that Paul was a widower. Regardless, he called the demand for celibacy (as required in the RCC) a doctrine of devils (demons). So, yes it is an abomination, and the results are there for all to see.
 

Dymes

Junior Member
Dec 11, 2016
52
32
18
At the time he was writing Paul was single. But since the general practice for Hebrews was marriage at a relatively young age, it is more than likely that Paul was a widower. Regardless, he called the demand for celibacy (as required in the RCC) a doctrine of devils (demons). So, yes it is an abomination, and the results are there for all to see.
1st off what is the RCC?
 
G

Gina3111_marriedToGod

Guest
I hope that this post does not offend anyone who has chosen to be childless. I had an experience where my sister chose to be childless and I made the mistake of sharing my children's phone numbers with her. She actually tried to take over my family. It was a battle to get her out of their lives when she began causing trouble. She made the mistake of running me down to one of my children who went back at her when they saw what she was doing. She reminded me of that bird that goes around sitting on any nest of eggs it finds and sits in the nest of another bird's eggs.

It got me thinking about the number of young women who have chosen a career over a family. I looked it up and was shocked that psychologists have found great misery in 40 - something's who chose career instead of a family. That describes my sister. I tried to get her to adopt several times but she refused. I don't know why. I think she was in denial about it.

Has anyone else encountered these women or this type of situation?

https://vigilantcitizenforums.com/threads/feminist-lies-that-are-making-women-miserable.8578/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/...atable-reason-career-women-end-childless.html

https://www.returnofkings.com/116603/20-reasons-why-modern-women-are-so-unstable-and-miserable
As a woman over 40 that’s childless, I will say my number one feeling is usually a sense of freedom! I never feel misery, but sometimes I question myself as a woman and Christian, since I’ve reached this age without having had a baby. I honestly prefer raising cats over human kids at this point. I also really prefer my freedom.

As for your family member, it sounds like she has other issues. Why don’t you share with her lovingly how her behavior makes you feel.