The River Out of the Land of Darkness

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ChrisTillinen

Active member
Sep 16, 2022
314
170
43
#1
One lantern with its faintest flutter
veils darkness with its shimmer.
Your worries form a quiet mutter,
fearing it's turning dimmer.

It's not an easy path you've chosen,
learning to trust the quiet pledge.
Through valleys unknown dark and frozen,
yearning to see the river's edge.

It is still darkness you keep sensing,
but beyond it reaches your longing.
Not knowing when it's all commencing,
you thirst to find yourself belonging.

Move through a wilderness so stark
with thorns and thistles skirting path.
Ship's crosstree invites to embark,
to sail outside this place of wrath.
 

ebdesroches

Well-known member
Aug 20, 2022
962
490
63
75
#2
One lantern with its faintest flutter
veils darkness with its shimmer.
Your worries form a quiet mutter,
fearing it's turning dimmer.

It's not an easy path you've chosen,
learning to trust the quiet pledge.
Through valleys unknown dark and frozen,
yearning to see the river's edge.

It is still darkness you keep sensing,
but beyond it reaches your longing.
Not knowing when it's all commencing,
you thirst to find yourself belonging.

Move through a wilderness so stark
with thorns and thistles skirting path.
Ship's crosstree invites to embark,
to sail outside this place of wrath.
Very thoughtful and artistic!
 

ChrisTillinen

Active member
Sep 16, 2022
314
170
43
#4
Of course the message comes through like a picture!
Thank you for your feedback. I'm still quite new to writing poetry, so I really appreciate your opinion as it may help to calibrate my own. (Which is why I also welcome criticism.)
 

ebdesroches

Well-known member
Aug 20, 2022
962
490
63
75
#5
Thank you for your feedback. I'm still quite new to writing poetry, so I really appreciate your opinion as it may help to calibrate my own. (Which is why I also welcome criticism.)
Definitely more subtle (that’s not bad) i had to read twice, but well worth it!
 

ebdesroches

Well-known member
Aug 20, 2022
962
490
63
75
#7
Liked veiling the darkness with light
Liked the ship image the cross
all good
 

ebdesroches

Well-known member
Aug 20, 2022
962
490
63
75
#8
If you said you wrote poetry for yearsi would believe you
 

ebdesroches

Well-known member
Aug 20, 2022
962
490
63
75
#9
Yes very good, reading it again!

More please!
 

ChrisTillinen

Active member
Sep 16, 2022
314
170
43
#10
Yes very good, reading it again!

More please!
I already posted another one. It just has to be approved by the mods. I hope you like that one too (but again, please be honest if you don't). :)
 

ebdesroches

Well-known member
Aug 20, 2022
962
490
63
75
#11
I already posted another one. It just has to be approved by the mods. I hope you like that one too (but again, please be honest if you don't). :)
Sure. Quiet thoughtful verses that have impact.
 

ebdesroches

Well-known member
Aug 20, 2022
962
490
63
75
#12
The poems i write usually are expressing my relationship to Him, direct love for Him, or feelings of Him loving me so much!

Your feelings are implied but for sure there.
 

ebdesroches

Well-known member
Aug 20, 2022
962
490
63
75
#13
Looking forward to reading your next poem