A Financial Faux Pas or a Fiend -- Who Should Have Paid for What on This Date?

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,301
5,828
113
#21
oh the dreaded potluck
the non bakers are always going to be showed up by the master bakers

unless people are happy to accept that some are just not very good at baking and some are total pros at it and can feed everyone.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,301
5,828
113
#22
with group dinners everyone pays set amounts usually its all you can eat
or indivudual orders
I think a table of more than six is too large. The tables should be split then. It depends on what type of restuarant you go to and what type of service they are offering.

Organisations doing a dinner or lunch, if they want people to gather, need to be prepared to host and pay for the entire meal. its actually quite rude to tell a guest to pay for what they eat at a party. People just wont go if its like that. Because not everyone will be able to afford a this. When you the host...you host.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,301
5,828
113
#23
People wont go to communion if they are told well you need to pay 50 cents for the hunk of bread and 50 cents for the sip of wine.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
20,838
6,190
113
#24
oh the dreaded potluck
the non bakers are always going to be showed up by the master bakers

unless people are happy to accept that some are just not very good at baking and some are total pros at it and can feed everyone.
Pfft! You've never tried my uncle Fred's chili. He can't bake at all, but I'd take his chili over a cake or pie any day.
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
2,088
786
113
Mesa, AZ
#25
Hey Everyone,

I was reading a financial advice column in which a female reader presented this scenario:

She went on a first date with a guy, and they had agreed to split the check. But while they both had similarly-priced meals, he also ordered $40 worth of drinks for himself. And when the check came he only paid half, without offering to pay any extra or even for the full tip, even though the majority of the expense was his.

Now please note that I am NOT trying to make this a gender issue at all. It could have easily been reversed, with the woman expecting the man to pay more for the bill.

But I could easily relate to this and I would guess that many people here have been through the same thing.

Several years ago, the daughter of a prominent couple at church had just moved back into the area, and I told her I'd like to take her to lunch sometime as a welcome back. (I am also a gal, so obviously it was just a friend getting together with a friend and not a date.) We went to some kind of Applebee's-type restaurant, and when I told her I would pay, a similar thing happened -- along with her lunch, she started ordering drinks (at around $10 a piece.) She started with one, then ordered another when the food came, and when she started to order her third, I told her that I'd pay for her lunch and the first two but the rest of her drinks were on her. Like the girl in the advice column, I usually drink tap water -- that's not a judgment, that's just saying, if I offer to pay for someone's meal, I'm not figuring in 3 rounds of drinks along with it.

So the issue I am presenting here is NOT about gender, and it's NOT about alcohol (which is of course a whole other topic,) but rather, the issue is about someone trying to take financial advantage of you.

The scenario doesn't have to involve alcohol at all -- what if the other person ordered $50 worth of food and you order $20, and they expect you to split it down the middle? Or how about if you go out with family and they expect you to pay an even portion of the bill, even though your order cost less than what they want you to pay?

What have you done in these kinds of situations, or how would you handle it if you were?
He sounds like a socialist.

I think a better agreement would have been to just pay their own way. That being said, he sounds inconsiderate and rude. I would have agreed to split the meal up to the point of all those excessive drinks. Those I would have paid for myself.
 

stilllearning

Active member
Oct 4, 2021
347
208
43
#26
Hey Everyone,

I was reading a financial advice column in which a female reader presented this scenario:

She went on a first date with a guy, and they had agreed to split the check. But while they both had similarly-priced meals, he also ordered $40 worth of drinks for himself. And when the check came he only paid half, without offering to pay any extra or even for the full tip, even though the majority of the expense was his.

In case anyone was wondering, in this first scenario, the woman was asking for advice because she actually thought the guy was really great and wanted to see him again, but of course, didn't want to wind up in this situation again..
I have been out with a bud and we have agreed to split it. Thing is you can get to having a great time you don't pay attention to what is being ordered. I believe this is what may be the case here cause she said she liked him and wants to see him again. That would indicate the first date was a success. Which would indicate as a male he did stuff right. Which would mean he was paying attention to her and was present in their convos. So there is a argument to be made that he was not paying attention to who was ordering what. He was paying attention to their convo and the chemistry they were feeling between them.

So the best course of action for her would be to bring it up to him. As it seems being made to feel like she was taking advantage of is what bothers her. So bring it up, it could be a case as he was not paying attention and that would relieve her. Then it also gives her a chance to see what kind of guy he is and does she want to go further. Will he he offer to reimburse her for the additional outlay? Or how does he react to her brining it up.

She will just have accurate data to act on instead of just having a nagging emotional feeling she was taken advantage of. Also is a bonus of just dealing with a problem so early. In any relationship problems will arise the sooner you deal with it the better to let something fester just gives way to other negative emotional feelings.
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
2,088
786
113
Mesa, AZ
#27
Someone who clearly takes advantage of another person is all I need to know about their character, and, no matter what they might profess about their faith, is someone I will either completely distance myself from, or at least be very cautious around.
Is this the approach you've taken toward the friend you treated to lunch?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,301
5,828
113
#28
$40 worth of drinks is a lot
say it was $8 a glass, thats still 5 drinks if he drank it all himself
which is a lot for one meal

usually people would only drink one, two or at most three drinks for one meal. Not saying its the lasses fault for not partaking, but what happened did the waiter pour one glass and she didnt touch it and the guy had four?!

Or if it was a bottle, did he expect her to pay half when she wasnt drinking any of it. Usually you share a bottle. This is why BYO.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,118
4,030
113
#29
Is this the approach you've taken toward the friend you treated to lunch?
It's kind of funny... We were more church acquaintances than friends.

She was very much one of the cool girls, and I was not. We were in very different circles. In fact, an old boyfriend of hers came up to her while we were eating and the two of them got lost in their own little world. Lol... Most of us singles know what it's like to be a professional third wheel. 🎡

And we never went out again or even really spoke after that.

Not out of animosity, but we just didn't have anything in common. I was friends with her mother and it was one of those things where you're trying to extend hospitality for someone else's sake, but you don't wind up becoming friends with the other person.
 

RodB651

Active member
Feb 11, 2021
265
180
43
#30
Hey Everyone,

I was reading a financial advice column in which a female reader presented this scenario:

She went on a first date with a guy, and they had agreed to split the check. But while they both had similarly-priced meals, he also ordered $40 worth of drinks for himself. And when the check came he only paid half, without offering to pay any extra or even for the full tip, even though the majority of the expense was his.

Now please note that I am NOT trying to make this a gender issue at all. It could have easily been reversed, with the woman expecting the man to pay more for the bill.

But I could easily relate to this and I would guess that many people here have been through the same thing.

Several years ago, the daughter of a prominent couple at church had just moved back into the area, and I told her I'd like to take her to lunch sometime as a welcome back. (I am also a gal, so obviously it was just a friend getting together with a friend and not a date.) We went to some kind of Applebee's-type restaurant, and when I told her I would pay, a similar thing happened -- along with her lunch, she started ordering drinks (at around $10 a piece.) She started with one, then ordered another when the food came, and when she started to order her third, I told her that I'd pay for her lunch and the first two but the rest of her drinks were on her. Like the girl in the advice column, I usually drink tap water -- that's not a judgment, that's just saying, if I offer to pay for someone's meal, I'm not figuring in 3 rounds of drinks along with it.

So the issue I am presenting here is NOT about gender, and it's NOT about alcohol (which is of course a whole other topic,) but rather, the issue is about someone trying to take financial advantage of you.

The scenario doesn't have to involve alcohol at all -- what if the other person ordered $50 worth of food and you order $20, and they expect you to split it down the middle? Or how about if you go out with family and they expect you to pay an even portion of the bill, even though your order cost less than what they want you to pay?

What have you done in these kinds of situations, or how would you handle it if you were?
In a non dating situation...
If I offered to pay for dinner, I would pay for dinner. But if you knew that and started ordering drinks, sides, and desserts, well knowing me I would probably pay for it anyway. It would be a long time before I did that again. I would remember that the next time we got together... If we got together again.

In a dating situation...
I would insist on paying for it anyway, unless she insisted on paying for her own. It's a small investment in getting to know someone.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
20,838
6,190
113
#31
$40 worth of drinks is a lot
say it was $8 a glass, thats still 5 drinks if he drank it all himself
which is a lot for one meal

usually people would only drink one, two or at most three drinks for one meal. Not saying its the lasses fault for not partaking, but what happened did the waiter pour one glass and she didnt touch it and the guy had four?!

Or if it was a bottle, did he expect her to pay half when she wasnt drinking any of it. Usually you share a bottle. This is why BYO.
*Lynx hiccups and goes off to curl up on his perch and sleep it off.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,301
5,828
113
#32
if someone is poor its going to be awkward when the time comes to pay the bill and the poor person doesnt have enough cash because they werent expecting the split bill to be so much because you ate the bigger portion and didnt even actually share your meal. (in some restuarants its all separate dishes)

Your date will then need to stay behind to do the dishes...so awks.

thats why when dating is shown on tv on those bachelor shows its so unrealistic because whos footing the bill, its not the couple. Its the tv production company. Not everyone has an expense account, unless you are eating out on the companies dime. In that case why would you agree to split the bill?

A far better way to approach dating is first date, the person who asked pays, the second date, the other person pays or decides what to do.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,301
5,828
113
#33
in chinese restaurants its not itemised like who ate what, unlike european restaurants where everything is served up on one huge plate for each person.

This is who you can have a banquet with a 12 course meal all shared and enjoy it without stressing over who ate what noodle cos is one bill per table.

so maybe eitquette for european style restaurants is go dutch, most restauranters are happy to ask who had what and what each diner is willing to pay for.

Anyway..sorry for posting so much its just I like food and I think ppl should appreciate it but also know that a lot goes into it and hospitality is expected in a good restaurant. Some Resturants do make their money from selling overpriced drinks though. So watch for that. If drinks are included, it will so but most have seperate drinks menus. Dont feel pressured to drink alcohol if its not your thing. and for men, dont they realise that women tend to be more careful about drinking cos maybe they know that it affects not just them but any unborn child?!
People can get carried away and then expect the other person to stay sober so they can drive them home. Thats just rude. lol

The drinking culture in nz is pretty bad I must say its a bit of a minefield as far as dating goes. If most of the bill is spent on drinks then what was the point of going to a restaurant. Go to a pub or bar. The last thing you want to do on a first date really is be alone with a boozer.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
3,121
2,512
113
#35
This is the issue you can face when going into such situations with people you don't know well. It's part of the risk you take. I've never been a fan of splitting checks, you buy yours, I'll buy mine. Or sometimes if someone was wanting to be nice they'd offer to pay After the check came. That way they couldn't be taken advantage of.

Or in the case of me and my best friend (as a teen) we mostly swapped turns paying for meals. We didn't really keep track of what we each spent. And we didn't take advantage of each other. It worked out well since we trusted each other (and had built trust).

If you're not with someone you know don't know you can trust, either don't put yourself in that situation or don't complain if you choose to and get taken advantage of.

I wonder if that guy in the first scenario wasn't interested in her, so ordered so much extra knowing she'd have to pay, just to run her off.
Or perhaps a test of Her to see how much he can get away with and keep her around.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,197
2,221
113
#37
I can't see me ever agreeing to split a check 50/50 for just two people. It's just too easy to get separate checks or calculate what each person got and so what they owe. So either one of us is paying for everything or else we're each paying for our own. No other arrangement makes much sense to me.

Pulling out a little broader, generally if I feel like I'm being taken avantage of (especially routinely) then the opportunities to do so will be less and less and such people might find that I'm taking them to buffets or fast food to limit my risk on the rare occasion that I'm willing to take them out. Or maybe if it's someone I like well enough but person has money management issues; I'll just cook and they won't get much choice in what they eat.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
3,279
1,459
113
#38
I forgot how tight budgets are for single people....

If your on a tight budget...do not go out for food. Go for coffee or ice cream near a park....much more affordable and limits the financial pain.

It's all about talking and getting to know the other person anyway. And people don't talk with their mouth full anyway. If they do you don't want to date them anymore. Nor does a date look attractive with food getting shoveled into their mouth.

If you must have food on a date (because you can't think of anything else to do) then do it in the park as a picnic.
Some have BBQ grills and others will at least have tables. But it's a lot better financially and less noisy.
If there is water nearby I can go fishing...:D

So even if the date is a bust maybe I can catch a fish.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
20,838
6,190
113
#39
I forgot how tight budgets are for single people....

If your on a tight budget...do not go out for food. Go for coffee or ice cream near a park....much more affordable and limits the financial pain.

It's all about talking and getting to know the other person anyway. And people don't talk with their mouth full anyway. If they do you don't want to date them anymore. Nor does a date look attractive with food getting shoveled into their mouth.

If you must have food on a date (because you can't think of anything else to do) then do it in the park as a picnic.
Some have BBQ grills and others will at least have tables. But it's a lot better financially and less noisy.
If there is water nearby I can go fishing...:D

So even if the date is a bust maybe I can catch a fish.
Hmm... Trying to drum up business for the coffee shop, are we? =^.^=

Some aspects of a person's character can only be seen at a restaurant, when the waiter is frazzled or the food is not exactly what a person wanted. And those aspects I want to know on the first date, not when I've already invested a month or two into this relationship.
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
3,447
1,878
113
#40
Hey Everyone,

I was reading a financial advice column in which a female reader presented this scenario:

She went on a first date with a guy, and they had agreed to split the check. But while they both had similarly-priced meals, he also ordered $40 worth of drinks for himself. And when the check came he only paid half, without offering to pay any extra or even for the full tip, even though the majority of the expense was his.

Now please note that I am NOT trying to make this a gender issue at all. It could have easily been reversed, with the woman expecting the man to pay more for the bill.

But I could easily relate to this and I would guess that many people here have been through the same thing.

Several years ago, the daughter of a prominent couple at church had just moved back into the area, and I told her I'd like to take her to lunch sometime as a welcome back. (I am also a gal, so obviously it was just a friend getting together with a friend and not a date.) We went to some kind of Applebee's-type restaurant, and when I told her I would pay, a similar thing happened -- along with her lunch, she started ordering drinks (at around $10 a piece.) She started with one, then ordered another when the food came, and when she started to order her third, I told her that I'd pay for her lunch and the first two but the rest of her drinks were on her. Like the girl in the advice column, I usually drink tap water -- that's not a judgment, that's just saying, if I offer to pay for someone's meal, I'm not figuring in 3 rounds of drinks along with it.

So the issue I am presenting here is NOT about gender, and it's NOT about alcohol (which is of course a whole other topic,) but rather, the issue is about someone trying to take financial advantage of you.

The scenario doesn't have to involve alcohol at all -- what if the other person ordered $50 worth of food and you order $20, and they expect you to split it down the middle? Or how about if you go out with family and they expect you to pay an even portion of the bill, even though your order cost less than what they want you to pay?

What have you done in these kinds of situations, or how would you handle it if you were?
That's the moment you reach for your wallet, pretend it's not there, and go - "Ahhhh, you might need to pay for this one. I will pay next time." Next time, obviously, you only bring as much cash as they spent this time, and make it quite clear first up that's all you have.

In the case you mentioned, the guy sounds like an alcoholic. That's a lot of drinking to do while the other sits dry or drinks only water.