A fish may love a bird...

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Ancilla

Guest
#1
but where would they live?

That's a quote (if I remember it correctly) from Fiddler on the Roof.

I wrote the following on the long distance relationship thread, but no one answered my question:

Am I right that when I was doing internet dating and I was contacted by a guy who lives far away that he's thinking that if we hit it off on-line (and visits) and a relocation is in order that chances are the guy is thinking that it's more likely that I'll move to him than he'll move to me simply because he's the guy and I'm the girl? Or, to put it another way, when I was contacted by a guy who lived far away, I assume this is what was going through his head "Maybe she'll fall in love with me solely based on e-mails and the occasional visit, and then she'll quit her job where she's worked so hard to get to where she is, uproot her life where God has planted her, and move to wherever I live just so she can be near me." Am I wrong to assume that's what he's probably thinking? Or if he's not from Canada he assumes that I'll jump at the chance to get married even if it's from a guy I don't know on the other side of the world who hardly speaks English. It's difficult to be close friends with me if one isn't really good at English because I talk really, really fast. And when I'm tired my accent gets thick. I was at a friend's house late at night once and her cousin was there from Scotland and by 11:30 at night he said he couldn't hardly understand me because of my accent. I don't know. Either way I get offended when guys contact me from far away wanting a relationship. Am I wrong to feel that way? Am I being too cynical?

Basically, my question is, do you, gentlemen, think I am right in thinking that when a guy contacts a girl on-line for dating, let's say she lives in the same country but really far away, does he assume that if it works out that she's more likely to move to him than he is to her just by virtue of him being male or making more money? I mean, I think in sociology we learned that couples are more likely to move for a husband's job than a wife's job. I would be willing to move if I was married and my husband's job required it and there was no way of getting around it (that's how my parents ended up out west). BUT, I would never move for a guy that I was not already married to.

And I also want to bring up the topic of international relationships. I've said before that I think there a bad idea. The only way I'd ever be open to an international relationship is if they guy already had the approval of my parents. I mean, I get that it's very romantic (or at least some people think so) to give up one's life in whatever country they live in and move to another country to be with the one they love. A friend of mine did that, and it's really hard. It's hard because he knows the language and the culture and she doesn't. It's hard being in a different country where everything's different and she would do anything for a bowl of Corn Flakes but she can't get them there.

I'd suggest that if someone from another county wants to get into a relationship with you, I suggest you tell them to first move to your country and try living there for at least a year. After my ex-boyfriend was in Canada for 6 months it really started to get on his nerves and he wasn't so sure he'd want to live there for the rest of his life. So, after someone has applied to be a permanent resident, then you guys can start to get personal, but I wouldn't recommend doing it before.
 

Sharp

Senior Member
May 5, 2009
2,565
19
38
#2
I think the person who initiates the contact has to be willing to relocate in the event of a successful courtship. Its unreasonable to initiate a relationship with someone in another city, state or country and to expect that your charm, attractiveness, better job, living conditions, climate or anything else will be sufficient to lure that person away from the life they know to be at your beck and call.
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#3
any and ALL relationships are bad....... they never work out
 

Sharp

Senior Member
May 5, 2009
2,565
19
38
#4
You probably just haven't met the right girl yet Sam.

I'm sure there's a nice young lass out there somewhere looking for you. Good luck dude.
 
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SamIam

Guest
#5
lol sharp. see eharmony thread. Thats how much "luck" i have in these matters
 
M

miteyquinn

Guest
#6
We dont need "luck" we need hope, faith and love!not in our wordly things or in our plans for the future- but in heavenly things, God and HIS plan for our future!Although its hard to believe and hard o hold on to- God know's what He's doing- ive been reminded of this a lot recently!
 
C

christiancollegegirl

Guest
#7
'A fish may love a bird, but where would they live?'

I think I heard that line in Ever After with Drew Barrymore.
 
A

Ancilla

Guest
#8
'A fish may love a bird, but where would they live?'

I think I heard that line in Ever After with Drew Barrymore.
I think you're right. And then deVinci says he'll have to make her wings. You know I think the prince in that movie in real life had a well known affair with a woman 20 years older than his wife!!!! We went to his house in France. The wallpaper had this emblem with an H for Henry, then a C overtop of the H for Catherine, his wife. Then, to make it symetrical, there was a backwards C but this made a D for Diane, his mistress. This was apparently no accident.
 
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SamIam

Guest
#9
I think you're right. And then deVinci says he'll have to make her wings. You know I think the prince in that movie in real life had a well known affair with a woman 20 years older than his wife!!!! We went to his house in France. The wallpaper had this emblem with an H for Henry, then a C overtop of the H for Catherine, his wife. Then, to make it symetrical, there was a backwards C but this made a D for Diane, his mistress. This was apparently no accident.

men..... at some time or another.... most if not all of them have affairs....
 
D

dovey

Guest
#10
pray about it...let God decide.
 
L

Leilaii425

Guest
#11
Yes ancilla, a fish MAY love a bird, but in the end the bird eats the fish.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#12
For myself I can only say that if I had an online relationship develop I would not be assusming the woman would eventually come to me, whether I had initiated contact or not, it would only be a healthy relationship if neither person was thinking that way.
I would more likely be inclined to have us both move to somewhere new that we were both happy with and begin again together as a couple and start a whole new life, but if we were both settled in our current locations I would look at it in a practical sense and if it was more logical for me to move then I would and I would hope she would see it the same way.

I don't think international relationships are a bad idea, but both people need to be aware of how much hardship is going to be involved and really be dedicated to making it work, I don't think it's particularly romantic but if I fell in love with someone who lived in another country it would not stop me from pursuing it no matter how hard it might be, but I would have to be absolutely certain my feelings we genuine because a relationship like that would require a strong commitment during the early stages.

I'd suggest that if someone from another county wants to get into a relationship with you, I suggest you tell them to first move to your country and try living there for at least a year. After my ex-boyfriend was in Canada for 6 months it really started to get on his nerves and he wasn't so sure he'd want to live there for the rest of his life. So, after someone has applied to be a permanent resident, then you guys can start to get personal, but I wouldn't recommend doing it before.
I understand why you say this because the potential problems of moving coutries to be with someone are numerous, but it seems kind of pointless to me, no-one can predict who they are going to become attracted too and so when it happens you just have to make the best of it, you can't possibly expect someone to uproot thier entire life, move to a country and live for a year just to give assurance they can adapt before trying to initiate a relationship.

In my opinion the problems involved in long-distance relationships cannot be offset with precautions, you either accept the added difficulty going into the relationship and commit to make the best of it or you don't go into the relationship at all and just decide that you are not open to them because of those problems.
 

Sharp

Senior Member
May 5, 2009
2,565
19
38
#13
ok why are people bringing back threads from like 1863?
 
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lil-rush

Guest
#14
because I have a thing for Fiddler on the Roof, I just have to say the line is "In other words a bird may love a fish but where would they build a home together?"
 
Jul 23, 2009
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#15
fish and birds are two separate species. We are humans and we can learn to adapt to new circumstances.