Advice for a new divorcée

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Apr 10, 2020
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#1
I was married for 24 years and now I find myself single because my husband cheated on me. Any advice?
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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#2
I was married for 24 years and now I find myself single because my husband cheated on me. Any advice?
I'm sure those who've been through divorces will have some more insightful advice, but I'll pass on the advice that I found most useful during burnout...

Don't do anything stupid
Don't do anything stupid
Don't do anything stupid

it kind of became my mantra and measuring stick for a season and helped me avoid the worst kinds of stupid (though maybe not the daydream of running off and disappearing into the woods where I wouldn't have to deal with people anymore, but at least I didn't do that in practice and then find I forgot to consider a few minor details like food, water, and shelter)

Along with that advice is probably the caveat of give yourself as much time as you can to make any further major life decisions / changes.

Welcome to the singles forum by the way.
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
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#3
The best advice would be don't make any major life changing decisions for at least a year. All too many people try to "move on" too quickly and end up making really bad decisions as a result.
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
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#4
I was married for 24 years and now I find myself single because my husband cheated on me. Any advice?
I am terribly sorry for your pain. I pray the Lord will give you comfort in the knowledge that you are His daughter.
Take some time and connect mire with your Father ABBA. Be blessed sister.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#5
I was married for 24 years and now I find myself single because my husband cheated on me. Any advice?
The worse thing that a man could do would be destroying the marital trust by cheating on his wife. I am sorry about the terrible thing he did to you but please know that you're not alone in this as there are a few others in the same situation.

The best that you can do is to let go and let God and ask for His help in moving forward with your life.

Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
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#6
I was married for 24 years and now I find myself single because my husband cheated on me. Any advice?
Welcome, you are loved and accepted in the Beloved......


For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.
Isaiah 54:5-8 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=Isaiah 54:5-8&version=KJV
 
Apr 10, 2020
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#7
Thank you all so much. It has been hard and I am really lonely. Just not having someone to talk too and someone to love. I am heart broken and lonely which is not a good combination but relying on God!!
 

EternalFire

Active member
Jan 3, 2019
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#8
We weep with you over this heartbreaking loss. May the love of the God of all comfort strengthen you through the healing process.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
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#9
I was married for 24 years and now I find myself single because my husband cheated on me. Any advice?
Avoid all new relationships for at least a few years. It's easy to convince yourself you're ready for something new, when really you're just tired of being alone. Not only do you risk being hurt, but risk hurting someone you may grow to care about.
Therefore focus on recovery, not on being lonely. If you have friends or family you can spend extra time around, then do so. Dwelling on "what you're missing" (which is often romanticized and idealized and not realistic) will only make things more difficult.
But you still want to give yourself time to grieve and cope and to face things. And to let yourself feel emotions. Just not be overcome by them.
Don't rush. It'll happen and you'll feel better. Don't force it, grow into it naturally.
 
Apr 10, 2020
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#10
Avoid all new relationships for at least a few years. It's easy to convince yourself you're ready for something new, when really you're just tired of being alone. Not only do you risk being hurt, but risk hurting someone you may grow to care about.
Therefore focus on recovery, not on being lonely. If you have friends or family you can spend extra time around, then do so. Dwelling on "what you're missing" (which is often romanticized and idealized and not realistic) will only make things more difficult.
But you still want to give yourself time to grieve and cope and to face things. And to let yourself feel emotions. Just not be overcome by them.
Don't rush. It'll happen and you'll feel better. Don't force it, grow into it naturally.
Thank you!!!
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
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#11
Did your ex refuse to change his behavior and work things out with you? Is he unrepentant? Did he try to justify or excuse his actions?

I ask these questions because divorce is not something to be taken lightly.

$0.02
 
Apr 10, 2020
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#12
Did your ex refuse to change his behavior and work things out with you? Is he unrepentant? Did he try to justify or excuse his actions?

I ask these questions because divorce is not something to be taken lightly.

$0.02
No. It’s definitely not something to take lightly. This is the second time he has cheated and I would have been willing to try to work it out but he didn’t want to. I didn’t want the divorce. 😔
 

KhedetOrthos

Active member
Dec 13, 2019
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#13
I was married for 24 years and now I find myself single because my husband cheated on me. Any advice?
The way I approached things after my wife left was to take stock of my own life to see if there was anything that needed to change for me to be better. Can't really ever control what someone else is going to do. I actually made an appointment with the counselor we had been seeing (required for the divorce, she had no interest in making things work) by myself after the divorce to see if I could get a third party input on what I needed to change.

I think the "avoid all new relationships for ___ period of time" is too rigid. Just be aware of what characteristics of the other person may have contributed to this and avoid them.
 
Apr 10, 2020
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#14
The way I approached things after my wife left was to take stock of my own life to see if there was anything that needed to change for me to be better. Can't really ever control what someone else is going to do. I actually made an appointment with the counselor we had been seeing (required for the divorce, she had no interest in making things work) by myself after the divorce to see if I could get a third party input on what I needed to change.

I think the "avoid all new relationships for ___ period of time" is too rigid. Just be aware of what characteristics of the other person may have contributed to this and avoid them.
Thank you for that. I have thought about doing that to understand what I did wrong and how I can fix it. There is two sides to everything. I would like to take responsibility for my side and work on it.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#15
ask others to pray for you during this time.
really sad to hear that. Do you have children? It will be really hard on them.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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#16
Some really good advice already, especially from Subhumanoidal, cinder and Oncefallen.

All I can add is, don't try to find a replacement just for the sake of finding a replacement to fill the hole that was left in your life. If you go out looking for a guy just for the sake of not being alone you will find one, and you'll be miserable ever after. I've seen it happen a LOT, and not one single time have I seen it end well.

Hmm... all the best advice in this thread seems to be saying the same basic thing, "Take it sllloooooooowwwww!"
 

1christian1

Well-known member
Sep 13, 2018
2,290
767
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#17
Some really good advice already, especially from Subhumanoidal, cinder and Oncefallen.

All I can add is, don't try to find a replacement just for the sake of finding a replacement to fill the hole that was left in your life. If you go out looking for a guy just for the sake of not being alone you will find one, and you'll be miserable ever after. I've seen it happen a LOT, and not one single time have I seen it end well.

Hmm... all the best advice in this thread seems to be saying the same basic thing, "Take it sllloooooooowwwww!"
I roll the opposite, I like to play the odds. Gives me something to do and not be lonely. I was that way for many years raising my daughter and I literally forgot how to interact with women. After having a partner for thirty years and being alone for 6, all things being equal, I would rather not be alone in this life.