Am I Invisible or Am I Not Weak Enough

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Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
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#1
When you're a woman in your 40's you're probably set in your ways a lot like a man in his 60's. Maybe I'm alone in thinking that a strong minded, knowledgable, and Godly woman with a good sense of humor would be a great catch...but instead you feel invisible. I'm seriously thinking if you're young and a little ditsy, then you've got it made. Where are the men that really want that equal minded partner? Just wondering.
 
Aug 16, 2016
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#2
You're not invisible I can assure you. There are guys who desire mature strong minded women out there. It's just nowadays many of them feel intimated & can't appreciate an intelligent woman unfortunately.
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,290
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#3
People see you irl. You are either around a crowd who has little perspective or maturity, or around people who are just insecure. It took me a long time to appreciate things about life in general, and people specifically that I did not see when I was younger. Young guys, generally under 40, to use as just a cut off point, still give looks and acting to much credence. They don't generally have the insight and wisdom to understand it can often be a dog and pony show.
Have patience. God will work it out. Or it may never happen. But it probably will, just not in your time, but His. Sounds like you've been patient for a while already though.
But you already know, better to wait "x" number of years for the guy who will mine all your wonderful qualities then switch up to join the rat race.
Remember Ruth !!
 
G

GODisLOVE7

Guest
#4
When you're a woman in your 40's you're probably set in your ways a lot like a man in his 60's. Maybe I'm alone in thinking that a strong minded, knowledgable, and Godly woman with a good sense of humor would be a great catch...but instead you feel invisible. I'm seriously thinking if you're young and a little ditsy, then you've got it made. Where are the men that really want that equal minded partner? Just wondering.
A super cool dude once said, "Invisibility is a super power"...

Being invisible has been good thing for me. Its kept the riff raff at bay, totally humbled my heart, helped me "get over myself" and took a sledgehammer to this puffed up version of myself.

The less I seek human approval and validation from others and the more I turn to Him for my needs, the deeper intimacy I have with Him. That's what truly matters anyways.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#5
Men and women, BOTH, and of varying ages (from 16 to 60) ask these very same questions. This is not an age or gender issue. It's that we live in a world where true Christians are the vast minority, yet have the belief that finding a mate should be easy. Think that through a little more.
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,199
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#6
As long as you don't push being "strong minded" to the point of overbearing. I know a lady who is very nice and means well, but she has such an air of domination that some people literally are afraid of her. Not like shaking in fear afraid, but they won't tell her things because they know they are going to be told exactly how to handle it, and passively criticized if they express any doubt in her opinion.
 

posthuman

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2013
24,633
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#7
A super cool dude once said, "Invisibility is a super power"...

Being invisible has been good thing for me. Its kept the riff raff at bay, totally humbled my heart, helped me "get over myself" and took a sledgehammer to this puffed up version of myself.

The less I seek human approval and validation from others and the more I turn to Him for my needs, the deeper intimacy I have with Him. That's what truly matters anyways.


like this, in a way

That invisibility to which I refer occurs because of a peculiar disposition of the eyes of those with whom I come in contact. A matter of the construction of their inner eyes, those eyes with which they look through their physical eyes upon reality.

- Ralph Ellison, from The Invisible Man
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#8
You won't be invisible to the right one. The right one who sees you will discover a treasure, and look around in amazement wondering HOW ON EARTH no one else has not already found you.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#9
A lot of people of both genders have been sold a false bill of goods and have been taught to believe things about the opposite gender that just aren't true. Self esteem is a commodity that also seems to be in really short supply, and both genders are overpopulated with members that are simply too shy and too afraid of rejection to even bother approaching someone they are interested in. Tack on to that the way society as a whole is trying to undermine "old fashioned" norms and customs, and you end up with a gigantic mess. Finally, I think that a lot of people (probably the majority) don't have a realistic view of themselves or the type of person they are likely to attract with their personality and attitude.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
7,685
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#10
Best answer. I would add that part of your frustration may have to do with the cultural climate we are in.

As a culture, we've done a real number on the factors that get a couple together and keep them together. Of course men are largely interested in young, ditsy women (and not for marriage). There's a lot less risk involved on multiple levels. You're up a long, long creek.

But here's the thing- prevailing circumstances do not apply to the Christian as much as they do the non-Christian. Being saved by Grace and appointed to the purpose of the Great Commission, we're looking for partners best suited to that purpose. The kind of man you want to marry is more than likely out there, he's just hard to find. You'll have to depend on Providence.

I'm not saying everybody is destined to pair up. Some of us will die alone. But if we must die alone, we will die alone with a purpose and not the distraction of a bad marriage.

Go in peace, sister.



You won't be invisible to the right one. The right one who sees you will discover a treasure, and look around in amazement wondering HOW ON EARTH no one else has not already found you.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
14,027
1,964
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#11
When you're a woman in your 40's you're probably set in your ways a lot like a man in his 60's. Maybe I'm alone in thinking that a strong minded, knowledgable, and Godly woman with a good sense of humor would be a great catch...but instead you feel invisible. I'm seriously thinking if you're young and a little ditsy, then you've got it made. Where are the men that really want that equal minded partner? Just wondering.

Hold on and dont give up. I never dated until my late thirties, married the second guy I dated,in my early forties. There are mature men out there,they're just scarce as hens teeth.
 

Tintin

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2013
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#12
As long as you don't push being "strong minded" to the point of overbearing. I know a lady who is very nice and means well, but she has such an air of domination that some people literally are afraid of her. Not like shaking in fear afraid, but they won't tell her things because they know they are going to be told exactly how to handle it, and passively criticized if they express any doubt in her opinion.
Very good, Emily!
 

Tintin

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2013
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#13
Hold on and dont give up. I never dated until my late thirties, married the second guy I dated,in my early forties. There are mature men out there,they're just scarce as hens teeth.
But hens don't have teeth!


CHRIIISTIAN!
I know, I know. ;)
 
Dec 22, 2016
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0
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#14
When you're a woman in your 40's you're probably set in your ways a lot like a man in his 60's. Maybe I'm alone in thinking that a strong minded, knowledgable, and Godly woman with a good sense of humor would be a great catch...but instead you feel invisible. I'm seriously thinking if you're young and a little ditsy, then you've got it made. Where are the men that really want that equal minded partner? Just wondering.
Wow

Good..
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
8,655
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#16
I'm so glad the OP was talking about relationships.


I thought... ya know... she really thought she was invisible.
 

Tintin

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2013
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#17
Only few men can appreciate an alpha female.


View attachment 164019
Actually, you may find this difficult to believe but there are plenty of women who are told by the world that they don't need a man and that they can be fully independent and that man are basically the devil. This bollocks breeds scary women. Independence is great, but the I don't need a man and hate/dislike them but I want a man mentality makes for a confusing cocktail.
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
3,607
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Philippines Age 39
#18
Actually, you may find this difficult to believe but there are plenty of women who are told by the world that they don't need a man and that they can be fully independent and that man are basically the devil. This bollocks breeds scary women. Independence is great, but the I don't need a man and hate/dislike them but I want a man mentality makes for a confusing cocktail.

Both men and women are brainwashed by the society so you are not the only one who is frustrated. That's why the OP posted this thread to air her frustrations. You think it is easy when men are scared of you when they have no reason to be, or just because she is successful and people think she does not need a man?
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
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#20
When you're a woman in your 40's you're probably set in your ways a lot like a man in his 60's. Maybe I'm alone in thinking that a strong minded, knowledgable, and Godly woman with a good sense of humor would be a great catch...but instead you feel invisible. I'm seriously thinking if you're young and a little ditsy, then you've got it made. Where are the men that really want that equal minded partner? Just wondering.

Scratch "strong minded", it usually means stubborn or set-in your ways. A strong minded woman usually doesn't mesh with an equal minded partner, they inevitably clash. There's no vulnerability between an alpha male and alpha female.. jmo