Are there single Christian girls in Finland ?

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Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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I think you are confusing protective control (which is good) with abusive control (which is bad).

When a husband does not care about her wife, he can either choose not to control her at all (apathy), or to control her in an abusive way (selfishness). Both are equally bad, in my opinion, because in both cases the wife is invisible. Abusive control has the only purpose of satisfying oneself, without caring about the other party. Husband believes wife is a good without mind he has purchased to stimulate his own ego, she is basically a sex doll in his head. If there is a problem of any kind, the problem is only her. Abusive control often involves hypocritical behavior. If he wants attention, he deserves it without doubt. If she wants, something is wrong with her. She cant drink a small cup of beer but he can drink bottles of vodka. She cant go alone to buy food but he can go to clubs every Saturday. And she has to accept and even agree with it. And he justifies his double standards with things like "men are naturally polyamorous" etc. This is the biggest trait of abuse in a marriage (or relationship). The husband treats her wife not like the weaker sex, but like a mere object of pleasure. But often, the problem is misidentified. Many view control itself as the problem, not the way and purpose it is done for. And as such, they fall in the opposite error. She is free to do whatever she wants. She can go on a trip alone to Cuba or Maldives even if her intentions are clear. She can be 6 hours outside home everyday and she does not have to tell what she does during this time. She can go out alone with makeup and an attractive dress even if she does never dress this way for her husband. And at the minimum complaint, you are a misogynyst oppressive macho who wants to put her a burqa. Lets get real, this is nothing good either. Contrary to what it may seem, it actually shows how little you care about your wife, too. The base problem is the same, lack of love for your spouse. What if she gets unexpectedly pregnant and gives birth to a mixed race child ? You cant judge her, she is a free independent woman and she has took a decision herself, is just another way of saying, she is invisible in my eyes and she worths nothing in my life. You have turned an active abuse into a passive abuse. She is not a doll without brain, she is not a goddess without fail. She is an human who can think good and bad. And as such, some control is needed.

Protective control on the other hand occurs when the husband truly cares about her wife as much as himself. He establishes boundaries for both her and himself. He does this because he knows both his wife and himself are imperfect human beings and need to behave with caution. As such, this control is made for the common good and not only for the good of one. And the biggest trait of a protective, love based control is consistency. She cant light a cigarette, but he cant touch one either. She cant masturbate, but he cant be naughty alone either. She cant hide her phone, but his phone must be at her sight as well. Boundaries for her, boundaries for him. In fact, it is not a bad idea to treat her better than you treat yourself in some aspects. For example, when it comes to work roles. Do you know why would I want my wife to stay home calm and not get a job ? Because I want to protect her from the stress of the labor market. She is better at home calmly and lovingly doing the household chores while I charge with the stress and bring the money. A more selfish man would just throw her to the market and let her get a job in order not to find himself in disadvantage. This is how much I would love her. Becoming her second father. I would protect her because I would love and care for her. And protection requires control.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,523
5,058
113
If my sister were still alive, and if she insisted on marrying you, I would burn her face to make her ugly enough to scare people away before I would let her marry such a control freak.

Every woman here would never marry somebody as controlling as you. Every man here would never hear of his sister marrying someone as controlling as you. We have been saying this over and over.

HELLO!!! Is it getting through to your brain yet?
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
1,460
1,271
113
I think you are confusing protective control (which is good) with abusive control (which is bad).

When a husband does not care about her wife, he can either choose not to control her at all (apathy), or to control her in an abusive way (selfishness). Both are equally bad, in my opinion, because in both cases the wife is invisible. Abusive control has the only purpose of satisfying oneself, without caring about the other party. Husband believes wife is a good without mind he has purchased to stimulate his own ego, she is basically a sex doll in his head. If there is a problem of any kind, the problem is only her. Abusive control often involves hypocritical behavior. If he wants attention, he deserves it without doubt. If she wants, something is wrong with her. She cant drink a small cup of beer but he can drink bottles of vodka. She cant go alone to buy food but he can go to clubs every Saturday. And she has to accept and even agree with it. And he justifies his double standards with things like "men are naturally polyamorous" etc. This is the biggest trait of abuse in a marriage (or relationship). The husband treats her wife not like the weaker sex, but like a mere object of pleasure. But often, the problem is misidentified. Many view control itself as the problem, not the way and purpose it is done for. And as such, they fall in the opposite error. She is free to do whatever she wants. She can go on a trip alone to Cuba or Maldives even if her intentions are clear. She can be 6 hours outside home everyday and she does not have to tell what she does during this time. She can go out alone with makeup and an attractive dress even if she does never dress this way for her husband. And at the minimum complaint, you are a misogynyst oppressive macho who wants to put her a burqa. Lets get real, this is nothing good either. Contrary to what it may seem, it actually shows how little you care about your wife, too. The base problem is the same, lack of love for your spouse. What if she gets unexpectedly pregnant and gives birth to a mixed race child ? You cant judge her, she is a free independent woman and she has took a decision herself, is just another way of saying, she is invisible in my eyes and she worths nothing in my life. You have turned an active abuse into a passive abuse. She is not a doll without brain, she is not a goddess without fail. She is an human who can think good and bad. And as such, some control is needed.

Protective control on the other hand occurs when the husband truly cares about her wife as much as himself. He establishes boundaries for both her and himself. He does this because he knows both his wife and himself are imperfect human beings and need to behave with caution. As such, this control is made for the common good and not only for the good of one. And the biggest trait of a protective, love based control is consistency. She cant light a cigarette, but he cant touch one either. She cant masturbate, but he cant be naughty alone either. She cant hide her phone, but his phone must be at her sight as well. Boundaries for her, boundaries for him. In fact, it is not a bad idea to treat her better than you treat yourself in some aspects. For example, when it comes to work roles. Do you know why would I want my wife to stay home calm and not get a job ? Because I want to protect her from the stress of the labor market. She is better at home calmly and lovingly doing the household chores while I charge with the stress and bring the money. A more selfish man would just throw her to the market and let her get a job in order not to find himself in disadvantage. This is how much I would love her. Becoming her second father. I would protect her because I would love and care for her. And protection requires control.
You know. having read that...for the the 1st time on my life am Glad I am not a female looking for a Christian man In finland who aged around 29/30 to date...😏😏
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
329
50
28
30
You know. having read that...for the the 1st time on my life am Glad I am not a female looking for a Christian man In finland who aged around 29/30 to date...😏😏
Could you tell me what part ?
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,194
2,385
113
What if she wants to work?

I work outside the home. My husband and I, by the grace of God, are doing fine.

P.S. I don’t need a second father.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
329
50
28
30
What if she wants to work?

I work outside the home. My husband and I, by the grace of God, are doing fine.

P.S. I don’t need a second father.
She would be stupid, because it would be much more stress for her. Losses overcome wins.
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
1,460
1,271
113
If my sister were still alive, and if she insisted on marrying you, I would burn her face to make her ugly enough to scare people away before I would let her marry such a control freak.

Every woman here would never marry somebody as controlling as you. Every man here would never hear of his sister marrying someone as controlling as you. We have been saying this over and over.

HELLO!!! Is it getting through to your brain yet?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣...oh the humorous irony of what what you just said...you would burn her face to make her ugly to scare people away ect before you would let her marry him..
So you would be trying to protect her from someone who claims they would be trying to protect her too..
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,523
5,058
113
Kauko if women are as dumb as you think, and need as much supervision as you think they need, why in the world would you want one of those creatures?

If girls really were that stupid, I would want to avoid them as much as possible.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,413
3,575
113
She would be stupid, because it would be much more stress for her. Losses overcome wins.
Oh sure.

A woman is stupid for wanting to work

And yet you readily admit to regular drunkenness.

Why not channel that extreme need to control others into seeking help in controlling your own issues?

And if you don't want her to work, are you prepared to leave her enough of an inheritance or pension to live on for the rest of her life if you die first without allowing her to develop any means to support herself?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,413
3,575
113
She would be stupid, because it would be much more stress for her. Losses overcome wins.
What if the alcoholism leads you to an early grave?

A husband who leaves his wife with no means to provide for herself after he's gone is only selfishly thinking of everything he can get out of her while he's still alive.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
329
50
28
30
A woman is stupid for wanting to work
Because the labor market is too much stress for a woman. She is better in home calm doing the things of women. Just see how suicides and emotional problems among women have hit a record high the more they entered the world of men. Women who work outside home are much more likely to get depressed, attempt suicide, suffer from addictions and cheat on their husbands than women who stay home. This is because women are weaker and not prepared for so much stress. Accept it. If women were as strong as men, how could you explain that FEMALE sports teams have all MALE coaches ? (I noticed this in olympics LOL)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,413
3,575
113
Could you tell me what part ?
Why are you unable to discern anything for yourself?

Is it drunkenness, laziness, or just plain lack of any kind of adult thinking?
Drunkenness most likely. Alcohol did that to his brain.
One of the reasons I'm going so hard at this OP is because it's so easy to hide serious red flags online, and with so many people meeting others online these days, I think this has been a good exercise in observing some of the warning signs to look out for.

I'm no expert by any means, but time and time again, some of the most prominent warning signs seem to be:

1. Arguing in circles with no sign of logic or reason.
2. Inability or unwillingness to comprehend what's being said to them (while disguising this as an ongoing argument.)
3. Vain repetition of the same points over and over again.

In my time here, I've seen a lot of people's posts exert these symptoms and while it's not an absolute of course, if you follow them long enough, they might eventually give some clues -- some have admitted to alcohol (I'm thinking of one who confessed that he was a crystal meth addict,) others might be needing medication that they refuse to take, can't take, or can't afford, or it might be signs of a health or mental condition that the person has little to no control over.

I'm certainly not saying that such people don't deserve compassion or Christian love.

I'm just saying, it's only fair to know what you're up against. If you're talking to, or interested in someone who is showing these traits, please be careful.

Keep track of what they say, ask questions, and know your limits of what you can and can't handle, and when it's time to walk away.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
329
50
28
30
Why not channel that extreme need to control others into seeking help in controlling your own issues?
I also said this. See my long post about control.
And if you don't want her to work, are you prepared to leave her enough of an inheritance or pension to live on for the rest of her life if you die first without allowing her to develop any means to support herself?
Yes, like a MAN.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,413
3,575
113
Because the labor market is too much stress for a woman. She is better in home calm doing the things of women. Just see how suicides and emotional problems among women have hit a record high the more they entered the world of men. Women who work outside home are much more likely to get depressed, attempt suicide, suffer from addictions and cheat on their husbands than women who stay home. This is because women are weaker and not prepared for so much stress. Accept it. If women were as strong as men, how could you explain that FEMALE sports teams have all MALE coaches ? (I noticed this in olympics LOL)
You have your chauvinistic mind made up, so there's no sense arguing with you.

I'm answering your post because you somehow made it appear that I was the one who said that women were stupid for wanting to work, when it was most definitely your post (#706), and not mine.


She would be stupid, because it would be much more stress for her. Losses overcome wins.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
329
50
28
30
What if the alcoholism leads you to an early grave?
Ok, I will stop it before I find any girl.
A husband who leaves his wife with no means to provide for herself after he's gone is only selfishly thinking of everything he can get out of her while he's still alive.
I want to protect her from this stress.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,194
2,385
113
I wonder how my husband has let me out of his sight and I haven’t gotten pregnant by another man.

I wonder how I’ve managed to have a job outside the home and handle allllll the stress.

Hmm. Maybe because of Jesus.