Been thinking...(Don't mind the smoke)

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Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
485
419
63
#1
When I was married, we did not have a television in our bedroom. (Who wants that in the early days?:p) We moved to a bigger house and still did not have a television in our bedroom. We would often spend time in the evenings playing games in bed. (Hey...we're allowed! :)) But what I mean is we played games like Scrabble, Skip-bo, Boggle, or Rummy or something like that. We would interact with each other. Then as time went on, we decided to get a television for our bedroom. The games stopped. We would spend time next to each other.

This has me wondering what are your thoughts about this type of thing? Another example is when an area gets hit by a storm and a lot of homes are left without power for a day or two. I often hear that nine months later there is a baby boom. Do these people discover they have a spouse or partner to interact with?

And I also think about my grandparents generation. They would get together to be with each other, play games, play and sing music. It seems they used to interact and entertain each other while building relationships.

In the latter years of our marriage, it seems there was something on the television, she was reading or watching something on her Kindle, and I might be reading or playing a game on my tablet during the evening hours that we had to ourselves. Looking back, if I had it to do over again, I think I would push to minimize those things so we could spend the time with each other.

I know for myself, I can waste so much time on things that are not useful or profitable and miss out on the truly important, meaningful and needed things in life.

What do you think?

If you are in a relationship or thinking about getting married or are married, what boundaries, if any will you put on these things?

What did I miss in this?

How do you feel about technology "stealing" your time? Or maybe we willingly give it up for some sort of cheap gratification.

It will be interesting to see what you have to say. Thanks.
 

IFOLLOWHIM

Well-known member
Oct 25, 2019
3,039
1,729
113
#2
Awesome! Sad as well to reflect back on what causes the demise of a relationship!
Communication is my number one key in relationships ( ALL)!
Everybody spends way to much time on entertaining things for themselves instead of being aware of the sea of ppl in our lives.
I have no one now except the Lord and my dog and cat to talk with. Children grow up as do grands and I find I'm not needed as much these days!
A personal relationship is about so much more than being sexually intimate!
It's about being intimate in every aspect of living and loving someone!.
Thank you for your post!.
Blessings to you Krum!
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
485
419
63
#3
Awesome! Sad as well to reflect back on what causes the demise of a relationship!
Communication is my number one key in relationships ( ALL)!
Everybody spends way to much time on entertaining things for themselves instead of being aware of the sea of ppl in our lives.
I have no one now except the Lord and my dog and cat to talk with. Children grow up as do grands and I find I'm not needed as much these days!
A personal relationship is about so much more than being sexually intimate!
It's about being intimate in every aspect of living and loving someone!.

Thank you for your post!.
Blessings to you Krum!
I wish I could have learned this years ago. Why is it that many times we don't realize the value of something till its gone?

I hope and pray I will do better in a future relationship if I get the opportunity.

Thanks for your comments.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
11,963
6,212
113
#4
In the last year of my marriage, she wasn't home much, and sullen/avoidant/angry when she was. In the two years prior to that, we binge-watched the entire Lost series, most of 14 seasons of ER, and a few other things, but when we talked, it was mostly disagreements or outright arguments.

I wouldn't say the TV was causal in the demise of the marriage, but in a future relationship, I think the balance of face-to-face time to side-by-side time should be different.
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
485
419
63
#5
In the last year of my marriage, she wasn't home much, and sullen/avoidant/angry when she was. In the two years prior to that, we binge-watched the entire Lost series, most of 14 seasons of ER, and a few other things, but when we talked, it was mostly disagreements or outright arguments.

I wouldn't say the TV was causal in the demise of the marriage, but in a future relationship, I think the balance of face-to-face time to side-by-side time should be different.
I don't know the specifics, but it seems there are so many things pulling at us from all different directions and we need to constantly be fighting those things off.
But they can be parasitic also and may not even know they were there until it is too late.
Even good things can be a drain. Kids in sports...do we go 800 mph to have all our kids in sports or other activities and not realize that it might be taking a toll on the marriage.
Just a few more thoughts.

Thanks Dino.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
11,963
6,212
113
#6
I don't know the specifics, but it seems there are so many things pulling at us from all different directions and we need to constantly be fighting those things off.
But they can be parasitic also and may not even know they were there until it is too late.
Even good things can be a drain. Kids in sports...do we go 800 mph to have all our kids in sports or other activities and not realize that it might be taking a toll on the marriage.
Just a few more thoughts.

Thanks Dino.
I've heard two different Christian counselors say that churches make marriages into idols, such that they give horrible advice to married persons "to save the marriage". Methinks parents make their kids into idols by sacrificing inordinate amounts of time, effort, and resources just so the kids can win participation medals. The entitled generation has only begun.
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
841
570
93
#7
When I was married, we did not have a television in our bedroom. (Who wants that in the early days?:p) We moved to a bigger house and still did not have a television in our bedroom. We would often spend time in the evenings playing games in bed. (Hey...we're allowed! :)) But what I mean is we played games like Scrabble, Skip-bo, Boggle, or Rummy or something like that. We would interact with each other. Then as time went on, we decided to get a television for our bedroom. The games stopped. We would spend time next to each other.

This has me wondering what are your thoughts about this type of thing? Another example is when an area gets hit by a storm and a lot of homes are left without power for a day or two. I often hear that nine months later there is a baby boom. Do these people discover they have a spouse or partner to interact with?

And I also think about my grandparents generation. They would get together to be with each other, play games, play and sing music. It seems they used to interact and entertain each other while building relationships.

In the latter years of our marriage, it seems there was something on the television, she was reading or watching something on her Kindle, and I might be reading or playing a game on my tablet during the evening hours that we had to ourselves. Looking back, if I had it to do over again, I think I would push to minimize those things so we could spend the time with each other.

I know for myself, I can waste so much time on things that are not useful or profitable and miss out on the truly important, meaningful and needed things in life.

What do you think?

If you are in a relationship or thinking about getting married or are married, what boundaries, if any will you put on these things?

What did I miss in this?

How do you feel about technology "stealing" your time? Or maybe we willingly give it up for some sort of cheap gratification.

It will be interesting to see what you have to say. Thanks.
Thank you for posting this :)


I don't have personal experience but I do see my mother and my step-father live that way. I despise TV...almost a pharasaical view on it at times (I think). I even tried on vacation when I was just so incredibly bored and it just put me in a foul mood and caused me to be "more" bored. I felt pretty strong conviction on it on vacation...sometimes I get a tad flippant. Well no one else seems to have this. I know they do and I've heard people start to speak out about it...which is pretty cool so praise :)

All I can say is that the whole fourth wall thing feels a bit witchy to me, and disgusting. Like who are you even consuming? What do they believe what do their lives look like? I digress. I'm not going to get into how bad I really think it is because everyone may not have the same weaknesses that I do.

I do know that it just dulls you. Idol...eye dull. It dulls you.




Anyway, I suppose if I got married younger before I had this burden I probably would have enjoyed watching with my spouse. I even fantasized about it quite a bit.



I have come to the conclusion that the only centerpieces I really want are either a mirror or a fireplace.

Mirrors are wonky with sleeping when you wake up (can give you a start) and it is odd to stare at each other through a mirror but it "may" be acceptable. Certainly you can interact with your own "fourth wall". Jury is still out on that one...I feel like they are inappropriate in a way but I can't quite figure out how but maybe with a wife it won't feel quite so off.


Fire is just a pretty natural visualizer that the Lord created. Fire is always more interesting to me than film...it is chaotic however but I can't really think of a better physical centerpiece other than possibly just speakers. There's SOOOO much you can do with sound. Films and TV would be almost nothing without music. I personally love what happens in a dark room with music or even ambient sounds. I'm not sure how "ok" pretending is...but it seems like there's plenty to do. I get that the enemy is a factor, I'm not discounting that, but at least there must be an equilibrium somewhere that is acceptable.




I don't ever really expect to post as much as I do. Possibly someone that does watch TV/films can focus on certain details affecting relationships. I will in no way desire that it be a part of our marriage. I'm not knocking people that do too hard. The Lord opens our eyes on things. Habits are still hard to break.

Thanks for causing me to think about these things again. Someone asked me today at work (randomly) about what my ideal wedding would be. It caught me off guard but it was cool that I can at least still think about it.



I did just have a lovely vision of hoping I'll someday be old enough when I'm married to just sit and enjoy each other's presence in the Lord and just watch the scenery together.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,743
1,868
113
#8
Why do people have tvs in their bedrooms. Makes no sense to me.

When I go to my bedroom I actually want peace and quiet and to have a place to rest and sleep and the tv is not peaceful or quiet.
Unless you live in a one bedroom home and theres nowhere else to put a tv, dont put a tv in your bedroom!

Why are you posting this in the singles forum, post it in the family forum. You will get more answers.
I wouldnt have an oven or microwave or toilet in my bedroom either.

Id just have a bed. That would be the main thing in the BEDroom.
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
841
570
93
#9
Oh I also wanted to add when I just reread over your post. People did get together around the radio...and I have found that even in today's world I spend tons of time doing that actually. Not as much as back in college binge watching but a sizeable block.

I feel like the Lord moves there. Certainly stimulating. There are dangerous areas certainly...but I think we can gather around and do that as a family for sure.

My family did it a few times on sundays where we overslept (at least 2 maybe 3) where we just had church at the house. My step-dad plays guitar so we sang some worship songs and probably read some. We also had quiet time often enough back then which was supposed to consist of private bible reading. Kinda cool because I often forget about that and I'm pretty sure the Lord likes stuff like that.

So to "amp" that concept a bit. I've enjoyed many many times listening to late night radio...either CSN (which is of late due to getting tired of worship songs and the direction of the local station) but Victory 91.5 in my area had helped me through some really hard nights. The worship music was on point and I had some really nice moments. Late night prayer was such a surprise to me. Like this is a real person at 3am just like me...and he happened to pray about what was on my mind. It was encouraging. So I kind of developed a virtual relationship with this guy.


Integrating that into a household would be pretty cool. No TV just radio. I still don't know if Adventures in Odyssey is good recreation...I "think" so...but I've also heard some episodes where I'm confused as to what they were even trying to attempt. Or possible certain aspects of the Lord are just hidden from me and that's that. I know I enjoyed it as a child and I also liked children's kids songs. I would probably enjoy that in a critical aspect with a partner too without children...I still hope to do something with my voice.



Anyway just figured I'd throw radio in there :p

I see a ray of light in radio that I don't see in films. Not sure why, but I guess because the gospel is preached and it seems much safer. Plus you can take your car to any nice spot and just watch the scenery at the same time. I only VERY rarely am able to just be out in nature with nothing else to do.


once again meant to type like half of that. Radio!
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,238
113
#10
examples of good times with my partner:
#watching American Idol and debating good and bad singers
#going to the park with our dog
#going to the beach with our dog
#going on long trips in the car to more remote beaches
#going to a coffee shop together at 6am and having a chat

but as you say, technology can waste valuable quality time with a partner
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,238
113
#11
in the sixtees and seventies we played a lot of cards. life was all about face to face interaction
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
485
419
63
#12
I've heard two different Christian counselors say that churches make marriages into idols, such that they give horrible advice to married persons "to save the marriage". Methinks parents make their kids into idols by sacrificing inordinate amounts of time, effort, and resources just so the kids can win participation medals. The entitled generation has only begun.
Thanks for your thoughts Dino!
And here is a trophy for your participation in this thread!😀

Sadly we can turn most anything into an idol, good or bad.
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
485
419
63
#13
Why do people have tvs in their bedrooms. Makes no sense to me.

When I go to my bedroom I actually want peace and quiet and to have a place to rest and sleep and the tv is not peaceful or quiet.
Unless you live in a one bedroom home and theres nowhere else to put a tv, dont put a tv in your bedroom!

Why are you posting this in the singles forum, post it in the family forum. You will get more answers.
I wouldnt have an oven or microwave or toilet in my bedroom either.

Id just have a bed. That would be the main thing in the BEDroom.
I might get rid of the tv as I rarely use it anymore...but the microwave...hmmm. I might have to consider that and a dorm fridge.

Thanks for the suggestions! 🙂
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
485
419
63
#14
Oh I also wanted to add when I just reread over your post. People did get together around the radio...and I have found that even in today's world I spend tons of time doing that actually. Not as much as back in college binge watching but a sizeable block.

I feel like the Lord moves there. Certainly stimulating. There are dangerous areas certainly...but I think we can gather around and do that as a family for sure.

My family did it a few times on sundays where we overslept (at least 2 maybe 3) where we just had church at the house. My step-dad plays guitar so we sang some worship songs and probably read some. We also had quiet time often enough back then which was supposed to consist of private bible reading. Kinda cool because I often forget about that and I'm pretty sure the Lord likes stuff like that.

So to "amp" that concept a bit. I've enjoyed many many times listening to late night radio...either CSN (which is of late due to getting tired of worship songs and the direction of the local station) but Victory 91.5 in my area had helped me through some really hard nights. The worship music was on point and I had some really nice moments. Late night prayer was such a surprise to me. Like this is a real person at 3am just like me...and he happened to pray about what was on my mind. It was encouraging. So I kind of developed a virtual relationship with this guy.


Integrating that into a household would be pretty cool. No TV just radio. I still don't know if Adventures in Odyssey is good recreation...I "think" so...but I've also heard some episodes where I'm confused as to what they were even trying to attempt. Or possible certain aspects of the Lord are just hidden from me and that's that. I know I enjoyed it as a child and I also liked children's kids songs. I would probably enjoy that in a critical aspect with a partner too without children...I still hope to do something with my voice.



Anyway just figured I'd throw radio in there :p

I see a ray of light in radio that I don't see in films. Not sure why, but I guess because the gospel is preached and it seems much safer. Plus you can take your car to any nice spot and just watch the scenery at the same time. I only VERY rarely am able to just be out in nature with nothing else to do.


once again meant to type like half of that. Radio!
When I was a kid our tv got broken by some rowdy kids and my parents didn't replace it for 6 or 8 years. We used to listen to request time on the Christian station and on Saturday mornings we'd listen to Ranger Bill.
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
841
570
93
#15
When I was a kid our tv got broken by some rowdy kids and my parents didn't replace it for 6 or 8 years. We used to listen to request time on the Christian station and on Saturday mornings we'd listen to Ranger Bill.
It's sad that most radio dramas are gone.

I did drive through Kentucky dropped my cousin off at EKU and heard a dinner show set in the 1860s with clinking glassware sound effects on the local radio there. I didn't get it anywhere but the a tiny bit past the college (or it's started to fuzz fast) but it was cool to see someone doing it.

I know adventures in odyssey is the only modern consistent example of this but CSN is partnering with some group to do a an audio drama about the end times. Doubt I'll listen unless it's actually broadcast but it's being done.

Sort of echoed for me oddly hearkening to the old war of the worlds radio drama. I only know about that because I was curiously remembering this Adventures in Odyssey episode I heard when I was young and I was like...that was a parody! Let's look this up and cool.


On the fence but it's still a format to think about personally.
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
5,529
1,642
113
#16
When I was a kid our tv got broken by some rowdy kids and my parents didn't replace it for 6 or 8 years. We used to listen to request time on the Christian station and on Saturday mornings we'd listen to Ranger Bill.
Albeit it wasn't rowdy kids that broke our TV, our TV broke when I was still a toddler and we didn't have a TV in the house until I was a Junior on High School. As a result both my sister and I read a lot so when I took competency exams at the end of sixth grade my writing and reading comprehension scored out as a Freshman in college.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,347
7,851
113
65
Florida
#17
Albeit it wasn't rowdy kids that broke our TV, our TV broke when I was still a toddler and we didn't have a TV in the house until I was a Junior on High School. As a result both my sister and I read a lot so when I took competency exams at the end of sixth grade my writing and reading comprehension scored out as a Freshman in college.
Growing up my mother always encouraged me to read. I have probably read over a 1000 books and have found that reading can broaden your horizons. It is one of life's simple pleasures. I once went over 5 years without turning on the TV. Even now I rarely watch except for the occasional nightly news and a little football now and then. It sounds as if the broken TV was a blessing to you and your sister.