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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#1
NO NO NO!!

I AM NOT starting a thread about homosexuality AT ALL!!!

Just wanted to set that straight.

Many of us (myself included) have long-term, die-hard best (or very close) friends who are of the opposite gender...

So... my question is, do you perceive this as being a problem in a potential future relationship or in your marriage? Has it been a problem in the past? How did your significant other react to meeting your friends who were the same gender as they were? Have you had problems with jealousy, overprotectiveness, competition, etc?

I have a good friend Mark whom I've known since I was about 14 years old... (it's strange, my high school boyfriend was a friend of his--that's how I met him--and we broke up, but Mark and I always stayed friends, and only friends.) He's seen me through my relationships (and all the embarrassing things that came with them--he laughed at me a lot), but the guys I dated LOVED Mark.

In fact, I used to joke (and maybe it wasn't even a joke!) that some of the guys I dated stayed with me in order to have an excuse to go see Mark.

The reason? Mark builds, repairs, and works on computers for a living. At any given time, he'll have at least 4 different computers in his house... accessories, gadgets, latest techie devices and all... and he's a video game FIEND.

A "date" for me might go like this: (my significant other says) "Um, can we go to Mark's?" "Ok, I guess so." And they'd wind up playing some game for hours and hours and hours... and I'd watch TV in the next room.

Ah, the age of cyber romance.

How about all of you?
 
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MusicalMe

Guest
#2
My very best friend is a guy - Kelsie. We've been best friends for 7 years now, and in college a lot of people thought we were dating because we spent so much time together (that, and it was a small Baptist college where you couldn't make eye contact with a guy without people planning your wedding and naming your kids...) Some of my boyfriends have had trouble with the fact that I have such a good guy friend, but not all of them. The only boyfriend that actually met Kelsie was a classmate of ours in college... and Kelsie punched him in the mouth once (while we were dating), so they didn't really get along...

I don't see Kelsie very often now, so if he and my future husband don't like each other, I'm sure something will work out... but I want a guy who understands my need to have guy friends...
 

Sharp

Senior Member
May 5, 2009
2,565
19
38
#3
I don't think it should happen. Its just...........unprofessional....
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#4
I think if your married you shouldnt have friends of the opposite sex. If your just kinda casually dating someone, i dont see a problem with it.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#5
So do you think then that when a person begins seeing someone seriously, or marries someone, they need to break all ties and contact with any opposite gender friends they may have?
 

Sharp

Senior Member
May 5, 2009
2,565
19
38
#6
I think when it gets to the point that you're in a relationship with someone you should significantly scale back your friendships with people of the opposite gender. I've been burnt by this no less than 3 times.

I reckon you shouldn't have to compete with your partner's friends for their time, if those friends are the same gender as you. Also, if someone has close friends of the opposite gender, the potential to undermine you is always there. Someone is always waiting around as a backup if you stuff up, ready to swoop in when things get tough. The person may also go to these friends for relationship advice..."You're a guy! You must understand this! Why is he doing this to me?? waaaaaaaaaaaa", and he would be like "aaaaaaaaw, its alright, come here...." and then BAM, before you know it, you've been traded in.

If you don't believe this can happen, go to google and type in "how to steal a girlfriend".
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#7
I do understand what you're saying, Luke... most of my guy friends are now married or close to it... I guess for me, I never get to spend my time with my guy friends as it is because we're all busy--our way of keeping in touch is usually a phone call here and there.

I can only speak for myself, but I've been by myself so long that if I were going to date a guy friend, it would have happened a LONG time ago.

But I do know what you're saying and respect your stance... sorry to hear you got burned multiple times!
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#8
I think when it gets to the point that you're in a relationship with someone you should significantly scale back your friendships with people of the opposite gender. I've been burnt by this no less than 3 times.

I reckon you shouldn't have to compete with your partner's friends for their time, if those friends are the same gender as you. Also, if someone has close friends of the opposite gender, the potential to undermine you is always there. Someone is always waiting around as a backup if you stuff up, ready to swoop in when things get tough. The person may also go to these friends for relationship advice..."You're a guy! You must understand this! Why is he doing this to me?? waaaaaaaaaaaa", and he would be like "aaaaaaaaw, its alright, come here...." and then BAM, before you know it, you've been traded in.

If you don't believe this can happen, go to google and type in "how to steal a girlfriend".

I would first like to say.. that i just took alot of cold medicine about an hour ago, so if any of this is incoherant... that would be why. Anyways....i have not had this done personally to me... but you need to pick a friend of the opposite sex like i have... this person wouldnt date me if i was the last entity on the planet and the survival of the human race depended on us... See you need to get friends of the opposite sex like that!! cause you can have a relationship with whomever you want.. and you'll never be tempted to go towards your friend cause that persons ready to let the human race as a whole die out of extenction, just to avoid you... think about it people. Its a good plan! always be friends with someone who doesnt like you....
 
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MusicalMe

Guest
#9
Someone is always waiting around as a backup if you stuff up, ready to swoop in when things get tough. The person may also go to these friends for relationship advice..."You're a guy! You must understand this! Why is he doing this to me?? waaaaaaaaaaaa", and he would be like "aaaaaaaaw, its alright, come here...." and then BAM, before you know it, you've been traded in.
There is no attraction involved with my best guy friends - they are like brothers to me and I'm like their sister.

But that brings up an interesting point... how much should friends of any gender know about your relationship troubles? I've seen it where a girl will whine to her girl friends about her boyfriend, and they all tell her to break up with him because they are only hearing one side of it. I think it's good to seek relationship advice, but not to run out and tell your friends every time you have a relationship problem.

Of course, the flip side of that is that not telling anyone at all about relationship problems might cause you to stay in a bad relationship longer...