dating vs. not dating

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Jan 15, 2011
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#1
Okay, so here's the story. Im 17 now, and I've never had a boyfriend. I know it's not the end of the world. Theres two ways of looking at it, and I'm confused.

First, many people have told me that they're a bit jealous that I'm 'pure' when it comes to guys. I dont know if that even made any sense, but basically this comes from people who tend to go 'too far' with their boyfriends/girlfriends, and then regret it later because they feel like they gave away a part of themselves.

The second viewpoint is how I kind of tend to look at it, which is ''I'm behind everybody else, is something wrong with me?" I'm not fishing for compliments here, I'm just being honest. But I feel like every single person I know has either dated in the past or is currently dating, and then I'm surrounded with people telling me just how amazing their boyfriend is and they went on a date and it was oh so cute blah blah. Another thing that might contribute to the problem is that I have an older sister and she gets so much guy attention it literally drives me nuts. Partially because I'm jealous, and partially because they always end up talking to ME to get information about HER. I bet that if they weren't interested in her, they wouldn't even bother talking to me to begin with, because I'm not 'good enough.' It gets on my nerves and I just wish they would ask her instead of coming to me, the middleman (woman?).

Another thing that bugs me to death is the fact that I want the attention she has. And I want it a lot. Which is crazy, because why in the world would I want some guy to like me when God himself loves me no matter what I do?! I keep reminding myself that no human love equals His, but when I'm surrounded with lovey couples its easy for me to forget that.

I dont even know what my question for this post is, I just felt like I needed to get this out of my system because I'm tired of keeping it to myself and I just want to get rid of it before it accumulates into a nuclear bomb.

P.S. You may respond with whatever you wish.
 
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Kirten614

Guest
#2
I know what you mean because I've struggled with this for a while. First of all I want to caution you about feeling like you need a boyfriend, it can drive even the most reasonable girl to do things out of character. I'm 20 and have never had a boyfriend. I admit to looking for attention from guys online, which was a far greater mistake than I imagined it would be, so I promise you that God will give you someone when you (and whoever he has for you) are ready for that relationship.

You're not behind. And honestly I wouldn't worry about what other people are doing in relationships at 17, I know it feels like your ready at that age to take on a relationship, but don't we ultimatly date to find someone to marry? If you jump into a relationship too early you may end up jeapordizing something that would be great if you had waited a couple of years.

Not dating right now is probably the best way to guard you heart. It's lonely and it's hard to control feeling of jealousy when your friends get boyfriends ( I'm speaking from experience,) but your heart will thank you for it later. I only know one couple from high school who is still together, and they tell me all the time that it is really hard to take a relationship out of high school and into real life, and they struggle to stay together.

So while this might just be a crazy rant of another single girl that you ignore, at least know that you are not alone, if you feel you are behind, remember that there are a lot of us with you. And God's with you, saving someone for you. :)
 

shawntc

Senior Member
May 7, 2010
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#3
Dude chiming in here.

I know what it means to feel like I'm behind everyone else. It's been 4 years since I've had a girlfriend. Before that one, I had been single 4 years also. I noticed in high school that, wow, a lot of my friends were in relationships! At one point, the majority of my friends were in relationships. I felt so behind and in need of catching up. Although I've long since gotten over that, there are still times when I think I'm dropping the ball.

The desire to have a boyfriend (or in my case, girlfriend) isn't something strange. For one, we're in a society that promotes it. For another, it's natural human desire to have such a relationship. "It is not good for man to be alone..." Man and woman were made for each other and the teen years are when that desire for the opposite gender starts up.

God makes our lives complete, but I don't know for sure if he permanently, 100% fills up the part of us that wants to be in relationship with someone. Otherwise, why would we marry? But, choosing not to date does seem like a good thing. I'm not completely convinced of this, so don't take that opinion too seriously.
 
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blackout

Guest
#4
i know just what you mean. your not alone
 

estrangedone

Junior Member
Jan 16, 2011
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#5
I personally prefer to not date anyone of the opposite gender, but rather to have friends of both genders :) That helps a little I think...
 
Jan 15, 2011
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#6
I think its like this for a lot of people. But hmmm.. I wouldn't date a person who isn't living for Christ tbh.
 
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nate

Guest
#7
The word states in Genesis 2:23-24 "And Adam said,This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". From the beginning of the bible to the end we see Gods plan for a man and a women to share a bound so deep and loving I believe we cannot imagine until it happens and I believe that the sole purpose for christian dating is to find a spouse see the world teaches us that dating is pretty much a game and a way to defile ourselves and if its done the right way then I believe we will be rewarded with our other spouses I believe what your experiencing is a natural affection given to us from the Lord and we need to embrace it if you desire true Godly love seek the lord and ask him for it the bible states in the book of psalms the 37:4 "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart" continue to seek the Lord and he will give you what you seek for, don't refuse what you feel cause its something that you want JESUS will give you what is already promised
 

seaco711

Senior Member
Dec 30, 2009
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#9
To be completely honest, this "guarding your heart" stuff is fine when applied to physical intimacy, but I really think it's nonsense when applied to dating itself. I think it is good, BETTER even, to date, and date a lot. This doesn't mean to sleep around or to have physical intimacy with everyone you date, but I feel like you should at least go out on dates with a variety of guys (in my case girls) to start figuring out what you want and who you are compatible with early on. I'm 18, but I've been out on my fair share of dates, and I can pretty much recognize the type of girl that I need to be with. When I see someone like that, I gravitate to them, and it makes finding a solid relationship a whole lot easier instead of just playing what seems to be the guessing game.

Also, it is fair to note that if you don't date a lot, you can potentially be in a heap of trouble. If you make it a point not to date, then find a partner (for lack of a better word) later on in life that you like, you think it's love, when really it's just an infatuation. If you had already dated a lot, you would know what this is like. In any case, you think you're in love, you get engaged, and get married thinking this is the person for you. Years down the road, you realize you only ever dated this one person, and you don't even know what dating life would have been like, and those feelings never go away, and it can put a strain on your relationship.

I guess to summarize, I would just say that it's better to go through that dating phase, get a feel for the type of people out there, and get that out of the way. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with the first person you really date.
 
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alexiblue

Guest
#10
Skittles--
I know how you feel--I haven't dated either, and sometimes it's hard. I just have to remind myself that it's a choice that I'm making though, and it's not an arbitrary one, it's for a reason. I want to keep my heart for that one special girl God has for me (assuming one is in His plan), and not waste time I could give to Him worrying about it or finding someone else. It's good that you're keeping in mind that God loves you. That, and remaining in His love, is more important than anything else. Sometimes I have to challenge myself and think about whether or not I really, really believe that if I seek first the kingdom of God, who is The Almighty Creator of the universe, and actually live that out, everything else will be taken care of--because He knows it all!! It shouldn't be that hard, because I can't even count the many times I've messed up trying to rely on myself, and I know the overwhelming blessing that He can give if I give it all up to Him.

I also should say that what true love is is often a misconception--romantic love is just on the surface (not that it's bad, but alone it's pretty hollow), and many people don't realize that love, for a relationship to last, takes commitment--you need to work at it, be proactive, striving for the kind of fellowship we see embodied in God's nature, in the trinity.

Israel Wayne is a veritable source for many things having to do with true Christianity, and this is what he says:
Betrothal - Should We Kiss Courtship Goodbye by Israel Wayne --