Difference between a crush and being in love?

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PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#1
Aug 12, 2011
4,055
136
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#1
I have heard it said that crushes are selfish and love is selfless. Some people say that crushes aren't based on reality and you are liking an illusion of the person that you have conjured up in your mind. I have also heard that crushes are infatuations without any devotion or depth.

What is your definition of these two things? How are they different? I know we will likely all have different opinions, but different opinions are what I am hoping to hear. :)
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#2
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
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#2
For me... a crush is just a level of interest... something about a man that sparks my curiosity and warms my heart a bit. Love is... love is what is born out of time, trust, choice, affection, and mutual admiration. A crush may have some of those elements, but not all.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#3
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
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#3
PopClick said:
I have heard it said that crushes are selfish and love is selfless. Some people say that crushes aren't based on reality and you are liking an illusion of the person that you have conjured up in your mind. I have also heard that crushes are infatuations without any devotion or depth.

What is your definition of these two things? How are they different? I know we will likely all have different opinions, but different opinions are what I am hoping to hear. :)
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You learn to love someone. I don't buy "love at first sight." It takes years to fully know a person.. My professor was married 50 years before passing from cancer. He would tell us he would always tell his wife "I love you more than yesterday, and less than tomorrow." Meaning, love grows as the days pass. Crushes... It's just a phase that can turn to love.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#4
#4
It's just a word. I don't get why some stigmatize it so. I have a crush and feel it's hardly born of the things some stigmatize it as. To draw the line between having a crush and being in love makes the two things sound antonymous, too (I get one might not say "I have a crush on my wife/husband," but that's not my point).

Feelings are befoozling...
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#5
May 23, 2009
14,943
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#5
For some reason the movie Untamed Heart comes to mind.

Marisa Tomei plays a waitress, and several nights after work, she has to walk home late at night by herself. One night, she is attacked and knocked unconscious by two male customers who had harassed her earlier. They would have gotten away with their evil intentions if not for Christian Slater's character, a busboy at the restaurant where she works. He rescues her from these men, then carries her home in the snow, wraps her in his own coat (it was snowing) and watches over her until morning.

Eventually, she finds a moment at work to talk to him alone and thanks him. He tells her (seeing as he doesn't talk much) that he's been following her home every night for weeks to make sure she gets home safely, and he sincerely apologizes... that he was late that night.

Did he love her or was it just a crush? I would argue that it was a crush, but yet he wasn't expecting or trying to get anything back, and would have arguably continued to do so even if she had never found out.

Yes, I know it's a movie but... Don't we all wish crushes AND real love looked like this?
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#6
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
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#6
seoulsearch said:
For some reason the movie Untamed Heart comes to mind.

Marisa Tomei plays a waitress, and several nights after work, she has to walk home late at night by herself. One night, she is attacked and knocked unconscious by two male customers who had harassed her earlier. They would have gotten away with their evil intentions if not for Christian Slater's character, a busboy at the restaurant where she works. He rescues her from these men, then carries her home in the snow, wraps her in his own coat (it was snowing) and watches over her until morning.

Eventually, she finds a moment at work to talk to him alone and thanks him. He tells her (seeing as he doesn't talk much) that he's been following her home every night for weeks to make sure she gets home safely, and he sincerely apologizes... that he was late that night.

Did he love her or was it just a crush? I would argue that it was a crush, but yet he wasn't expecting or trying to get anything back, and would have arguably continued to do so even if she had never found out.

Yes, I know it's a movie but... Don't we all wish crushes AND real love looked like this?
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I am... NO JOKE... watching this movie right now and the attack scene was just on (and currently a commercial break, so Christian Slater isn't here yet).
 
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ServantStrike

Guest
#7
#7
Love is going to involve sacrifice and you'll have to be happy about it.

A crush is a nice rush of endorphins that will eventually either lead to love or to nothing. It's fun though!
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#8
#8
I have a crush on chocolate chip cookies, but I love homemade brownies.









I don't have the ability to give a serious response to this thread without wanting to go into the Poster's Protection Program.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#10
Aug 12, 2011
4,055
136
63
#10
Siberian_Khatru said:
It's just a word. I don't get why some stigmatize it so. I have a crush and feel it's hardly born of the things some stigmatize it as.
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I agree. I just realized that the wording of my OP might make it sound like I see crushes as shallow or something, but that certainly is not the case. The opinions I reiterated were not my own. :p
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#11
Nov 25, 2014
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#11





According to Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love, you need three elements to have "consummate love"--Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment.

A crush would fall under the category of "passion." Sometimes this increases as we get to know a person and and develop intimacy that leads to a commitment. Other times it dissipates.

I think it's rather unfair to consider "passion" to be inherently shallow. It's no more shallow than commitment. It just doesn't stand well under its own weight. But then again, neither do intimacy or commitment.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken....as the proverb says.

 
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cherrie76

Guest
#12
#12
a crush is desire a fantasy to be with someone, love is to truly know someone no fantasy about who they are or what it would be like to be with the other person.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#14
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,584
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#14
cherrie76 said:
a crush is desire a fantasy to be with someone, love is to truly know someone no fantasy about who they are or what it would be like to be with the other person.
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This is a really interesting point.

I can't help but think of what the difference is between having a "Christian Crush" and true "Christian Love."

These are just my thoughts, but:

* "Christian Crush"--totally embracing the fact that God loves us and accepts us as we are, sinful nature, habits, bad choices, colorful histories and all. Who wouldn't want to have a crush on Someone like that? The "Christian Crush" is all about accepting God's love and what it can do for them and their life.

* "Christian Love"--moving being the fact that God loves us... and that now we have the responsibility to Live as a Christian... meaning, we're probably going to have to give up and sacrifice a lot of things. We're going to have to give up old friends and habits and make a lot of changes to the way we continue to love.

"Love" would mean that instead of concentrating on God's love for us, we now make a conscious effort to show our love for God by doing what He says, even when it's hard and requires a lot of things we don't want to do.
 
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MadParrotWoman

Guest
#16
#16
I don't believe in love at first sight but I do believe in lust at first sight - I guess this is what a crush is, a desire for someone physically. I read somewhere that love is not a feeling but a decision..I have to admit that made me think and yes it probably is a decision once it goes beyond a crush.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#17
Aug 13, 2014
24,896
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#17
Crush - I am in love with the you that you show the world.

Love - I am in love with the you that you hide from everyone else.

Crush - breaks down as I grow up.

Love - grows stronger as I grow up.

Nothing wrong with a little crush, just don't mistake it for something else.
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#18
#18
Tinkerbell725 said:
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I don't exactly know what that saying means... :confused:

But I like my friends and family AND love them, too. I don't like some people because they are mean but I love their souls and pray they see Jesus, (mostly for Jesus' sake so they will love Him).

Jesus likes me, I know He does because I feel Him smiling at me a lot. I know He loves me, too because when I get angry and mean, He brings me close to Him and shows me a better way.
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#19
#19
Siberian_Khatru said:
It's just a word. I don't get why some stigmatize it so. I have a crush and feel it's hardly born of the things some stigmatize it as. To draw the line between having a crush and being in love makes the two things sound antonymous, too (I get one might not say "I have a crush on my wife/husband," but that's not my point).

Feelings are befoozling...
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What he said! :)
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#20
#20
I had crushes on different boys when I was young, but I knew it was my hormones going wacky because in a few weeks or so, it faded away and I was crushing on the next boy. :rolleyes:

After I was married, my husband used to tease me about the local weather man on television because every time we saw him at a department store or grocery, I blushed like crazy and got tongue-tied saying hello. I didn't want the man for myself, he just had a pizzazz about him that evidently appealed to my flesh. That finally wore off, too. Praise God!

My husband would get all stupefied every time Cheryl Tiegs (model from 70's), Farrah Fawcett or Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman) would come onto the T.V. screen. I teased him about it, too and he always denied being attracted to them while a huge ornery grin came across his face. "Yeah, riiiiiiiiiiight!" I'd say. ROFL!!!

I think a crush is just your flesh acting like an adolescent. :rolleyes: Not evil, just goofy.
 
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