Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ higher

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JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
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#1
Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ higher

...income?
Woman, do you have a problem marrying down>

The NY Times says younger woman, I don't recall the exact age group, but from around 25 to 34, are staying single in larger numbers and longer then any time in American history due to them having a problem finding a co-equal man in education and income.

I personally would have no qualms about marrying a woman better educated then me. Always the primary indicator for me is if she is a real deal Christian.
 

Amberlight

Senior Member
Oct 8, 2016
187
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0
#2
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I think people have wrong idea of marriage if they put too much importance to things like income of the partner.

Best to stay WELL away from people who want to marry someone for their position or income.
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
3,857
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#3
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

So true, that is the world for ya.
But also, while I do not subscribe to it, I can definitely see where the implications of how well or not someone has invested in themselves may be a factor in why one would tend to shy away from people not as well educated or with dimmer job or money creation prsopects.
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
3,857
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#4
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

The difference here, I think, between the world and Christians is that Christians understand the power of the cross and what it can do to change lives, wile the world cares only for the current resume.
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
12,681
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#5
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

It might also be a discrepancy between life goals. I am currently happy, or at least content, working at a fast food factory. I am probably intelligent enough to go to college and get a degree but I don't want to.

If a woman refuses to go on a date with me because I'm not "being all I can be" or wasting my potential... yay, I dodged a bullet! I do NOT want that kind of woman.

Understand? My life goal is not to see how much money I can pile up before I die, or to knock myself out seeing what kind of job I can climb up to before I retire. I don't really give a flying flitter about being rich enough to (insert expensive thing here) or being in charge of anything and having other people do what I say at a job. Near as I can tell, my goals for my own life are diametrically opposite everything this world keeps telling me my goals should be. But my life is working for me.

If I have to change who I am and what my goals are to get a date, forget it. Too much effort, too little return on investment.
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#6
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

My ex was kind of a bumb. He wasn't working and all he did was try to go to school to be an electrician. When he finished his program he didn't even find work. He told me he wasn't going to bother because he liked not getting paid and working with missions...but he still wanted a family with me! He said I could be the breadwinner because God wanted him to work for free at the mission. I'm glad it didn't work out.

My stepdad told me something and it kinda rings true. He said "find a man who has a career, someone who not necessarily will make as much as you but someone who will be making a decent amount, otherwise you're going to support him and that causes stress in the relationship." What he means is that the woman isn't supposed to support the man or the family entirely. I think she can help, but if she's making $50,000 and the husband only $14,000...I can see where that would be a problem.

I would personally feel resentment. I want him to make enough money for me to stay home with the kids...if we chose to. I'm not one of those people who thinks it's okay for the guy to stay home with the kids while the woman works. I'm very old school. In fact, the only reason I'm going to school is because heaven knows if I'll get married. If I were married already, I wouldn't bother. :p

I don't see it as marrying up or down. I don't think there's anything wrong with men who make $10,000. I just know that a family is expensive...and I want a family. I saw how much my mom suffered and she has told me time and again never to settle for a man who cannot provide.
 
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toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,044
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#7
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

There are stupid, lazy, ignorant people with degrees and there are clever, funny, loving and wonderful people without. It doesn't really matter.

I would have problems having a husband not being able to take responsibility, though. Not having a job at all, drinking beer and playing computer games all day (or being on CC posting silly jokes for that matter). A man has to be the man in a marriage. I don't care if he earns less than me. He doesn't have to earn anything, if his calling is to be a pastor or a missionary or something. That he follows his calling, is more important.

Well. Beggars can't be choosers. I guess a man that can handle me, is needing to be called by God to do so.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#8
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I've never had much drive to be seen as successful. Some folks like questing after more responsibility and more money, and they are welcomed to it. My primary requirement for any job I have is that I am "useful". If I just occupy a desk, that won't be suitable for me, but I don't need to be some irreplaceable go-to guy either. Just useful. My financial needs are very meager. I live simply. I can see though why my financial status and my lack of "wanting more" would be undesirable to women, and they are free to feel as they choose.
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#9
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I think the discrepancy is more in likes and dislikes and things to discuss. I am probably a snob, but I like to talk about things other than football and hunting. Conversations that are always superficial and not very deep would not cut it with me. As badly as college education gets disparaged, it does impart a smattering of information on a variety of topics. Most importantly, it exposes people to others who are not from the same backgrounds with the same worldviews, so college does broaden the mind-almost as good as traveling.

I sound condescending, I acknowledge that I probably am.
 

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
Dec 11, 2014
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#10
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

The only thing Id be worried about is whether or not we match together, like as in we click.

I pay my own way, obviously. I make enough to pay for two people to live off of. I have some college but no degree. I dont care if the person Im with has it or not, the fact that they may or may not have one has no impact on whether we mesh well together or not.

Id like to be with someone who can have "intellectual" conversation, to some extent, from time to time. But at the same time I enjoy having conversations about nothing as well : p I do well with both people, to some extent.

As for working, well since Im male Id obviously marry a female. If we had children, of course it would be right for her to be home with the children. If no children, I dunno, I make enough to support two people, but we wouldnt be living the big life or anything. So having someone to help out with the bills would be welcome.

I dont buy into that "you pay the bills and Ill keep my money" thing, though : p Were splitting them 50/50 : p
 

Susanna

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2013
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#11
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I'm a simple and old-fashioned woman so when my daugther married I was glad to learn that her husband definitely is the breadwinner in their relationship.
 

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
Dec 11, 2014
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#12
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I just realized I didnt really answer the question.

No, I dont really care if the person Im with makes more money than me. But if its a problem for the person that Im with, then they should probly find someone who makes more than them : p

Ive never really had pride in like work or status. I mean I feel pride in doing a job well done, but I dont look for work that I can boast about, or care about making more money than others. Work has always been a means to an end for me. So obviously Id want to be with someone who shares those views with me.
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
3,857
69
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#13
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I think the discrepancy is more in likes and dislikes and things to discuss. I am probably a snob, but I like to talk about things other than football and hunting. Conversations that are always superficial and not very deep would not cut it with me. As badly as college education gets disparaged, it does impart a smattering of information on a variety of topics. Most importantly, it exposes people to others who are not from the same backgrounds with the same worldviews, so college does broaden the mind-almost as good as traveling.

I sound condescending, I acknowledge that I probably am.
I often think a person needs at least one of the following three, preferably 2 of the 3 for me to consider them marriage prospect.
1. A mature, or well on the path, Christian. That’s the wisest one can possibly be anyway.
2. At least about 3 years of college and preferably a bachelors or higher.
3. At least moderate travel experience and/or experience with a variety of cultures.

If someone has all three of those, good chance your in the company of a well rounded, responsible mature person.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
7,411
522
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#14
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

There are actually statistics about this kind of thing.

It's very interesting to see, statistically, what happens to most relationships when a man marries a woman who's better educated, or who makes more money.

And it isn't good.


It's one of those things that probably shouldn't matter...
and yet if often does.
 

renewed_hope

Senior Member
May 9, 2016
1,908
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#15
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I expect "my man" to be smarter than I am (which doesn't take much, haha) and not necessarily make more than I do, but take the financial responsibility for both of us
 

Tinuviel

Senior Member
Jun 6, 2015
4,760
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#16
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I personally don't care. I don't feel like I'm a highly intelligent person, so being smarter than me probably won't be an issue :D. But even if it was, it would be most important that he can be a spiritual leader to me. So...spiritually I would prefer not to be too much in advance of my husband.
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,013
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#17
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

What really matters is if they are equally yoked spiritually, how much they truly love one another...we aren't really born again to be successful, we are born again to serve...wealth and success come from God...it is all His anyway...
 
Sep 30, 2017
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#18
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

Some men have qualms with it, but more often, I think that it's women who don't want to date "down." Women(generally) want men with equal or greater ambition to their own. For me personally, it's important, but only to an extent. I don't care about how great a man's wealth is, but I do care about how well he maintains what he has. But I come from a family where my Mom ended up being the bread winner and I've seen a lot of pain come from the dynamics of that relationship(Which hasn't ended FYI). I don't know if it's spiritual or cultural but I've come to believe that there is importance to having a male lead in a household- as old fashioned as it sounds.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,220
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#19
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I was married to a woman who had no education, no job, no ambition for a career. When some agent of satan seduced her away on the game of war, I was left being nothing more than a money bag and sperm donor. If I ever marry again, I want a woman who has a career and can afford her own way. I don't want a woman who needs me, I rather one just want me.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
4,870
395
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#20
Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I was married to a woman who had no education, no job, no ambition for a career. When some agent of satan seduced her away on the game of war, I was left being nothing more than a money bag and sperm donor. If I ever marry again, I want a woman who has a career and can afford her own way. I don't want a woman who needs me, I rather one just want me.
I can relate.

A stay-at-home parent is a one thing; kids are best raised by their own parents. A stay-at-home spouse is a different issue. As long as the marriage is strong, it's not a problem. If there is a divorce, the earner will end up paying the ex for that decision for the rest of their lives (in some places) or at least a long time. What a crock.

I think alimony should be absolutely cut off after five years maximum; the amount of time it takes to earn a degree and get a job. Unfortunately, the courts don't agree with me... yet.

/Rant off. Back to your regular happy Singles programming. :)