does love come with a condition?

respectfully · Mar 17, 2017

all my past relationships ended badly as in "she cheated or whatnot" but that is not why I'm writing message....

I've heard girls say they want a man with a job and apartment ...before they'll date them

does that mean there's a price tag on love?

okay so I have been thru hardship and have to be on ssi and stuff and lack a job and my own place.... because I'm bipolar...

is being disabled a turn-off

I truly believe that if you are weak in one area of your life... you are stronger than most others in other aspects of your life

we all have strengths and weakness

is there a difference between a "normal" person's problems and a disabled person's problems

should I be treated differently than the rest of society?

honestly do ladies turn the other way when they see disabled people who are noticeably disabled?

I speak from a man's persective for I am a man who has struggled all his life

yet... does anyone actually believe in their heart that love is free and would date anyone?

okay I understand this is hard for people who need "security" but how does a disabled or anyone for that matter feel when they have to try twice as hard to get into a relationship with someone they like just because they had to start at the bottom in life because of extenuating circumstances...and yet even though are kind generious...giving...and willing to make that person they truly like happy...they won't get a chance from the person they like because that person wants more than a date?

okay....maybe there are some people who are not so judgemental....but why must their be a condition on love?

my idea of a true relationship is a relation full of trust...respect...honesty...and love...especially God...but truly there should be a balance in the relationship that the man and woman both sincerely love each other

notice I didn't mention money....for me the date...the restaurant....the gifts....
that's a given...anyone who gives their heart to someone naturally wants to impress their significant other and shower them with love

now I don't know everything about relationship...please resond to this message

Tinkerbell725 · Mar 17, 2017

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. Love has no price tag. If love can be bought why do you think divorce rates is high in rich couples? Because they fight over money and they rely on their money. Love has no price tag but you cannot deny the fact that people live in fear of the future and they want to live at least a life of little convenience if not a life of luxury. It's not really being conditional but realistic. God blesses those who trust in Him despite having some anxieties. God is in control even if we have little control of our emotions. Cast your burden upon Him and He will give you peace that transcends all understanding.

Ariel82 · Mar 17, 2017

Showering someone with love doesn't mean giving them money.

True love transcends circumstances. Agape love has no conditions and is the love God gives His children.

However romantic love isn't agape. Sometimes people who are mature in Christ can give agape love to others and it helps in a relationship. Being a realist, people expect more from a spouse. Women expect the man to have a decent job and provide for any kids they might have. Most expect their husband to protect and not harm them. Men expect their wives to love and support them in their dreams, to give them respect and encouragement.

They both want the other to know, accept and love who they are without wanting to change the other person.

I personally wouldn't date anyone I wanted to change and not having a job or being able to provide would be something I could have in a friend but not a husband. That being said, my husband and I lived off of $1000 a month for a long while and growing up I have lived off less. Money isn't everything,, but eating every day is nice.

PeterJens · Mar 17, 2017

Yep - love has a price tag, it is you.

Getting involved with anyone, even a conversation here takes time, a part of ones
life. And two people giving and receiving takes effort, trust, focus, direction.

For two people to form a unit, requires mutual agreement, common interests and
time spent together were by and large agreement can be reached on almost everything.

But let us get real. We all have needs, and need attention, love, care, affection.

So it is not about how you begin, but about how you work together.
So at your age you know the kind of people you get on well with and what you want to
do day in day out. This narrows the field down a lot.

Next put yourself where you will meet people who fit this profile.
Then see how things grow, because both parties want love and care, it is developing
trust and earning it that takes the time.

And it also requires one last ingredient, sacrifice, being prepared to die to self and life
for another. They say the difference between heaven and hell, is in heaven they have
learnt to feed each other, and in hell the get nothing because all they do is try and feed
themselves and fail.

cinder · Mar 17, 2017

respectfully said:

Fair warning I'm about to be brutally honest here. I'd like to say there isn't a price tag on love, but when it comes to a gal choosing someone to go through life with, yes there absolutely are pre-requisites. And one of the big ones for many people is that you are supporting yourself and reasonably independent. If I meet a guy who has no job and is still living with his parents, or been living with a friend for a while and not really paying his fair share of the living expenses, and he wants to date me; I'm going to be concerned that this relationship is going to end up with me being expected to take care of him or support him rather than an equal partnership. I'm going to wonder if I'm going to feel like I'm doing most of the giving and being the responsible one and cleaning up after his mistakes. Those are absolutely things I don't want in a relationship, and if he's going to lead with his struggles instead of his hopes and plans for improvement well that tells me his focus is on the problems, not the finding of solutions.

I think most people can't tell just by looking at you that you are bipolar, so there's something else going on other than ladies knowing you are disabled at first glance (unless there are other disabilities that you haven't mentioned that are more physically noticeable).

Can you really consistently live up to your ideal of a true relationship? Will you be trustworthy, respectable, honest, and loving all the time? What will you do when you fail? Because everyone (at least everyone we'll consider as a decent potential date) has the same ideal for relationships, and most with any experience have fallen quite short of the ideal. And what would you do if the gal felt smothered by your constant showering of affection? I may be speaking for just myself here, but I find it a huge turn off if a guy shows me none of his own personality or preferences in an attempt to cater to my needs and make me feel special. Be yourself because ultimately whatever you see as your negatives, you have to focus on and present your good points so that a gal can see what she would gain by being with you (and it doesn't have to be a material gain; companionship, emotional support, a sounding board for ideas all of those can be very huge gains as well) and decide that it's worth it. Remember most people are no longer asking if the person in front of them is the best option of the suitors they have; most of us are now asking the question is being with this person in front of me better than being alone?

And as always this advice is backed up by cinder's absolutely zero real life first hand dating experience.

respectfully · Mar 17, 2017

I am appreciative that people are responding to this post kindly... because honestly I am not the type to look for pity...I may have been though a lot in my life... and been treated badly in relationships... but I remain kind...sincere...honest...and true.

but what was on my heart when I wrote this post was purely about those who are more disabled than me... and I was just looking to see what ladies think of guys who are disabled...

yes I am enough of a man to admit that I expect to have my own income in a relationship....soon a job.... to pursue a dream of forming a band beginning with buying all the instruments and equipment (yes I play many instruments and I believe I can find people to join or even teach them for free if they are interested.....and my ultimately I want to bring turn that band w/DJ into an all age club...and if being band leader isn't hard enough...by the time I get forming a club ... yes I will certainly will be relying on God because I know I am over my head in thinking I can also have a restaurant of defferent cultures in my club....and yet I dare to try and in my heart I'm thinking this will bring my family together who have left me alone in a carehome...for reason too much to explain...I have a big samoan family and I live in a Filipino carehome....so if I need help with the band I know people who play....and if I need help with the club I can certain find people...yes I am not selfish...this is not about money.... I want to bring positivity to my community...by way of no drinking smoking or drugs...in this club..... yes positive inspiration is my motto.... and yes Christianity will be incorporated but not imposed... there will be positive music sessions in vision... and Christian sessions both with dancing....and in my Polynesian family I have lots of dancer I dream of making lots of perfences...

okay I spoken a little much ... but all in all I personally say as a Christian poet "failure doesn't exist to person who keeps trying" and I shall die trying to accomplish my dream if it is God will that it should happen....and if I can pass it along as my legacy I have faith that if God wants it to happen ... it will happen

Ugly · Mar 18, 2017

respectfully said:

Chances are there are women you would not want to date either. There's some standard they won't meet.
It's well proven and established that women tend to be attracted to men with money. Just like men are likely to be more attracted to women with great looks. Two sides of the same coin.

As a man, like you, who has always struggled financially, and that had dealt with mental issues (depression) and now physical problems, I can understand the difficulty in finding a real relationship. The upside, though, is that when you do find someone they will be more understanding and patient and accepting than 'normal' women. This gives your relationship a better chance at working out.

Dino246 · Mar 18, 2017

A thought or three...

As one who has recently had the opportunity to "look" again, I spent many hours chatting with a divorced friend about what we were each looking for. First, we didn't want women who reminded us strongly of our ex-wives (singular, for each of us). We also wouldn't consider smokers, or those with obvious health problems (mental or physical). Employment was a must. We each have certain preferences regarding looks, and height... he is below-average for a male, preferring average or shorter women, I am quite tall, and prefer taller-than-average women.

Could any of that be called a "condition" on love? Perhaps. Slam me for having preferences... and I did receive some negative feedback from some people. However, when people are faced with their own preferences, usually they recognize that mine are simply different, not inherently bad. If you look at any one particular person's preferences and judge them, are you not doing exactly the same thing they are?

The reality is that each of us have preferences and non-negotiables. Some have greater validity than others, but if you meet an otherwise wonderful person who does not think you're wonderful, that person really is not wonderful for you! Make it a non-negotiable condition that the person you will choose must think you're wonderful (not "perfect"... that's unrealistic). Otherwise you're headed for a heartbreak. All shortcomings aside, there must be mutual attraction, and where there isn't, don't bother criticizing the other person for it, because that won't help either of you.

OwzK · Mar 18, 2017

respectfully said:

I feel sorry for you having such a horrible time with relationships. but it's the same for us all, no matter what we do it is never good enough.

I don't have any physical disabilities, but I do have mental health problems. It is a strain when society these days people are expected to be perfect, perfect looks, and it's always the bad people who get with the good looking girls. Cos girls like badboys, they may deny it and I may get hate for saying that. But it's true.

That doesn't mean we should be bad though, just be yourself. Someone will like you for the person you are.

We'll all meet bad people in life and we all find it hard to get relationships (and even more hard to maintain one) because of our society and how normal cheating has become, and how often divorces happen these days too. The world's gone nuts. But all we can do is be the best people we can be, follow God all the way and if you want a relationship. Then let it come to you and one day, it'll happen.

But love often ends in pain. It's why I avoid it. If you want a relationship, the perfect woman may come with time, if you don't want a relationship because of being hurt too much in the past and the pain. Then don't worry about it. Either way, don't worry. Just relax because God's will will happen.

Search

does love come with a condition?

respectfully

Guest

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member

Ariel82

Guest

PeterJens

Banned

cinder

Senior Member

respectfully

Guest

Ugly

Guest

Dino246

Senior Member

OwzK

Banned