"God Told ME to Marry You!" "Oh Yeah? Well God Told ME to Run!!!"

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,879
3,898
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

Ben's thoughtful thread (https://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/to-those-of-you-dating.192915/), along well as some chat friends, have me thinking about a series of circumstances/questions I've been wanting to ask for quite some time.

In his thread, Ben points out the virtues of just waiting on the Lord to reveal and send your spouse to you rather than actively dating. Several people have then asked, "But how do you know when God is telling you that this is the right person?"

I have often wondered this myself. Now, I have no doubt that there are couples in which God brought them together and somehow let them both know that He would like for them to get married. BUT, I have known many, many more couples who either didn't receive that "direct" word, sign, or affirmation from God and just made the choice to marry anyway (some worked out fine, some didn't,) or, many, many other couples who "thought" that God was telling them to get married, but the marriages were disastrous (abuse, addiction, adultery) and often resulted in divorce.

What do you all think?

* How will God let someone know they are to marry a person, and what if that person's life is full of red flags? Would you go ahead and marry them anyway, believing you were obeying God, and trusting Him to work it out? (The people I've known who have done this wound up in horrible situations.)

* What if God doesn't give you some ultimate divine sign or affirmation to marry a certain person? Would you feel comfortable making the choice on your own?

* Sam is telling Sally, "GOD TOLD ME you are the one for me... WE ARE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED." But Sally has absolutely no interest in Sam romantically.

Is this really God? Would God tell ONE person that they were supposed to get married, but NOT the other? I've been in this situation myself (with someone telling me they believed God was giving him signs that we were supposed to get married,) and to be honest, it didn't feel like God -- it felt like outright emotional and spiritual manipulation (I think the young folks these days call it "gaslighting.")

Would God really tell someone to tell you that you're supposed to marry them instead of telling you Himself?

* Bill is in a relationship with Bonnie, but Betty is convinced that God is telling her that she and Bill are meant to marry instead, and so she tells Bill this. Bill breaks up with Bonnie, then proceeds to court and marry Betty, all the while citing that he is "following the Lord."

I actually heard a Christian speaker and his wife tell this exact story (it was so long ago, I don't remember their names.) They had met in college, and the man was in a relationship with another girl. The woman who became his wife believed she was meant to be with him and not this other girl, so he said he prayed about it, and believed God wanted him to break up with his current girlfriend in order to be with this new girl, whom he eventually married.

I have always wondered if this was really God. After all, God would not tell a married person to divorce their spouse for someone else (though I've heard of some Christians claiming this,) so would He really break up an existing relationship in order to direct a person to marry someone else?

I'm not saying at all that God CAN'T do any of this. But I do have to wonder how many times it's really God speaking, and not just someone's own deceitful heart.

What have YOUR experiences been, and what are your thoughts about discerning when something is "really from God"?
 
L

lenna

Guest
#2
I think it's a dangerous game to let other people tell you what God is saying. I would not listen to it myself and have seen some disastrous results in people's lives as a direct result of this type of influence.

I would also wonder what kind of woman or man would drop their current relationship on the word of someone else and go and marry them. I don't even care if it works out.

Sam is telling Sally, "GOD TOLD ME you are the one for me... WE ARE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED." But Sally has absolutely no interest in Sam romantically.
Walk away. Fast.
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
8,023
3,958
113
#3
Hey Everyone,

Ben's thoughtful thread (https://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/to-those-of-you-dating.192915/), along well as some chat friends, have me thinking about a series of circumstances/questions I've been wanting to ask for quite some time.

In his thread, Ben points out the virtues of just waiting on the Lord to reveal and send your spouse to you rather than actively dating. Several people have then asked, "But how do you know when God is telling you that this is the right person?"

I have often wondered this myself. Now, I have no doubt that there are couples in which God brought them together and somehow let them both know that He would like for them to get married. BUT, I have known many, many more couples who either didn't receive that "direct" word, sign, or affirmation from God and just made the choice to marry anyway (some worked out fine, some didn't,) or, many, many other couples who "thought" that God was telling them to get married, but the marriages were disastrous (abuse, addiction, adultery) and often resulted in divorce.

What do you all think?

* How will God let someone know they are to marry a person, and what if that person's life is full of red flags? Would you go ahead and marry them anyway, believing you were obeying God, and trusting Him to work it out? (The people I've known who have done this wound up in horrible situations.)

* What if God doesn't give you some ultimate divine sign or affirmation to marry a certain person? Would you feel comfortable making the choice on your own?

* Sam is telling Sally, "GOD TOLD ME you are the one for me... WE ARE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED." But Sally has absolutely no interest in Sam romantically.

Is this really God? Would God tell ONE person that they were supposed to get married, but NOT the other? I've been in this situation myself (with someone telling me they believed God was giving him signs that we were supposed to get married,) and to be honest, it didn't feel like God -- it felt like outright emotional and spiritual manipulation (I think the young folks these days call it "gaslighting.")

Would God really tell someone to tell you that you're supposed to marry them instead of telling you Himself?

* Bill is in a relationship with Bonnie, but Betty is convinced that God is telling her that she and Bill are meant to marry instead, and so she tells Bill this. Bill breaks up with Bonnie, then proceeds to court and marry Betty, all the while citing that he is "following the Lord."

I actually heard a Christian speaker and his wife tell this exact story (it was so long ago, I don't remember their names.) They had met in college, and the man was in a relationship with another girl. The woman who became his wife believed she was meant to be with him and not this other girl, so he said he prayed about it, and believed God wanted him to break up with his current girlfriend in order to be with this new girl, whom he eventually married.

I have always wondered if this was really God. After all, God would not tell a married person to divorce their spouse for someone else (though I've heard of some Christians claiming this,) so would He really break up an existing relationship in order to direct a person to marry someone else?

I'm not saying at all that God CAN'T do any of this. But I do have to wonder how many times it's really God speaking, and not just someone's own deceitful heart.

What have YOUR experiences been, and what are your thoughts about discerning when something is "really from God"?
But how do you know when God is telling you that this is the right person?"
To me, with or without spiritual revelation we have scripture that provides examples of wisdom.

For example, there are people who married and were attracted more to the other women, and this caused turmoil. So I see attraction is important.

I see though above all else by God's will, He wants our spouse to be a man or woman after His heart. Unequally yoked can turn someone away from God or be a stumbling block.

One must study what does God expect in a man or woman and then do our best to find such potential.

There is a science to attraction and biological functions that push us to look for the best mate in order to not feel alone, someone to relate to, to help us in everyday tasks, and of course to produce healthy children.
 

kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
2,725
1,208
113
#4
what are your thoughts about discerning when something is "really from God"?

Outside of the framework of another fabulous relationship thread,

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here are my thoughts........

Usually when it's uncomfortable and it doesn't make any sense, also it can't go against scripture obviously. Someone doesn't really know for sure, until it all plays out. That's where faith comes in.

It really comes down to building your relationship with God. Do you trust HIM with all things?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,879
3,898
113
#5
I appreciate the thoughtful replies and hope this will lead to an interesting discussion.

I think it's an important subject to talk about because, while many seasoned Christians might be able to make conclusions that seem like a no-brainer to them, many newer or younger Christians might actually feel obligated to pay attention to someone who is claiming, "Well, God told me so."

I knew a woman a long time ago who was being pursued by a self-proclaimed man of God, and she prayed that if she was to marry him, he would continue to pursue her, and if not, he would give up. He continued to pursue. They got married, and it was a total disaster that ended in divorce.

This might be different for other believers, but I've been in churches my entire life and I still feel as if I'm a newbie in the area of discernment when presented with life situations that I haven't faced before.
 

kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
2,725
1,208
113
#6
I appreciate the thoughtful replies and hope this will lead to an interesting discussion.

I think it's an important subject to talk about because, while many seasoned Christians might be able to make conclusions that seem like a no-brainer to them, many newer or younger Christians might actually feel obligated to pay attention to someone who is claiming, "Well, God told me so."

I knew a woman a long time ago who was being pursued by a self-proclaimed man of God, and she prayed that if she was to marry him, he would continue to pursue her, and if not, he would give up. He continued to pursue. They got married, and it was a total disaster that ended in divorce.

This might be different for other believers, but I've been in churches my entire life and I still feel as if I'm a newbie in the area of discernment when presented with life situations that I haven't faced before.
We appreciate your efforts!

The real issue is the divorce, not necessarily the bad selection. Let's face it, we are all horrible people. Aren't we all sinners? You know, deserve death? It's only because of God's grace that we are saved.

It's sort of like that believer who accepts Jesus as their savior, but loses faith due to the cares of the world. This is like the man and woman who marry, but due to hardship throw in the towel (despite who actually files for divorce, statistically is more so the woman who files for divorce, but any who), because it's to difficult.

(I'm trying here Seoul)

I think having a family gives you insight on how awesome God is. When you raise kids, they are generally selfish and only really care about themselves. This is true about us in many ways. God provides for all our needs and forgives all of our sins, despite us being horrible people. Same is generally true about children in a loving home. You tell a kid it's time to goto bed and you can't watch the Flintstones tonight, they may say, I hate you mom, you're the worst.

God hates divorce, just as much as when a believer falls from grace, and no longer wants any part of God.

If you could honestly interview married couples, they would have plenty of complaints to say about each other. I generally respect those that stay married, despite being completely miserable. This shows commitment to keep their word. It's also basic building blocks for faith. Can you keep trusting God, even though your life seems unraveled?

The real beauty in marriage is, how hard the couple is working to keep the marriage a float. There may be some really nasty arguments, but they stay married, because they are sticking to their commitment. That's a beautiful thing. You can always find fault in someone, but can you see the beauty in them, and help them reach their full potential.

*The views expressed here are from kinda and may be flawed, but he did the best he could to help sister seoulsearch out. I need a hug now. lol
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,879
3,898
113
#7
*The views expressed here are from kinda and may be flawed, but he did the best he could to help sister seoulsearch out. I need a hug now. lol
Ok, but I'm just waiting on God to tell me that it's ok to hug you. :cool:;):LOL:
 

TamLynn

A heart at rest
Nov 27, 2014
979
1,002
93
#9
I guess it has to do with who's saying it.

Most of men and women I've heard proclaim that about someone else have been...ahem...a bit cray-cray. 😳

If it's someone whose testimony and walk with the Lord are solid, and they walk circumspectly, someone that you know and consider a friend...then maybe pray about it and get others to as well.

Marriage is HUGE. I wouldnt move forward without some big time confirmation. ❤🙏🏼
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
16,570
5,600
113
#10
seoul...in terms of discernment arent you supposed to get confirmation from at least 2 OTHER people before anything is certain thats why Jesus says when 2 or three are gathered in MY name.

that is why marriage REQUIRES at least 2 other eye witnesses at the wedding ceremony! You cant claim well God is the one witnessing because otherwise it would just be you, the other person and nobody else to even know you signed the marriage papers...God isnt going to sign them Himself.

as for marrying in general its on faith and you got to face reality that you may not always get along all the time with the person you married. But thats what marriage is. Most of the time is actually spent arguing (or, other people may call it 'calmly discussing' ) how you are going to work out life together its really not supposed to be one person does everything and the other person sits back and goes along for the ride.
 

Runningman

Well-known member
Mar 4, 2020
5,212
2,718
113
#11
* How will God let someone know they are to marry a person, and what if that person's life is full of red flags? Would you go ahead and marry them anyway, believing you were obeying God, and trusting Him to work it out? (The people I've known who have done this wound up in horrible situations.)
What I would personally go with is someone who is a Christian and doesn't believe in or do anything that violates my conscience. The last thing I would want is a spouse who wants to go round and round in endless doctrinal debates; I have Christian Chat for that.

Even though certain hardships, tribulation, and experiences are necessary for character development, I must admit I would find it hard to willingly take those upon myself. I trust the Lord will complete the work He began in me in due season.

So I would discuss red flags first before bolting and if they are irreconcilable then I guess that would be how it is.

My final thought is I don't know that there is a person for everyone or a "soul mate." Instead there are just a lot of people with varying degrees of compatibility. For me I'm of the mindset of just finding someone I like then going with it for a year of dating.

I think the long dating period is necessary because people usually try to impress each other at first and only reveal those red flags gradually or after a long period of time.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
16,570
5,600
113
#12
see 2 Corinthians 13:1

I may need to type it all out in KJV if your version says something complelty different but look it up.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,591
1,643
113
#13
The last lady I dated she said God told her I am the one and she has waited her whole life for me... after a few dates.

I’m like well people say congratulations because it takes TWO people to have peace, not just one 🤷‍♂️
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
20,334
5,955
113
#14
All I can think of right now is a book title. "Thus saith the Lord... Or was that me?"
 
M

MegMarch

Guest
#15
Not exactly the same, but my favorite was when a random guy at church I didn't know came up to me and said:

"God told me to pray for you."
*Proceeds to grab my hands and start praying

God told you rub your sweaty palms on my hands? I think not. :ROFL:
 
M

MegMarch

Guest
#16
Some further thoughts on the topic. I have found it is easy to become trapped in my own individual mind and thinking at times in regards to this topic. I've learned to frequently let go of control, and just see what happens, while using the wisdom I've gained from past experience.

I am convinced that I do not want to have a marriage filled with constant turmoil or conflict, so if the person shows signs of this over time, I will not marry them. If I think God is telling me to marry them while they are prone to this sort of behavior, I will question if I am hearing God's voice or my own thoughts/desires are superseding his.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,171
2,197
113
#17
Hopefully this comes out somewhat organized:

I'm very against the "God told me to tell you" line because it honestly reeks of spiritual manipulation. There are so many other ways to share real or imagined insight from God that are softer and allow for the fact that I as an imperfect human may not have understood clearly exactly what a perfect God was saying. Anyone who is willing to come out all "Thus saith the Lord.." strong on a matter of personal direction I am immediately suspicious of.

Perhaps because I've been in circles where the I think God wants to say to you.... was a little more common; at some point God and I (at least I think God had a hand in it and I know he knows about it now) kind of developed a little code so if he ever wants to get my no questions asked attention through another person, God knows what he needs to have that person say to do so. And it's not something I will ever tell anyone or something anyone would easily guess. So if someone doesn't "give the signal" I retain the right to doubt their claims of God directing me through them. I'm not advocating setting up complicated tests or proofs for everything before you'll believe God's doing it; I'm just advocating use your brain and don't be manipulated by people name dropping God like he's in complete agreement with them on all things.

Partly because of all the difficult questions that arise about how does God direct someone to that special singular needle in a haystack "THE ONE", I've grown to believe that God's will just may be big enough to give us choices between two or more goods. There could be 200 men on the planet that I could have a good and successful marriage with. Even though each of those 200 theoretical marriages would be different and would ultimately make me a bit different of a person (and no, I don't plan to marry 200 different men in quick succession to prove it; that's not the point here) they could also all theoretically be in God's will (and if we want to get really complicated we could talk about contrasting the two sides of the will of God : what he wants to happen and what he allows people to go and mess up and do to themselves even though he never wanted them to do that to themselves). And I should point out that so much of God's will as revealed in scripture has to do not so much with specific things we do or don't do but with the kind of people we are and the way we view and relate to the world. When in doubt it's very hard to go wrong with being wise and being generous. And the two go together because with just one you'll either become incredibly selfish and self protective or you'll let anyone with a sob story walk all over you.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,243
2,472
113
#18
Years ago, someone (A trusted source) told my guy friend that a lady in our congregation said the Lord told lady and my guy friend were to marry. Now... lady is a hard working woman and is nice... a little quirky at times, but she is at least 10 yrs older than my friend. He had ZERO interest in her. Never showed her any interest. Etc etc etc. She never said anything to my friend though. I’m sure he was grateful for that. And the Lord never said anything to him about getting with lady.

He married someone else a month ago. I wonder how lady felt about it.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
3,072
2,475
113
#19
I used to know a guy convinced he and his ex wife were going to get back together, that God told him so. His ex had moved on and even gotten remarried to another man, and yet he relented and insisted God told him this.
Years later he showed up at my church, married to another woman.

A friend of mine, years ago, was friends with a woman that refused to date as she was convinced she was meant to marry Carman (yes, the rich and famous Christian singer from the 80s/early 90s). They didn't kniw each other and had only met in passing, once, at one of his shows. She, too, went on to marry someone else.

I even had a CCer, years ago, try that on me. I was told "God wants us to get married, I just have to wait for you to realize that". This was after I had stated there was no chance of us dating.
I knew it wasn't true. After a year of chasing me I found out they were a catfish and ended all friendship with them. A month later they moved halfway across the country to live with another man. And the year we were friends she never told me she was engaged. So, yeah, people claiming God tells them things, especially about marriage, is always scrutinized by me.

I even once had a friend, and we clearly both were interested in one another. Once I officially asked her out she refused saying God told her to wait. I was 17 and ok with that. But eventually "God" began coming up with new reasons for us to wait. And conveniently all of what "God" said fit perfectly with her personal fears about dating and men. Literally everything she claimed was God were fears she shared with me.

Even myself, when younger, was convinced of God leading me to someone, despite it being as obvious as a slap in the face, I wasn't.
People look for signs to support their desires. And it's easy to turn anything into a sign.


"Yep, are you the kind
That's completely consumed
By symbols and signs?
If you are that's fine
But don't you find it interesting
How most of the time
Your self-interpreting seems to coincide
With what's deep inside
Your heart's desires
Seems rather convenient, doesn't it?"
-Beautiful Eulogy
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
16,570
5,600
113
#20
haha its usally a sign of 'You better marry me or else' style of bullying.
The only times God told people to marry in the Bible was these situations...

Hosea had to marry Gomer even though she cheated on him several times. This was to show how infinitely forgiving God was to the Israelites, who also cheated on God. Gomer did not actually force this marriage.

God told Joseph he had to marry Mary, who was pregant. He was going to break of their engagement. What God did was get the angels to announce Mary's surprise pregancy, and also at the same time the angels were telling Jospeh he had to stick by her.

Mary did not say to Joseph herself that God said he had to marry her. The angels were the messengers.

Ruth was actually encouraged by Naomi to offer herself to Boaz. Boaz could only marry Ruth if nobody else wanted his shoe. Or something
. Might have to check that one. Im pretty sure RUth didnt say to Boaz well God told me to marry you which is why I am uncovering your feet.