Guarding Your Heart

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laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
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#21
Try to discover early on whom they blame for their own lifes troubles.
This is incredibly insightful. My friend went on a coffee date with someone she met online. She said he was handsome and friendly and in the first couple of minutes, told her that his dad had not told him that he loved him. He spent the first twenty minutes discussing his pain at not being affirmed in the way he deserved. Yup. I told her to run as fast as possible. I am soooo going to quote you.
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#22
Hi, people!

I am interested in hearing how other believers date and simultaneously guard their hearts. What are some things you do to guard your heart while romantically dating someone?
Wait.. when you say 'guard your heart' do you mean..

keep it from falling in love too quickly/too soon, or..
keep it from being hardened/jaded by a bad experience??
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,194
2,385
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#23
when my husband and i were just getting to know each other, i found myself liking him. of course, my mind started creating all the perfect scenarios, but we were just friends! the Holy Spirit really opened my eyes. He said i was putting my faith in my wishful thinking rather than in Him. i had to ask Him multiple times to help me keep my feet on the ground.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,366
1,436
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#24
My dad gave me sound advice I’ll share with you all. Before meeting them, pray for red flags. It works! :)
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,194
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#26
my mom told me "don't assume he likes you until he says so." sadly, i didn't listen to this advice 99.9% of the time lol!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,922
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#27
lol, your pastor hasn't a say in the matter, its a matter between your soul/heart and the person concerned. Pray if your in doubt.
lol unless your pastor IS your dad.

If you have any doubts about someone, I would say dont. Doubting would be the the opposite of faith. I mean in terms of spending the rest your life them. But if you going to be alone with someone for just a few hours, even then I would be cautious.

You always hear of horror dates, some of which women dont survive. Aside from all the drama, sometimes its just not worth it. Nobody has a right to steal your soul.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,861
2,334
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#28
Hi, people!

I am interested in hearing how other believers date and simultaneously guard their hearts. What are some things you do to guard your heart while romantically dating someone?
Dating is a risk. Period. And often time the emotions behind such things are out of our control. Making guarding your heart not possible.
My attitude was always "give it all". If it was a person I ended up marrying I didn't want to hold back from them.
If we broke up, well, I knew the risks. I made the choice. I live with the consequences.
And I say that as one that's suffered some pretty serious pain as a result. But at least I knew I gave my best to that person. To do any less would feel dishonest.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
8,505
5,839
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#29
um. I have heard people say that in church basically its code for DONT DATE ANYONE your pastor doesnt approve of.
lol, your pastor hasn't a say in the matter, its a matter between your soul/heart and the person concerned. Pray if your in doubt.
It is critical and VITAL to learn to listen to the Holy Spirit, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, and who to make a life long covenant (marriage) with...….

When I first met my husband, the Holy Spirit made it CLEAR to me (to paraphrase it here ) "That's him..... that's your husband"

My dad didn't want to see his baby grow and go and almost refused to even meet the man......
my pastors first response when I told him I met this man wasn't exactly encouraging either. He never got to met my (now) husband because I wasn't in that church long after that. The Lord had been leading me away from there, but I was so rooted and grounded and "tied in" that it was hard for me to leave, until then.....

if I had listened to man ( my pastor at the time) and not the Holy Spirit, well, can't say if we would be here together all these years later now or not, but I can say that through all the highs and lows in our life (especially during the lows) I KNOW I am with the person the Lord wants me to be with, and that's a comforting thing, especially during the low times when things aren't picture perfect and Satan comes trying to whisper doubts about it.....

(and if I had listened to my dad, well I'd be a 30 something year old still living at home with my folks and no life...…..) (and to any one who is still living with their parents, I'm not saying that is always a bad thing, just wasn't what was FOR ME)
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,922
4,606
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#30
lol am just joking about the pastor but in some churches thats what they really mean. If you under 18 you need parental consent otherwise it is your own choice.

Living with your parents after you turn 18 and are a legal adult is also your own choice too. although it is dificult these days if you do want to leave home but the main reason to leave traditionally (and biblically) has been to marry someone else and make your own family.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,922
4,606
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#31
I wouldnt say those living with their folks do not have their own life though just its a bit more restricted in some ways.
Folks that leave home without marrying often move to another country or set up their own residence but for that you need to be intentional about it i.e have a really well paying job, or aome sort of finances to do that. most people just rent somewhere, I was speaking to one of my aunties and she said two of her daughters left home but left all their stuff behind, she had to give it all to the salvation army when she was downsizing.

My sister did the same and I was like can we get rid of your stuff since you not coming back here to live and she wasa bit nonplused. Well in the end I had to move it all to my brothers house in their spare room so I could actually have a room. lol
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,922
4,606
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#32
I think you cant go wrong if you listen to the Holy Spirit.
if you have any doubts then dont.
some people listened to their parents and just got married to please them or their desire for children or settling down so theres that pressure too. Like Prince Charles. sorry Prince Charles but we all know what a disaster your first marriage turned out to be. Thankfully people have forgiven him.
 
Jul 20, 2019
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#33
It is critical and VITAL to learn to listen to the Holy Spirit, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, and who to make a life long covenant (marriage) with...….

When I first met my husband, the Holy Spirit made it CLEAR to me (to paraphrase it here ) "That's him..... that's your husband"

My dad didn't want to see his baby grow and go and almost refused to even meet the man......
my pastors first response when I told him I met this man wasn't exactly encouraging either. He never got to met my (now) husband because I wasn't in that church long after that. The Lord had been leading me away from there, but I was so rooted and grounded and "tied in" that it was hard for me to leave, until then.....

if I had listened to man ( my pastor at the time) and not the Holy Spirit, well, can't say if we would be here together all these years later now or not, but I can say that through all the highs and lows in our life (especially during the lows) I KNOW I am with the person the Lord wants me to be with, and that's a comforting thing, especially during the low times when things aren't picture perfect and Satan comes trying to whisper doubts about it.....

(and if I had listened to my dad, well I'd be a 30 something year old still living at home with my folks and no life...…..) (and to any one who is still living with their parents, I'm not saying that is always a bad thing, just wasn't what was FOR ME)
The Holy Spirit will answer the prayers and put it into your heart, this I am sure.
 

Isaiah263

Active member
Jan 12, 2020
196
194
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#34
In my experience, I start by praying for her, and myself and for God to lead our time together. Prayer is incredibly powerful. God protects and guards us. Prayer for wisdom as well. Scripture is filled with promises of wisdom which God gives generously to those who ask (James 1:5). I navigate the conversation to see where she is spiritually. I don't mean to generalize, but in my next of the woods, (So Cal) there are a lot of people who "think" they're Christian but the conversation goes south when you talk about their relationship with God or "god". It doesn't have to be Advanced Bible, but if it doesn't line up with the true God of the Bible. Flee..
If you get past that point, inspect the fruit, but be real. I love Jesus but I'm flawed and a work in progress by the grace of God and open to share that by the Holy Spirit's leading.
Just my .02 cents.
Blessings,
Steve
 
Jul 20, 2019
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#35
But then it makes me think, what if we’re destined to be single? Just as Paul the Apostle was?
But Paul the apostle was put aside for a reason, and couldn't have any distractions on his journey, sometimes I feel I'm put aside for something important, but in my 46 years walking this earth I haven't been told what that purpose is. So here I am yearning for my beloved to turn up :p
 

Belka

Junior Member
Aug 24, 2017
225
228
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#36
Hi, people!

I am interested in hearing how other believers date and simultaneously guard their hearts. What are some things you do to guard your heart while romantically dating someone?
Hi Meg,

What I've learned is that guarding our mind first is the crucial thing to do. Emotions / feelings tend to flow out of our thoughts and imaginations. And sometimes it's easy to imagine things and to create scenarios in our mind before anything has truly happened. The key point is not to let yourself go there, and to put a stop to that in your mind. Disciplining the mind is crucial, as stated below:

2 Cor 10:5
We tear down arguments, and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Then, redirect your thoughts towards the Lord and pray, pray, pray. And listen to the leading of the Spirit. Very often, I've found, we "know" very early on, if something is going to work out or not, but we don't always listen, and sometimes create false hopes or expectations for people and situations that are obviously not fitting to us. It's that "gut feeling" that a lot of people talk about (I believe the Spirit gives us those, as a way to warn us / guide us).

Guarding the heart is really about guarding the mind first. If you don't allow your mind to wander, your heart won't get very involved, because you will be led by reason and by the Spirit of God.

I hope this helps a little bit. Stay focused on the Lord and ask HIM to arrange things in His perfect way.

Blessings~
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
#37
I think the whole idea of vetting a prospect is determining whether the connection meets our needs. Guarding our hearts is not akin to locking them away. It’s exercising discernment regarding intimacy.

I look for visible evidence of compelling with the opposite sex. A mutual yearning for transparency and vulnerability. The men I date don’t invite strangers to their inner sanctum. We see where interest carries the other and earn our way to trust.

I don’t dance or allow them to play hokey pokey with my feelings. They don’t talk around their attraction. And I won’t spend hours trying to figure them out. They must shoot straight and lay their cards on the table.

Since I don’t date friends or permit men to use that avenue for greater insight. It forces suitors through the same channel. They’re judged on their viability as a companion. They can’t lean on religion or familiarity. I’m wholly focused on their character and capacity to lead.

And it doesn’t take long to determine if that’s a yes or no if you know what you’re looking for. Most people err by getting overly attached and allowing their emotions to make decisions instead of their head and spirit.

From my observation, Christian interactions are very intimate. There’s a lot of sharing and openness. But I’m not looking for a BFF. Listening isn’t the same as leading. And empathy doesn’t beget vision or troubleshooting. If I want him at the helm, I must give him an opportunity to demonstrate his mettle.

From the moment we agree to pursue our interest, I take my hands off. i allow him to set the tone and determine the frequency of our meetings and discourse. He takes the lead and I allow his behavior to communicate his interest. And I respond in turn.

I don’t believe in chasing men, making the first move, or smothering them. If he desires me, he’ll make it clear. If he doesn’t that will be evident. Pouring my heart out en route to the truth is unwise. I know where he stands and what I mean to him before I do.
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#38
I'm looking back on this thread now and I'm thinking maybe i just need some of this..

 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,466
6,588
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#39
I don’t believe in chasing men, making the first move, or smothering them. If he desires me, he’ll make it clear. If he doesn’t that will be evident. Pouring my heart out en route to the truth is unwise. I know where he stands and what I mean to him before I do.
I like and agree with what you specifically said here, I’d rather him not beat around the bush and just be direct or forward about his interest in me - I also don’t click on well with “hints” or “subliminal talk” lol.