How do you know if singleness is for a season or lifestyle?

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Johari

Junior Member
Dec 24, 2013
87
33
18
#1
I've been praying about it for a while now but I haven't gotten any clear signs/answers of confirmation. Maybe I got an answer but didn't realize it or I'm in denial. Are there any telltale signs?
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,390
1,969
113
#2
A lifestyle can be a season. So I'm not getting the distinction.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,578
1,660
113
#3
Take it one day at a time. If today you are single then do everything you can to live a virtuous single life. And if you find someone that makes you want to be not single, then pursue that relationship in a way that honors God and all the people involved.

Wise people have told me that God's guidance is more like seeing just the next step or having a navigator sitting in the car with you who knows the way to where you're going rather than a gps or google maps which shows you every step of the way from now to the end of your journey. All that to say, God will probably not tell you super ahead of time if you're going to be married or if and when you're going to stop being single. Just do your best to follow him today and tomorrow do the same and give him a chance to input on your decisions when you're making them.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,197
6,768
113
#4
I've been praying about it for a while now but I haven't gotten any clear signs/answers of confirmation. Maybe I got an answer but didn't realize it or I'm in denial. Are there any telltale signs?

Just my opinion...

Time will tell. I say, do not lean on your own understanding or knowing. Just seek Him, enjoy your life as it is, best as you can. Be healthy, stay connected to other believers. If it is meant for your life, it will happen.

I hear ppl say all the time... God will bring me someone. Well, He might, but perhaps not. Either way, you can be content and fulfilled. Find what's right, where you are and enjoy this season, just as it is.

I will pray He brings you the desires of your heart. I will also pray that for both of us the greatest desire of our heart, will always be Him.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,945
4,142
113
#5
How do you know? You don't!

But if it does happen, what you do between now and then will determine what kind of life you have to offer your spouse to share.

If it never happens, what you do with your life between now and then determines what kind of life you will have... For the rest of your life.

Either way it seems the best thing to do is live life as it comes and make the most of it while you have it.
 

christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
566
250
43
#6
Telltale signs?

Not sure about telltale signs but it is interesting how God did put Adam through two things after He said it's not good for a man to be alone instead of bringing Eve right away:
(1) He brought out all the animals to see what Adam would name them (and perhaps make him realize there was no suitable counterpart for him when he's seeing all these animals in couple and also could have used some help with naming job), and
(2) put him in a deep sleep, took something out of him to make his counterpart from it, rather than from the scratch.

My personal take from this is whatever the 'naming job' for me, I should do it faithfully, and one day God will put me in a "deep sleep" and bring her to me (in which is all done without my awareness of it).
Lastly, it was a surprise for Adam ("At last!").
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,962
3,620
113
#7
hmm well God hasnt told me to go anywhere so Im staying put.
I think He also got rid of a few stalkers that kept bothering me too so Im thankful.

Jesus said lots of people wouldnt understand why people dont get married, (he didn't) so I dont expect a lot of sympathy for being single -- I think people expect more from being married.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
12,704
2,974
113
#8
I've been praying about it for a while now but I haven't gotten any clear signs/answers of confirmation. Maybe I got an answer but didn't realize it or I'm in denial. Are there any telltale signs?
Hi Johari,

Many of us here are long-time singles, so we certainly understand what you're saying. I can't think of many people in the Bible whom God seemed to actually call into a single status (Jeremiah comes to mind,) but that certainly doesn't mean that He won't.

I'm pretty sure that He sometimes does, as I've met two women over the years who were adopted by single Christian mothers who never met the "right" guy and never felt any particular leading to get married. They DID, however, feel a very strong calling to adopt children on their own (one even adopted 5 girls and raised them alone.) Neither of these young women felt as if they had been traumatized or were missing out because they were raised without a father. I'm definitely not saying this is for everyone, but these cases certainly seemed to have a special touch of God's grace over them.

I can tell just tell you from my own experience that I've never felt that my singleness was a particular season or "calling" -- it just happened, and continues to happen, as time goes on. This used to cause me a whole heap of anxiety and stress -- but after several years of this, now I just try to tell myself that God will prepare and equip me for whatever happens.

For a good year, I was taking almost daily walks before sunrise because I loved the still and quiet of the "calm before the morning." However, there were a few days when I accidentally overslept and wound up walking in the bright sunlight instead. And I found an astonishing difference.

When the sky was dark, and I couldn't see the landscape around me, I brought a flashlight, but of course, couldn't see much past that small, concentrated beam of light. But when the morning broke and the sun started to come through in full force, I could see everything around me to the point of having to shield my eyes from seeing everything around me drenched in bright, all-encompassing light.

And for some odd reason, I found that when I could see EVERYTHING -- the sky, the trees, the houses, every detail of the landscape, and the length of the road ahead of me, I always, always wound up wanting to turn back sooner. I was always tempted to cut my walking time in half, because the bright, revealing light made the atmosphere too hot, the road suddenly look too long, and the journey appear to be twice as long as it was in the dark (even though it was the same distance.)

Oddly enough, when I'm walking in the near-dark with only that narrow beam of light to guide me just a few feet ahead, and street lights to give me a slight preview of my surroundings but nothing in detail, I walk faster, with more purpose, and for a longer time. I guess it's because my mind thinks to itself, "I can manage to walk as far as this beam of light," where as in regular daylight, the journey ahead looks to be daunting and unending.

Full-on daylight always makes me want to turn back sooner, but a tiny, thin beam of light constantly seems to pull me forward, beckoning me to continue, and I am more apt to heed its call when it is the only immediate light that guides me.

God made me think one day about how much He works like this in my life as well. If you would have told me XX years ago that I was still going to be single, I would have given up all hope and shriveled up into a ball of despair. Many times, I still did, and sometimes still do today.

But for some reason, God doesn't expose the full sun to me across the map He has regarding His plans for my life.

Instead, He seems to guide me with just one little flashlight of the day ahead of me, one at a time. God seemed to be telling me that if He showed me the full exposure of everything He has planned for my life, I would be certain to turn back, missing out on landmark lessons that might just be a only a few more days, or, albeit, years, ahead -- if I had just kept walking.

I don't know exactly where this little light is following, or what will happen along the way, or even where it has me going.

But I do know that I feel compelled to follow it, and there have been some unexpected adventures along the way, both good and bad.

Blessings to you, Johari! You are certainly not alone.

Please keep us posted as God reveals more of the guiding light He for you in your life.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,414
616
113
#9
People mysticize things too much for their own good.

Sometimes people think God is leading them toward an ascetic life and they end up married with three kids (my mom). Sometimes people pray, remain full of passion, and die single.

The best thing to do is to work on your own character while engaging your community.

I've been praying about it for a while now but I haven't gotten any clear signs/answers of confirmation. Maybe I got an answer but didn't realize it or I'm in denial. Are there any telltale signs?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,945
4,142
113
#10
Wise people have told me that God's guidance is more like seeing just the next step or having a navigator sitting in the car with you who knows the way to where you're going rather than a gps or google maps which shows you every step of the way from now to the end of your journey.
Part of me thinks it would sure be nice to know the whole route. When I go on a trip I don't just punch the destination in my phone and take off, I map out the whole route and make sure the turns are on a list I can access at any time.

Of course if God DID give me the whole route, I would probably try to find shortcuts to bypass the parts I don't like... or just get scared and stay home, AKA never live my life at all. It's probably a good thing I only know the next "go straight for 52 miles."
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,945
4,142
113
#11
Jesus said lots of people wouldnt understand why people dont get married, (he didn't) so I dont expect a lot of sympathy for being single -- I think people expect more from being married.
That's great! It works out perfectly, because being single is for people who don't WANT a lot of sympathy.

Being single is for people who have a flat on the way to the party, but they can still show up (a bit late) and NOT make the whole party conversation about changing a tire.
 
May 25, 2015
5,936
591
113
#12
You never really know.

I think my time with God helps me when I start to feel lonely. It's okay to go through those emotions, but allowing them to overtake you, can be dangerous. Just like you don't want any kind of emotion to really overtake you.

He's in the darkness, He's in the loneliness.

Sometimes, literally having to fix your eyes on Him can help you during those times. Sometimes, I just say, "Okay, I'm looking at You, God. I fixing my gaze on you. Help me in these feelings." I'm not lonely too much, but from time to time, I become lonely and I think that's a normal feeling.

But, learning to be content in all the seasons and being okay, because God is still good and He is still on His throne.
 

Johari

Junior Member
Dec 24, 2013
87
33
18
#13
Hi Johari,

Many of us here are long-time singles, so we certainly understand what you're saying. I can't think of many people in the Bible whom God seemed to actually call into a single status (Jeremiah comes to mind,) but that certainly doesn't mean that He won't.

I'm pretty sure that He sometimes does, as I've met two women over the years who were adopted by single Christian mothers who never met the "right" guy and never felt any particular leading to get married. They DID, however, feel a very strong calling to adopt children on their own (one even adopted 5 girls and raised them alone.) Neither of these young women felt as if they had been traumatized or were missing out because they were raised without a father. I'm definitely not saying this is for everyone, but these cases certainly seemed to have a special touch of God's grace over them.

I can tell just tell you from my own experience that I've never felt that my singleness was a particular season or "calling" -- it just happened, and continues to happen, as time goes on. This used to cause me a whole heap of anxiety and stress -- but after several years of this, now I just try to tell myself that God will prepare and equip me for whatever happens.

For a good year, I was taking almost daily walks before sunrise because I loved the still and quiet of the "calm before the morning." However, there were a few days when I accidentally overslept and wound up walking in the bright sunlight instead. And I found an astonishing difference.

When the sky was dark, and I couldn't see the landscape around me, I brought a flashlight, but of course, couldn't see much past that small, concentrated beam of light. But when the morning broke and the sun started to come through in full force, I could see everything around me to the point of having to shield my eyes from seeing everything around me drenched in bright, all-encompassing light.

And for some odd reason, I found that when I could see EVERYTHING -- the sky, the trees, the houses, every detail of the landscape, and the length of the road ahead of me, I always, always wound up wanting to turn back sooner. I was always tempted to cut my walking time in half, because the bright, revealing light made the atmosphere too hot, the road suddenly look too long, and the journey appear to be twice as long as it was in the dark (even though it was the same distance.)

Oddly enough, when I'm walking in the near-dark with only that narrow beam of light to guide me just a few feet ahead, and street lights to give me a slight preview of my surroundings but nothing in detail, I walk faster, with more purpose, and for a longer time. I guess it's because my mind thinks to itself, "I can manage to walk as far as this beam of light," where as in regular daylight, the journey ahead looks to be daunting and unending.

Full-on daylight always makes me want to turn back sooner, but a tiny, thin beam of light constantly seems to pull me forward, beckoning me to continue, and I am more apt to heed its call when it is the only immediate light that guides me.

God made me think one day about how much He works like this in my life as well. If you would have told me XX years ago that I was still going to be single, I would have given up all hope and shriveled up into a ball of despair. Many times, I still did, and sometimes still do today.

But for some reason, God doesn't expose the full sun to me across the map He has regarding His plans for my life.

Instead, He seems to guide me with just one little flashlight of the day ahead of me, one at a time. God seemed to be telling me that if He showed me the full exposure of everything He has planned for my life, I would be certain to turn back, missing out on landmark lessons that might just be a only a few more days, or, albeit, years, ahead -- if I had just kept walking.

I don't know exactly where this little light is following, or what will happen along the way, or even where it has me going.

But I do know that I feel compelled to follow it, and there have been some unexpected adventures along the way, both good and bad.

Blessings to you, Johari! You are certainly not alone.

Please keep us posted as God reveals more of the guiding light He for you in your life.
Thank you for your beautiful analogy. I feel the same way about wanting to know so I can give up hope. I no longer hate being single but sometimes I don't want to be and seeing all these Valentine's Day decorations in stores now isn't helping.

GOD BLESS you too seoulsearch!
 

Johari

Junior Member
Dec 24, 2013
87
33
18
#14
Part of me thinks it would sure be nice to know the whole route. When I go on a trip I don't just punch the destination in my phone and take off, I map out the whole route and make sure the turns are on a list I can access at any time.

Of course if God DID give me the whole route, I would probably try to find shortcuts to bypass the parts I don't like... or just get scared and stay home, AKA never live my life at all. It's probably a good thing I only know the next "go straight for 52 miles."
lol that's me right there! I love my reclusive life and all but I know I probably won't ever be found if I'm always hiding or avoiding people. Sure I'd like to travel but then there's plenty of possible things that could go wrong and it's easy to talk myself out of.

Before Covid I was going to church but I felt I needed to find a home church with more of a community since the one I was going to was more of attend service and go home. People weren't friendly and stuck to their families and people my age range were like nonexistent there. I loved being invisible at first but then I wished I had some friends to talk to about the messages in service. I have Christian friends but they go to another church further away. Now I just watch service on TV but it's not quite the same though staying at home is convenient.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,962
3,620
113
#15
valentines day is just for couples to remind them to be romantic or to marry each other since ordinarily they arent actually romantic. Realistically, most unbelieving couples are actually just fornicating.

I wouldnt worry about it...you would worry about it more if you were a couple and your intended didnt do anything for valentines day.