How much do you struggle with forgiveness? (anonymous POLL)

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How much do you struggle with forgiveness? On a scale of 1 to 5 (easy to difficult)

  • 1 - Very easy

    Votes: 2 12.5%
  • 2 - Easy most of the time

    Votes: 7 43.8%
  • 3 - Neither easy nor difficult

    Votes: 4 25.0%
  • 4 - Difficult most of the time

    Votes: 2 12.5%
  • 5 - Very difficult

    Votes: 1 6.3%

  • Total voters
    16
Aug 2, 2009
22,699
2,478
113
#1
How much (in general) do you struggle with forgiveness? On a scale of 1 to 5 (easy to difficult)
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,787
5,460
113
#2
I think it much easier to forgive others than myself, ugh. How about you?
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,139
1,153
113
#3
I also think how recent and severe the offense against you was plays a part in how easy it is to forgive. I haven't had anything really big to forgive so it isn't much of a struggle. But I read stories about insane levels of forgiveness and I'm not sure I'd ever be able to do that (but if God had enough time to work on me; I'm not sure it would be completely impossible either).
 

Susanna

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2013
3,786
778
113
#4
I like to believe I’m a forgiving person, but frankly, I’m not. I can hold grudges against someone for a long time. For a lifetime, really. To add to that I’ve got a hot temper that no one wants to be on the receiving side of. But mostly I say laissez les bon temps rouler hahaha.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,787
5,460
113
#7
Awareness that we have much to be forgiven for ourselves, makes extending mercy easier. Parable of the debtors comes to mind.
 
Aug 2, 2009
22,699
2,478
113
#8
I like to believe I’m a forgiving person, but frankly, I’m not. I can hold grudges against someone for a long time. For a lifetime, really. To add to that I’ve got a hot temper that no one wants to be on the receiving side of. But mostly I say laissez les bon temps rouler hahaha.
I'm the same way. Probably why I started this thread.
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
1,277
1,112
113
#9
How much (in general) do you struggle with forgiveness? On a scale of 1 to 5 (easy to difficult)
I believe that I was blessed to be a very trusting person. I genuinely believe that everyone has a little goodness deep within them that is both worthy and warranting of trust, forgiveness and 2nd, 3rd, etc chances and opportunities to learn and to redeem themselves...
That is what I honestly believed and much to my surprise I've managed to live by that belief system for 98% of my life...
That is until I came across two people in my life [person A) work place Exec and B) former life partner] whom I came to realize that their essence was not based upon Truth rather, I learned the hard way that their essence was based upon deceit and deception; which was predicated upon their own flawed belief systems...
On the one hand, after recognizing the source of person B's transformational belief system - I have found empathy, understanding and forgiveness from within - even though her actions have turned my life goals/plans upside down...
On the other hand, I've come to recognize person A as a sociopathic snake in a suit who has created a hostile work place; has deceived senior leadership and has relentlessly crushed individual/organizational morale with his heartless and single-minded selfish decisions (or lack there of)...
While I hope that one day I might be able to find it within me to be able to forgive him for his wrong-doing - I currently find it difficult as long as he remains in a position that allows him to continue to make his employees lives miserable and have a long-term negative impact upon the progress of the institution...
In the mean-time I feel compelled to contribute in a role that serves to help expose and eliminate this seemingly toxic source from doing any more harm from within and to the institution...
 
S

Stranger36147

Guest
#10
I will admit that it's difficult for me to forgive people who have hurt me, particularly in an emotional way. Like they said something that really hurt my feelings. Rather than forgive those people, I would rather hold a grudge against them. So it's something I definitely should work on. After all, if I stay angry and hurt, I'm only hurting myself, right?
 
M

Miri

Guest
#11
Life is too short and too hard, to hold onto grudges. After all they make you
feel miserable, disturb your peace, make you feel angry, cause those mind loops
where you go over and over the same thing, they cause exhaustion, sleepless
nights, cause anquish.

It’s far easier and more peaceful to just forgive and move on.
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
4,417
1,633
113
#12
Before I was a Christian, I could never forgive anyone. Now I can, and I believe it's because God gave me the capacity.
I sometime take back my forgiveness, and I believe that's when I'm walking in the flesh.
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,297
436
83
#15
If you forgive, then I think you must forget. Now the person who harmed you may need to earn your trust and maybe even build up a higher level of respect again, but if you are not forgetting, then you are probably churning the transgression over in your mind, and that is a roadblock to full forgiveness.
I know we are not God, still we need to emulate Him as much as possible and put it in the sea of forgetfulness.
 

misskayanne

Junior Member
May 18, 2017
35
54
18
#16
I consider myself very forgiving. I have forgiven some pretty serious offenses against me and feel no ill feelings towards the individuals. My ex-husband cheated and lied to me consistently and after 6 years of marriage he ended up leaving me for someone else. He's completely forgiven. I have zero ill feelings towards him. Sadly, he was recently arrested and will likely be spending the rest of his life in prison (he murdered his girl friend), but I have been praying for him. I am deeply saddened by the entire situation and I am hoping he comes to know God at some point in his life while he's in prison. My son's dad essentially used me, got me pregnant, and then bailed. He is not involved in my son's life, but we do keep in touch. Zero hard feelings against him. People close to me think I'm crazy for not hating him, but I really don't. We're all human. We all make mistakes and poor choices.

I think the only people I have a hard time forgiving is family. I come from a toxic, chaotic family and I do have bitterness still about it. My family has always treated me poorly and it's not much different now. We get along a little better for the sake of my son, but in general I only talk to them because they are family. They are not people I would ever associate with if they weren't.

I agree with others on here that it can be harder to forgive ourselves than others. That is so true.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
11,865
2,166
113
#17
The older I get, the more I live by the old adage, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." If someone does something that really stings, and I know that they will keep doing it (both to me and to others), I try my best to tell God it's in His hands, and unless God seems to be telling me otherwise, I move on to a life without that person.

I guess that's the best thing that came out of my ex-husband leaving and never looking back or changing his mind. At the time, I thought I was going to die, but now I feel blessed that he didn't try to hang on to me because I would have looked the other way, always hoping he would leave the other woman and just choose me. This taught me that no matter how much I think I need a person, if they're purposely doing something that makes me feel like I'm dying, I can live without them.

I do struggle with the fact that Jesus told His followers to forgive "70 x 7" (symbolizing an infinite number of times, just as God forgives us), but I no longer believe that this means we have to keep in close contact, or have any contact at all, with people we know are going to serially hurt us over and over again.

This may also be the best part of being an introvert (who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed)--I've cut a lot of people out of my life the past few years, and to be honest, I've never felt better.

I also understand that people might feel the same way about me, too, so if it's just my personality and not something I'm doing wrong (because if I'm doing something wrong, I want to correct it), I'd rather we just wish each other the best in peace and go our separate ways rather than try to keep on a facade that we both know isn't working.
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
4,417
1,633
113
#18
The older I get, the more I live by the old adage, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." If someone does something that really stings, and I know that they will keep doing it (both to me and to others), I try my best to tell God it's in His hands, and unless God seems to be telling me otherwise, I move on to a life without that person.

I guess that's the best thing that came out of my ex-husband leaving and never looking back or changing his mind. At the time, I thought I was going to die, but now I feel blessed that he didn't try to hang on to me because I would have looked the other way, always hoping he would leave the other woman and just choose me. This taught me that no matter how much I think I need a person, if they're purposely doing something that makes me feel like I'm dying, I can live without them.

I do struggle with the fact that Jesus told His followers to forgive "70 x 7" (symbolizing an infinite number of times, just as God forgives us), but I no longer believe that this means we have to keep in close contact, or have any contact at all, with people we know are going to serially hurt us over and over again.

This may also be the best part of being an introvert (who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed)--I've cut a lot of people out of my life the past few years, and to be honest, I've never felt better.

I also understand that people might feel the same way about me, too, so if it's just my personality and not something I'm doing wrong (because if I'm doing something wrong, I want to correct it), I'd rather we just wish each other the best in peace and go our separate ways rather than try to keep on a facade that we both know isn't working.
I think you're right, and I'm a firm believer in forgiveness being easier from a distance.
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
895
655
93
45
#19
I have a difficult time forgiving myself. Others much easier, though, I often have to do it a thousand times a day.