How to patiently wait for God's timing for the right woman.

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Oct 25, 2018
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#1
I will just come out and say it. I'm almost 36 and still have yet to find my soul mate. Granted many never get married. Many don't have one. Many wait a long time. What I'm curious about is how do you be happy and content and single and just have Jesus. I know Jesus is all I need yet I feel at times there's a void where my soulmate should be. I have a desire so strong at times it's crippling to me. Hasty decisions have dropped me in hot water constantly. I have yet to date what could be a Godly woman. I get the abusers and women that take advantage of their men. I am starting to lose hope. I don't know what to do. Sure I need to work on me but I can't focus on me when I'm constantly thinking about being alone. Help?!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,105
4,848
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#2
I am 40 and also still single. I might someday find THE ONE FOR ME or I might not. But it's not a critical part of my life. It would be nice, but it's not a make-or-break thing.

Why is alone so bad? Why are you desperate to find a woman?

What if you don't find her? Will you settle for a woman who is only out for what she can squeeze out of you, or will you continue alone? If you continue alone will you consider your life a failure?

A sports car will still run without that turbo upgrade. It won't have as high a top speed, it won't have that growl in the engine, but it will still get you from point A to point B. But some people consider the car incomplete without a turbo. "Sure it's nice, but it's not what it COULD be." But what could be sometimes never is. That doesn't make the car worthless though.

What do you have, what are you doing with it, what are you making of your life? That is what is important. If you find a wife that will add a lot to your life, but if you don't find a wife... is your life nothing without her?
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
7,986
7,480
113
#3
I will just come out and say it. I'm almost 36 and still have yet to find my soul mate. Granted many never get married. Many don't have one. Many wait a long time. What I'm curious about is how do you be happy and content and single and just have Jesus. I know Jesus is all I need yet I feel at times there's a void where my soulmate should be. I have a desire so strong at times it's crippling to me. Hasty decisions have dropped me in hot water constantly. I have yet to date what could be a Godly woman. I get the abusers and women that take advantage of their men. I am starting to lose hope. I don't know what to do. Sure I need to work on me but I can't focus on me when I'm constantly thinking about being alone. Help?!
An idea is to get involved with volunteer work at your or any Church and you will def bump into Christian women and tell God your desires.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,815
2,305
113
#4
I will just come out and say it. I'm almost 36 and still have yet to find my soul mate. Granted many never get married. Many don't have one. Many wait a long time. What I'm curious about is how do you be happy and content and single and just have Jesus. I know Jesus is all I need yet I feel at times there's a void where my soulmate should be. I have a desire so strong at times it's crippling to me. Hasty decisions have dropped me in hot water constantly. I have yet to date what could be a Godly woman. I get the abusers and women that take advantage of their men. I am starting to lose hope. I don't know what to do. Sure I need to work on me but I can't focus on me when I'm constantly thinking about being alone. Help?!
I had to accept marriage is not for everyone. You can want it more than anything, but that means nothing. Accepting that makes a huge difference. Not just knowing it, accepting it.
But you also need to consider if you're even in a healthy place for it and if your mindset is right. If you have so much emphasis on marriage that it causes you to make bad decisions then how can you feel you're ready to lead a family? You lack the self control to avoid bad situations yet you want to be the head of others and guide them?
And usually people with such a desperate need for marriage have a belief that marriage will, by default, improve their life, or even fix it.
Marriage comes with benefits, but it also comes with new challenges.
You're not even capable of handling this one challenge now, how will you handle extra?
Being so emphasized on singleness you can't even work on yourself? If marriage is about self sacrifice and you can't even do that now, how can you believe you'll magically be capable in a marriage?

Focus on your own life now. Personal growth. grow yourself in various areas, but don't emphasize marital preparations.
What I did was keep trying to grow in the various areas I needed it. And a small part of that included knowing what to expect, as well as what's expected of me, in marriage and working on those areas as well. But that was a small part.
This way you grow and mature as a person and if, like me, marriage never comes you'll be in a healthier place about it. And if marriage does come you'll be better suited to take on the role, as well as have better expectations on what to expect.
But as it stands now are you really emotionally ready and mature enough to lead a family?
 
W

Wild

Guest
#5
Soul mates aren't a real thing sorry to disappoint you. God is our only true soul mate in a manner of speaking.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,940
1,996
113
#6
I will just come out and say it. I'm almost 36 and still have yet to find my soul mate. Granted many never get married. Many don't have one. Many wait a long time. What I'm curious about is how do you be happy and content and single and just have Jesus. I know Jesus is all I need yet I feel at times there's a void where my soulmate should be. I have a desire so strong at times it's crippling to me. Hasty decisions have dropped me in hot water constantly. I have yet to date what could be a Godly woman. I get the abusers and women that take advantage of their men. I am starting to lose hope. I don't know what to do. Sure I need to work on me but I can't focus on me when I'm constantly thinking about being alone. Help?!
Find people to care about and connect with, it doesn't have to be romantic to help ease the loneliness. Church or community groups, sponsoring children and writing to them, volunteering at a food pantry or soup kitchen, inviting a couple or family to lunch one sunday a month, Christmas shopping for toys for tots or angel tree or something like that. All of those can help

And the other thing is figure out what you like to do, and go do it alone. No more waiting for someone to invite you or someone you can invite to go do it with you, if you want to do it; go do it. That may be more of a girl problem, but being willing to do things on your own is definitely one of the secrets to living your single life to the fullest.

And if you find yourself always choosing the wrong kind of person to date, ask a pastor, mentor, counselor for help understanding what's messed up in your chooser that you're always picking the people who aren't good choices.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,105
4,848
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#7
What cinder said in the last sentence sparked an idea for me. You might ask a pastor, mentor or good friend to give you an honest opinion of the girl you're thinking about asking out. And listen to them, don't just ignore their advice if it goes against what you want.
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
4,022
2,450
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#8
I will just come out and say it. I'm almost 36 and still have yet to find my soul mate. Granted many never get married. Many don't have one. Many wait a long time. What I'm curious about is how do you be happy and content and single and just have Jesus. I know Jesus is all I need yet I feel at times there's a void where my soulmate should be. I have a desire so strong at times it's crippling to me. Hasty decisions have dropped me in hot water constantly. I have yet to date what could be a Godly woman. I get the abusers and women that take advantage of their men. I am starting to lose hope. I don't know what to do. Sure I need to work on me but I can't focus on me when I'm constantly thinking about being alone. Help?!
Brother, I can so relate and empathize with your scenario...
While I too will maintain my lifelong dream and believe that a soul-mate during this life is a means to sharing and earning eternal salvation with your beloved family (to include your life-partner, best-friend and spouse).
While I concede that there is 'NO such thing as a Perfect Marriage' - there ARE only two imperfect people who decide to 'refuse to give-up on each other.' If two people can learn to love each other unconditionally and vow to maintain that conviction in this life-time, by virtue of their persistent willingness to forgive each other thru a lifetime of struggles, imperfections and compromises - they inherently demonstrate the requisite unconditional love for one another (ie soulmates)...
My mother became a widow at the age of 38, has never remarried and at 84 is both anxious to re-join her husband, and nervous if he is still waiting for her... I prefer to give her the hope and reassurance that he will be there to welcome her with open arms...

I believed that I had married my soulmate, only to have our lord open my eyes and show me that I had married a person who was just incapable of 'unconditional-love' (she left both myself and her youngest son). The lord showed me, the error of my decision making for this impending failed marriage. While I have been blessed with 3 amazing kids, at 54 I too have some similar anxiety as you describe. Now praying that the Lord will bless me with the strength to maintain my faith and walk with him in such a way that HE will show me the way that I will grow spiritually and in such a manner that will allow me to get out of my own way.

In my case I've learned that a beautiful soul is more important than a beautiful smile and seamingly beautiful features...

I agree with the recommendations to focus upon becoming the best spiritual version of yourself that is humanly possible. As a math and science minded person - I do believe that coming to a forum such as this CC can only increase your chances of meeting genuine christian women. Have you considered Christian dating sites? Lots of folks here have experience (lesson learned) and advice with those, I suspect that given your experiences that you too have gained better insight as to being able to be able to gauge those personality types that are either not authentic or not what you are looking for.

Good Luck, have faith and hope you enjoy our CC...
God Bless
 

Prognostic

Junior Member
Jan 5, 2018
102
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#9
Be careful what you wish for. Some times you actually get it!
 
Sep 13, 2018
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#10
Just keep the faith brother.. God always knows what we need. He is brilliant, distinguishing the difference between our wants and our needs. protecting us from our next wrong attempt at another failed relationship. Unfortunately for us. God does not work on our time schedule. Please be patient, It will come. And it will be worth the wait. I guaranteed...
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
4,022
2,450
113
#11
It can be truly said that you do not truly know someone until you step back and observe and watch their behavior and character. It is true that in this day and age, women have become more and more independent and less understanding of men, and the same could be said with men not understanding women. Fact is, that maybe, our Lord is trying to send those of us who struggle with finding a good hearted Christian man or woman, a message that we need to lean on Him for a partner, and not go out and seek without Him at the forefront. He always provides what we NEED, not necessarily what we want, but you can rest assured what He provides for us, is beautiful, pure and everlasting and satisfying to the soul.
MichaelOwen posted a great response in another thread that was just as relevant to this one as well...
 
Sep 13, 2018
2,587
885
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#12
Just keep the faith brother.. God always knows what we need. He is brilliant, distinguishing the difference between our wants and our needs. protecting us from our next wrong attempt at another failed relationship. Unfortunately for us. God does not work on our time schedule. Please be patient, It will come. And it will be worth the wait. guaranteed...
 
T

toinena

Guest
#13
What if you don't find her? Will you settle for a woman who is only out for what she can squeeze out of you, or will you continue alone?
LYNX!!!!! You sound like you expect all women to be predators or worse still a parasite. Except for the one, of course....
 
Nov 30, 2018
13
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#14
Loneliness is very normal and Jesus understood it very well. We are made for companionship. That said, when something becomes our sole focus, it can easily turn into an idol in our lives. It sounds like the idea of finding your soulmate has become more important to you than almost anything else. Ask the Lord to help you to reset your mind and focus on allowing Him to work out His perfect Will for your life. Surrender your desires to Him and trust that He has wonderful plans for you.

I can tell you that I used to have that same nagging ache in my heart, and I learned the hard and painful way, that a man was NOT able to fill it. The idealistic "soulmate" that I had prayed for wound up betraying our marriage and committing adultery before finally abandoning his vows altogether. He prayed fervently for a wife, and at times, specifically for me to become his wife. God finally gave him exactly what he prayed for, and right off the bat, he squandered it.

Being married to the wrong person is much, much worse than being single. Try to refocus on the opportunities that you have to grow in your faith, to learn new skills, to become more and more like Jesus every day. If it is the Lord's Will that you marry, He will present you with the right woman in His perfect time. Just pray for discernment and do not ignore those warning bells if they sound! I allowed a roof to be put on my relationship too early and learned the hard way.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,466
6,585
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#15
I will just come out and say it. I'm almost 36 and still have yet to find my soul mate. Granted many never get married. Many don't have one. Many wait a long time. What I'm curious about is how do you be happy and content and single and just have Jesus. I know Jesus is all I need yet I feel at times there's a void where my soulmate should be. I have a desire so strong at times it's crippling to me. Hasty decisions have dropped me in hot water constantly. I have yet to date what could be a Godly woman. I get the abusers and women that take advantage of their men. I am starting to lose hope. I don't know what to do. Sure I need to work on me but I can't focus on me when I'm constantly thinking about being alone. Help?!
Enjoy your single life while you can, because when that one comes along, you’ll have to share your donuts.
 

Leftheri

Junior Member
May 25, 2017
39
7
8
#16
Soul mates aren't a real thing sorry to disappoint you. God is our only true soul mate in a manner of speaking.
Buzzkill! I've had dozens of soulmates! Of course they're real! ;p bitmoji-20181218105533_1545148533611.png
 

Leftheri

Junior Member
May 25, 2017
39
7
8
#17
Keep your eyes on Jesus. If you're worried...you ain't ready. Ask yourself, what would a good woman want with you? God gives us the desires of our heart. Be honest with yourself. Most people just want scripturally acceptable sex.
 

Nei181

New member
Dec 18, 2018
8
4
3
#18
I
I will just come out and say it. I'm almost 36 and still have yet to find my soul mate. Granted many never get married. Many don't have one. Many wait a long time. What I'm curious about is how do you be happy and content and single and just have Jesus. I know Jesus is all I need yet I feel at times there's a void where my soulmate should be. I have a desire so strong at times it's crippling to me. Hasty decisions have dropped me in hot water constantly. I have yet to date what could be a Godly woman. I get the abusers and women that take advantage of their men. I am starting to lose hope. I don't know what to do. Sure I need to work on me but I can't focus on me when I'm constantly thinking about being alone. Help?!
I can relate to this mate.
 

Hepzibah

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2015
337
24
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#19
I

I can relate to this mate.
Hey Neil, if that is you on an oil rig, then you are offering yourself as bait to any preditory woman if you are hoping to find a partner here. Just saying.
 

Nei181

New member
Dec 18, 2018
8
4
3
#20
Hey Neil, if that is you on an oil rig, then you are offering yourself as bait to any preditory woman if you are hoping to find a partner here. Just saying.