I met A single mom on Tinder who just started going to a Born Again church for 4 months.

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tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,620
17,078
113
69
Tennessee
#41
Hello guys. So I tried to contact her last night and she told me not to call me as it is the best that we don't call. Then I told her that I loved her and asked if she feels the same way. She told me:

"No. I don't feel the same way anymore. Maybe before but not really that intimate. All of that was gone after I figured it out that you were acting like my ex. At least my ex was acting like that AFTER we were together. You, on the other hand, were acting like that when we were friends."

A searing pain I felt in my heart and then asked her if it was after the meeting.

"No after the meeting, that was it."

And then I thanked her for the time, told her that our meeting was not an accident, still thanked her for the time she had given me. Basically a long list of thank-yous and then not getting even one reply after that.

The next day (today) I discovered that there is a church near our area because she did look for a church somewhere near her area every time she goes back home. And just replied with a short text:

"thank you for telling".

I still have a long list of bucket list to give her after it... back then she requested me to sing her daughter's favorite song this December 21 and her own birthday this January 8.
This woman has made it clear that she is not into you. I would not seek her out at this church or give her your bucket list because her bucket list does not include you. My counsel is to not contact anymore and move forward with your life. She is not the only starfish in the sea so might want to consider casting your line in a different part of the water. I believe that you have a serious infatuation with her that you have mistaken for love. It is not serving you well and is making this woman very uncomfortable. I have been where you at, and while painful at the moment, you must end your pursuit.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,467
2,703
113
#42
i agree with those who have said you shouldn't contact her again. i know it's difficult to walk away after investing time and emotions in a person, but since she has stated she is not interested, then it's best to let go.
 

Wilde

New member
Aug 26, 2019
8
9
3
#43
People who don't let go become creepy stalkers. Just a heads up, nobody wants to go that route
 

Mikhal

Active member
Nov 15, 2019
166
119
43
50
#45
Hi Brother. Just my 2 cents, You are a Christian Man, with a Christian heart for GOD. I dont see that you did anything wrong, a man and woman SHOULD be giving each other their all, with GOD right-smack in the center of their relationship.
The moment that she decided she did not want a relationship, she should have communicated that. On your end, maybe next time, once you have feelings beyond friendship, YOU should communicate that.
I am seeing some worldly comments here, but the fact is, it would have been an unequally yoked relationship anyway. This Lady has some VERY damaging Narcissistic qualities (Been there).
As hard as it is after what you shared, you need to respect her wishes and go your way.
I would bet that is the Lords doing and you are much better off, just speaking from experience :). GOD Bless you.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,920
9,669
113
#46
She doesn't want you contacting in ANY way. She certainly isn't gonna want you singing for her daughter's birthday.. Learn a lesson from this, move on and stop acting like a stalker..

And GET OFF TINDER..
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,618
1,318
113
#47
Hello guys. So I tried to contact her last night and she told me not to call me as it is the best that we don't call. Then I told her that I loved her and asked if she feels the same way. She told me:

"No. I don't feel the same way anymore. Maybe before but not really that intimate. All of that was gone after I figured it out that you were acting like my ex. At least my ex was acting like that AFTER we were together. You, on the other hand, were acting like that when we were friends."

A searing pain I felt in my heart and then asked her if it was after the meeting.

"No after the meeting, that was it."

And then I thanked her for the time, told her that our meeting was not an accident, still thanked her for the time she had given me. Basically a long list of thank-yous and then not getting even one reply after that.

The next day (today) I discovered that there is a church near our area because she did look for a church somewhere near her area every time she goes back home. And just replied with a short text:

"thank you for telling".

I still have a long list of bucket list to give her after it... back then she requested me to sing her daughter's favorite song this December 21 and her own birthday this January 8.
I have had a very similar experience with someone... and I know it breaks your heart... but you need to put this down to experience and learn no time to give your heart so readily... she's doesn't like you, it a very obvious to me as a woman.....we know that God works all things together for our good and His purposes... we have to toughen up, widen up and learn to be more cautious with our hearts and feeling, no time be in such a rush to fall in love... keep close to Him and keep trusting... He will lead you through how you are feeling if you let Him- just be really honest with Him, He is working in us a wonderful, eternal work that we often can't see when we are suffering.
It's easy to kid yourself and hold onto positives but it's clear she's does not want this relationship and I think she is making excuses to try to protect your feelings. It is afterall a difficult thing to bluntly say to someone, and as a Christian I personally find it very hard to tell someone I'm just not interested in them.
Hope it's a help x
 
T

tasha66

Guest
#48
At the risk of repeating myself, here goes.....and this is going to be straight forward matey, so buckle up....

I get it - your heart is breaking. Most of us oldies - and youngies - have been through this. We know what you are going through. You probably think: nobody could possibly know my situation, or what it is like to be experiencing all of this. But we do know - that's why we are all trying to help you.

I have personally counselled sooo many people like you who are in toxic relationships - and yes, this is the start of a toxic relationship.
Many people in your situation just want validation for what you are saying & posting. You WANT someone to agree & empathise/sympathise with you. Also people in your situation, love being in your situation - the heartbroken, rejected lover/partner (whatever), and you complain to people all over the place - in person, online, at the local coffee shop, in the supermarket, to family and friends. You carry your heartbroken-ness around with you like a badge or like the proverbial martyr; feel sorry for me, help me. You don't want anyone saying: well, she's had it with you matey, she's already told you to leave her alone in plain language, and you STILL write a letter and you're hoping to meet up with her at some stage - you don't want to hear anyone say: She doesn't want you in her life, cry a river, then move on.
Just because she's sent you a text shouldn't give you hope. Maybe she just wanted to be polite - I don't know why, as I don't know her.
Because I tell you, from my experience counselling people, if you continue to contact her, you're just adding fuel onto a fire that is continually dying out, & which will eventually die out. She will meet someone else eventually, & then you will be more heartbroken and crying more, because you can't ever be with her.
People on here are trying to help you in the nicest way possible - but you are just not listening, or even trying to take their oftentimes wiser and been-there-done-that advice.
I knew a bloke like you last year. This bloke was JUST a friend, nothing else - nothing sexual or anything was going on. It got to the point where he started to take a certain liberty I wasn't happy with. I complained about him after that, of course nothing happened, and avoided him. He eventually left and I didn't see him/hear from him for ages. Now, he's contacted me again once & the police have advised me not to answer his text message telling him to leave me alone, as some guys see that as encouragement (go figure THAT one out). This guy I knew just comes across as creepy, and I found out many months later he was lying about everything, & also that he was a full on alcoholic and a drug user.
To me - and this is just me - you are coming across as too full-on and creepy.
Think about it - do you really want to live the rest of your life and waste it on someone who obviously doesn't want to see you, or be with you? Think of all the wonderful opportunities you'll be missing out on. You could work, study, travel, you may meet the woman of your dreams - there are so many things you could do with your life! Seriously, you will be wasting precious months/years of your life pining after somebody who you will always be hoping will change her mind, and somehow, miraculously, contact you and fall into your arms. Chances are that isn't going to happen. It's always hard being rejected, but you can have a mourning period, be kind to yourself, nurse your soul, then move on with life. We don't have anything else we can do apart from move on.
So what are you going to do with the rest of your life? Pine after this woman who doesn't want you?

Let me ask you this: what do you think YOU should do now?? Disregarding all the advice on here - what is your next move?

I really hope & pray you see sense and really analyse how you have been acting, and I truly hope you don't waste your life on this woman - because that is just what you are doing.
And may I say in closing that Tinder is not a safe site to be on. You don't know the people on there - even if you meet up with them, they could tell you a whole bunch of lies. It's better to get to know someone in a safe, Christian environment who holds the same values as you. If this woman doesn't share your values at all, and you did end up getting together, your life will be full of misery. Trust me - I counsel people every day in your situation.
Have a cry, mourn, then move on, make plans to get into wholesome things to distract you.
And stay off sites like Tinder - those sites don't care about you as a person anyway, and the people you meet on there will probably be shallow. Sites like Tinder & other dating sites just want to take your hard earned money off of you - and they don't care about what happens to you when things go horribly wrong.
You are better than all of this!! You deserve a better, more wholesome, spiritual and satisfying life than chasing after strangers & sinners who don't give a d***n about you.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,620
17,078
113
69
Tennessee
#49
She doesn't want you contacting in ANY way. She certainly isn't gonna want you singing for her daughter's birthday.. Learn a lesson from this, move on and stop acting like a stalker..

And GET OFF TINDER..
Christian Chat is a better option for those romantically inclined anyways.
 

Venn

Junior Member
Dec 29, 2017
18
12
3
#50
Hello Guys. Thanks for all the advice... I am alright... for some reason it doesn't hurt anymore... unlike last time it really hurt a lot because of the rejection and the validation that I wanted... and for that, I cast all my pain, my anxiety, regrets, creepiness, stalker, as painful as being called creepy and stalkerish is, it is true anyway... I acknowledge everything, admit that I did all of these things, admit that I am heartbroken, I cast all of these into the fire... into Jesus.

I spent 6 hours just praying... that everything will be alright... I have cut contact for her since it will be the better for both of us... I told her churchmates who are female that it is up to them to help her with her faith... and that they will help pray for her.

Please pray for her as well guys... she told me last night that she is losing faith because she has so many trials and she feels that her. I did not reply to her since I promised with the No Contact... for some reason, it kinda feels like I am the reason she will be much farther from God... so if that is the case, I will do it for God.