I should have grown up. Now I am 30 years old with no direction in life and no clear decisions.

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
20,841
6,190
113
#21
Every time my nephews would visit they would come with video games. And after playing a while they would get amped up and start fighting. So I mentioned it to my sister and she said "that's what they do at home and at their other grandparents." I said " well they aren't going it here". Hubby and I have taken them so many places. Forts, parks, gardens, anything historic, a boat ride, car shows, fairs, a Christian golfing place etc. We have a place here called the Gorge. I found out how old I really am when I climbed up the side of that. We cooked outside on a grill there and my oldest nephew piped up and said "this is a thousand times better than any restaurant". The only problem is every time they come now they want to know what we are going to do next. lol But we've gotten to know them so if they have any issues in life, I hope they will come to us. And they have gained a lot of knowledge and memories. I hope one day when they grow up they will look back on this time fondly.
The following has nothing to do with this thread...

Interesting signature line kaylagrl. I am going to promptly steal it. :giggle:
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
18,839
5,643
113
#22
The following has nothing to do with this thread...

Interesting signature line kaylagrl. I am going to promptly steal it. :giggle:
No steals, just consider it an early Christmas gift. Shhh don't tell those ninnies in the BDF that strike up the anti threads this time of year ;)


p.s. I came across the line when hubby and I were going through a discouraging time when he was out of work. I felt like the Lord was reminding us to praise Him no matter the circumstance. Not long after a job came open that is literally a mile drive from our front door. The pay is great, he loves his job and his boss is a Christian. Just had to tell it :)
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
38,941
15,120
113
67
Tennessee
#23
Speaking of which the first thing that I earned to cook indoors when I got away from my folks was pasta, then oatmeal. I've known people in their 40's who could only do ramen and canned foods. I like to eat to much than to try and survive on that garbage. I've got 4 kids and 10 grandchildren that I know of, so far. Only 1 can beat me in the kitchen. (My youngest daughter) Cooking is like being a musician. The more you practice, the better and easier it gets.

PS; My 30 something son cooks Filipino food and he won an army post chili cookoff too. Just keep practicing @Venn, It gets fun after a while.
You have got me beat in the children department - 1 daughter 40 years old, 1 son-in-law 41 years old, 5 grand-kids.

When I was single I rarely cooked, just stuck my hand in the freezer without looking and the first thing I grabbed I stuck in the microwave. I am fairly handy in the kitchen though and have mastered several dishes.

You are right about the practice too and that applies to most things in life. I know many people in their late 30's and early 40's that, due to being enabled, have arrested development and can barely function, being dependent on the adults in their life to provide all things for them. In my opinion, the best thing that a young person is to leave their parents nest ASAP out of high school, get a job, develop a good work ethic, and start making it on their own.
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
8,268
5,484
113
Anaheim, Cali.
#24
You have got me beat in the children department - 1 daughter 40 years old, 1 son-in-law 41 years old, 5 grand-kids.

When I was single I rarely cooked, just stuck my hand in the freezer without looking and the first thing I grabbed I stuck in the microwave. I am fairly handy in the kitchen though and have mastered several dishes.

You are right about the practice too and that applies to most things in life. I know many people in their late 30's and early 40's that, due to being enabled, have arrested development and can barely function, being dependent on the adults in their life to provide all things for them. In my opinion, the best thing that a young person is to leave their parents nest ASAP out of high school, get a job, develop a good work ethic, and start making it on their own.
I tend to agree more than not. Many are too spoiled. It's usually not their faults. Their learning curve is less steep than ours was in the 70's. Our world was quite different. We had the draft and Viet Nam to worry about. My dad was a dust bowl refugee, WW2 Vet and a blue collar man. We understood more about the value of money and that it should be earned. Life is free, money, cars, housing and education wasn't. That's my two bitts. (2 cents worth, to you kids out there.)
 
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,970
113
#25
hub and I are just responding to the OP and not the in-betweens+

the last sentence of the Post that we read, is 'your own wisdom',
you said that you needed to 'grow-up' = follow your own advise!!!
how can you do this?
(((seek God's Wisdom)))
JOB 28:28.
And unto man He said,
Behold, the fear of The Lord, that is Wisdom; and to depart from evil is Understanding.
 

mar09

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2014
4,927
1,258
113
#26
its not too late to learn how to cook, its pretty much cutting up food, adding seasoning if needed, heating it, and not burning it!


maybe its a cautionary tale, but if I see any child in school (im the librarian) that seems obssessed with video games I get concerned. Firstly, that their parents are spoiling them and secondly they will become addicted. like the obnoxious mike teavee.

So thanks for sharing your story, because I would like these children to grow up. One of the staff told me her ex gave her son expensive tv and video games and a phone, well she got so mad as he spent all his time gaming that he never had any time to learn anything, she smashed his phone and ran over the tv with the car. Then he had to tell his dad, dad, dont give me anything expensive cos mum will just smash it up.
Smashing phone seems drastic to some.. but once it happened to a son's phone. And later he thanked his father that he stopped him in his tracks.

Not that i agree w/ destroying things, but there sure is a time for everything. As much as possible we want to build up, but theres also time to tear down.
 
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,970
113
#27
Mar,
oh yeah, many times we would like to take a sledge hammer to today's tech in 'general'!!!
but we must refrain 'for NOW'...
we sorrow for the world's great 'addiction/distraction from obeying God's rules -
the mentality of today is that 'electronic/cyber/games/toys, are dictating the (thinking/actions)
of the masses... =

hitlers brave 'new world...*
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,307
5,828
113
#28
btw the other day I was walking to school, I take the alleyway when walking, and someone had thrown a big screen tv into the alleyway and it was smashed to pieces and just lying there.

Possibly an angry mum lol.
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
8,268
5,484
113
Anaheim, Cali.
#29
btw the other day I was walking to school, I take the alleyway when walking, and someone had thrown a big screen tv into the alleyway and it was smashed to pieces and just lying there.

Possibly an angry mum lol.
Or their football team (or in this country 'Trump') lost.
 
Nov 15, 2020
1,897
362
83
Newcastle, NSW, Australia
#30
hey Venn ..
obviously i don't know you, but i began reading your post.
question, do you like reading books?
well, i have an idea for you, read wild at heart, and captivating, by john and stasi eldredge.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#31
The sermon at my church on sunday was on the parable of the talent. It came back to my mind as i read your post.

The servant who got one talent went and burried it. He was not pleased that he did not get as much talent as the others. I feel that there is wisdom in this parable that can help you.

You may not be as smart or healthy as others, but it doesnt matter because with God all things are possible. Your situation is not too hard for Him to sort things out. Just ask Him to help you.

Whatever little thing you can do to improve your situation then do it. But dont think of yourself as being hopeless as the man with the one talent.
 

Kireina

Well-known member
Aug 26, 2020
1,312
1,256
113
#32
I am sorry if I came off harsh here... This is not to put you down...

I experienced hardships growing up and promised myself that it won't happen to my siblings... I worked hard for them and supported them the best I can...They are now in their 3o's and late 20's... From clothes to everything including doing their assignments I did all...when they graduated I was there to support them when they don't have money they will come to me... I'll give... They'll find work and stop and work and stop and I continuously supported them... I babied them...

I am 42 now they are (one sibling is not) jobless no clear goals for themselves and I am still supporting the family...It breaks my heart seeing them get stuck and goalless in their lives...but what else can I do...? They need to change they need to do something for themselves I can't... I can't do it for them...I told them, now,today is the perfect time to do the things you want to do... Not tomorrow but today. I am tired already... I also have life to take care of and goals I wanna achieve...they should have grown up already... Your mom don't say anything but maybe she feels the same... And maybe she feels helpless too and it hurts her seeing you like that... I don't know... but that's how I feel for my siblings...

You are right you should have been grown up already... You are 30 years old...it is not easy to change the things you used to do but do some efforts to change... You don't need to suddenly do everything all at once...slowly you'll get there just be patient with yourself...do some efforts to change things or else you'll end up one day looking back with full of regrets in your heart...Don't live with what ifs in the future...it is painful to live like that...take chances and learned from them...

If you want to grow muscle do something about it... Walk... then run.. lift things from 500 grams to 1 kg... 1.2 kilograms,1.5 till you can lift 50 kilograms of weight. Make it a goal...set a goal and go towards it... You feel like you haven't grown up and feel stuck at 30 because you don't have goals or I would say you have goals but you are not working on it... But that doesn't mean you are a useless person you are not... Wait and be patient there are people like us who shine brightly at very late in their lives... Your time will come just be willing to change and do something..

You still have time to change the things that you don't want and do the things you want to do... You still have plenty of time... You just need to start soon today....explore, try,fail and try again... ( I know this is easier said than done but u need to...) You'll shine brightly one day I believe that 🤗


God bless you ❤
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,307
5,828
113
#33
oh Kireina
that is heartbreaking to read...YOU DID your siblings assignments for them?!

why? if they dont at least try to do it themselves they wont learn.

You cant do that, I saw one older girl at school beg to read seven books for her younger sibling so they could have pizza and while that is kind thats not doing the younger sibling any favours!

I was a bit of a softy and said, well ok, just once but stopped allowing that after the teacher found out. Id get her to read with him while in the library because how would I know hes really even looked at the books while I was not there. But it turned out alright in the end as the other kids saw this one boy having pizza and then they all wanted to read seven books. So their teacher started monitoring them.

This poor girl was going through a family breakup and is going to a different school next year. so she will be separated from her brother. She started having anger issues and taking it out on younger kids because they wouldnt be as grown up as she was.

My thing with younger kids is to let them do stuff on their own without babying them too much, They want to scan their own books and try out things, and choose their own books, and explore. I cant read their books FOR them, and will do this only if they ask. I have a height vhart that measure their growth, they love this. They all want to be grown up but still be allowed to play and be silly at times. thats the fine balance you need with them. Otherwise Id be exhausted all the time dealing with 30 kids every hour.
 

Kireina

Well-known member
Aug 26, 2020
1,312
1,256
113
#34
oh Kireina
that is heartbreaking to read...YOU DID your siblings assignments for them?!

why? if they dont at least try to do it themselves they wont learn.

You cant do that, I saw one older girl at school beg to read seven books for her younger sibling so they could have pizza and while that is kind thats not doing the younger sibling any favours!

I was a bit of a softy and said, well ok, just once but stopped allowing that after the teacher found out. Id get her to read with him while in the library because how would I know hes really even looked at the books while I was not there. But it turned out alright in the end as the other kids saw this one boy having pizza and then they all wanted to read seven books. So their teacher started monitoring them.

This poor girl was going through a family breakup and is going to a different school next year. so she will be separated from her brother. She started having anger issues and taking it out on younger kids because they wouldnt be as grown up as she was.

My thing with younger kids is to let them do stuff on their own without babying them too much, They want to scan their own books and try out things, and choose their own books, and explore. I cant read their books FOR them, and will do this only if they ask. I have a height vhart that measure their growth, they love this. They all want to be grown up but still be allowed to play and be silly at times. thats the fine balance you need with them. Otherwise Id be exhausted all the time dealing with 30 kids every hour.
Thank you @Lanolin I agree with you...so true Babying them would do more harm than good...they won't learn...
And about the assignments, Yes I did whenever they ask... but in my post It was not about doing their school homeworks...I was trying to emphasize how far I will go to help them....




I grew up feeling unloved, but 'wasn't true...because I had good memories with my parents...we were just poor and they just could not afford the things my friends can have and they were just not so demonstrative in their love...

The Things I lacked,the hardship i went through growing up as a poor kid, the attention I wanted The love I thought was too little... I made sure my siblings will not lack something I made sure they will not struggle and cry a river to have them...I made sure they got someone to lean on when they have problems that no matter what happens They can count on me and I can carry them. So, they become too dependent and weak...slow to learn about life... My mistake....
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
38,941
15,120
113
67
Tennessee
#35
btw the other day I was walking to school, I take the alleyway when walking, and someone had thrown a big screen tv into the alleyway and it was smashed to pieces and just lying there.

Possibly an angry mum lol.
Hopefully, no one was hurt when the TV was tossed. Probably lower their cable bill too.
 

Kireina

Well-known member
Aug 26, 2020
1,312
1,256
113
#36
This poor girl was going through a family breakup and is going to a different school next year. so she will be separated from her brother. She started having anger issues and taking it out on younger kids because they wouldnt be as grown up as she was.
That is quite sad...changes of any kind are hard...I feel her.....I pray she is still can come out of it fine...she is still a kid and she is hurt and sad about the situation that's her way to cope...
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,307
5,828
113
#37
You have got me beat in the children department - 1 daughter 40 years old, 1 son-in-law 41 years old, 5 grand-kids.

When I was single I rarely cooked, just stuck my hand in the freezer without looking and the first thing I grabbed I stuck in the microwave. I am fairly handy in the kitchen though and have mastered several dishes.

You are right about the practice too and that applies to most things in life. I know many people in their late 30's and early 40's that, due to being enabled, have arrested development and can barely function, being dependent on the adults in their life to provide all things for them. In my opinion, the best thing that a young person is to leave their parents nest ASAP out of high school, get a job, develop a good work ethic, and start making it on their own.
those same parents wont get much hands on elder care though who kicked their kids out or forced them to leave early though I see that often.

it was not possible to get a job out of high school in my country. Nobody would employ you and you wouldnt have been able to afford rent. No landlords would want to rent to someone straight out of high school anyway
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,307
5,828
113
#38
OP

just wondering what happened to your dad
why did your mum pamper you, were you an only child?
 
Jun 26, 2020
90
68
18
#39
All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.
Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.
By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.
I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.
I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.
I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.
I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.
Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.
They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.
Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.
Now at this point I began to panic, all of this overthinking, my anxiety and depression was triggered and regrets and worries began to flood my mind.
I am experiencing:
-heartbreak
-palpitation of the heart
-cannot sleep due to heartbreak and the palpitation
-loss of appetite
-slight chills
-loss of passion to do the things I want and love
I keep asking myself what if I finished school earlier? What if I just developed my manhood instead of staying what I was when I was just a kid? Maybe I could have earned a lot more money and did not have to worry about our finances, my parents medication because they are now too old,
And then I just told myself: I should have grown up.
My dear friend, let me encourage you. I have a personal story to share with you that will prove there IS hope for you, and I think all the advice you've been given by these other dear people is really good. I'm now 45 years old and still a single guy.

I used to live in South Africa and got mothered by ladies who were actually complete strangers, because my real mother was far away, here in the Palm Springs, CA area where I am now. Can you imagine what it's like to change countries? It was really scary for me! So much to do! Right back to square one and having to face YEARS of building up a new life in a new country, and the culture and lifestyle is completely foreign to me. Terribly scary! But God was with me every step of the way. He knew what I was up against and what was coming.

You need to hang onto God and literally SPILL out everything that's in your heart to Him (and I'm pretty much writing these words to myself as well). He hears every word you say and REALLY CARES!!! Imagine that, in real life, you're hanging onto the side of a cliff. There's 8000 feet below you and you know that if you even lift one finger, you'll fall 8000 feet all the way down to your death.

But GUESS WHAT? God is the One Who is giving you that piece of earth to cling onto. In fact, He's offering you His Strong Hand to lift you up onto solid ground again. Tonight, pray and ask Him to do that. Tell Him you need His Help. He'll answer and I have no doubt about that. Anytime you need more encouragement or you start to think "I can't do this!", I'm here for you and so are all the people on this forum.

GOD WILL HELP YOU!!! And you have me and everybody else on this forum to back you up.

God Bless you, my friend! You'll make it.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
828
113
#40
At age 30, you still have the capacity (albeit a diminishing capacity) to improve yourself. Man up.

Eat nutritious meals.

Commit to doing a majority of the chores until you can move out.

Take a stern look at all the fantasy you stick yourself in and burn the chaff.

Talk to people and build your confidence.

You can build muscle mass throughout your life. It's the physical stamina that goes overtime. Even then, a robust 35-year-old beats a 19-year-old layabout every time.

Don't lose heart, but get hard on yourself.


All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.
Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.
By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.
I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.
I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.
I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.
I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.
Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.
They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.
Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.
Now at this point I began to panic, all of this overthinking, my anxiety and depression was triggered and regrets and worries began to flood my mind.
I am experiencing:
-heartbreak
-palpitation of the heart
-cannot sleep due to heartbreak and the palpitation
-loss of appetite
-slight chills
-loss of passion to do the things I want and love
I keep asking myself what if I finished school earlier? What if I just developed my manhood instead of staying what I was when I was just a kid? Maybe I could have earned a lot more money and did not have to worry about our finances, my parents medication because they are now too old,
And then I just told myself: I should have grown up.