"If You Want to Have Sex, Get Married." Ok. But What If You Want to Have Sex, and You're ALREADY Married?

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Ruby123

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2019
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I find when it is God, he has a marvelous way of correcting us not condemning us. When it is man all you hear is condemnation!!!
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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I think the reasons for withholding sex matter so I don't think making a blanket statement that withholding sex is evil is accurate. If a spouse makes the other spouse feel insecure, I don't think the other spouse should be forced to have sex since having sex would be a humiliating process. For example, if a husband thinks the wife is too fat, ugly or old, I don't think the wife should be forced to have sex. That is not really "lovemaking" or Biblical sex representing the relationship between Christ and church. If sex is being used a tool to manipulate, I believe that is wrong.


Well I think that ties in to what the OP was about. People may think they are marrying to have a partner to enjoy a sex life with that is pleasing to God and may find out that person doesn't feel the same way about sex. They may have had issues in past relationships, they may have health issues. That's why you need to be very clear with each other what your expectations are. Even then, things may come in life and change everything.

Barring legitimate reasons, such as health, a couple should not be withholding sex from each other. That was the dust up we had in the last thread, even though it was based on Scripture. Needless to say, most Christian marriages have counseling before the wedding. That would be the time to be utterly open and honest with each other in this area. If problems arise, the best thing is to go for help. Withholding sex only hurts your partner and in turn, yourself.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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withholding sex lol

um ok if thats what you call it
why not just say, well this is the roster, we do it on these nights but not on these nights because if we do it on these nights it will be very messy and I have to do the laundry. Unless YOU want to clean the sheets.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
43,477
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Well I tried to add more pics but the files were too large... when I have time I'll crop and post later.
If you use postimages.org (<= link :)) [which is an image hosting site] you can resize
on upload to 640 pixels wide, which is generally large enough, and then select the
direct link from the second line of links provided, to copy and paste into the appropriate
image tags. I save my image file urls in a document for such, so that if I want to post the
same image again, I simply search the document for it by name, or keyword in the verse.
I am trying to get more thoroughly organized in this LOL. Another plus to using urls -as
opposed to posting directly from your device- is that images posted by url transfer if/when
your post is quoted, whereas images straight from your computer or phone do not (a link to
the image is provided instead). You do not need to register to use postimages, nor will they
delete your images at any time, though you can at any time if you save the page link when
you upload it. The delete option is right at or near the bottom of links provided :)
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
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I think it is a shame when younger people are taught that sex is dirty and a No, No. Because when you do have the right partner it is one of the most wonderful gifts that a married couple can share together and yes there can be fireworks. It builds a bond like no other.

So sex is wonderful when in the right context not dirty and a yes for the married couple.
 
S

Seeking-Christ

Guest
I logged in because I wanted to tell you guys a story.

Back when I was attending a local Baptist Church. A street evangelist, by the name of Mark Cahill gave a presentation. He had written two books. "One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven" and "One Heartbeat Away".

"One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven" is written for believers. to teach you how to witness.

"One Heartbeat Away" is for the unbeliever, but even believers like it too. It is a book that your supposed to give to an unbeliever.

Mark Cahill's witnessing methods is very similar to Ray Comfort's methods. He runs an unbeliever though the ten commandments to show them that they are not good enough to get into heaven.

When Mark gets to the commandment "Don't commit adultery" He brings up Matthew 5:28. Which says "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." To tell the person that it's a problem in His heart.

The Book "One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven" on page 123 and 124, He's talking to a guy. I want you to read how this conversation goes:

There maybe some typos because I had to type a copy from the book.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the young woman gave me an answer, the guy said, "There is a Heaven and a Hell. And when I die I am going to Heaven because I keep the Ten Commandments. " It didn't take long to get right to the point! "Okay," I began, "let's see how you are doing. Have you ever told a lie?"
He said, "Nope."
I was thinking, We have all told a lie. You just lied to me in your answer! So I responded, "What do you mean 'nope'?"
"I have only stretched the truth before."
He thought he had me, but I asked, "How far do you have to stretch the truth before it becomes a lie?" He smiled and admitted, "Okay, I
have lied before."
"What does that make you?" I asked.
"A liar."
"Have you ever stolen something?"
"Yes."
"What does that make you?"
"A thief."
I continued, "Have you ever lusted in your heart for a girl before?"
His answer was, "No."
His girlfriend quickly pointed a finger at him and said, "You've lusted for me before!" He's in trouble now!
When she said that, he responded with a curse word -- it was the Lord's name in vain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you catch what the answers to He gave to the lust question, and the response his girlfriend gave?

I admit this guy is not an honest individual. However, this seems to indicate, that if a Man sees a girl, and desires to have her as girlfriend, then He sinned. :(
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
38,937
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Tennessee
I logged in because I wanted to tell you guys a story.

Back when I was attending a local Baptist Church. A street evangelist, by the name of Mark Cahill gave a presentation. He had written two books. "One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven" and "One Heartbeat Away".

"One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven" is written for believers. to teach you how to witness.

"One Heartbeat Away" is for the unbeliever, but even believers like it too. It is a book that your supposed to give to an unbeliever.

Mark Cahill's witnessing methods is very similar to Ray Comfort's methods. He runs an unbeliever though the ten commandments to show them that they are not good enough to get into heaven.

When Mark gets to the commandment "Don't commit adultery" He brings up Matthew 5:28. Which says "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." To tell the person that it's a problem in His heart.

The Book "One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven" on page 123 and 124, He's talking to a guy. I want you to read how this conversation goes:

There maybe some typos because I had to type a copy from the book.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the young woman gave me an answer, the guy said, "There is a Heaven and a Hell. And when I die I am going to Heaven because I keep the Ten Commandments. " It didn't take long to get right to the point! "Okay," I began, "let's see how you are doing. Have you ever told a lie?"
He said, "Nope."
I was thinking, We have all told a lie. You just lied to me in your answer! So I responded, "What do you mean 'nope'?"
"I have only stretched the truth before."
He thought he had me, but I asked, "How far do you have to stretch the truth before it becomes a lie?" He smiled and admitted, "Okay, I
have lied before."
"What does that make you?" I asked.
"A liar."
"Have you ever stolen something?"
"Yes."
"What does that make you?"
"A thief."
I continued, "Have you ever lusted in your heart for a girl before?"
His answer was, "No."
His girlfriend quickly pointed a finger at him and said, "You've lusted for me before!" He's in trouble now!
When she said that, he responded with a curse word -- it was the Lord's name in vain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you catch what the answers to He gave to the lust question, and the response his girlfriend gave?

I admit this guy is not an honest individual. However, this seems to indicate, that if a Man sees a girl, and desires to have her as girlfriend, then He sinned. :(
I would not say that he has sinned. There is nothing wrong finding his girlfriend attractive. Of course, after that there may be a little lusting but that would really have to do with his intentions, whether honorable or otherwise. If he is seriously considering making her his wife then there is no lust but rather desire. Without sexual desire there would be few marriages. No excuse for taking the Lord's name in vain though.

Regarding the lying, everyone stumbles occasionally. I would not equate telling a lie making someone a liar. Same thing for stealing.

In my younger years I did the occasional shoplifting, I was like 12 or 13. My older brother was with me, a year older. We got escorted out of the store in handcuffs with a police officer leading the way. Dad had to come to the station to bring us home. I really don't think that makes me a thief years later.

Regardless, Jesus paid the price for all of the crap that I have done in my life. I strive to lead an honorable spiritual life but like I have said, everyone stumbles. Yeah, that makes me a sinner but fortunately Jesus has my back.

I am surmising that the one thing that you won't be able to do in heaven is sin.

I am not the least bit impressed with the guy's spiritual insights as displayed in his book. He lacks compassion and mercy. Empathy too. Fortunately, God has those qualities in infinite supply.

Perhaps, He will extend those to the author. I pray that this is so.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
38,937
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Tennessee
I think it is a shame when younger people are taught that sex is dirty and a No, No. Because when you do have the right partner it is one of the most wonderful gifts that a married couple can share together and yes there can be fireworks. It builds a bond like no other.

So sex is wonderful when in the right context not dirty and a yes for the married couple.
Absolutely, my love.
 
S

Seeking-Christ

Guest
I would not say that he has sinned. There is nothing wrong finding his girlfriend attractive. Of course, after that there may be a little lusting but that would really have to do with his intentions, whether honorable or otherwise. If he is seriously considering making her his wife then there is no lust but rather desire. Without sexual desire there would be few marriages. No excuse for taking the Lord's name in vain though.

Regarding the lying, everyone stumbles occasionally. I would not equate telling a lie making someone a liar. Same thing for stealing.

In my younger years I did the occasional shoplifting, I was like 12 or 13. My older brother was with me, a year older. We got escorted out of the store in handcuffs with a police officer leading the way. Dad had to come to the station to bring us home. I really don't think that makes me a thief years later.

Regardless, Jesus paid the price for all of the crap that I have done in my life. I strive to lead an honorable spiritual life but like I have said, everyone stumbles. Yeah, that makes me a sinner but fortunately Jesus has my back.

I am surmising that the one thing that you won't be able to do in heaven is sin.

I am not the least bit impressed with the guy's spiritual insights as displayed in his book. He lacks compassion and mercy. Empathy too. Fortunately, God has those qualities in infinite supply.

Perhaps, He will extend those to the author. I pray that this is so.
I would just say this.
1) The guy isn't supposed to be a Christian.
2) I don't think you should judge the author based on just a small section. You know i can't quote an entire 223 page book.
3) One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven is Witness. But I understand what your saying... You can't sin in heaven either. But the authors point in the book is that you can't witness in heaven.

Other then that, your opinion is your opinion. I understand where your coming from. :)
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
38,937
15,117
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Tennessee
I would just say this.
1) The guy isn't supposed to be a Christian.
2) I don't think you should judge the author based on just a small section. You know i can't quote an entire 223 page book.
3) One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven is Witness. But I understand what your saying... You can't sin in heaven either. But the authors point in the book is that you can't witness in heaven.

Other then that, your opinion is your opinion. I understand where your coming from. :)
The author's point regarding what you can't do in heaven seems to be spiritual. I also rescind my judgement of the author.
 
S

Seeking-Christ

Guest
The author's point regarding what you can't do in heaven seems to be spiritual. I also rescind my judgement of the author.
Look: I don't know how spiritual he is. He has an effective method of getting unbelievers to talk, and He does lead them to truth. But how good of a person He is? How close He is to God? I'll leave that judgement up to God.

This might help you decide on him:

 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,234
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blood unfortunately stains sheets
so you probably dont want to do it at certain times of the month.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,234
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also, if you dont wash down there properly well it can be dirty

so, thats why people dont just do it with anyone. Otherwise if you want to live like a hippie and marry everyone, and do it in public up to you. Free love...whatever
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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STDS are sexually transmitted diseases.

if you infected you may not show symptoms till after

lots of people dont know they have this or they could be carriers and asymptomatic

when you swap bodily fluids with someone, the germs, virus etc come with it. Also, forcing someone to have sex is rape. If someone says no, they mean no. you cant just have it on tap, sorry.

people need to learn a bit of self -control
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,234
5,813
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who is 'the right person' well biologically any adult human of the opposite sex.

you cant have sex with a child though people do
you cannot have sex with a relation though people do
you cant have sex with the same sex though people do

you can have sex with the person you married but they might want to have sex with someone else. does that mean they love the other person more than you? I dont know

when Abraham had sex with Hagar did he love her? I dont think so. She was his maid
what about when Jacob had sex with Leah, he married her first, but I don tthink he loved her
 

jennymae

Well-known member
Feb 28, 2020
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I really appreciate this, Jenny. I had always noticed this too throughout my time growing up (people more interested in others as their own personal convert than as a person,) and I was always asking God for something different. My worst fear was (and still is) that in order to be a "real" Christian, I had to become a Stepford clone of people like that.

I have fought tooth and nail not to be my whole life. Now of course, if God wants me to be something else -- I'm in big trouble! But I trust that He'll do what it takes to keep working on making me into what He wants me to be.

We always say God works in mysterious ways... Years ago, an inmate wrote me and said, "You know, I think God is telling me that your calling is going to be something people aren't used to seeing, and they're not going to understand it because of that."

And he told me to buck up and get ready because the criticism was coming.

Boy, was he ever on the money! Lol. And he always reminds me that we are Christian SOLDIERS, so I'd better not be moping around crying about it! Lol.

You are a wonderful person Jenny, and some of the things I appreciate most about you is your willingness to be upfront and your awesome sense of humor.

Thank you so much to you and others for taking the time to post.

I greatly appreciate it and it deeply touches my heart that people have taken the time to get to know me here, even if it's just through the things I say -- and also don't say -- through my messages and posts.

It's that old saying...

Sometimes we say more with what we DON'T say than with what we do (even though I know some would laugh and say, "How can there possibly be anything she hasn't said?!") :D

Thank you so much again! Big hugs!
Thanks Miss K. I always love your voice of reason. I can’t always keep up with your fast paced thinking, but I’m chiming in occasionally.❤️
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,234
5,813
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also, Jesus was born of a virgin, so how do you explain that one. Did Mary and Joseph love each other?
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
This article discusses ways to deal with a wife who refuses sex. Any thoughts? Personally I see these methods as reverse manipulation (same way a woman uses sex to get what she wants). Also, this makes the marriage seem too transnational.

https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/05/23/8-steps-to-confront-your-wifes-sexual-refusal/

Step 1 – Rebuke her privately

Step 2 – Stop taking her on dates or trips

Step 3 – No unnecessary household upgrades

Step 4 – Stop doing the little extra things

Step 5 – Remove her funding

Step 6 – Rebuke her before witnesses

Step 7 – Bring her before the Church

Last Option - Divorce her over sexual immorality
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,107
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This article discusses ways to deal with a wife who refuses sex. Any thoughts? Personally I see these methods as reverse manipulation (same way a woman uses sex to get what she wants). Also, this makes the marriage seem too transnational.

https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/05/23/8-steps-to-confront-your-wifes-sexual-refusal/

Step 1 – Rebuke her privately

Step 2 – Stop taking her on dates or trips

Step 3 – No unnecessary household upgrades

Step 4 – Stop doing the little extra things

Step 5 – Remove her funding

Step 6 – Rebuke her before witnesses

Step 7 – Bring her before the Church

Last Option - Divorce her over sexual immorality
The man would have to be subject to the same rules.

Rebuke him in front of witnesses?