Is it a bad witness for a Christian pastor to marry someone 30 years younger?

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tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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Tennessee
#41
In my opinion, a man marrying a woman 30 years younger is acquiring a trophy wife to put up for display. In answer to your question in the OP, yes, I would consider that pastor to be a bad witness and exhibiting poor leadership. I would leave such a church immediately.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#42
That’s a lovely thought but I wouldn’t say, “...just a number.” Numbers are representatives of things. Where age is concerned, it represents when you should be mature enough drive, or drink alcohol. It’s used to measure, experience and hopefully wisdom. Then finally it’s more of a countdown to when the body begins to deteriorate leading to death. When I was forty, I was in the best shape of my life, fitness model “in shape”. Changing priorities in the last year made me unable to commit to exercise as before. Tendinitis settled into my forearms causing continuous pain. My sons now beat me in sprinting races. They are athletic teens but I used to be faster. I’m almost ready to return to my fitness regime but in the last year I’m no longer seeing age as “just a number.”
I'm getting higher in numbers myself.
 
S

Scribe

Guest
#44
er...Paul was the one who WROTE the letter to Timothy. Im not being logical its just what Paul himself wrote so ask God about it...I didnt write the Bible am just referring to it?!
I am not sure if this answer means that you interpret Paul's meaning to Timothy to say that an elder, bishop, deacon MUST be married and have children or that IF he is married let it be to one wife and that he MUST have children or that IF he has children he must govern them well?
 
L

LittleMermaid

Guest
#46
How would ya'll feel is a female Pastor married a man 30 years younger than herself? :eek::p
 
Sep 13, 2018
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#47
How would ya'll feel about a 16 yr. old guy that dated his school teacher that was
only 10 yrs. his senior?
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
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#48
I first would want to know the spiritual maturity of the pastor’s wife. Are they equally yoked? Do they have a healthy partnership for ministry?

Then I wonder if I was a single woman a part of this congregation and around the pastor’s age, how would I feel? My guess is I would feel I’m not good enough since my own pastor went for someone 30 yrs younger.
 

BenFTW

Senior Member
Oct 7, 2012
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#49
A 70 year old pastor marrying a 40 year old woman, may be the only reasonable version of this scenario? It’s just so hard to fathom that age gap. But at least if it’s with older (don’t read old, ladies lol ❤️) adults, it won’t seem as unnatural to the younger people in the church or seen as an example of what to emulate.

We wouldn’t want young girls to be looking for sugar daddies or young men looking for sugar mamas. I think there is a healthy age gap, while relative, that makes a distinction between young and old. Hence scripture telling men to not put away the wife of their youth for young women. We see that scripture does make that distinction, of age.

I am not saying that a young-er woman can’t love an older man, for those sensitive to what appears as a judgement. I am just saying, in general, people should seek to be with someone around their age. Is that fair?
 
S

Scribe

Guest
#51
Since I started this thread I suppose I should make it clear that I am not planning on marrying at all and if I did it would not be to someone 30 years younger than me. I was thinking that a pastor's credibility and ministry would suffer if he made a choice like that and the responses tell me that my perceptions are shared by most others.
 
Sep 13, 2018
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#52
Hey Scribe,
If he goes through with this , Do you really think that his parishioner's are going to respect him?
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
8,881
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#53
What is the general consensus on age difference between people if the man is a pastor? Does his leadership role make a difference if he is thinking about marrying a woman who is 30 years younger than him? Would it be ok for someone else in the church who was not in leadership? Why is it frowned upon?
is he 90 and is she 60 ? lol
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
8,881
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#54
Since I started this thread I suppose I should make it clear that I am not planning on marrying at all and if I did it would not be to someone 30 years younger than me. I was thinking that a pastor's credibility and ministry would suffer if he made a choice like that and the responses tell me that my perceptions are shared by most others.
the Rev. Al Charlatan has remarried and his now wife was an embryo when HE was 50
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
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#55
Since I started this thread I suppose I should make it clear that I am not planning on marrying at all and if I did it would not be to someone 30 years younger than me. I was thinking that a pastor's credibility and ministry would suffer if he made a choice like that and the responses tell me that my perceptions are shared by most others.
What if the Holy Spirit gave them both peace with this marriage? What if they followed scripture together and focused on being Holy rather than happy? What if they are really good for each other? I don't recommend marrying someone with that big of an age difference, but I would not judge him and think his ministry is less credible.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#56
While I agree that if God has called the two to be together, there's nothing more to question. But for me personally, in all the churches I've attended, the pastor's wife had a very active role in leading Bible classes and ministering to the women of the congregation.

If a 50-year-old pastor has a congregation full of women who are willing to be led by a 20-year-old woman, then God bless them, but I doubt that would happen.

By some standards, I'm at middle-age myself and the other women still often pat me on the head with a "There, there, little girl."

So if a pastor with a 20-year-old wife is leading a congregation full of teenage girls, that might work. But if his flock includes older women, there is probably going to be a lot of unrest among the women, as they won't feel they have anyone to lead them or go to with their concerns.

I realize this could also happen if a young minister and his young wife are called to lead a congregation, but I think it would be slightly different in a situation where the couple has a 30-year age difference. I think people would be divided over taking the pastor seriously and not his wife.

And if the pastor were older (80, and his wife was 50), the opposite might occur. People might see his wife as being more in touch with the congregation if she's around the median age of most of the members, whereas he might be seen as pretty much just a figurehead in the background.

I'm definitely not saying that God couldn't call a couple with a large age difference to lead a congregation, but I do think they would run into their own unique set of challenges from the people.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,366
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#57
While I agree that if God has called the two to be together, there's nothing more to question. But for me personally, in all the churches I've attended, the pastor's wife had a very active role in leading Bible classes and ministering to the women of the congregation.

If a 50-year-old pastor has a congregation full of women who are willing to be led by a 20-year-old woman, then God bless them, but I doubt that would happen.

By some standards, I'm at middle-age myself and the other women still often pat me on the head with a "There, there, little girl."

So if a pastor with a 20-year-old wife is leading a congregation full of teenage girls, that might work. But if his flock includes older women, there is probably going to be a lot of unrest among the women, as they won't feel they have anyone to lead them or go to with their concerns.

I realize this could also happen if a young minister and his young wife are called to lead a congregation, but I think it would be slightly different in a situation where the couple has a 30-year age difference. I think people would be divided over taking the pastor seriously and not his wife.

And if the pastor were older (80, and his wife was 50), the opposite might occur. People might see his wife as being more in touch with the congregation if she's around the median age of most of the members, whereas he might be seen as pretty much just a figurehead in the background.

I'm definitely not saying that God couldn't call a couple with a large age difference to lead a congregation, but I do think they would run into their own unique set of challenges from the people.

Very good valid points... however I think if God is truly in the marriage, He will use them to how He sees fit and for His glory.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,512
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#58
I am not sure if this answer means that you interpret Paul's meaning to Timothy to say that an elder, bishop, deacon MUST be married and have children or that IF he is married let it be to one wife and that he MUST have children or that IF he has children he must govern them well?
I will let you figure it out for yourself lol
You can read the Bible too I am pretty sure you have one. Ask God if you are unsure what it says...
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,512
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#59
The senior pastor in my church wife died a few years ago, am pretty sure he wont marry again to someone young enough to be his daughter. AWKWARDS.

His being a widow doesnt mean hes a bad witness but if he married again I dont know what his daughters would think of their new younger than them step-mother.
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
8,881
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#60
it does give a whole new outlook to Senior Pastor LOL.

I can be honest and maybe wrong too for a moment?

if you can agree it is not wrong for a 50-year man to be with a 20-year-old women why would you only stop there? a 40-year-old man can be with 18-year-old or 30 with 18 years old.
This happens a lot in the '40s and '50s if you did not know. men in their 30's married 15-year-olds. my grandmother was 15 married a man who was 25. a prearranged wedding between the father and his worker my grandfather. Love had nothing to do with it. My grandmother did what her father told her to do and married this man if she loved him or not.

Today's elite moral standard and feminism would condemn this practice YET would support two men marrying LOL.

NOw as Pastor is it praiseworthy in this day and age? I don't think so, it can be a distraction. Remember the man of God is held to a higher standard. we are to shun the very presence of evil and have no bad report.
But this too is only my opinion. for me, it would be wrong at 50 to be with a 20-year-old today. Why because I have daughters one 21 the other 16. if my wife passed away and I remarried a 22-year-old? that would not be good thing.