Leonard (Nimoy) vs. Leonardo (DiCaprio) [Guys, What are Your Insecurities?]

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#1
All right, Gentlemen. :)

Will you take the time to share your insecurities with us, if you have them? For instances, women are infamous for looking at one another and feeling a need to compete... or thinking things such as, "I wish I had her... hair... face... body parts...etc."

I have always wondered: do guys think like that as well? Do they look at their friends and think,"I wish I had his... sense of humor... hair... biceps?"

What about guys who are single and getting older--do you have the same hang-ups as women, feeling the need to compete with younger men?

And how has being a single male affected your relationship with God, whether positively or negatively?

I'm expecting a real tell-all thread here, so please, share your thoughts!! :)

(It will also help us ladies be more sensitive to the things you guys struggle with as well.)
 
D

dustyzafu

Guest
#2
I have always wondered: do guys think like that as well? Do they look at their friends and think,"I wish I had his... sense of humor... hair... biceps?"
Whatever individual guys might tell you, I think you have proof that your average guy does. For instance, flip through your average men's health magazine - they're less about health than a parade of mostly anonymous guys who have better hair, biceps, etc. than we do. And between the pictures of the airbrushed men are articles or advertisements for ways to become like them. What they fail to tell us is that some of the better known "healthy" models used steroids and needed surgery to remove their gynecomastia (moobs).

There is an enormous marketing machine out there, the sole purpose of which is to convince men that we need to look like anything other than ourselves and that it's worth any amount of money. It takes enormous psychological strength to disregard that message when it's essentially screamed into our heads at every opportunity. Since nobody wants to get touchy feely with a guy and explain that we're ok as we are, we're left vulnerable.

As for me, it's all about the hair. My father went bald at an early age and I started to lose my hair when I was young. To help me out, my parents put me on some medication while I was still in puberty to prevent it. It's a wonder I don't have three arms. Vanity makes one do stupid things.

What about guys who are single and getting older--do you have the same hang-ups as women, feeling the need to compete with younger men?
It doesn't necessarily go away when you're married, unfortunately.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#3
Loved your answers, dustyzafu... and I'm thankful you don't have three arms as well. However, I might recount the number of toes on each foot if I were you... just kidding ;).

Your post gave me a bit to think about (I've never really picked up a men's magazine because all the ones I see have 3/4's naked girls on the covers) so I know this sounds naive, but I didn't really know about all the ads and marketing, etc.

Great post--I hope there are several others out there willing to share as well. And may God help us all be more secure in who He made us to be.

God bless!
 
G

Groundhog

Guest
#4
All right, Gentlemen. :)

Will you take the time to share your insecurities with us, if you have them? For instances, women are infamous for looking at one another and feeling a need to compete... or thinking things such as, "I wish I had her... hair... face... body parts...etc."

I have always wondered: do guys think like that as well? Do they look at their friends and think,"I wish I had his... sense of humor... hair... biceps?"

What about guys who are single and getting older--do you have the same hang-ups as women, feeling the need to compete with younger men?

And how has being a single male affected your relationship with God, whether positively or negatively?

I'm expecting a real tell-all thread here, so please, share your thoughts!! :)

(It will also help us ladies be more sensitive to the things you guys struggle with as well.)
I don't compare myself with guys the way you described. It's more like "I wish I looked better" rather than "I wish I looked like that guy." I do sometimes envy things my friends have, but it's usually things like "I wish I could find a wife like his" or "I wish I were as good at making money as that guy is."

As I am getting older and remaining single, I don't think I'm old enough yet to feel like I'm competing with "younger' men, but I think that this situation is much different for men on the whole than it is for women. In our society, it is just more normal for a guy to be dating younger women than it is for women, so older men don't compete with younger men the same way older women have to compete with younger women. Does that makes sense?

I honestly think that being a single male has had a negative impact on my faith. It probably has something to do with the loneliness, but as time goes on I find cynicism and bitterness creeping into my life; joy and hope fade. My dream of having a family may not come true, and the more that reality sets it, the less hope I have for it. Once hope is gone, it's hard to have faith in anything.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#5
I honestly think that being a single male has had a negative impact on my faith. It probably has something to do with the loneliness, but as time goes on I find cynicism and bitterness creeping into my life; joy and hope fade. My dream of having a family may not come true, and the more that reality sets it, the less hope I have for it. Once hope is gone, it's hard to have faith in anything.
This feels like you read my mind, I try to remember it's all on God's schedule and we can't know what we need to do and when, but each day I am alone is one day less I get to have with those I hope will come into my life and never knowing when life may end it is easy to feel there may be less days ahead than there are behind.

As for insecurities I don't really have any that I am consciously aware of, I am past the point of looking in the mirror and wishing I had different features because I have realised how damaging that kind of attitude can be. But I do occasionly see someone with a great haircut and know that I couldn't have it just because of how my hair is and I feel a little hard done by, but that kind of thing passes in a moment.

As for competing with younger men I have no such issue mainly because I am still young myself, but I don't see myself feeling any different in the future because I have never related to men my age because I have never been interested in what is typical for young men in my country, I hate to party, I almost never drink alcohol, I was never obsessed with having a girlfriend and being trendy never meant a thing to me, therefore I was always on the outside of the norm for my age group.

Not being a part of it meant that the rewards that seem to come from that kind of lifestyle never really appealed to me either, I never wanted what they had and I still don't so competing with them is never an issue, in my mind any woman who would find them attractive would probably not be right for me, nor I for her, so it doesn't bother me when I don't get thier attention.
 
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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#6
I definitely hear what you guys are saying about being outside the norm... and thank you so much for being honest about your struggles and feelings. I can totally relate to feelings of envy and/or hopelessness--Groundhog really hit it for me when he said that there isn't much left to bank on once you lose hope... and in my experience, that's when the "good Christians" swoop in and tell you that you should have more faith, pray more, devote yourself to Bible classes, etc., etc., etc... I'm sure you've all heard it more than once. And, in my case, it's always the married people who are telling me to do this... And after you exhaust yourself trying to follow all their well-meaning advice... you come to the conclusion that you're not so sure you're any better off than when you started trying to be the good, obedient Christian who tries their best to follow the "wisdom" that's passed on to you...

I wish there was something spiritually magical I could say to lift your spirits and encourage you all, but all I can say is that you're definitely not alone in feeling the way you do or having the experiences you've had...

Please keep sharing your thoughts, everyone. My hope is that we can all build friendships here to get us through these rough times.

Thanks most of all for the honesty, and if anyone needs to talk, please feel free to drop me a line.
 
D

Dread_Zeppelin

Guest
#7
Nimoy rocks
 
C

ChristopherMichael

Guest
#10
All right, Gentlemen. :)

Will you take the time to share your insecurities with us, if you have them? For instances, women are infamous for looking at one another and feeling a need to compete... or thinking things such as, "I wish I had her... hair... face... body parts...etc."

I have always wondered: do guys think like that as well? Do they look at their friends and think,"I wish I had his... sense of humor... hair... biceps?"

What about guys who are single and getting older--do you have the same hang-ups as women, feeling the need to compete with younger men?

And how has being a single male affected your relationship with God, whether positively or negatively?

I'm expecting a real tell-all thread here, so please, share your thoughts!! :)

(It will also help us ladies be more sensitive to the things you guys struggle with as well.)
Sometimes if I wish I had one of my friends sense of confidence. Not in a brazen kind of way, cause I got that down, but the smooth kind of confidence that draws the ladies in.

- Topher
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#11
Sometimes if I wish I had one of my friends sense of confidence. Not in a brazen kind of way, cause I got that down, but the smooth kind of confidence that draws the ladies in.

- Topher
But sometimes a guy who is slightly unsure... I'm not sure how to explain... but someone who can admit he's a work in progress and needs a boost now and then... is intriguing.

It sure beats having an attitude of arrogance or "I know all", which is what I personally don't like in the "more confident" guys.

I like guys who are real and honest about who they are and where they're at in life--sometimes "smooth" confidence is just a mask for a whole heaping mess of problems underneath, and of course, we all have problems, but I'd rather have someone be upfront about them instead of trying to paste them over.
 

Sharp

Senior Member
May 5, 2009
2,565
19
38
#12
fine.........i wish i was taller, and maybe wider.

girls seem to want a man who can beat guys up when they threaten them - i just can't do that.

but i'm good with knives, so i think if i carry knives it puts me even with most other dudes.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#13
fine.........i wish i was taller, and maybe wider.

girls seem to want a man who can beat guys up when they threaten them - i just can't do that.

but i'm good with knives, so i think if i carry knives it puts me even with most other dudes.

So I guess what you're saying then is that you hide your insecurities behind sharp objects with blades???

I'd ask you a few more questions about your insecurities but I'm a little afraid of that vegetable peeler you're holding... a little too close for my comfort (and the comfort of my baked potato, which prefers to remain whole and unsliced.)

Although, I hate chopping garlic, so if you want to step in... ;)
 
C

Cobblepot

Guest
#14
Bait and switch!

*Everyone* knows that Spock could topple that guy from Titanic in a heartbeat. Just one application of the Vulcan nerve pinch, and it's "iceberg ahoy!" for Mr. DiCaprio. My heart will go on? I think not!

That said, I guess one of my flaws is my tendency to ruin threads with posts that don't mean anything, usually littered with jargon about extraterrestrial death-pinches and melodramatic, overplayed pop songs from the 90's.
 
D

Dread_Zeppelin

Guest
#15
"Mirror, Mirror" Spock can break people in half, as well.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#16
So... apparently the way that guys (here, at least) can overcome their worst insecurities... is to don a pair of Spock ears.

Instant chick magnet! ;)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#18
Just the ears or the entire person?
 
G

Groundhog

Guest
#19
Haha, I used to own a pair of Spock ears. Wish I still had them.

I just wanted to jump on Sharp's comments. Let's just admit that both genders are guilty of putting unfair expectations on the other. Men talk about their ideal women, women talk about their ideal men; women get discouraged because they don't live up to that ideal, and men can get discouraged because the are not the ideal man. It would be nice for both genders to stop placing unrealistic (i.e. utopian) expectations on each other.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#20
If it's any consolation, I like a fit and healthy look, yes... but those guys on the covers of say, "Muscle and Fitness" or even "Men's Health" are way, way, WAY too much. I'd be afraid to cuddle up to someone like that because it's like... if I hug him, will his arm explode???