Love Waits, Lust Wants

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David101

Guest
#1
We currently live in a society that is heavily sexualised, disturbingly so. It influences many people even while they're young, creating a generation of people who believe sex is both a common commodity and for some (Incels) a luxury they can't afford rather than something sacred between a husband and wife. An important thing for all single Christians is to remember that the Devil is always trying to trip us up and relationships are not a field he restrains his efforts. We must always ask ourselves, is this lust or love, reevaluating our actions and even our feelings in relationships.

Working out the difference between lust and love can be difficult, especially in the moment. I recommend going to people around you who you trust to ask for their opinion and their perspective. Be that your family, your friends, your church, just ask, because they might see something you're entirely blind to. I was guilty of this myself very recently, thankfully through the counselling of my church, I managed to avoid a relationship based on lust rather than love. Looking back, I can see why it was lust and not truly love but in the moment I saw no difference.

So, to summarise. Take a moment to ask yourself if it's really love or it's simply lust, talk with those you trust to see if they can see something you can't.

God bless you all and stay safe! :)
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
32,394
10,360
113
65
Florida
#2
We currently live in a society that is heavily sexualised, disturbingly so. It influences many people even while they're young, creating a generation of people who believe sex is both a common commodity and for some (Incels) a luxury they can't afford rather than something sacred between a husband and wife. An important thing for all single Christians is to remember that the Devil is always trying to trip us up and relationships are not a field he restrains his efforts. We must always ask ourselves, is this lust or love, reevaluating our actions and even our feelings in relationships.

Working out the difference between lust and love can be difficult, especially in the moment. I recommend going to people around you who you trust to ask for their opinion and their perspective. Be that your family, your friends, your church, just ask, because they might see something you're entirely blind to. I was guilty of this myself very recently, thankfully through the counselling of my church, I managed to avoid a relationship based on lust rather than love. Looking back, I can see why it was lust and not truly love but in the moment I saw no difference.

So, to summarise. Take a moment to ask yourself if it's really love or it's simply lust, talk with those you trust to see if they can see something you can't.

God bless you all and stay safe! :)
The question that you recommended asking oneself "Is it really love or it's simply lust" I have asked myself, especially after my horrible first marriage that ended after 6 1/2 years. I was 23 at the time. Looks like that you're learning the ropes earlier than I did. I am glad that you managed to avoid questionable relationships. Unfortunately, after my divorce I had a small sampling of questionable relationships until I decided to remain alone and celibate. That period of my life lasted 18 years until I met my second wife who was a godly person with a heart of gold. This second marriage, based on love lasted until her death at the age of 59 in 2014. I have remarried another godly spiritual woman and today we celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary. This marriage too is based on the love of God given to us in our hearts to share with each other.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,386
6,452
113
#3
I recommend going to people around you who you trust to ask for their opinion and their perspective. Be that your family, your friends, your church, just ask, because they might see something you're entirely blind to.
While I agree that love and lust are two different things, I have to say that the first person that I would trust for their opinion is God and God alone.


Proverbs 3:5-6 New International Version (NIV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.[a]
 
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David101

Guest
#4
While I agree that love and lust are two different things, I have to say that the first person that I would trust for their opinion is God and God alone.


Proverbs 3:5-6 New International Version (NIV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.[a]
Of course we should bring God all things, but we shouldn't disregard those whom he has placed into our lives too. I may bring my issues before God, but my pastor is no stranger to them either. :)
 

Kaps89

Well-known member
Nov 19, 2018
219
304
63
Kent, England
#5
We currently live in a society that is heavily sexualised, disturbingly so. It influences many people even while they're young, creating a generation of people who believe sex is both a common commodity and for some (Incels) a luxury they can't afford rather than something sacred between a husband and wife. An important thing for all single Christians is to remember that the Devil is always trying to trip us up and relationships are not a field he restrains his efforts. We must always ask ourselves, is this lust or love, reevaluating our actions and even our feelings in relationships.

Working out the difference between lust and love can be difficult, especially in the moment. I recommend going to people around you who you trust to ask for their opinion and their perspective. Be that your family, your friends, your church, just ask, because they might see something you're entirely blind to. I was guilty of this myself very recently, thankfully through the counselling of my church, I managed to avoid a relationship based on lust rather than love. Looking back, I can see why it was lust and not truly love but in the moment I saw no difference.

So, to summarise. Take a moment to ask yourself if it's really love or it's simply lust, talk with those you trust to see if they can see something you can't.

God bless you all and stay safe! :)
Hello David, an interesting post. I seem to be getting drawn to all the relationship related threads at the minute.

You're right in some respects. The world is sexual garbage and I can't walk down the street without seeing something disgusting on a billboard.

However I agree with @Mel85 in regards to getting advice. Dating advice in the church is one of two things; good.....or not good. I've been given some truly terrible advice by people from church about dating and after a while I got sick of it and decided to go straight to source. God has the answers. I'm not saying don't trust anyone but I'm saying the only person who should be trusted implicitly is God.

T
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
1,549
1,399
113
#6
We currently live in a society that is heavily sexualised, disturbingly so. It influences many people even while they're young, creating a generation of people who believe sex is both a common commodity and for some (Incels) a luxury they can't afford rather than something sacred between a husband and wife. An important thing for all single Christians is to remember that the Devil is always trying to trip us up and relationships are not a field he restrains his efforts. We must always ask ourselves, is this lust or love, reevaluating our actions and even our feelings in relationships.

Working out the difference between lust and love can be difficult, especially in the moment. I recommend going to people around you who you trust to ask for their opinion and their perspective. Be that your family, your friends, your church, just ask, because they might see something you're entirely blind to. I was guilty of this myself very recently, thankfully through the counselling of my church, I managed to avoid a relationship based on lust rather than love. Looking back, I can see why it was lust and not truly love but in the moment I saw no difference.

So, to summarise. Take a moment to ask yourself if it's really love or it's simply lust, talk with those you trust to see if they can see something you can't.

God bless you all and stay safe! :)
Thanks Brother - your willingness to share so openly in an effort to help others where you have struggled are admirable characteristics...
The thrust of your message is so so warranted especially as it pertains to the generation(s) that are growing up essentially de-sensitized to traditional christian moral values; which are seemingly and ever so gradually being distilled thru corrupt lyrics, videos, movies, games, social media...

The reality of the challenge that you describe is a very human dilemma that has historically challenged all generations. The threat you describe is very real and is only exasperated via today's societal norms - it appears that we are on a downward trend without a failsafe remedy to at least regain some of the ground that we have already lost...

As an adult male who has not been with a woman for almost 2 years now; knowing my strengths, weaknesses and vulnerabilities I am in the exploratory phase of developing some sort of conceptual model / litmus test that I can use to protect myself from falling victim to this very human conundrum... I'm thinking that the prototype will have to have some sort of shock-treatment, or audio or visual alarm to catch my attention and constantly remind me to stay on course with my walk with our lord...

In all seriousness - Thanks again for sharing and for your humanity - in wanting to help others... God Bless
 
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David101

Guest
#7
Hello David, an interesting post. I seem to be getting drawn to all the relationship related threads at the minute.

You're right in some respects. The world is sexual garbage and I can't walk down the street without seeing something disgusting on a billboard.

However I agree with @Mel85 in regards to getting advice. Dating advice in the church is one of two things; good.....or not good. I've been given some truly terrible advice by people from church about dating and after a while I got sick of it and decided to go straight to source. God has the answers. I'm not saying don't trust anyone but I'm saying the only person who should be trusted implicitly is God.

T
Are you familiar with the story of the man trapped on the mountain?

A man got trapped on a mountain, and prayed to God to be saved. A rescuer approached the man, offering a ladder to help him down and the man refuted him saying "I will trust in God to save me!". Later, a helicopter flew over head and offered the man a rope, once again the man refused and repeated what he had said.

Eventually, the man died on that mountain and when coming to face God, he asked God why he didn't save him, to which God responded. "I sent you a rescuer and a helicopter, you refused both".

For me, of course all things go to God first. But the point of the post is not to disregard God, the opposite. I think everyone here knows God is the first person to turn to, the point of the post was not refuting that but also reminding people that God has placed people in our lives for a reason. If my pastor is the rescuer or the helicopter, or a good friend or family member is, I'd be a fool to refute them.
 

Elliee

New member
Aug 11, 2018
6
5
3
#8
La lujuria es un pecado, y todos somos pecadores, por eso encontramos el Perdón en el Señor.


Debemos de cuidar a nuestros Jóvenes, como cuidaron de nosotros alguna vez, Si estabas en pecado de lujuria es Lógico que no es Amor.
Solo en Dios podemos Confiar! y el nos pondrá a las personas correctas en nuestro camino, el nos dará las herramientas y sabiduría para saber cuándo es el Amor correcto que este dentro de los planes de Dios!.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
2,499
808
113
#9
Relationships are so messy. It would be nice to see a study done to determine whether or not people who chose their own spouse compared to one decided for them. After ten years see which marriages were statically more successful. Our feelings change regularly. What we want from day to day also fluctuates. In our twenties, isn’t what we want in our thirties. So, who we picked in our twenties might also differ. The only intelligent way to pick a mate is first and foremost eliminate feelings. Personality, compatibility and mission; these are things that normally stay constant that will determine success.

As far are love and lust go...you need both. People desire to feel wanted, not needed. Women like to be chased. They want to be a prize, a treasure. God put lust in men’s hearts to increase desire to rise to the challenge of competing for her attention, and affection. Without lust, we have settling. Let’s say picking “low hanging fruit”. Love comes with compatibility, give and take. We each complete the other. Lust is the measure of value, the level of desire. It determines how much we are willing to spend or risk.

Where marriage is concerned, it’s like a hunter with one bullet, or a woman looking for a special outfit. You only get one shot or one purchase, you don’t shoot, or buy the first you see. You wait until you see that special prize, you have been imagining...perfection. Then you risk it all. Lust is what pulls the trigger. Lust is good! It is what we lust that needs to be evaluated.
 

Kaps89

Well-known member
Nov 19, 2018
219
304
63
Kent, England
#10
Are you familiar with the story of the man trapped on the mountain?

A man got trapped on a mountain, and prayed to God to be saved. A rescuer approached the man, offering a ladder to help him down and the man refuted him saying "I will trust in God to save me!". Later, a helicopter flew over head and offered the man a rope, once again the man refused and repeated what he had said.

Eventually, the man died on that mountain and when coming to face God, he asked God why he didn't save him, to which God responded. "I sent you a rescuer and a helicopter, you refused both".

For me, of course all things go to God first. But the point of the post is not to disregard God, the opposite. I think everyone here knows God is the first person to turn to, the point of the post was not refuting that but also reminding people that God has placed people in our lives for a reason. If my pastor is the rescuer or the helicopter, or a good friend or family member is, I'd be a fool to refute them.
Yeah I am. I think the problem is that around dating maybe people try everyone else's advice before God's. Or at least in my experience a lot of people 'forget' that God has his hand in our romantic lives.

T