#MeToo vs. #StandUp -- Does the #MeToo Movement Affect Your Approach to Dating?

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seoulsearch

Senior Member
May 23, 2009
10,813
418
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#1
Hey Everyone,

Here in Singles we have often talked about who should be the one to ask out whom. In many threads, the women have often said that they would prefer it if Christian men "stepped up" and would be the one to ask them out--after all, the man is supposed to be the leader of the home, so what better way than to show that he's ready to start taking the initiative.

However, with all the publicity surrounding the #MeToo movement, and with so many people being slapped with sexual harassment suits right and left, do you think that this will make both men and women more hesitant to even try to ask someone out?

Now of course, I am all for true sexual harassment suits being brought to justice to the full extent of the law, especially since nearly all of us here have probably been a victim in some way.

But unfortunately, there is always a flip side to every such movement, and I was thinking about the times when a person who was sincerely just trying to ask someone out might get hit with a lawsuit, or, at the very least, an accusation that puts a major dent in his or her reputation.

Let's face it--the dating world is tough enough--none of us need to be accused of harassing someone in the process. But where are the lines?

For instance:

* When does, "Will you go out with me?" cross the line into harassing someone?

* When does persistence turn into stalking?

* Have you ever felt hesitant to ask someone out because you are afraid they might see it as harassment?

* Have you ever been asked out in such a way that you felt the person was harassing you? What, for you, turned it into harassment, and what did you do in order to protect yourself?

This is something I have been thinking about for a while and I would really like to hear other's thoughts.
 

Pipp

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2013
3,974
226
63
#2
Stalking someone creepily in the grocery store and smiling at them from behind the bread isn't a good way to show them you like them.
 

seoulsearch

Senior Member
May 23, 2009
10,813
418
83
#3
Stalking someone creepily and smiling at them from behind the bread isn't a good way to show them you like them.
Obviously, it depends on the kind of bread.

"Butternut" screams "Get That Restraining Order Ready, Pronto."

"5 Grains... with Extra Fiber" -- just might mean the poor soul is a little backed up.
 

razor17

Senior Member
Aug 16, 2017
191
13
18
#4
Stalking someone creepily in the grocery store and smiling at them from behind the bread isn't a good way to show them you like them.
maybe he thought you were his SUNBEAM or was just in WONDER ...then again maybe he just wanted to take you out to Pepperidge Farm and you could be his SaraLEE...

i love bread brands :p
 

renewed_hope

Senior Member
May 9, 2016
1,926
107
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#5
I think when a person says "no" and yet it's continued with the question, "will you go out with me". Of course every person that gets rejected has every right to ask why without it being considered harassment, but the lack of respect of being told "no" and being persistent in trying to go out with that person is harassment. Now, I don't think this situation is justified to get the authorities involved unless a threat is made on the behalf of the person getting rejected.
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
12,884
517
113
#6
If I did ask a lady out, I hope I would already know her well enough to be fairly confident she would not sue me for asking her out.

But that's the benefit of not thinking I absolutely have to have a date or a wife - I can afford to wait. If I were one of the guys who actually goes out and SEARCHES for a date, the MeToo thing would make me much more hesitant to ask a woman out.

(Personal opinion) I think most of the MeToo movement is a cash grab. "Hey we can sue these guys and cash in and it's totally legit!" This is a very bad thing because there are women who really do need to sue a guy, and now they will just be part of the MeToo movement and everybody will think they are just trying to get the guy's money. Mind you, that's just how it looks to me.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
7,509
186
63
#7
Our modern predicament really needs the old fashioned Christian solution-

Men, behave yourselves while actively seeking a decent lady.

Women, behave yourselves while looking to attract a decent man.

If you misbehave, repent and be discreet.

Sure, the system had some pretty big drawbacks, but it worked a darn sight better than the social madness we are burdening ourselves with today.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
7,509
186
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#8
My advice to my struggling brothers is to pursue and forget about the #metoo thing.

Stand up, stay frosty, and be a gentleman. Women will appreciate it. And, if for some reason, you're falsely accused, you'll have a convincing truth to fall back on.
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
12,884
517
113
#9
I dunno, I'd be nervous if I were trying to find a date. Knowing I'm innocent doesn't help much when the jury convicts anyway. Or when the girl, in a fit of rage because she didn't get the money she wanted out of me, gets a restraining order. That sure doesn't help a guy's reputation.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
7,509
186
63
#10
If you want to play the game, you have to risk getting injured.

I dunno, I'd be nervous if I were trying to find a date. Knowing I'm innocent doesn't help much when the jury convicts anyway. Or when the girl, in a fit of rage because she didn't get the money she wanted out of me, gets a restraining order. That sure doesn't help a guy's reputation.
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
12,884
517
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#11
I'm not even a spectator in the stands. When people around me start talking about he is going out with her and she broke up with him and started dating the other him, I zone out.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,007
488
83
#12
fortunately, I've never had a bad experience in the dating world. I barely have any experience lol. but I'm reminded of my 1st roomie in college. she was one of the sweetest, social butterflies I've ever met. so obviously, she received a lot of guy attention even though she was not flirtatious. just genuinely a nice person.

one Sunday, I spent most of my time in the room. she went to a children's ministry outing and was gone for most of the day. I have no idea how many times our phone rang. 2 different guys calling asking for my roomie, and each time, I would tell them she was not there. she returned to the dorm around 8 pm. when she got to the room, I let her know about the 2 guys calling all day. she said, "one of them was waiting in the lobby when I got here!" I guess he was expecting her to come back out to talk with him, but she told a hall mate to tell him she wasn't feeling well. she was super frustrated.
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
12,884
517
113
#13
Yes Melita, popularity can be SUCH a burden!

...

...

...

...I wouldn't know.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
7,509
186
63
#14
I'd say you're missing out, but if God didn't give you a desire to participate, it's best that you don't.


I'm not even a spectator in the stands. When people around me start talking about he is going out with her and she broke up with him and started dating the other him, I zone out.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,007
488
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#15
Yes Melita, popularity can be SUCH a burden!

...

...

...

...I wouldn't know.
I wouldn't know either lol. I think the guys could tell I was getting annoyed by their calls lol.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,507
443
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#16
I've heard stories the past few years, even smiling at a female is now sexual harassment.

This is why western society is doomed.

And I also notice this.........

A guy could ask a woman for her number and the woman could decry it as sexual harassment.

Channing Tatum could go to the same woman and ask the same question, and she is totally in love.

Not that she shouldn't be able to pick her guy, but why would the first guy be a sexual harasser?

I think of this because of Aziz Ansari.

Also this notion I've been reading here and there, including this forum and thread..... you must know someone before you ask them on a date?????? The purpose of the date is to get to know someone.

Since 2005, the world has become very strange.
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
12,884
517
113
#17
Not so strange Tommy. It reminds me of medieval times, when a guy dared not speak to a girl with whom he was not related, or at least well acquainted.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,507
443
83
#18
Not so strange Tommy. It reminds me of medieval times, when a guy dared not speak to a girl with whom he was not related, or at least well acquainted.
Never really like that.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,007
488
83
#19
Also this notion I've been reading here and there, including this forum and thread..... you must know someone before you ask them on a date?????? The purpose of the date is to get to know someone.
maybe they mean knowing someone as in already having some kind of interaction with them vs approaching someone and asking them out 5 mins after meeting them?
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,507
443
83
#20
maybe they mean knowing someone as in already having some kind of interaction with them vs approaching someone and asking them out solely on looks?
You could be right, but I don't think that's what they really mean.

And I'm really going to light this up, if I state what I think they do mean.