New to CC, healing from an unGodly relationship. Feeling a need for righteous community.

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May 1, 2022
40
22
8
#1
Just got out of a 3 year relationship. She and her 10yr old son started living with me, "for a short season" because of a termite problem at her home. A small season became almost a year, we did things God told us not to. I justified it with, "I'm going to marry her." She decided recently she wanted to break up and move away to work on herself, due to not ever healing from childhood trauma, which I understand and respect, though it hurts. I know it was mainly love, from my side, and not merely infatuation and lust, though those were sprinkled throughout the relationship. I forgave her for unfaithfulness in the begining of the relationship and loved her son as it he was my own the whole time. Through all her depression, insecurities, and difficulties with communicating her feelings, I loved her and put aside all the little things that make one second guess marriage. The biggest sorrow I have with this whole thing is that I may have promoted God so much that it pushed her away from him. I have a different brand of faith and knowledge of the father than she grew up with. I hate Christmas and Easter and Halloween, she loves all three of those. I would constantly point out vailed evils in all aspects of our culture, and warn her of the spiritual consequences of willful ignorance to them, my conscience screamed urgency of this due to the fact that she has a son, and he has to grow up with all this stuff forced at his face. It baffles me how someone can go from, "I want my son to be just like you," to "I don't want to marry you or have your babies," in a matter of a month or two. I feel there's some thing I don't know, which is why it doesn't make total sense to me.....I know what God tells me not to do, in the context of a relationship. And I don't like how I have to burn my hand on the stove in order to listen to my father when he tells me not to touch it. The pain that I'm feeling and the sin that I've sown are both nailed to the cross, and I weep tears of joy and thanks for his grace and mercy. I have a hope for an increase of Christian community, as that is what church is for, if you read this all the way, thank you for your concern for a brother in the body of Christ. I ask for your prayers of healing and understanding. And encourage your reaching out to me to comfort me or make a friend of me. Thank you and may God's will be done in your lives.
 
J

JAPOV

Guest
#2
I totally relate...
When I first met my Ex, the agreement and attraction between us was based upon faith. However, real life application seemed to change her mind. Ultimately, she made herself my enemy, and turned our son against me, in a perpetual drunken rage.

I don't advocate "playing house", but I think you should consider yourself very lucky!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
21,184
6,314
113
#3
Howdy and welcome to the forum.
 
May 1, 2022
40
22
8
#4
Thank you, Lynx. I see your popular here, that's good.
Yes JAPOV, I am. Especially considering none of the sex we had was protected in any way whatsoever. It would make me believe that God did not want her for me, but I'm not one to go assuming God's reasons for things, especially when their away from his will.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
9,766
8,585
113
#5
I have to say that hating Christmas and Easter would be a real bummer for me. I love these 2 celebrations dearly. I think you touched on something when you said maybe you promoted God so much you pushed her away. It seems like it's sending mixed signals to be living with someone and preaching to them at the same time.
You have good intentions but as all of us must do, learn from our experiences and seek God on what to look for (and look-out for) next time. One thing you don't have to worry about is running out of single Christian gals who would love to start a family. However, as in all things, we have to go about it the wise way, like dating someone from your church.
I pray God will comfort and guide you, you're still young and don't have to be in a rush. God bless !
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
44,001
18,430
113
#6

Welcome!
:)
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
21,184
6,314
113
#7
Hmm... For some reason that looks a lot different from the pictures you posted in that other thread... Can't put my finger on the difference though. :p
 
May 1, 2022
40
22
8
#8
I have to say that hating Christmas and Easter would be a real bummer for me. I love these 2 celebrations dearly. I think you touched on something when you said maybe you promoted God so much you pushed her away. It seems like it's sending mixed signals to be living with someone and preaching to them at the same time.
You have good intentions but as all of us must do, learn from our experiences and seek God on what to look for (and look-out for) next time. One thing you don't have to worry about is running out of single Christian gals who would love to start a family. However, as in all things, we have to go about it the wise way, like dating someone from your church.
I pray God will comfort and guide you, you're still young and don't have to be in a rush. God bless !
That's something else. I was too ashamed, deep down, to go to church during these 3 years. So I have to get back into it I'm here on CC for it. I was raised Catholic too. So it feels weird going to church for the community and not for the human traditions and repetitive prayer, and obscure forms of idol worship and paganism.
 

JesusFreak1992

Queen of Hearts
Apr 26, 2022
216
96
28
30
Kansas City
#9
Was she a Christian? Sometimes things happen because we aren’t meant to be with that person. You may have scared her away but just remember the right person…you won’t be able to scare away: no matter what
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
21,184
6,314
113
#10
Was she a Christian? Sometimes things happen because we aren’t meant to be with that person. You may have scared her away but just remember the right person…you won’t be able to scare away: no matter what
Challenge accepted!

Time to break out my old teenage jokes. Bwahahaha!

overqualified.png
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
39,158
15,219
113
67
Tennessee
#11
Was she a Christian? Sometimes things happen because we aren’t meant to be with that person. You may have scared her away but just remember the right person…you won’t be able to scare away: no matter what
I agree with what you have stated.
 
May 1, 2022
40
22
8
#12
Was she a Christian? Sometimes things happen because we aren’t meant to be with that person. You may have scared her away but just remember the right person…you won’t be able to scare away: no matter what
She loves God and knows he's there. She just didn't spend as much time with him, or meditate on his ways and will. I think she felt like I deserved someone better to eventually call my wife, but I don't think like that when it comes to marriage. Marriage is something that purifies the soul if you let it. A choice to love another person despite their flaws, just as God loves us.
 
J

JAPOV

Guest
#13
She loves God and knows he's there. She just didn't spend as much time with him, or meditate on his ways and will. I think she felt like I deserved someone better to eventually call my wife, but I don't think like that when it comes to marriage. Marriage is something that purifies the soul if you let it. A choice to love another person despite their flaws, just as God loves us.
In a perfect world......

Sorry to be a pessimist, but one thing my limited experience taught me is, if there's any doubt in the beginning then marriage will only amplify those doubts. Thinking "nobody is perfect... commitment is key... love conquers all" flies right out the window when she drains the bank account and starts throwing dishes at you...
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
3,155
2,535
113
#14
Just got out of a 3 year relationship. She and her 10yr old son started living with me, "for a short season" because of a termite problem at her home. A small season became almost a year, we did things God told us not to. I justified it with, "I'm going to marry her." She decided recently she wanted to break up and move away to work on herself, due to not ever healing from childhood trauma, which I understand and respect, though it hurts. I know it was mainly love, from my side, and not merely infatuation and lust, though those were sprinkled throughout the relationship. I forgave her for unfaithfulness in the begining of the relationship and loved her son as it he was my own the whole time. Through all her depression, insecurities, and difficulties with communicating her feelings, I loved her and put aside all the little things that make one second guess marriage. The biggest sorrow I have with this whole thing is that I may have promoted God so much that it pushed her away from him. I have a different brand of faith and knowledge of the father than she grew up with. I hate Christmas and Easter and Halloween, she loves all three of those. I would constantly point out vailed evils in all aspects of our culture, and warn her of the spiritual consequences of willful ignorance to them, my conscience screamed urgency of this due to the fact that she has a son, and he has to grow up with all this stuff forced at his face. It baffles me how someone can go from, "I want my son to be just like you," to "I don't want to marry you or have your babies," in a matter of a month or two. I feel there's some thing I don't know, which is why it doesn't make total sense to me.....I know what God tells me not to do, in the context of a relationship. And I don't like how I have to burn my hand on the stove in order to listen to my father when he tells me not to touch it. The pain that I'm feeling and the sin that I've sown are both nailed to the cross, and I weep tears of joy and thanks for his grace and mercy. I have a hope for an increase of Christian community, as that is what church is for, if you read this all the way, thank you for your concern for a brother in the body of Christ. I ask for your prayers of healing and understanding. And encourage your reaching out to me to comfort me or make a friend of me. Thank you and may God's will be done in your lives.
She didn't change her mind in a matter of a month or two. She only Told you what she had already been mulling for longer than that.

And it's really no surprise. You started dating her knowing her beliefs, giving her a sense of acceptance, then turned and tried to pressure her to change her views. You became a nag and made her feel she was only Truly accepted if she fell in line with Your beliefs. And it probably came across as a very religious attitude, and history shows us what a great example that is to turn people away. Especially sensitive people.

And not all people are the same, grow at the same rate nor will always agree. It sounds to me as if she had more important, more personal, deeper and more urgent things in her life to focus on. And there was No respect given for that.

If you require someone to believe exactly how you do that needs to be considered First, not after dating. Part of a relationship is accepting that person, As Is. Not trying to pressure them to be/think/act/believe as you expect. She made the right move.
Marriage puries the soul? Tell that to all the divorced people or those in abusive marriages.