Premarital Sex in Mid~Life

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Swede17

Junior Member
Mar 29, 2016
11
0
0
#1
Hi~ I am a middle-aged single female. I have been on my own since I was divorced very young. Recently I have been quite unexpectedly blessed with a good, kind Christian man in my life. I believe I was just as unexpected in his own life. I strongly feel God had a plan for us.

We both are taking everything rather slow, but I know our mutual feelings are growing very strong. There has been discussion over any "romantic" to "intimate" involvement. I feel that we both want to know there is genuine and lasting love, and a confessed commitment, maybe a even betrothal, before any intimacy occurs- we have not even shared a first kiss for fear of going too far.

It is becoming a little frustrating, and I guess my thought is that God will bless our union if we know our hearts are pure. I do believe intimacy will help us to grow stronger in our real love. Not yet, but maybe before we might be able to arrange for a formal marriage.

If we are to hold our hearts captive to one another, and ask God to have His hand continued in this beautiful blessing, can we trust that it can be true and right? Our lives are half over and a lot of living on our own has been very lonely for far too long. Life on Earth is short. I am guessing we do not need a license to "love," but rather hearts that are filled with a purity of intent, and God to.bless us as we move forward in Him.
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#2
You need to save sex until AFTER you get married. I don't understand why marriage seems like such a far away event. It could happen in a month if you two are ready.
Do not share sexual intimacy before marriage. It's not what God wants and I think you know that, sister. God bless you and give your desires to the Lord.
 
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JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,290
439
83
#3
You need to save sex until AFTER you get married. I don't understand why marriage seems like such a far away event. It could happen in a month if you two are ready.
Do not share sexual intimacy before marriage. It's not what God wants and I think you know that, sister.
Yes, ditto...
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
3,590
631
113
Philippines Age 39
#4
You have waited for a very long time. What' s a few more weeks or months? Premarital sex will sabotage your marriage and will ruin everything. Get married now if you cannot wait. And marriage is not a license to love. It's an act of obedience and honoring God. When you know what is right and you dont do it, it is SIN. No amount of justification will make premarital sex right.
 

AuntieAnt

Senior Member
Feb 23, 2016
4,477
1,046
113
#5
When I am in a situation where I need to make an important decision, no amount of people rallying on my side and giving me the green light is able to give me peace about it. I always gotta take matters to the Lord. If I am in a quandary about a thing, only God Himself is able to reveal to me the right choice to make.

Once the Holy Spirit opens my eyes about a matter, no amount of folks telling me otherwise can make me doubt what God has shown me. God's more faithful and merciful than anyone. His love never fails.

I wouldn't jump feet first into any decision without reasoning it out with the Lord. When I've done that in the past, my spiritual ears got dull and my life lackluster. And every time I abandon my own understanding for God's wisdom, He always blesses me way more than what I was hoping for.

I pray your life be blessed and God be glorified in you. :eek:
 

Swede17

Junior Member
Mar 29, 2016
11
0
0
#6
When I am in a situation where I need to make an important decision, no amount of people rallying on my side and giving me the green light is able to give me peace about it. I always gotta take matters to the Lord. If I am in a quandary about a thing, only God Himself is able to reveal to me the right choice to make.

Once the Holy Spirit opens my eyes about a matter, no amount of folks telling me otherwise can make me doubt what God has shown me. God's more faithful and merciful than anyone. His love never fails.

I wouldn't jump feet first into any decision without reasoning it out with the Lord. When I've done that in the past, my spiritual ears got dull and my life lackluster. And every time I abandon my own understanding for God's wisdom, He always blesses me way more than what I was hoping for.

I pray your life be blessed and God be glorified in you. :eek:
Thank you for your kind words. And I appreciate the input from you all. I understand to a point what everyone is saying, yet you "Auntie Ant" seem to perhaps feel somewhat how I am right now. I guess for me, the answer, the most correct one, lies in what the Lord guides me in. His possibilities are the promise I must stand strong in.

What I question is how does one really and truly know what constitutes a "marriage?" We all know that there are some very unhappy ones out there, and ones that are wracked with sins, like infidelity. Does God not look at our hearts?

So if each of us, my boyfriend and I, were to seek God in prayer, and then make vows in His presence, kneeling in a church, on a beach, or in a forest, is that what constitutes a marriage in God's eyes? Again, if our hearts are pure and love one another deeply, what more will bind us eternally?

I thank you all, and God bless you!
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
7,525
208
63
#7
Just get married and call it a day.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
13,681
1,639
113
#8
Thank you for your kind words. And I appreciate the input from you all. I understand to a point what everyone is saying, yet you "Auntie Ant" seem to perhaps feel somewhat how I am right now. I guess for me, the answer, the most correct one, lies in what the Lord guides me in. His possibilities are the promise I must stand strong in.

What I question is how does one really and truly know what constitutes a "marriage?" We all know that there are some very unhappy ones out there, and ones that are wracked with sins, like infidelity. Does God not look at our hearts?

So if each of us, my boyfriend and I, were to seek God in prayer, and then make vows in His presence, kneeling in a church, on a beach, or in a forest, is that what constitutes a marriage in God's eyes? Again, if our hearts are pure and love one another deeply, what more will bind us eternally?

I thank you all, and God bless you!
Well I guess leave it to me to go against the flow. You really are making excuses for yourselves. You know what God says about marriage and waiting until you're married. Its just something you will regret and feel guilt about later. Do it the right way. He needs to put a ring on your finger.God sets limits for a reason. Don't go against His will. Get a ring,make it legal and then enjoy each other the way God intended.
 
C

coby

Guest
#9
Thank you for your kind words. And I appreciate the input from you all. I understand to a point what everyone is saying, yet you "Auntie Ant" seem to perhaps feel somewhat how I am right now. I guess for me, the answer, the most correct one, lies in what the Lord guides me in. His possibilities are the promise I must stand strong in.

What I question is how does one really and truly know what constitutes a "marriage?" We all know that there are some very unhappy ones out there, and ones that are wracked with sins, like infidelity. Does God not look at our hearts?

So if each of us, my boyfriend and I, were to seek God in prayer, and then make vows in His presence, kneeling in a church, on a beach, or in a forest, is that what constitutes a marriage in God's eyes? Again, if our hearts are pure and love one another deeply, what more will bind us eternally?

I thank you all, and God bless you!
Don't fall for that trap. The devil just wants you to fornicate, then it's easier to destroy the marriage too if there will ever be one. Been there, done that, got the T shirt.
I'm too lazy to again look up all those links and texts. It's sin. Just go to the how do you call it and have 2 witnesses and get your paper that you're married. In the meanwhile don't hang out together in one place. Then give a party next year or whenever to please everyone and throw your money away.
 
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
112
0
#10
Thank you for your kind words. And I appreciate the input from you all. I understand to a point what everyone is saying, yet you "Auntie Ant" seem to perhaps feel somewhat how I am right now. I guess for me, the answer, the most correct one, lies in what the Lord guides me in. His possibilities are the promise I must stand strong in.

What I question is how does one really and truly know what constitutes a "marriage?" We all know that there are some very unhappy ones out there, and ones that are wracked with sins, like infidelity. Does God not look at our hearts?

So if each of us, my boyfriend and I, were to seek God in prayer, and then make vows in His presence, kneeling in a church, on a beach, or in a forest, is that what constitutes a marriage in God's eyes? Again, if our hearts are pure and love one another deeply, what more will bind us eternally?

I thank you all, and God bless you!
My question to you would be, are you feeling fear or reluctance to legally and formally marry? If so, perhaps that needs to be dealt with. Marriage is kind of "all or nothing". You're either all-in, or you aren't. Be all in. Get a license. :)

Biblically, we know that ceremonies WERE held, because Jesus performed his first miracle at a wedding, and there is much imagery involved between Christ the bridegroom, and his bride. So I do believe more is asked of us than simply making a personal commitment to one another.

Congratulations on finding someone wonderful! I love that you've both been so careful with one another in this regard. Keep at it!
 
C

coby

Guest
#11
I asked the Lord. He said it was okay, so we printed the vows from internet, said them in a car behind the mental hospital (why do normal people fall for this lie anyway? I thought you had to be nuts for that) and we were married. Then later I fell from my faith and a year later we would make it legal, but all of a sudden he didn't want to, because of the money. We would have to pay alimony. Then I saw I had been mislead and had been living in sin and broke the relationship off. Later he came back and we married within a few weeks because he had to have sex and it was a disaster from day 1.
 

sharkwhales

Senior Member
Jan 31, 2016
280
25
28
#12
Hi~ I am a middle-aged single female. I have been on my own since I was divorced very young. Recently I have been quite unexpectedly blessed with a good, kind Christian man in my life. I believe I was just as unexpected in his own life. I strongly feel God had a plan for us.

We both are taking everything rather slow, but I know our mutual feelings are growing very strong. There has been discussion over any "romantic" to "intimate" involvement. I feel that we both want to know there is genuine and lasting love, and a confessed commitment, maybe a even betrothal, before any intimacy occurs- we have not even shared a first kiss for fear of going too far.

It is becoming a little frustrating, and I guess my thought is that God will bless our union if we know our hearts are pure. I do believe intimacy will help us to grow stronger in our real love. Not yet, but maybe before we might be able to arrange for a formal marriage.

If we are to hold our hearts captive to one another, and ask God to have His hand continued in this beautiful blessing, can we trust that it can be true and right? Our lives are half over and a lot of living on our own has been very lonely for far too long. Life on Earth is short. I am guessing we do not need a license to "love," but rather hearts that are filled with a purity of intent, and God to.bless us as we move forward in Him.
It's not as if sex is bad but the power of the connection it forms can be harmful if things go awry. Severing the connection is like yanking out an umbilical cord to the heart. That is why it should be guarded by commitment and trust. Yes, you can make a commitment between the two of you and regard eachother as spouses -- but then why not go to the courthouse and make it official in that case? If there is some legal concerns, there may be other ways to get married in a legal sense, or you could just write up a contract with a lawyer about sharing assets. And you could hold your own ceremony. But if the concern is about time and hassle and the weight of commitment -- don't you think you're worth it, and that he is worth it?

It is a respect you show to yourself and to eachother as well as to the community. It's not unheard of for christians to get married without a marriage license (when I googled it, I found this for example How Do I Get Married Without A License? | NCRenegade), but combining two lives involves work no matter how you do it. It seems like you would want to set a good foundation. Why not ask Holy Spirit how you can honor God, honor the relationship, and honor the institution of marriage in a way that works between the three of you?
 
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JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,290
439
83
#13
Thank you for your kind words. And I appreciate the input from you all. I understand to a point what everyone is saying, yet you "Auntie Ant" seem to perhaps feel somewhat how I am right now. I guess for me, the answer, the most correct one, lies in what the Lord guides me in. His possibilities are the promise I must stand strong in.

What I question is how does one really and truly know what constitutes a "marriage?" We all know that there are some very unhappy ones out there, and ones that are wracked with sins, like infidelity. Does God not look at our hearts?

So if each of us, my boyfriend and I, were to seek God in prayer, and then make vows in His presence, kneeling in a church, on a beach, or in a forest, is that what constitutes a marriage in God's eyes? Again, if our hearts are pure and love one another deeply, what more will bind us eternally?

I thank you all, and God bless you!
That is a fair question. I have struggled with that sometimes, because of a experience I had in my first church.
So their is of course the civil marriage, and then the spiritual bond of marriage.
The civil is important because it is obedience to the culture we live in. God says and implies many times in the bible in different ways to obey the laws one lives under (give unto Caesar...pray for our leaders, Jesus did not start His ministry until He was 30, etc.), as long as they don't directly contradict Gods laws (thinking of the 3 Jewish men thrown into the furnace because they would not recognize King Neb. as a god). Obviously marriage between a man and woman does not contradict Gods word. So God is essentially condoning the civil issue of it. Last, when we do it in a civil way, we are making a public proclamation of our love and intentions for our mate. We are saying something in a way Christian and non Christian can understand. Public confirmation of love in marriage is one of a Christians blessing to society, because the foundation of society is marriage and family. This is why satan is so eager on destroying this institution.
The spiritual issue is this; God wants us to glorify His name. He wants to bless you and your husband in ways we really can not fully understand. He is the God of marriage and sex and family. He will endorse your marriage in abundance if you have sought Him out and heard Him on this. I humbly say if He has told you that it is okay to live together and have sexual relations before marriage, you probably have not heard from Him correctly. Living together or having sex before marriage is compromising yourself and Gods word. It is harmful to both genders. But probably more so to woman. I don't think I have to explain why to you. You will forfeit the full measure of His blessing if you do this. I am not saying He will not bless you, and that if later on you repent, He will not restore. But marriage is tough enough, why not permit God to pour out all the blessings He has for you and your husband? Trust me, you will need the fullness of it when things get tough. When we ask God in our hearts to bless our union with someone, we are entering into a collateral union with God in that regard. Lets face it, the civil contract is not what is going to hold a marriage together. It is the parties love and obedience to God.
God wants us to obey do what is good because it is a benefit for us. Not just because it Glorifies and pleases Him, but also because it is for our well being and welfare.

Outside of all this, there may be a lust issue involved. I am not implying you both don't deeply love each other. But love is patient. Love protects. If you are doing it to please yourself and him then you are putting God third. And same with Him; if he is the provocateur in this, you need to explain to Him that it is dishonoring to God, you, and himself. It also defiles what sex is supposed to mean and be.
Sorry to put this on you. It is not a guilt trip. There are enough guilt trips among Christians about sex. Sex is good, it was made for us by God. So it is good. But like anything else, a time, place and way.
 
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
246
0
#14
You don't have to swing for the fence every time you step up to the plate. Bunt, walk, get hit by a pitch for crying out loud, but don't be hitting any home runs before you're married. Molly is right, you already know this. The longer the wait, the sweeter the reward physically, emotionally and spiritually.
 
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AuntieAnt

Senior Member
Feb 23, 2016
4,477
1,046
113
#15
It's not as if sex is bad but the power of the connection it forms can be harmful if things go awry. Severing the connection is like yanking out an umbilical cord to the heart. That is why it should be guarded by commitment and trust. Yes, you can make a commitment between the two of you and regard eachother as spouses -- but then why not go to the courthouse and make it official in that case? If there is some legal concerns, there may be other ways to get married in a legal sense, or you could just write up a contract with a lawyer about sharing assets. And you could hold your own ceremony. But if the concern is about time and hassle and the weight of commitment -- don't you think you're worth it, and that he is worth it?

It is a respect you show to yourself and to eachother as well as to the community. It's not unheard of for christians to get married without a marriage license (when I googled it, I found this for example How Do I Get Married Without A License? | NCRenegade), but combining two lives involves work no matter how you do it. It seems like you would want to set a good foundation. Why not ask Holy Spirit how you can honor God, honor the relationship, and honor the institution of marriage in a way that works between the three of you?
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Sharkwhales, what a tremendous blessing to witness the Lord Jesus speaking His wisdom through you with such grace and mercy. You being young and unmarried is of no consequence because it's way obvious the Spirit of the Lord is upon you.

Glory to Almighty God!! \:D/

God's gracious blessings to you and your family, young brother! :)
 

Born_Again

Senior Member
Nov 15, 2014
1,572
117
63
#16
Oh look, another sex thread..... Why is this becoming so common? Take a cold shower and read a book.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
11,602
1,876
113
#17
Oh look, another sex thread..... Why is this becoming so common? Take a cold shower and read a book.
Well, Spring IS right around the corner...

Must be that time of year.

Everyone gettin' Twitterpated...
 

Born_Again

Senior Member
Nov 15, 2014
1,572
117
63
#18
Well, Spring IS right around the corner...

Must be that time of year.

Everyone gettin' Twitterpated...
Then they should go outside and do something productive. It seems being inside is a problem.. It becomes re-productive. lol
 

Swede17

Junior Member
Mar 29, 2016
11
0
0
#20
Thanks again everyone for all your valuable insights. I feel blessed by reading so many affirmative thoughts, those on how we must be pleasing to God above all else. I do indeed know this.

However, I know that my boyfriend and I were brought together by God, there have been clear signs from Heaven above. And so, I know full well that God has His hand in it. So because of that fact, when this issue of intimacy came up, He has been at the the forefront of our growing love.

Again, for the record, my boyfriend has not even attempted to kiss me as he confessed that he desires to "go to the extreme right away, and that would not be good. So I don't touch you at all." We do hug, but I let go quickly as I don't want him to feel afraid he will then go overboard. So he is trying very hard; I'm sure that it's harder for him than for me.

But, it has gotten to the point that I'm feeling somewhat "sorry for us" as we are missing out on some of the tender romance in "gentle touch" that can bring us closer together. We truly have learned to love one another's hearts first. How many people can say this? I don't believe very many.

So we are in a very good place at this point. I have no qualms with the "legality" of marriage in that I do not believe for one instant that any legal form is binding to our hearts. It is just a piece of paper, and as far as I'm concerned, it carries no weight in Heaven (most people don't know that before the govenment began to meddle in our lives, we did mot have to obtain a marriage license, about 125 years ago...do your research to protect yourselves and your families...). A good analogy is this: if one attends church weekly, yet fails to honor God in his or her Christian walk, well then they had better look to making things right in their hearts with showing love and compassion to their fellow brother and sister, and so on. If we get a license to marry, and don't love the way God desires us to love, then it becomes a moot point.

God does look at OUR HEARTS above all else. This is why I am prone to believe that if there is a powerful love between a man and a woman, then the blessing they must seek is that of the Lord's, not human beings. For me, with my original question, that implies that we must seek out His approval, no matter what. Whether that union is made in a church or in a garden, or anywhere else, if God has given His "seal of approval," that is what we need to bind us together in our love. Being Christ-centered in our union, and doing all things in love, that is what will.make it right with God, and lead to lasting happiness together.

I intend to do the best thing, and wait until God has divined the time to consummate our love, and maybe that will be after I wear a ring upon my finger.

Thank you again to all for your reaching out, and trying to answer with kindness my wondering thoughts. Some of you even made me laugh with your quips about it being spring and all, thanks! God bless~ :)