Question for the Men...... BEWARE, you may not answer.

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Mel85

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2018
3,206
803
113
#1
Well, maybe more than one question but here it goes;

1. What is your idea of “commitment” in regards to “serious relationships” and what is a “serious relationship” to you?

2. Do you have specific “goals” or “preferences” that you want in a relationship?

3. What is your idea on promise rings, celibacy, or “waiting for the one”?

4. Finally, are you the “dominate or passive type” in the relationship both emotionally and intimately?

It would be interesting to see if it were the same ideas and opinions for women alike. Married Couples may answer as well as the single ladies.

Thanks! :)
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,493
278
83
#2
Dont u think the intimate question goes a bit too far?
 

Mel85

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2018
3,206
803
113
#3
Dont u think the intimate question goes a bit too far?
Possibly, but depends how far are you thinking? I was meaning as in holding hands, or hugging.

People dont have to answer that question anyway lol.
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
12,623
310
83
#4
Well, maybe more than one question but here it goes;

1. What is your idea of “commitment” in regards to “serious relationships” and what is a “serious relationship” to you?
A "serious relationship" is when you stop going on dates as a way to spend a weekend and start going on dates to spend time with somebody that you realized you don't ever want to be without. Commitment is when you are willing to switch from "I might stay with you or I might someday be going with somebody else" and switch to "You are the one for me forever." Commitment is scary because you have to close a lot of options and you never know where those other options may have led. But you have to close all but one in order to commit to one.
2. Do you have specific “goals” or “preferences” that you want in a relationship?
Do you mean specific goals for a person I'm looking for or what I want the relationship to be?
I haven't met her yet so I have no idea what kind of person she will be. I want the relationship to be two people getting through this life together instead of one person going it alone. Alone is doable. Together would probably be more fun.

3. What is your idea on promise rings, celibacy, or “waiting for the one”?
I'm 40 years old and I'm still a virgin. (And if you quote that idiotic movie, so help me I WILL put you on ignore!) :p Sex is not all there is to life. As for promise rings, I have no idea. If it helps a person remember and focus on the reason for waiting, I guess it's a good thing.

4. Finally, are you the “dominate or passive type” in the relationship both emotionally and intimately?
Emotionally, neither. Intimately, I have no idea. See my answer to question 3.

I have seen people in a relationship try to establish themselves as dominate or be submissive and let the other be dominant. From what I have observed it never works very well. Even if they do stay together longer than a year, it's always a struggle to maintain. They never can get their relationship to move forward and grow because it takes all their energy just to maintain it where it is.

The relationships I have seen that work well, thrive and last for the long haul are the ones where both are partners and each does what he is good at. It's not a matter of one being the boss and the other obeying. It probably takes a lot more talking between them to make some decisions, but they trust each other, they know their own strengths and each other's strengths, and BOTH are the boss.

This is important enough to need a new paragraph. In the best relationships I have seen BOTH PEOPLE be the boss at different times, depending on who is better at dealing with a given situation. They both know "I am better at this and you are better at that" so as situations come up both of them might take the lead and say "Okay this is what we need to do" and the other will follow because they both know and freely acknowledge "Okay, you are better at this so I will do what you say."

It never seemed to hurt my father's pride to admit that my mother was the one who balanced the checkbook. She was better at it. She also made the budget for our home. He was fine with that because she was better at it and he was happy to let her do it. He was better at hauling firewood. He was also better at running a leather shop, but she did the accounting and they were both fine with it. It's amazing how much bickering dies down when both people in a partnership don't let pride get in the way of deciding who does which tasks best.

Sorry, that was a bit of a long answer. The short answer is I'm probably neither dominant nor passive. Passive? Did you mean submissive? Well I'm not either of them either. I'm cooperative.

You're welcome. :cool:
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,143
191
63
#5
Well, maybe more than one question but here it goes;

1. What is your idea of “commitment” in regards to “serious relationships” and what is a “serious relationship” to you?

2. Do you have specific “goals” or “preferences” that you want in a relationship?

3. What is your idea on promise rings, celibacy, or “waiting for the one”?

4. Finally, are you the “dominate or passive type” in the relationship both emotionally and intimately?

It would be interesting to see if it were the same ideas and opinions for women alike. Married Couples may answer as well as the single ladies.

Thanks! :)
1. Marriage is a commitment, everything else is just acquaintances.
2. Depends on what relationship, my relationship with my children, the goal is to raise them to be productive citizens, and have their own offspring. The goal of marriage is to stay married until one passes away.
3.what is a promise ring? Don't fornicate.
4. I will rule you between the sheets.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
4,799
346
83
#6
"Question for the men... Beware, you may not answer."

I suspect the OP didn't mean it this way, but that's a telling summary of many women's attitude toward the ideas their men have. Harangue them with demanding questions, but don't let them get a word in edgewise.
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,030
316
83
#7
I think the beauty with getting to know a person intimately is to learn about eachother and what works as a couple. I think it is foolish to ask a question on domination or submission in a forum, because it is too private and some things should be for the marriage only.
 

MissCris

Senior Member
Aug 24, 2011
6,598
253
83
#8
Well, maybe more than one question but here it goes;

1. What is your idea of “commitment” in regards to “serious relationships” and what is a “serious relationship” to you?

2. Do you have specific “goals” or “preferences” that you want in a relationship?

3. What is your idea on promise rings, celibacy, or “waiting for the one”?

4. Finally, are you the “dominate or passive type” in the relationship both emotionally and intimately?

It would be interesting to see if it were the same ideas and opinions for women alike. Married Couples may answer as well as the single ladies.

Thanks! :)
1. I think (and this is coming from my own haven’t-dated-in-13-years perspective) that a serious relationship is one where marriage is the goal, or at least the direction things are heading. Commitment is a bit different when dating vs. being married. When you’re dating, or even engaged, no matter how committed you are to that person, you have not yet stood before God and vowed to love, honor and protect them. But marriage...that’s a covenant relationship, it’s not only being committed to that person, it’s also making every effort to fulfill the promises you made to each other before God. It’s learning to love and respect each other by first loving Christ and making Him the center of your marriage. Without that foundation, without God being the focus, people will inevitably elevate the wrong things; themselves, or the children, or money, or someone outside the marriage. So commitment to another person is meaningless without being first committed to God.

2. My goals or preferences have changed immensely over the years I’ve been married. At first, it was about me. My happiness. My needs. My ideas. Even after having two kids, I realize how much my focus was on myself and how much resentment that bred. Thankfully, God (and my husband!) showed patience and mercy and through some really hard lessons I learned that I was wrong. My goals now start with being obedient to God- which has everything to do with my relationship. The fruits of the spirit have no room to grow when everything is about me- and without those fruits, I am unable to properly love and care for my family. So my goals...well, a lot of the time it looks like I’m closing my eyes and jumping, but I have faith that God knows better than I do what the “goal” is, so I’m trying to go with that.

3. ...all good things! I don’t have personal experience with any of them. My past is a mess, but I know a few people who Did wait for the one, and they all say what a blessing it is that they did. Mainly the lack of baggage, of having the ability to make comparisons.

4. I’m pretty passive. Used to be more passive aggressive...but ain’t nobody got time for that. My husband values my opinions and it’s never a war (anymore) of who is going to get their way with anything. He leads, and I follow because I know he’s following Christ. Basically, we both started going the same direction, so it made sense to go together.

...I don’t know if I answered the questions in the way they were meant or not.
 

seoulsearch

Senior Member
May 23, 2009
10,773
352
83
#9
1. Marriage is a commitment, everything else is just acquaintances.
2. Depends on what relationship, my relationship with my children, the goal is to raise them to be productive citizens, and have their own offspring. The goal of marriage is to stay married until one passes away.
3.what is a promise ring? Don't fornicate.
4. I will rule you between the sheets.
Ok... I burst out laughing when I read Tommy's last answer.

Tommy, I so wish you would have been a member of my childhood church when I was there. You would have given people heart attacks on a daily basis.

Never mind that I'm pretty sure all the men there would have secretly wanted to give you a high five. :rolleyes:
 
Aug 2, 2009
20,286
522
113
52
#10
1. What is your idea of “commitment” in regards to “serious relationships” and what is a “serious relationship” to you?

No idea..


2. Do you have specific “goals” or “preferences” that you want in a relationship?

Not really.


3. What is your idea on promise rings, celibacy, or “waiting for the one”?

Meh


4. Finally, are you the “dominate or passive type” in the relationship both emotionally and intimately?

I enjoy being passively dominant.


5. It would be interesting to see if it were the same ideas and opinions for [men and] women alike.

Not a chance :rolleyes:


p.s. - I may or may not still be on break... :p (not saying that anyone actually cares if I am... :p)
 
Last edited:

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,143
191
63
#11
Ok... I burst out laughing when I read Tommy's last answer.

Tommy, I so wish you would have been a member of my childhood church when I was there. You would have given people heart attacks on a daily basis.

Never mind that I'm pretty sure all the men there would have secretly wanted to give you a high five. :rolleyes:
You seem to be one of the few who appreciates my humor.

Not that my last answer was a joke.
 

Mel85

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2018
3,206
803
113
#12
A "serious relationship" is when you stop going on dates as a way to spend a weekend and start going on dates to spend time with somebody that you realized you don't ever want to be without. Commitment is when you are willing to switch from "I might stay with you or I might someday be going with somebody else" and switch to "You are the one for me forever." Commitment is scary because you have to close a lot of options and you never know where those other options may have led. But you have to close all but one in order to commit to one.

Do you mean specific goals for a person I'm looking for or what I want the relationship to be?
I haven't met her yet so I have no idea what kind of person she will be. I want the relationship to be two people getting through this life together instead of one person going it alone. Alone is doable. Together would probably be more fun.


I'm 40 years old and I'm still a virgin. (And if you quote that idiotic movie, so help me I WILL put you on ignore!) :p Sex is not all there is to life. As for promise rings, I have no idea. If it helps a person remember and focus on the reason for waiting, I guess it's a good thing.


Emotionally, neither. Intimately, I have no idea. See my answer to question 3.

I have seen people in a relationship try to establish themselves as dominate or be submissive and let the other be dominant. From what I have observed it never works very well. Even if they do stay together longer than a year, it's always a struggle to maintain. They never can get their relationship to move forward and grow because it takes all their energy just to maintain it where it is.

The relationships I have seen that work well, thrive and last for the long haul are the ones where both are partners and each does what he is good at. It's not a matter of one being the boss and the other obeying. It probably takes a lot more talking between them to make some decisions, but they trust each other, they know their own strengths and each other's strengths, and BOTH are the boss.

This is important enough to need a new paragraph. In the best relationships I have seen BOTH PEOPLE be the boss at different times, depending on who is better at dealing with a given situation. They both know "I am better at this and you are better at that" so as situations come up both of them might take the lead and say "Okay this is what we need to do" and the other will follow because they both know and freely acknowledge "Okay, you are better at this so I will do what you say."

It never seemed to hurt my father's pride to admit that my mother was the one who balanced the checkbook. She was better at it. She also made the budget for our home. He was fine with that because she was better at it and he was happy to let her do it. He was better at hauling firewood. He was also better at running a leather shop, but she did the accounting and they were both fine with it. It's amazing how much bickering dies down when both people in a partnership don't let pride get in the way of deciding who does which tasks best.

Sorry, that was a bit of a long answer. The short answer is I'm probably neither dominant nor passive. Passive? Did you mean submissive? Well I'm not either of them either. I'm cooperative.


You're welcome. :cool:
Thanks for taking the time to share, appreciate your honesty and promise I will never mention that movie, but you should be proud of being a virgin :)
 

Mel85

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2018
3,206
803
113
#13
1. Marriage is a commitment, everything else is just acquaintances.
2. Depends on what relationship, my relationship with my children, the goal is to raise them to be productive citizens, and have their own offspring. The goal of marriage is to stay married until one passes away.
3.what is a promise ring? Don't fornicate.
4. I will rule you between the sheets.
Thanks Tommy For sharing. A promise ring is a ring that some couples who haven’t married yet wear as a “promise” to eachother or you can say “commitment” to eachother. I think it depends on the couple of what the meaning can be. I’ve heard that sometimes a promise ring is a promise to hold off from making love until they get married.
 

CandieM

Senior Member
Apr 10, 2018
237
70
28
27
#14
Thanks for taking the time to share, appreciate your honesty and promise I will never mention that movie, but you should be proud of being a virgin :)
*raises hand* Although, I'm 27 and not 40. I'm not entirely ashamed. I think this thread is for people who don't consider themselves possibly single for life, right? :eek: Either or? Meh?
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,494
504
113
#15
*raises hand* Although, I'm 27 and not 40. I'm not entirely ashamed. I think this thread is for people who don't consider themselves possibly single for life, right? :eek: Either or? Meh?
This thread, like all of them, are for people that have answers for it and want to share those answers.
 

Mel85

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2018
3,206
803
113
#16
1. I think (and this is coming from my own haven’t-dated-in-13-years perspective) that a serious relationship is one where marriage is the goal, or at least the direction things are heading. Commitment is a bit different when dating vs. being married. When you’re dating, or even engaged, no matter how committed you are to that person, you have not yet stood before God and vowed to love, honor and protect them. But marriage...that’s a covenant relationship, it’s not only being committed to that person, it’s also making every effort to fulfill the promises you made to each other before God. It’s learning to love and respect each other by first loving Christ and making Him the center of your marriage. Without that foundation, without God being the focus, people will inevitably elevate the wrong things; themselves, or the children, or money, or someone outside the marriage. So commitment to another person is meaningless without being first committed to God.

2. My goals or preferences have changed immensely over the years I’ve been married. At first, it was about me. My happiness. My needs. My ideas. Even after having two kids, I realize how much my focus was on myself and how much resentment that bred. Thankfully, God (and my husband!) showed patience and mercy and through some really hard lessons I learned that I was wrong. My goals now start with being obedient to God- which has everything to do with my relationship. The fruits of the spirit have no room to grow when everything is about me- and without those fruits, I am unable to properly love and care for my family. So my goals...well, a lot of the time it looks like I’m closing my eyes and jumping, but I have faith that God knows better than I do what the “goal” is, so I’m trying to go with that.

3. ...all good things! I don’t have personal experience with any of them. My past is a mess, but I know a few people who Did wait for the one, and they all say what a blessing it is that they did. Mainly the lack of baggage, of having the ability to make comparisons.

4. I’m pretty passive. Used to be more passive aggressive...but ain’t nobody got time for that. My husband values my opinions and it’s never a war (anymore) of who is going to get their way with anything. He leads, and I follow because I know he’s following Christ. Basically, we both started going the same direction, so it made sense to go together.

...I don’t know if I answered the questions in the way they were meant or not.
Thanks for sharing from a married POV. Its good to know the differences in what commitment means From the married perspective. And totally agree that marriage is a convenant between the couple and God.

Also very encouraging to read that part “He leads, I follow because I know hes following Christ” :)
 

Mel85

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2018
3,206
803
113
#17
Ok... I burst out laughing when I read Tommy's last answer.

Tommy, I so wish you would have been a member of my childhood church when I was there. You would have given people heart attacks on a daily basis.

Never mind that I'm pretty sure all the men there would have secretly wanted to give you a high five. :rolleyes:
Nothing to add Ms Seoul? :p
 

Mel85

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2018
3,206
803
113
#18
1. What is your idea of “commitment” in regards to “serious relationships” and what is a “serious relationship” to you?

No idea..


2. Do you have specific “goals” or “preferences” that you want in a relationship?

Not really.


3. What is your idea on promise rings, celibacy, or “waiting for the one”?

Meh


4. Finally, are you the “dominate or passive type” in the relationship both emotionally and intimately?

I enjoy being passively dominant.


5. It would be interesting to see if it were the same ideas and opinions for [men and] women alike.

Not a chance :rolleyes:



p.s. - I may or may not still be on break... :p (not saying that anyone actually cares if I am... :p)
Break or not, thanks for your contribution:)
 

Mel85

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2018
3,206
803
113
#19
You seem to be one of the few who appreciates my humor.

Not that my last answer was a joke.
Tbh it’s hard to tell whether your joking or not.
 

Mel85

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2018
3,206
803
113
#20
*raises hand* Although, I'm 27 and not 40. I'm not entirely ashamed. I think this thread is for people who don't consider themselves possibly single for life, right? :eek: Either or? Meh?
Join the club sis :)

Yes? So why aren’t you answering lol!