Red Flags or Overreacting!!

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azo

Member
Jan 16, 2017
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#1
Hello Everyone,

There has been somethings on my mind for quite sometime regarding the person I am seeing and don't want to seem like I am overreacting. I been dating this Woman since late April of last year and we started out great spending time together and getting to know each other. We would talk about pretty anything particularly the good and bad about ourselves and what we have been through. The relationship seem to be progressing well with its ups and downs along the way but over the last couple of months things have been different. Her demeanor towards me has been different. So much so that she has been talking to me in a condescending manner sometimes even in public. She use to be affectionate with me in a non sexual way of course with hugs and kisses but now I barely even get a hug. When my birthday came in November we did go out but it did seem like her mind was someplace else. In the same month I thought we would spend our first Thanksgiving together but she decided to go out of town for the holiday. I was disappointed about that as I really want to spend that time with her but even though she decided to go out of town and leave me alone she asked me to watch over her dogs and look after her house while she was gone. At the time I was really puzzled by that but being the good guy that I am I said I would do it. So after she returned I pretty much let it go and just wanted to focus on moving forward but some of the problems were still there in how she was speaking to me especially in public. As Christmas was approaching I thought again we would have the chance to spend our first Major holiday together but again she decided to take a trip out of town. Now granted it was to visit her soon and new born grandson which I can understand but she never even talked to me about leaving or the fact that she was living me alone with no family around me for the holidays. This really started making me look at her a little harder in some areas. Recently I sent her a text message asking her how she was doing and if she wanted to go out to the movies with me Tomorrow. I didn't get a response back from her which I thought was a little odd as she usually does within a reasonable amount of time. At first I thought maybe she just can't respond back because she was in the middle of something important but then several hours went by and still no response then I started thinking maybe something happen as I was starting to worry. Over 6 hours had pass and just as I was about to call her she phoned me. When she talked to me she sounded a little off in how she was speaking to me and didn't even acknowledge the text I sent her or apologize for not responding sooner. A minute into the call she ended up telling me that she was going out to dinner with a friend(Male) of hers from out of town on the day I wanted to take her out. She said this is someone she knew way back and they are going out also with her best friend and husband so this appears to be a double date. This was the reason she didn't respond back to me sooner. I was not expecting her to tell me this. I have so many emotions running threw my head right now. Needless to say I am very upset about this but didn't show this. I want to talk to her about this but I am running really hot right now and needed to take sometime to think before I took any action. Is this overreacting? I don't think so but maybe an outside perception can see something else as well. I appreciate any and all response!!

AZO..
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,432
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#2
I'd move on..... she has.
 

azo

Member
Jan 16, 2017
42
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0
#3
I'd move on..... she has.
I have been sitting here thinking about that but was thinking should I even try to salvage this or is it worth trying??
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,432
415
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#4
I have been sitting here thinking about that but was thinking should I even try to salvage this or is it worth trying??
Nope. When a woman has checked out like that, she ain't coming back.
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,191
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#5
I can't necessarily speak for a *ahem* adult woman. But that is definitely off. I would have to mostly agree with Mr. Tommy, in short.
 

azo

Member
Jan 16, 2017
42
0
0
#6
Nope. When a woman has checked out like that, she ain't coming back.
Yes you probably right. I thought she was different then the other women I have encountered which is why I stuck it out with her..
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,432
415
83
#7
I can't necessarily speak for a *ahem* adult woman. But that is definitely off. I would have to mostly agree with Mr. Tommy, in short.
Women are about the same in that respect, regardless of their age.... well atleast from 16 to 45.... that's all I've known.
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,191
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#8
Women are about the same in that respect, regardless of their age.... well atleast from 16 to 45.... that's all I've known.
That's what I was thinking, but I can't be sure for another 30 or so years lol.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,432
415
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#9
Yes you probably right. I thought she was different then the other women I have encountered which is why I stuck it out with her..
Us dumb, knuckle dragging men.... have a tendency to put the women we are into, on a pedestal. Every woman I've ever been into, was different and better.
 

azo

Member
Jan 16, 2017
42
0
0
#10
Us dumb, knuckle dragging men.... have a tendency to put the women we are into, on a pedestal. Every woman I've ever been into, was different and better.
Emotions can blind us to what is right in front of us!!
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,432
415
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#11
That's what I was thinking, but I can't be sure for another 30 or so years lol.
Men will do this crap too. They will become interested in someone else, but won't have the gonads to end the current relationship out right. They will just act like this woman, and hope the other moves on also. The difference is, I've seen where guys can be pulled back in, but when women are done, they're done. I've been on both sides of this game before.
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,191
26
48
#12
Men will do this crap too. They will become interested in someone else, but won't have the gonads to end the current relationship out right. They will just act like this woman, and hope the other moves on also. The difference is, I've seen where guys can be pulled back in, but when women are done, they're done. I've been on both sides of this game before.
Insightful information. But yes, men seem like rather simple creatures so far. And I don't mean that condescendingly.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,432
415
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#13
Insightful information. But yes, men seem like rather simple creatures so far. And I don't mean that condescendingly.
We are some low browed simpletons. Enjoy that.
 

Pipp

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2013
3,972
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#14
That's very sad.... I'm sorry... it does seem like she's already gone.
 
Oct 25, 2017
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#15
Yup,I exactly understand what you are feeling right now...been there...




I think...you should calm down first before you talk to her about it and hey it is important to feel yourself if you can tell her what you feel and remain calm :) then don't wait too long anymore...because the longer you wait or avoid it the more painful it will become. Cut short the hurt and move on...


I always believe that when you are in doubt or something is going on in your mind that will going to affect the relationship u have to tell/ask your partner to talk about it...and even if you are sure about it you have to ask and still talk about it to clear every doubt that is running around your mind...:)

Choose a place that is comfortable for both of you...and talk about it...ask her what's going on with her...ask her what's on her mind...what she's thinking :) and then tell her yours...be calm...be honest and accept whatever will be the outcome of the conversation...




Just prayed for you and her and asked God to reveal to you if this person is for you...

God bless you ❤
 
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renewed_hope

Senior Member
May 9, 2016
1,921
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#16
Yes you probably right. I thought she was different then the other women I have encountered which is why I stuck it out with her..
I will agree to follow Tommy on this one, but at least for your side of things have a conversation with her about your feelings and that you have noticed this, this, and this about y'alls relationship. There may be something going on with her that she may not feel comfortable or she may not think she is treating you any different. I know when i was sexually assaulted several months ago I treated my bf different and didnt realize it until he said something. I'm not saying she was but if you just abruptly end things you will always wonder why and having a serious conversation is extremely important for closure
 

Saturn

Senior Member
Apr 30, 2014
115
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#17
I think you need to talk to her about this. It looks like she doesn't see anything wrong with her behavior, so maybe she doesn't think the two of you are serious or because it looks like she can just kind of run all over you and you won't ever say anything.

As for her going out of town and leaving you alone. The two of you are not married, and you haven't even been dating a year, i think it's unrealistic to assume she would stay with you just because you don't have family around.
What is interesting to me is that she did not invite you to go with her.

I just feel like she does not take this relationship seriously and she acts whichever way she wants towards you because so far, you've said nothing to her about what is upsetting you.
 
Dec 28, 2016
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#18
Let her go and stop showing all interest in her. That's what is keeping her away, showing interest. She expects it. If she comes back so be it and if not give thanks to God for watching over you and not allowing this poor relationship to continue.
 

azo

Member
Jan 16, 2017
42
0
0
#19
That's very sad.... I'm sorry... it does seem like she's already gone.
Yes I already had that feeling. Think I am just holding on but need to let go..
 

azo

Member
Jan 16, 2017
42
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0
#20
That's why I needed to take sometime and think before taking action as my emotions were running all over the place. I think I will be ready tomorrow. I say tomorrow because at this moment as I am writing this she is out with her friend (Male), her bestfriend and husband having dinner.