Sexy before Marriage

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Sep 30, 2017
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#1
So I was perusing the interwebs,(shocker), and I went from funny online dating catastrophes to discovering this video.


[video=youtube;rC8X-SBF-40]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC8X-SBF-40[/video]


I think this speaks volumes to a lot of Christians in this generation, who are saving themselves so fervently for the one, that they don't know how to flirt and mingle. I know a looooot of singles out there who spend more time wondering why they're single and dreaming about the end goal rather than actually trying to get to know people. Definitely been there myself, although I've already been trying to break out of that lately.


I especially like his comment about expressing affection, and their value to you is an act of generosity.
 
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Maka

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2017
505
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#4
Interesting, but I feel like he’s pimping her out. :p I can relate to the caller. I feel like going out and creating sexual tension with a guy will give him the wrong idea. Idk
 

Innerfire89

Senior Member
Aug 23, 2017
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#5
I'll leave secular advice to the secular humanist.
His advice is to forget your goal and have fun, so who will you find? Someones who's goal is fun.
It's like using bait to catch a fish you don't want.

Flirting is just fine if it's clean and with someone you know some about already. But affection and compliments are for growing a relationship, not starting one. If a female told me she thought I was sexy I would think she is promiscuous.
 
S

SweetmorningDew78

Guest
#6
I am just wondering what is the meaning of flirt/to flirt/flirting maybe I am wrong but I will try my own understanding about the word flir/flirting... When I was a teenager my face will turn pale when a friend will going to tease me oyyy you are flirting!!! giving me an impression that flirting is not really a decent behavior... Flirting for me is showing sexual behaviour (words and actions) towards the opposite sex...to show an interest playfully to the person you are attracted to... As a Christian my question is... Is it a sin to flirt? I am not sure about the others how they are going to view "flirting or flirt" but Matthew 5:28 says But I said to you that whoever looks a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So,now when you flirt how your mind works, your imagination? What message you are trying to deliver to that person? As Christians we are to be a good example to others and show the love of Christ through our behavior...Love others just like the way God loves us...pure love.

Maybe he is right many christian ingles especially women become single for life because they don't know how to flirt...are we singles because we dont know how to flirt or are we single because there are few decent men nowadays :D :D (just kidding with this hehehe)

I always believe that you don't need to flirt to get the attention of a decent man...call me oldfashioned but for me... flirt only with your husband/wife))


I am sorry
 
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SweetmorningDew78

Guest
#7
"I am sorry"is not included in my comment :D i
 

Innerfire89

Senior Member
Aug 23, 2017
586
16
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#8
I am just wondering what is the meaning of flirt/to flirt/flirting maybe I am wrong but I will try my own understanding about the word flir/flirting... When I was a teenager my face will turn pale when a friend will going to tease me oyyy you are flirting!!! giving me an impression that flirting is not really a decent behavior... Flirting for me is showing sexual behaviour (words and actions) towards the opposite sex...to show an interest playfully to the person you are attracted to... As a Christian my question is... Is it a sin to flirt? I am not sure about the others how they are going to view "flirting or flirt" but Matthew 5:28 says But I said to you that whoever looks a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So,now when you flirt how your mind works, your imagination? What message you are trying to deliver to that person? As Christians we are to be a good example to others and show the love of Christ through our behavior...Love others just like the way God loves us...pure love.

Maybe he is right many christian ingles especially women become single for life because they don't know how to flirt...are we singles because we dont know how to flirt or are we single because there are few decent men nowadays :D :D (just kidding with this hehehe)

I always believe that you don't need to flirt to get the attention of a decent man...call me oldfashioned but for me... flirt only with your husband/wife))


I am sorry
Flirting is just playfully picking on whoever someone is interested in or it's giving hints and compliments. At least that's what I think it's anyway. Lol.

I think there's inoccent flirting and then there inappropriate, promiscuous flirting.
 
S

SweetmorningDew78

Guest
#9
Flirting is just playfully picking on whoever someone is interested in or it's giving hints and compliments. At least that's what I think it's anyway. Lol.

I think there's inoccent flirting and then there inappropriate, promiscuous flirting.
Hmmm...innoccent flirting....do you have any suggestions :D please tell me now before I turn 40 :D :D
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
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#11
"I am sorry"is not included in my comment :D i
Nor should it be SMD! I may be speaking as a "secular humanist" here - I mean - who isn't? We're all walking that particular tightrope, no? IMO, Christian women have a particularly hard time with this subject. I feel sorry for them. Let's face it; practically everything has something to do with sex. And the Christian woman is taught to be modest and not be provocative in any way without really defining what that means. On top of that they feel like they're charged with protecting a man's desires somehow. Like men are so obsessed with sex they have to be tempered with women that have to dress like a concrete block. And all this while the non-Christian woman has looks to make a rabbit blush.

It's unfair! I'm not saying this is true in every case, but a lot of Christian women end up losing confidence in themselves! They exercise their church's beliefs in modesty, not many guys pay attention to them, and they further hide themselves out of insecurity. They gain weight, dress all frumpy and they burden themselves with the sins of others!! So - yeah, i say way to go Sweetmorningdew - you really shouldn't be sorry. You should be free of all this.

One time I was with a friend of mine and we watched this guy get out of this truck that had to be about 15 feet off the ground. He literally had to jump out because the wheels were so huge and the truck was lifted way off the ground and the truck itself was gigantic. It was like 4 doors and a long bed 350 Ford or some such thing. Loud. Obnoxious - had everything. I asked my friend what a guy would want with a truck like that and he said "He might just compensating for something that's....not so big".

So, maybe women who leave nothing to the imagination are doing the same, no? So - as we all walk this 'secular humanist' balancing act we're currently charged to do, maybe some of these women on CC here so absolutely gorgeous in heart can feel free to show the beauty God gave them.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#12
I've never been sexy in my life. What do I win?

I have the sex appeal of a dumpster fire.
 
S

SweetmorningDew78

Guest
#13
One time I was with a friend of mine and we watched this guy get out of this truck that had to be about 15 feet off the ground. He literally had to jump out because the wheels were so huge and the truck was lifted way off the ground and the truck itself was gigantic. It was like 4 doors and a long bed 350 Ford or some such thing. Loud. Obnoxious - had everything. I asked my friend what a guy would want with a truck like that and he said "He might just compensating for something that's....not so big".

So, maybe women who leave nothing to the imagination are doing the same, no? So - as we all walk this 'secular humanist' balancing act we're currently charged to do, maybe some of these women on CC here so absolutely gorgeous in heart can feel free to show the beauty God gave them.[/QUOTE]

17Bees,
I want to reply to your message comment but I don't really understand the last two paragraphs :D sorry about that my English is not good and not really good in figurative language...I would appreciate if you can simply explain to me in a very simple way...


Thank you and God bless you ❤
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#14
Yeah. If your object is to be more free and have more fun, I definitely agree with him, for sure.
 
Sep 30, 2017
40
1
0
#15
I am just wondering what is the meaning of flirt/to flirt/flirting maybe I am wrong but I will try my own understanding about the word flir/flirting... When I was a teenager my face will turn pale when a friend will going to tease me oyyy you are flirting!!! giving me an impression that flirting is not really a decent behavior... Flirting for me is showing sexual behaviour (words and actions) towards the opposite sex...to show an interest playfully to the person you are attracted to... As a Christian my question is... Is it a sin to flirt? I am not sure about the others how they are going to view "flirting or flirt" but Matthew 5:28 says But I said to you that whoever looks a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So,now when you flirt how your mind works, your imagination? What message you are trying to deliver to that person? As Christians we are to be a good example to others and show the love of Christ through our behavior...Love others just like the way God loves us...pure love.

Maybe he is right many christian ingles especially women become single for life because they don't know how to flirt...are we singles because we dont know how to flirt or are we single because there are few decent men nowadays :D :D (just kidding with this hehehe)

I always believe that you don't need to flirt to get the attention of a decent man...call me oldfashioned but for me... flirt only with your husband/wife))


I am sorry

This is exactly the discussion I was hoping to open up! xD Sorry for the late response, school has been crazy.

It seems like Christians are brought up with this strange mentality that they should be absent of any sexuality until the day they are married, kind of turning God into a bizarre... "married at first sight" matchmaking cupid.

The thing is, God doesn't just pop two people into a wedding ceremony and marry them off. We have to do the looking, the wanting, the loving, and the marrying. God has a plan and he'll help us, but we have to actually do it.

That's why I loved this guy's video, he wasn't saying telling her to throw her morals away, just to open herself up to people

But if you're restricting yourself entirely to avoid tempting a man(or woman), I'll let you know you can get into trouble even if you were being innocent to the strictest definition.

For example, I went to a party with a friend and her boyfriend. Knowing that they would unintentionally ignore me at times, I made an effort to make friends with their friends. I got into a conversation with this guy because he was friendly and the only thing we talked about was his job- pretty dry conversation but at least I wasn't sitting around on my phone. Next day my friend is calling me, telling me that the guy had a very serious girlfriend who broke up with him because she thought he was cheating on her with me.

Apparently it happens all the time with that couple, he had actually cheated on her before and now she doesn't trust him at all. They've already gotten back together and broken up, and gotten back together again since that night. The point is, no matter what you do- however innocent you are- someone can turn it into something perverted. The only way to avoid that is to zip yourself into a bubble and avoid human contact.

Honestly, I think that there are a lot of innocent ways to flirt with someone. And if you flirt with a godly man, he won't act like you're asking for sex or take it as a prompt to lust. There's nothing wrong with touching a guy's arm, looking him in the eyes, having a playful dialogue with him. So long as you aren't taking the mental and emotional level beyond what's appropriate for two unmarried people.

There's going to be sexual tension between any lover, it just comes down to how you process it and deal with it. Completely suppressing it will make the love platonic and indulging in it will drown out the love with lust.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
303
38
28
32
#16
One time I was with a friend of mine and we watched this guy get out of this truck that had to be about 15 feet off the ground. He literally had to jump out because the wheels were so huge and the truck was lifted way off the ground and the truck itself was gigantic. It was like 4 doors and a long bed 350 Ford or some such thing. Loud. Obnoxious - had everything. I asked my friend what a guy would want with a truck like that and he said "He might just compensating for something that's....not so big".

So, maybe women who leave nothing to the imagination are doing the same, no? So - as we all walk this 'secular humanist' balancing act we're currently charged to do, maybe some of these women on CC here so absolutely gorgeous in heart can feel free to show the beauty God gave them.
17Bees,
I want to reply to your message comment but I don't really understand the last two paragraphs :D sorry about that my English is not good and not really good in figurative language...I would appreciate if you can simply explain to me in a very simple way...


Thank you and God bless you ❤[/QUOTE]

Yeah. If your object is to be more free and have more fun, I definitely agree with him, for sure.
I'm sorry you didn't understand SMD. I forget having an international audience and I can see how you might be confused. What I meant in those two paragraphs is that men sometimes try to make themselves look bigger or better or stronger or more manly by driving big trucks or having huge muscles or dressing in a way to look like the alpha male. Women try to look more sexy by showing more skin or with a lot of make up. Both women and men carry this to the extreme sometimes.

What's missing in all this "physical enhancement" is the character of the person - traits such as temperament, morality, singularity, disposition, sense of humor or kindness that I often see in people in the CC forums which makes them quite beautiful!

This is why I don't think Christian women should dress modestly for the sake of the man. I don't believe it's a woman's job to ensure men don't have impure thoughts. I think women should dress with the same class they exhibit with their character.
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,841
812
113
#17
This is exactly the discussion I was hoping to open up! xD Sorry for the late response, school has been crazy.

It seems like Christians are brought up with this strange mentality that they should be absent of any sexuality until the day they are married, kind of turning God into a bizarre... "married at first sight" matchmaking cupid.

The thing is, God doesn't just pop two people into a wedding ceremony and marry them off. We have to do the looking, the wanting, the loving, and the marrying. God has a plan and he'll help us, but we have to actually do it.

That's why I loved this guy's video, he wasn't saying telling her to throw her morals away, just to open herself up to people

But if you're restricting yourself entirely to avoid tempting a man(or woman), I'll let you know you can get into trouble even if you were being innocent to the strictest definition.

For example, I went to a party with a friend and her boyfriend. Knowing that they would unintentionally ignore me at times, I made an effort to make friends with their friends. I got into a conversation with this guy because he was friendly and the only thing we talked about was his job- pretty dry conversation but at least I wasn't sitting around on my phone. Next day my friend is calling me, telling me that the guy had a very serious girlfriend who broke up with him because she thought he was cheating on her with me.

Apparently it happens all the time with that couple, he had actually cheated on her before and now she doesn't trust him at all. They've already gotten back together and broken up, and gotten back together again since that night. The point is, no matter what you do- however innocent you are- someone can turn it into something perverted. The only way to avoid that is to zip yourself into a bubble and avoid human contact.

Honestly, I think that there are a lot of innocent ways to flirt with someone. And if you flirt with a godly man, he won't act like you're asking for sex or take it as a prompt to lust. There's nothing wrong with touching a guy's arm, looking him in the eyes, having a playful dialogue with him. So long as you aren't taking the mental and emotional level beyond what's appropriate for two unmarried people.

There's going to be sexual tension between any lover, it just comes down to how you process it and deal with it. Completely suppressing it will make the love platonic and indulging in it will drown out the love with lust.
Translated. There going to be those feelings so rather than avoid them go along with it.
You cant prevent others from acting certain way, so why try?

But that's not biblical. The bible states we are born in the flesh with a desire to sin, but that, as Christians, it is our responsibility to resist. This whole "it's natural so go along with it" thing you're espousing actually encourages interacting with temptation when the bible says to flee from it.

And random flirting is bad. And your own story proves it. You were not even flirting with that gut and look at the consequences. Flirting is a way of showing interest. If you flirt and aren't serious it could end up leading someone on, as is often the case.

You want to get as close to the edge of sin without crossing over, but that is also not biblical.
Granted it is normal to have sexual desires towards people we are attracted to, but that does not mean we indulge them because it's natural. The church definitely could be doing a better job in how this is handled but this secular ideal is the wrong way. Two wrongs don't make a right.

And flirting with a godly man may not lead to him expecting anything sexual (but it also could and you don't know for sure, so it's a risk you will be held responsible for if you're wrong) but it may lead them to believe you are interested. And if not it will be damaging and You would be responsible to God for your actions.
Really this is a selfish attitude to use people for your own gratification and ignoring any possible negatives.
 

LightBright

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2017
539
31
28
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#18
I'll leave secular advice to the secular humanist.
His advice is to forget your goal and have fun, so who will you find? Someones who's goal is fun.
It's like using bait to catch a fish you don't want.

Flirting is just fine if it's clean and with someone you know some about already. But affection and compliments are for growing a relationship, not starting one. If a female told me she thought I was sexy I would think she is promiscuous.
Yup pretty much right
 

LightBright

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2017
539
31
28
18
#19
I am just wondering what is the meaning of flirt/to flirt/flirting maybe I am wrong but I will try my own understanding about the word flir/flirting... When I was a teenager my face will turn pale when a friend will going to tease me oyyy you are flirting!!! giving me an impression that flirting is not really a decent behavior... Flirting for me is showing sexual behaviour (words and actions) towards the opposite sex...to show an interest playfully to the person you are attracted to... As a Christian my question is... Is it a sin to flirt? I am not sure about the others how they are going to view "flirting or flirt" but Matthew 5:28 says But I said to you that whoever looks a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So,now when you flirt how your mind works, your imagination? What message you are trying to deliver to that person? As Christians we are to be a good example to others and show the love of Christ through our behavior...Love others just like the way God loves us...pure love.

Maybe he is right many christian ingles especially women become single for life because they don't know how to flirt...are we singles because we dont know how to flirt or are we single because there are few decent men nowadays :D :D (just kidding with this hehehe)

I always believe that you don't need to flirt to get the attention of a decent man...call me oldfashioned but for me... flirt only with your husband/wife))


I am sorry
That's understandable and that's how a lot of people do it but it can be innocent i think. Honestly its more a social thing like dont be boring and awkward thats weird girls talk about guys confidence all the time. Women though idk if its really needed but yea flirting is just showing your love for that person but in a more playful way like a proposal is super serious but that would be weird if you were that serious every time you talked to a girl lol. You can tell someone you like them without being all "*stares deeply into your eyes* i like you o.o" but once again like what his fave said earlier it shouldn't be done normally to anyone it should be oh we are heading towards marriage we can confess our feelings in a less serious way if that makes sense but some guys are players and completely manipulate girls or vice versa so yea it should be once you feel like God has put that person in your life to be your wife/husband sorry i am thinking from my perspective lol hope this helps God bless.
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#20
Nah, I don't buy that Christians don't know how to flirt. I know plenty who are masters at it. People who don't know how to flirt are simply shy or awkward, and it has little to do with religious belief.