Sexy before Marriage

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SweetmorningDew78

Guest
#21
17Bees,
I want to reply to your message comment but I don't really understand the last two paragraphs :D sorry about that my English is not good and not really good in figurative language...I would appreciate if you can simply explain to me in a very simple way...


Thank you and God bless you ❤


I'm sorry you didn't understand SMD. I forget having an international audience and I can see how you might be confused. What I meant in those two paragraphs is that men sometimes try to make themselves look bigger or better or stronger or more manly by driving big trucks or having huge muscles or dressing in a way to look like the alpha male. Women try to look more sexy by showing more skin or with a lot of make up. Both women and men carry this to the extreme sometimes.

What's missing in all this "physical enhancement" is the character of the person - traits such as temperament, morality, singularity, disposition, sense of humor or kindness that I often see in people in the CC forums which makes them quite beautiful!

This is why I don't think Christian women should dress modestly for the sake of the man. I don't believe it's a woman's job to ensure men don't have impure thoughts. I think women should dress with the same class they exhibit with their character.[/QUOTE]


17Bees,

Thanks I really appreciate your effort :)You are very kind ❤

You are correct with this that it is not a woman's job to ensure men don't have impure thoughts but we (women) should not be the tool the reason for him to fall... The rest I agree with you 100%





Everything we do...the way we speak and the way we dress...do it for God's glory ❤



God bless you ❤
 
S

SweetmorningDew78

Guest
#22
This is exactly the discussion I was hoping to open up! xD Sorry for the late response, school has been crazy.

It seems like Christians are brought up with this strange mentality that they should be absent of any sexuality until the day they are married, kind of turning God into a bizarre... "married at first sight" matchmaking cupid.

The thing is, God doesn't just pop two people into a wedding ceremony and marry them off. We have to do the looking, the wanting, the loving, and the marrying. God has a plan and he'll help us, but we have to actually do it.

That's why I loved this guy's video, he wasn't saying telling her to throw her morals away, just to open herself up to people

But if you're restricting yourself entirely to avoid tempting a man(or woman), I'll let you know you can get into trouble even if you were being innocent to the strictest definition.

For example, I went to a party with a friend and her boyfriend. Knowing that they would unintentionally ignore me at times, I made an effort to make friends with their friends. I got into a conversation with this guy because he was friendly and the only thing we talked about was his job- pretty dry conversation but at least I wasn't sitting around on my phone. Next day my friend is calling me, telling me that the guy had a very serious girlfriend who broke up with him because she thought he was cheating on her with me.

Apparently it happens all the time with that couple, he had actually cheated on her before and now she doesn't trust him at all. They've already gotten back together and broken up, and gotten back together again since that night. The point is, no matter what you do- however innocent you are- someone can turn it into something perverted. The only way to avoid that is to zip yourself into a bubble and avoid human contact.

Honestly, I think that there are a lot of innocent ways to flirt with someone. And if you flirt with a godly man, he won't act like you're asking for sex or take it as a prompt to lust. There's nothing wrong with touching a guy's arm, looking him in the eyes, having a playful dialogue with him. So long as you aren't taking the mental and emotional level beyond what's appropriate for two unmarried people.

There's going to be sexual tension between any lover, it just comes down to how you process it and deal with it. Completely suppressing it will make the love platonic and indulging in it will drown out the love with lust.
Hi! Sis :) it is OK :) I understand :) we all have life outside CC too :) don't stress yourself too much :)




Actually, when I hit 30 :D I was like maybe I should try that...:D but my conscience don't let me :D then I changed how I see things...maybe I should train myself my thoughts slowly :) to view every single Christian I meet as my brother in Christ not as potential husband or boyfriend so that it is not hard for me to interact with them naturally...it works...:D I gain a lot of friends heheheh (just kidding)


Yep! True innocent flirting willl put you into trouble also...it happened to me many times...just by smiling to a person :D you know sometimes what a simple smile can do to the imagination of some people...

You are right open up more to people...
Maybe let's be more gracious,kind,sweet and loving to everyone.


Thank you sis I enjoy reading every comment and I am learning from it...thanks for starting this thread ❤ God bless you ❤
 
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Sep 30, 2017
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#23
Translated. There going to be those feelings so rather than avoid them go along with it.
You cant prevent others from acting certain way, so why try?

But that's not biblical. The bible states we are born in the flesh with a desire to sin, but that, as Christians, it is our responsibility to resist. This whole "it's natural so go along with it" thing you're espousing actually encourages interacting with temptation when the bible says to flee from it.

And random flirting is bad. And your own story proves it. You were not even flirting with that gut and look at the consequences. Flirting is a way of showing interest. If you flirt and aren't serious it could end up leading someone on, as is often the case.

You want to get as close to the edge of sin without crossing over, but that is also not biblical.
Granted it is normal to have sexual desires towards people we are attracted to, but that does not mean we indulge them because it's natural. The church definitely could be doing a better job in how this is handled but this secular ideal is the wrong way. Two wrongs don't make a right.

And flirting with a godly man may not lead to him expecting anything sexual (but it also could and you don't know for sure, so it's a risk you will be held responsible for if you're wrong) but it may lead them to believe you are interested. And if not it will be damaging and You would be responsible to God for your actions.
Really this is a selfish attitude to use people for your own gratification and ignoring any possible negatives.

Actually, that's a poor translation. I'm putting forward the idea that part of falling in love in the way God intended is going to involve some romantic feelings with the person before the vows are made. The idea isn't to just go along with your nature, some people are naturally inclined to a whole slew of sexual sins, but to understand that when you are walking toward marriage there is a righteous desire to love and to be around that person.

It's not about getting as close to sinning as you can- it's about learning how to be romantic in a godly way.

What do you think Jacob was feeling when he decided to work for Rachel's father to win her hand in marriage? If he was totally absent of any romantic feeling toward her, do you think he would have worked fourteen years to have her father's permission to marry her? Nah, he just became friends with her and thought.. shucks.. she'd make a cool wife maybe.

And P.S., my story is not about random flirting. I wasn't flirting, he wasn't flirting. The manner of the conversation went about the same as it would with my pastor or any of my elders. The point was, while you shouldn't tempt people into sin- it's not all on you to keep them in check. For example, dress modestly to help your fellow man out but you don't need to wear a paper sack on your head to keep people from sinning. And I don't think I ever said to randomly flirt with people. I'm talking more about giving people a chance.
 
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Galatea

Guest
#24
Actually, that's a poor translation. I'm putting forward the idea that part of falling in love in the way God intended is going to involve some romantic feelings with the person before the vows are made. The idea isn't to just go along with your nature, some people are naturally inclined to a whole slew of sexual sins, but to understand that when you are walking toward marriage there is a righteous desire to love and to be around that person.

It's not about getting as close to sinning as you can- it's about learning how to be romantic in a godly way.

What do you think Jacob was feeling when he decided to work for Rachel's father to win her hand in marriage? If he was totally absent of any romantic feeling toward her, do you think he would have worked fourteen years to have her father's permission to marry her? Nah, he just became friends with her and thought.. shucks.. she'd make a cool wife maybe.

And P.S., my story is not about random flirting. I wasn't flirting, he wasn't flirting. The manner of the conversation went about the same as it would with my pastor or any of my elders. The point was, while you shouldn't tempt people into sin- it's not all on you to keep them in check. For example, dress modestly to help your fellow man out but you don't need to wear a paper sack on your head to keep people from sinning. And I don't think I ever said to randomly flirt with people. I'm talking more about giving people a chance.
Hey, I might be misunderstanding what you wrote about Jacob and Rachel. Are you saying he was friends with her first and thought she’d be a cool wife? If so, I think you are mistaken. I believe Jacob fell in love with Rachel at first sight. It DOES happen. My grandfather fell in love with my grandmother the first time he saw her. He told himself he was going to marry her. People can make up their minds very quickly when it comes to love.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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#25
Nah, I don't buy that Christians don't know how to flirt. I know plenty who are masters at it. People who don't know how to flirt are simply shy or awkward, and it has little to do with religious belief.
I am neither shy nor awkward, but I don't know how to flirt because I've never bothered learning how. It's just not something I want to spend my time and effort on.

But yeah, I know some christians who are pretty good at flirting. :rolleyes:
 
Sep 30, 2017
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#26
Hey, I might be misunderstanding what you wrote about Jacob and Rachel. Are you saying he was friends with her first and thought she’d be a cool wife? If so, I think you are mistaken. I believe Jacob fell in love with Rachel at first sight. It DOES happen. My grandfather fell in love with my grandmother the first time he saw her. He told himself he was going to marry her. People can make up their minds very quickly when it comes to love.
Haha sorry, I was saying that he didn't have a platonic relationship with her before he decided to marry her. I wanted to show that there are examples of biblical men desiring women in a godly way very early in their acquaintanceship- possibly even from the first moment he saw her.

Oh! And there's Ruth, who basically wooed her second husband under the instruction of her widowed mother in-law;

"...Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. [SUP]3 [/SUP]Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. [SUP]4 [/SUP]When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do."

If that isn't flirting between unmarried people- people who aren't even "dating", portrayed as a positive in the Bible... I don't know if we even speak the same language.
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#27
Haha sorry, I was saying that he didn't have a platonic relationship with her before he decided to marry her. I wanted to show that there are examples of biblical men desiring women in a godly way very early in their acquaintanceship- possibly even from the first moment he saw her.

Oh! And there's Ruth, who basically wooed her second husband under the instruction of her widowed mother in-law;

"...Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. [SUP]3 [/SUP]Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. [SUP]4 [/SUP]When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do."

If that isn't flirting between unmarried people- people who aren't even "dating", portrayed as a positive in the Bible... I don't know if we even speak the same language.
Jacob and Rachel didn't seem to flirt much, given that Jacob couldn't even recognize her on the wedding night :rolleyes:. (I jest).

But now I'm a bit confused. The video clip seemed to be saying that a person should NOT view everyone she met as a potential mate, (I concur!) yet that is what Jacob is doing with Rachel...and they somehow fit together? I think I'm missing the connecting link
 

LightBright

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2017
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#28
Nah, I don't buy that Christians don't know how to flirt. I know plenty who are masters at it. People who don't know how to flirt are simply shy or awkward, and it has little to do with religious belief.
I WOULD agree but it tends to be that way with ACTUAL Christians. Maybe because they are so focused on not sinning that they become awkward or many were just players when they were lost so they want to be different now but don't know how to go about it. Either way not every person who says they are Christian are cuz just about everyone in America says they're Christian lol. But you are right some guys (they are supposed to pursue the woman) are still confident and can talk to girls easy (it's not that hard) i think the hardest part would be figuring out if thats God's will for you at least imo.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
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#29
I don't see nothing wrong with flirting. I do it all the time. It's becoming a hobby for me.
 
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Galatea

Guest
#30
I am neither shy nor awkward, but I don't know how to flirt because I've never bothered learning how. It's just not something I want to spend my time and effort on.

But yeah, I know some christians who are pretty good at flirting. :rolleyes:
I don’t think people learn how to flirt. I think it comes naturally. I see it quite often in my line of work, flirting in embryo. It starts as a boy hitting a girl, taking her phone, etc. It’s kind of rough at 12 and 13. Try grabbing the phone out of a girl’s hand at church, and see what happens for you.
 
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Galatea

Guest
#31
Haha sorry, I was saying that he didn't have a platonic relationship with her before he decided to marry her. I wanted to show that there are examples of biblical men desiring women in a godly way very early in their acquaintanceship- possibly even from the first moment he saw her.

Oh! And there's Ruth, who basically wooed her second husband under the instruction of her widowed mother in-law;

"...Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. [SUP]3 [/SUP]Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. [SUP]4 [/SUP]When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do."

If that isn't flirting between unmarried people- people who aren't even "dating", portrayed as a positive in the Bible... I don't know if we even speak the same language.
Thanks for clearing that up for me. I was not sure if you meant romantic relationships had to start off platonic or not. We were on the same page. I would think it might be kind of boring to start off platonically, but I daresay I am probably an outlier. Yes, Ruth and Boaz did not wait around, kicking at the dirt and saying “nice weather”.
 
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Galatea

Guest
#32
I WOULD agree but it tends to be that way with ACTUAL Christians. Maybe because they are so focused on not sinning that they become awkward or many were just players when they were lost so they want to be different now but don't know how to go about it. Either way not every person who says they are Christian are cuz just about everyone in America says they're Christian lol. But you are right some guys (they are supposed to pursue the woman) are still confident and can talk to girls easy (it's not that hard) i think the hardest part would be figuring out if thats God's will for you at least imo.
I know some actual Christians who are pretty smooth and flirtatious. Flirting is not a sin. Personally, I think married people who flirt with other people are unloving to their spouses, but that is me.
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
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#33
No way its sin.
i will not do that to respect my self as a woman n respect him as my future husband.
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#34
Just remember.... "flirt" is only one letter away from "flir"!