SINGLE DIFFICULTIES, WHAT ARE THEY?

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BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,593
1,651
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#41
At my age right now....so far I am happy being single....I can take care of myself...I have work and I am physically healthy...praise God ❤


But your question brings me... my thoughts in the future... when I am in my 70's or 80's self or when I am in my 90's already how am I going to take care of myself... 🤔 I am surrounded by old people so I know how dependent (they are)a person to another person especially if the person is sickly ...mobility is very different when we are old already...our strength will never be like or the same when we were younger...you know...


that's kinda difficult to think... If someday I'll end up single and alone....but I'll deal with those things when I am already there 😅 God's love and faithfulness are enough each day I won't doubt His love for me🙏🏻❤


But for me...I guess...it is nice to have someone beside you,someone to hold you and grow old with you..that would be beautiful I think 😍
It is a beautiful thing to be with someone side by side through this crazy journey. Keep praying, I did and the right doors opened at His timing, not mine.
 
Oct 10, 2021
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Riverside CA
#42
Let's see greatest difficulties I'm not so sure but greatest temptations:

Isolation / Disconnection from community - seems like most social options are either kid focused or drunken party focused also there's just so much that doesn't directly affect you that it's easy to have a very narrow perspective

Thinking marriage will solve all your problems / putting life on hold - when I find someone it will be different type of thinking

Avoiding accountability - it's kind of built in when you live with a family but it's so easy to slack off when you're not hurting anyone but yourself (financially, morally, health wise) ... let's just not talk about my lack of consistent bedtimes or decreasing shower frequency since this whole pandemic / work from home thing started

Selfishness - because your world really does kind of revolve around you with little need to consider anyone else

Managing sex drive - more difficult for some than others but still there seems to be a stigma against single christian adults actually admitting that they have one and do want to have sex. I'm guessing it's mainly because there's no way for them to do so without sin in their current circumstances and so people can't hear the difference between I want this good gift from God that I'm currently denied and I want to go out and sin my life away.

And if I ever get all of those sorted out perfectly I'll come back with another list of challenges to being single.
Well said.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
39,741
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Tennessee
#43
I really dont think lonliness is something an older person is a problem if they move into a retirment village and then they have a social life because that is what a lot of villages are designed specifically for.

You dont need to be married to be social. I worked in many villages and they were always putting on social things, the oldies would even get drunk in their happy hour. Age didnt stop them from making friends.
In the USA some elderly cannot afford to live in a retirement village so they have to make do with living under a highway overpass or in a cardboard box behind the dollar store and scrounge in the dumpster behind McDonald's for some rancid chicken nuggets.
 
Oct 10, 2021
54
35
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Riverside CA
#44
huh funny I dont understand the lack of showering, how is it different if you are not married? Isnt that just a personal hygiene thing and nothing to do with being single.

I think the difficulties of being single (and christian) would be

church busybodies assuming you always want to be married or asking you about it.

being dumped on with other peoples problems BECAUSE you are single i,e you are the default sober driver, the babysitter, the caretaker, the dog sitter, and the storage vault for everyones junk

assumed you have no life of your own because you are single

no place to sit in church if you come by yourself as all the seats are taken by families lol. Or there is a 'family service' but family is always assumed to be 'nuclear family' as if no other types of families exist.
constantly being bumped in church for your seat. they always ask you to move, even if you are far and out of the way. and dont sit towards the ends. after all, your just one.
 
Oct 10, 2021
54
35
18
Riverside CA
#45
It is a beautiful thing to be with someone side by side through this crazy journey. Keep praying, I did and the right doors opened at His timing, not mine.
constantly being bumped in church for your seat. they always ask you to move, even if you are far and out of the way. and dont sit towards the ends. after all, your just one.
very good question.
 
Oct 10, 2021
54
35
18
Riverside CA
#46
In the USA some elderly cannot afford to live in a retirement village so they have to make do with living under a highway overpass or in a cardboard box behind the dollar store and scrounge in the dumpster behind McDonald's for some rancid chicken nuggets.
In the USA some elderly cannot afford to live in a retirement village so they have to make do with living under a highway overpass or in a cardboard box behind the dollar store and scrounge in the dumpster behind McDonald's for some rancid chicken nuggets.
i have heard of many stories about senior villages and senior homes, etc. i heard it's a lot of drama. like high school or college but now they are at the age with the experience behind them, basically with the attitude, i've lived 50 yrs being married and good, screw it. i'm doing what i want. and they have affairs all over the place, and in utility closets, etc, and squabbles, drunkeness, drama.

but i have also heard of good things.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
39,741
15,467
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Tennessee
#47
i have heard of many stories about senior villages and senior homes, etc. i heard it's a lot of drama. like high school or college but now they are at the age with the experience behind them, basically with the attitude, i've lived 50 yrs being married and good, screw it. i'm doing what i want. and they have affairs all over the place, and in utility closets, etc, and squabbles, drunkeness, drama.

but i have also heard of good things.
20 miles from where I used to live in central Florida is the Villages which is the largest retirement complex in the USA. I guess that is where the 1% end up. For the time being I will settle for my modest home in NE Tennessee.
 

Ruby123

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2019
10,183
7,332
113
#48
trying to figure out how to put together the do it yourself reticulation for your veggie garden o_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_O
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
19,965
6,436
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#49
One day at a time… I would hope my future spouse would do everything she could to make sure I’m ok as I would do for her. To death do us part right? I don’t expect anything though and when my time is up I trust God His will is being done. I won’t worry about this, but bask in His presence and thankful He is in control.
that is ideal for sure but whatver happens is in Gods hands not yours. I do recall a lot of elderly church couples required care not just from their spouse but their children and people around them. In fact I recall one couple, the wife dying of cancer asked the church to look after her and run around after her even though her husband was happy to look after her (as was his role) but she was a bit stubborn and wouldnt let him.

I think because he wasnt a believer she couldnt talk to him about spiritual matters, and spending the whole time with him she felt she couldnt be free. But when I went there for a day to check on her she was a bit exhausting actually and their mansion (they really did live in a mansion) recquired a lot of upkeep. The husband eventually sold it for $4 million dollars but they were stressed out trying to find a buyer. He then went to live in a simple apartment to be nearer his daughters, who had their own families to look after and lived far away and couldnt always come and help.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
19,965
6,436
113
#50
i have heard of many stories about senior villages and senior homes, etc. i heard it's a lot of drama. like high school or college but now they are at the age with the experience behind them, basically with the attitude, i've lived 50 yrs being married and good, screw it. i'm doing what i want. and they have affairs all over the place, and in utility closets, etc, and squabbles, drunkeness, drama.

but i have also heard of good things.
its a bit like golden girls/high school musical at some of them

Perosnally Im not the kind of person that would be keen on them and neither is my family but then a lot of families do not want their children to live with them. Or the children do not want to stay with their parents. It can be harder to look after elderly parents than it is children, because they go deaf and blind, and are heavy you cant just pick them up, they have all sorts of ailments, and they can get cranky.

But some people stubbonly want to keep their independence. Baby boomers mostly.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
19,965
6,436
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#51
one elderly church lady, a divorcee, said she lived in one and just kept to herself, like she didnt join in with any of the social things at all. I am supposing that in those communities the marrieds might judge the divorcees. Or maybe she just felt judged I dont know.

If your husband just up and leaves you though not much you can really do about it.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
19,965
6,436
113
#52
constantly being bumped in church for your seat. they always ask you to move, even if you are far and out of the way. and dont sit towards the ends. after all, your just one.
I always sit at the back, because sitting at the front you feel like everyones looking at you.
The children are all in the back corner and then leave for sunday school so then I get a whole row to myself. Mostly sit with the church widows because the marrieds always sit together.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
19,965
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#53
In the USA some elderly cannot afford to live in a retirement village so they have to make do with living under a highway overpass or in a cardboard box behind the dollar store and scrounge in the dumpster behind McDonald's for some rancid chicken nuggets.
what you dont have public housing. Or dont they have their own homes.
A lot of elderly alienate their children and by that time the children have all run away from home and dont want to help them at all. I know several elderly people who have kinda dug their own holes like that. They werent very good parents or always got drunk, and so their children went as far away from them to live as possible or cut ties.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,593
1,651
113
#54
that is ideal for sure but whatver happens is in Gods hands not yours. I do recall a lot of elderly church couples required care not just from their spouse but their children and people around them. In fact I recall one couple, the wife dying of cancer asked the church to look after her and run around after her even though her husband was happy to look after her (as was his role) but she was a bit stubborn and wouldnt let him.

I think because he wasnt a believer she couldnt talk to him about spiritual matters, and spending the whole time with him she felt she couldnt be free. But when I went there for a day to check on her she was a bit exhausting actually and their mansion (they really did live in a mansion) recquired a lot of upkeep. The husband eventually sold it for $4 million dollars but they were stressed out trying to find a buyer. He then went to live in a simple apartment to be nearer his daughters, who had their own families to look after and lived far away and couldnt always come and help.
The last thing I would do is move away to be near the kids while my wife needed help. That doesn’t make any sense…
 

stilllearning

Active member
Oct 4, 2021
378
225
43
#55
Two for me are I am so bad at remembering or knowing dates of things. My ex always knew when a holiday fell as well as was always on top of whatever was a special date. Now I spend to much time sending hey happy belated birthday, anny, or what have ya....LOL

Second would be I am color blind so my ex saved me from those looks I always get as a single man when I buy my own clothes. So needless to say formal wear for me is jeans with one of those tuxedo t-shirts cause I know those colors at least go together......LOL

Although she had way to much fun with me being color blind. I have always thought it is a abomination for a man to wear pink and read that, me to wear pink. It is a assault upon my very manhood.

So one time I had asked my son to go grab my little grey trash can from my home office so I could throw away different paperwork I was doing on the couch. He said you mean the pink one you don't have a grey one. I said your mother bought that for me what else do I own that is pink. So he told me the different shirts that I owned that were pink.

Of course she could not stop laughing as he told me. Then suddenly it all made sense when I was going on about how sissy pink was for a man to wear and putting on one of those shirts. All those sly smiles she had and I asked what are you smiling for and she just replied oh you just look good in that shirt so makes me smile. Suddenly I knew what that smile meant all those times.....LOL

So I had to laugh with her as my son told me cause that was a good one and she did get over on me..........LOL So there are two of my single struggles.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
19,965
6,436
113
#56
The last thing I would do is move away to be near the kids while my wife needed help. That doesn’t make any sense…
he moved after she died

sorry dont mean to confuse you. When she was alive she wanted to be nearer her daughters and grandchildren but they had moved away.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
19,965
6,436
113
#57
whaaat


if you are colour blind and cant see pink...why do YOU judge other men for wearing pink when you cant even see it??

Nothing wrong with wearing pink lol