"So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD Use.)

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#1
"So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD Use.)

Hello everybody,

I have several thoughts running through my head (a fairly "normal" state for me, I'm afraid), so we'll see what happens.

As I've written about before, I am currently participating in two online Christian dating sites with some interesting results.

My first question is: Guys, when you approach a woman (though I do realize it can be different online vs. everyday life), do you automatically feel the need to comment about her appearance? Do you feel it's required, or just a way of breaking the ice? The reason I'm wondering is because, while I am not approached that often, the conversation almost always starts with, "Hi, you're pretty cute... want to talk?"

Now, of course I'm flattered and it's very sweet, but for once, I wish a guy would maybe observe a little about who I am and make some kind of comment about me as a person rather than about looks. But, maybe I'm being too harsh? I realize it can be nerve-wrecking to approach someone of the opposite sex as it is, so maybe compliments just seem to be the ideal way to make sure she at least listens to the first thing you have to say?

As I have also written about before, one of the most frustrating things for me is that the men who seem to be attracted to me are either WWWAAAAYYY too old (66, anyone?) or a bit too young (how about 18?!)

I have all but given up in trying to do any initiating myself (and I tend to choose an age range of about 29-43, but it's not an absolute rule) because I NEVER get a response back (or if I do... it's maybe one or two very bland sentences, indicating the person is clearly not interested) and I'm getting a little discouraged that if a guy DOES write me, it's usually with, "Can I see more pictures? I think you're cute but want to see more." (Yes, I realize this is a big red flag of shallowness but I am hoping there are some good, solid guys out there amongst the sharks.)

Do you know what I would LOVE??? I would absolutely love it if a guy wrote me and said, "Hey, I hear you've been to prison... what was it like? What were your experiences? Did you sense God's presence there?" (And if the teenage guys keep writing me, someone may try to get me in trouble and I might find myself in a jail cell for real! I can see my next thread: "Will You Contribute to SeoulSearch's Bail Fund?")

WHY would I want someone to ask me about having been in a prison???!!! Because it would have meant he actually read my profile (yes, the WHOLE thing) and took time to note and be interested in the things that interest me (prison ministries being one of them.)

In fact, one of the guys I tried to write was just a few years younger than me and the thing that TOTALLY caught my eye is that he wrote about how much he enjoys serving in a ministry that serves death row inmates. Having once written to inmates with LWOP (life without parole), I was completely bowled over, because to me, this was a one-in-a-million person and profile. I wrote him and explained a little of what I've seen and done, and asked if he would like to share any stories.

He never replied.

Maybe I'm taking the wrong approach? I try to pick out something I really like about the person (non-looks related) and mention that in my first messages... even if I do think the person is extremely physically attractive, I won't mention it until I feel we've gotten to know each other a bit, because I don't want him to feel like a piece of meat (which is how some of these other guys make me feel.) But apparently, this is getting me nowhere (and fast.)

Now please don't understand... all you guys out there who give sincere compliments--please don't stop, ok?

But I'd also love everyone's thoughts about 1. Do men feel they HAVE to approach a woman by telling her something about her looks and 2. What are the things you wish people would notice about YOU and who YOU really are instead of just looks, money, the car you drive, where you live, etc.?

And I know this goes both ways! I've had plenty of people think that I'm unattractive as well and there were times I wish they'd see past the physical then as well and into the soul that exists inside.

What about you? If people could look past the shell... what do you really wish people would notice about you or want to get to know as far as who you really are?
 
S

stlstang

Guest
#2
Re: "So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD U

Now, of course I'm flattered and it's very sweet,
That's exactly why. Make a good first impression, then go from there.
 
V

Vidy

Guest
#3
Re: "So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD U

Many times, you start with looks because... it's the first thing you see! I mean, you don't walk up to someone on the street and say, "Wow, you have an AMAZING personality!" Those things take time to figure out. I realize it's a dating site and you probably have a little background info on your page, but that's usually not enough to be a deep conversation starter, and plus we're already in the habit of looking at appearances since in normal circumstances that's all you CAN start with ^_^
 
Apr 24, 2009
76
2
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#4
Re: "So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD U

Hey, I enjoyed reading your post.
First off, complementing on a girls looks is something I like and often rely upon when starting to meet someone. I honestly wish I could know more about the person beforehand so that I could comment on something about their personality or likes (like the jail example you mentioned) But since that's not always possible, you gotta go for what's more accessible. (and I don't doubt girls like to hear about their looks)
Secondly, if I see a picture of a girl that's cute, my next reaction would be to read as many details as I possibly can about her. And I think a guy that doesn't bother to read about who you are (considering he might be interested in something serious) is probably not a very interesting person, or very superficial.
If a girl was to give me a compliment or show interested in something perhaps not very much known about me I would be thrilled, much more so if she complemented on me physically, in that regard I completely understand you.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#5
Re: "So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD U

Hey everyone,

I have been reading your input and appreciating it very much... The only problem with the comment about looks first is that if a girl has heard that a lot (help me out here, girls) she starts to think that's all a guy might value her for (it also had a strange reverse effect of making me more self-conscious, but that's just my own insecurities!)

I had to smile over the comment about talking about looks first though because that's the first thing you see!! Very good point and well-taken! :)

And thanks to you for saying you would love to get to know someone better to be able to talk to her about her interests, ministries, and who she really is... We girls will do our best to return the favor. ;)
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#6
Re: "So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD U

ohh ohh this is the best pick up line anyones ever said to me.... If you were a hamburger, you would be the mc gorgeous!
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#7
Re: "So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD U

ohh ohh this is the best pick up line anyones ever said to me.... If you were a hamburger, you would be the mc gorgeous!
Ha ha ha... you could wash it all down with a side order of French flies... (as in, please fly away from me, quick) and a triple thick McLame shake...
 
K

Kuroko

Guest
#8
Re: "So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD U

Oh this is a hard one, I appreciate this thread more than you would ever know, first I guess because it shows how often we compliment girls for looks but most importantly because it shows how frustrating that can be.

Vidy is right on that part, when you're meeting some one for the first time the first compliment can only be on the first thing you see. Now the problem is that what the person see's might be all or just enough of what they care about. Usually these people are shallow so I'm glad you kind of got the hunch on that one.

But even for non-shallow guys it's hard because the first compliment is about some thing we know girls care about. I mean an hour picking clothes, doing makeup and your hair? and that's just to go out shopping before you buy new clothes, new makeup and get your hair done to go out later that night!

Tell me looks don't count :p

But it's the second and third compliments that matter, then the all important eleventh compliment (the one at the end of the third date, assuming you've been complimenting her for her looks every date before hand :).... those are the compliments that prove a man!

I think it's great when girls put in a lot of details about themselves as it lets us see more about who they are. Sometimes though if a girl puts down almost EVERYTHING it can be overwhelming. Some times we even struggle to believe we can relate or compare to certain things if there's too much up front :p
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#9
Re: "So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD U

Oh this is a hard one, I appreciate this thread more than you would ever know, first I guess because it shows how often we compliment girls for looks but most importantly because it shows how frustrating that can be.

Vidy is right on that part, when you're meeting some one for the first time the first compliment can only be on the first thing you see. Now the problem is that what the person see's might be all or just enough of what they care about. Usually these people are shallow so I'm glad you kind of got the hunch on that one.

But even for non-shallow guys it's hard because the first compliment is about some thing we know girls care about. I mean an hour picking clothes, doing makeup and your hair? and that's just to go out shopping before you buy new clothes, new makeup and get your hair done to go out later that night!

Tell me looks don't count :p

But it's the second and third compliments that matter, then the all important eleventh compliment (the one at the end of the third date, assuming you've been complimenting her for her looks every date before hand :).... those are the compliments that prove a man!

I think it's great when girls put in a lot of details about themselves as it lets us see more about who they are. Sometimes though if a girl puts down almost EVERYTHING it can be overwhelming. Some times we even struggle to believe we can relate or compare to certain things if there's too much up front :p
You make some really good points in that I do agree with you that sometimes people, both in profiles and in real life, tell you WAY too much up front as well... It's definitely a hard balance, because I know for me, I get afraid of blatant rejection so I'll just try to tell someone all my bad points right up front... but yes, of course, that can be way too much to throw at a person, especially in the beginning.

I've had that happen on the flipside as well--one guy I went out with was telling me about his addictions and past history of sexual abuse right on the first date... and part of you is like, whoa, I want to help this person... and the other part is like, whoa, I'm in way over my head here.

This sounds like a great idea for another thread sometime... how much to tell someone about yourself, at what pace, and how do you balance being honest about things in your life without making the poor person run and duck for cover when, if you'd take things at a much slower pace, the other person might not be so overwhelmed.
 
K

Kuroko

Guest
#10
Re: "So, I Hear You've Been To Prison..." (The Pick-Up Lines You WISH Someone WOULD U

Definitely worth a second thread :)

I guess the best way to imagine it is this, when you read a profile and it has a LOT of things on there, when your used to people putting a little (and their good points) you kind of get worried that there is SO MUCH more still yet to come (good, bad in between) honestly though a lot of guys start it off a a physical thing as well because it takes us a while to "fall in love", then again there is the "I knew it the first time I saw you" moments and that's the times we get overly nervous :p

Such a fine line!