supernatural forgiveness

[CatHerder]

Psalm 103:12 -
as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.


Has anyone else experienced supernatural forgiveness? Of course, if we are followers of Christ, we all have experienced that on the receiving end, but has God worked in your heart to remove a grudge, hurt feelings, pain...and replaced it with love for someone? I once mentioned to a CC member that I would share this story. A year or so later, he is no longer a member. Maybe he still lurks. Maybe others can benefit from this. I figure this is a good time to honor that promise.

If you don't want to read a long post, just skip to the question at the end!!!

As some here know, when I was still married, I was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma. This was at a time when I still had two small kids running around the house and I was just entering the teaching profession; when my peers from teacher's training were having anxious nervous teacher dreams such as instructing a class with no clothes on, I was having dreams that I felt lumps on my neck.

I've shared in chat that through the experience of having doctors disagree on a treatment plan for several weeks and other medical frustrations, I watched my then-wife withdraw more and more from me. This was due to fear of the unknown outcome. Fear of the loss of income, etc. I didn't show it, but inside, I harbored a resentment toward her. for. years. She had never been one to honor and love through the bad times. In other areas, her affection was conditional as well. I let this consume me long after I was given the "all clear." Yes. I acknowledge that my unforgiveness was a chief contributor to the demise of our marriage.

Oh, now remember this part, because it's important later - at the clinic where I got my radiation treatment every day, I arrived in the afternoon, right after teaching. By then, the coffee in the lobby had spills all over the place. They always used this nasty hazelnut powdery creamer, and the burning pot and the spills made the gummy, syrupy powder burn, which I was able to smell as soon as I walked into the place. Years after that experience, I was not able to have hazelnut coffee, which had always been one of my favorites. If I even smelled it, I felt anger, loss, resentment, feelings of abandonment...Coffee shops were uncomfortable if hazelnut infused beans were being roasted or a hazelnut latte was being prepared.

Flash forward a few years. I am temping in a medical insurance office. I was out of music education - in these parts, it became unstable even before the economic downturn. On my way to this temp job, I am praying - I don't even remember about what, when I felt the presence of God in the car - and I had nothing but loving feelings for my wife, and I forgave her completely!! Praise God!!

The next day, I took a break at the coffee machine, as was my custom. Without thinking, I prepared my coffee with what I thought was regular creamer, but...guess what? I had put hazelnut in by accident and...I LOVED IT!!! It had never even been on the counter before. I realized that I was enjoying my coffee at the same time I realized my error. To this day, I enjoy a hazelnut latte every now and again or get a bag of hazelnut blend. I feel like God gave me back something that I totally enjoyed! Well, I guess that's because He did! Yes. I still am drawn to my experience when I sip hazelnut coffee, but instead of all those negative feelings, I feel this overwhelming feeling of thanksgiving for the miracle God does in our hearts.

Was this enough to save my marriage? No. But, it did begin a great healing in me.

Has anyone else experienced a supernatural ability to forgive? Something that couldn't possibly come from oneself? Share what is comfortable to do so. Perhaps others will be blessed by your testimonies.

 

[wisebeardman]

SNIP

........what is this I don't even....

 

[CatHerder]

umm...could we at least wait a few posts before totally derailing this thread? Thanks.

 

[JonahLynx]

Great testimony, fellow feline! I have never really struggled with forgiving others, just not one of my 99 problems. Instead I battle with forgiving myself. I think you make a good point about certain hard-rooted grudges needing a divine intervention and repair. That's what prayer is for.

 

[kenthomas27]

I guess I'll have to study on this a little Catherder. There was this thread one time on here about guessing which bible character you most closely resembled and I thought mine was Thomas. The doubting Thomas. The Thomas that literally had to put his hand in the open cut of the resurrected Christ's side. Then again, here's a man (Catherder) whom I don't believe makes stuff up giving testimony about a supernatural occurrence. In other words, I trust him to tell me the truth about these matters and so I believe him when he says he couldn't have possibly forgiven his ex wife. Ever. Therefore, it took an Act of God to provide him with the forgiveness. The forgiveness was a supernatural intangible thing - like a absolution or a clemency. In other words, it's a feeling of release or a freedom from grudge. That's not something that can be obtained by force of will, I don't think. It's not something that randomly happens.

(I'm thinking out loud here)

No - to answer your question Catherder, my answer is no, I haven't experienced such a thing. But I wonder if because of my doubting ways - my insistence that all things under the sun are a natural thing and there's nothing new under it - that this supernatural force or "movement" you experienced is actually a thing that can happen?

I know that sounds like a trite question (and there will be all this "everything is possible with God" retorts and so on, but it's like I am turning a little. What I mean by that is that my faith is maybe .....emerging itself some to accept these "winds" that propel change in a person that is beyond the natural. (every word I'm choosing here is coming real hard for me) That kind of thing comes very hard for me to accept.

I think though that the propelling force - this accelerator - that might "turn' the faith of a man is also intangible. In this case it's because I believed Catherder was telling the truth. And why? Because Catherder tells the truth. And that truth is as tangible as an oak tree - so much so that I can't deny it. And why is that? Because the man is a Christian and has experienced such a phenomenal thing. So - do I see that pathway that was taken just then? (again, I'm thinking to myself just now)

I think I turned. And I did so by testimony. So, thank you Catherder. I hope I can experience that someday. (please excuse the musings - it's just the way my not-so-smart brain acts)

 

[ChandlerFan]

(Disclaimer: Now that I have this all typed out, I scrolled back up to the top of my post to say that this ended up being way longer than I intended it to be, but God used it to show me some things about myself that I had never seen before until just now. I'm a bit blown away at the moment.)

Thanks for posting and sharing that, CatHerder. I didn't know any of that about you, and I'm now glad that I do. It's cool to see the way that you kept your heart open to God during some really difficult times and ultimately saw His faithfulness at work in changing your heart. That is a powerful testimony right there.

I've really only had one time in my life that I felt that I really held unforgiveness in my heart toward a certain family in particular. It was my parents' neighbors in the town that they eventually moved away from. My parents were getting prepared to move from Wisconsin to Indiana, and they hadn't had the house on the market for even a week and someone expressed interest. It was a man who purchases homes for cash and then leases them to an organization that cares for mentally disabled adults by giving them a normal house to live in with staff there to care for them. Anyways, my youngest sister was playing with their youngest daughter and told her about it, and she told her dad later that night. He came storming over to our house with another guy from the neighborhood while no one but my mom was home and frightened her a bit with how mad he was. My mom had just woken up from a nap and in her state of slight surprise and confusion probably gave him more information than he needed to know.

The deal was all but done to sell the house and you could say that in an act of defiance my parents scheduled to rent a moving truck. During the week, someone from the neighborhood stopped by our house upset because she had found a note taped to her garage door basically saying that there was going to be a neighborhood meeting that weekend at my neighbor's house. The sign specifically stated that there would be "mentally unstable adults" living in our house. This lady, upon finding this notice, came to our house upset because she has a brother who is mentally disabled and under the care of the organization that was going to be using our house. She said she was planning to be at the meeting with her husband, and I think she was one of the few who were actually on our side of things.

The following weekend, we filled up a moving truck with about half of our stuff. Later in the day, my dad and I went to Walmart and came back to find out that our neighbor had come by our house again to deliver a letter to us. I was so mad--SO mad. My dad and I had been outside all day, and then our neighbor waited until we left and just my mom and sisters were home to bring their letter over. I wanted to go over there and say something, but my parents didn't want to give them ammunition. Quite frankly, I still actually harbor some disappointment toward my dad for failing to be protective of his family that day. Had it been me, I would have gone over there and told him that if he ever sets foot on our property again, things would not go well for him. The letter explained how they did not approve of the seller we chose because it was going to bring down the value of their property (the most important concern), because the mother had worked at a library where a mentally disabled man had attacked a girl in a totally isolated incident, and because they should live closer to town (we lived out in the country) where they can go to the movies and things like that (so you're okay with them being in public, but not next door?). I didn't buy anything their letter had to say, as you can tell.

I ended up moving half of our stuff down to Indiana with my dad. I really wanted to be at their neighborhood meeting, but my dad had absolutely no interest in going to this meeting and made no effort whatsoever to get back. I was SO frustrated because I had so much anger and was entirely powerless. I thought it was the dumbest thing in the world that none of us went to that meeting. I gave my mom a letter that I wanted to be read at the meeting, and I don't think she ever did anything with it. She and my sisters obviously didn't go because of the hostile environment they anticipated that it would be.

A representative from the organization that was going to be leasing our house went to the meeting, and as a result of it, they backed out of purchasing my parents' home because they deemed the environment to be too hostile for the residents. This was in October, so winter months were ahead and the housing market was seasonally slowing down. My parents ended up staying in that house for another 8 or 9 months before they finally sold it and moved to their current home. We did find out that in some ways God's providence was at work through the whole situation even though it was frustrating.

This post is going to become way longer than what I anticipated that it would be, but to be honest, after typing that all out I think I still harbor a lot of resentment in my heart because of that series of events. The resentment is toward my parents, though, and not my neighbors. Oh, I was mad at them for awhile. I was so mad that I prayed in the car on the drive back to school, swearing (not something I ever do) and asking God why. When I got back to school, I actually started a Facebook event to have all 1,000 of my Facebook friends send my neighbors a letter expressing their disapproval of such ignorance and hate, but my sister saw it and got mad at me because she knew my parents wouldn't approve. So I cancelled the event and let it go. Forgiveness doesn't always take place in one moment, but can often be an ongoing decision each and every day, and with those neighbors that is what I started to do. I began trying not to dwell on the events that had happened because that would incite anger in me all over again. Instead, I chose to forgive them even though I highly doubt to this day that they regret anything about what they did.

I'm realizing right now in this moment that the real resentment here is toward my parents. Toward my dad for not taking action when my neighbor startled and intimidated my mom--twice--and also for not allowing me to be at that meeting. Toward my mom a little bit for not getting my letter to that meeting. I don't think my parents took seriously how much I cared about what was taking place. It wasn't about my parents getting their house sold, it was about my family feeling protected and safe, but also about defending those with mental disabilities when they were so grossly talked about. I had actually given up a weekend of being at a retreat with friends at my old university that I loved and really sorely missed in order to help my parents move, and the result of those 3-4 days was a lot of bitterness, anger, and resentment.

After I graduated college, one thing I noticed was that I had become a more and more negative person over time. Since then I've always thought that it was the school. There were things about it that I disliked and that frustrated me. Sometimes I think the best way to become disillusioned with Christians is to spend a semester surrounded by them on a Christian university campus. Before transferring there I had been a very positive and optimistic person, and I saw that changing. I would actually say that at this point, my sisters would characterize me as being kind of a grumpy old man at times (like my father and grandfather--I've talked about that in other threads before with the whole generational sin thing). Now after telling that story, I can see that my attitude towards life changed a lot after that weekend. I think that weekend was actually the turning point where I began to gravitate toward being grumpy and negative even at the most minor inconveniences. I've been successful at fighting that off at times, but it's like it still lingers down in my soul. I think my harbored resentment toward my parents might have laid the foundation for that change in me, and I'm realizing right now as I type this that I need to confess this to them. My family notoriously avoids actually speaking our minds, but I need to break that mold on this if I'm actually going to find healing.

Thanks for making this thread, CatHerder. Though it may have been unintentional on your part, it gave me a place to process my own unforgiveness and as a result, move toward my own healing. If anyone thinks to, be in prayer for me that I would address this in the right way with my parents and that God would use it to set me free from bitterness and resentment.

 

[MissCris]

I've never personally experienced anything quite like that...I pray that I do one day, though, because it would be wonderful to be free of some of the resentment I know I'm harboring (not even really intentionally, I just haven't figured out how to let go of a few things).

What I really want to say is just that these posts have been very touching to read and it's a beautiful thing to hear about how God is moving in people's lives

 

[rachelsedge]

Hmmm, sort of. I've forgiven someone who hurt me but I still have to...remind myself that I've forgiven them at times. If that makes sense.

I've told the story to a few people on here and I'll try to cut it short.

I struggled with self-hatred, self-harm, and suicidalness in high school. I made leaps and bounds in who I was when I went to college. I went to a private, Christian college. They did mission trips to various places every year. One place was a Native American reservation in South Dakota. The description of the place stirred my heart: these people have been passed over, oppressed, teen suicide is at least 2 to 3 times the rate of the national average. I wanted to go and be a light since I had felt some of the feelings they did. It was before that first mission trip that I decided I needed to tell my family what I felt in high school so that they could truly understand my heart in wanting to go to this place. That was one of THE HARDEST things I've ever done in my life so far. I'm a preacher's daughter, I had always kept that part of me hidden. I was afraid of what they would think of me, how they would react. But I did it, and I'm glad that I did.

So, I went two years in a row. Totally changed my life. The second time, the president of the ministry we worked with offered me a job for after I graduated college as her assistant. I was so scared...that would mean moving over 800 miles from home, from everything that I knew, to live where I knew no one.

But I accepted.

The first few weeks were fine, but as time went on that summer, I started noticing issues. She was very controlling. She was emotionally and spiritually manipulative of me. My college took another group of people to this ministry as another mission trip while I was there; She tried to get me to isolate myself from them. She harbored resentment towards a ministry across the street and I totally disagreed with that. I believed ministries should be working together, but she believed they were "stealing" her hard work. She didn't like other women in leadership. Those are just a tiny portion of the issues that I experienced that summer, to explain them all would take a lot more time.

She had broken me down all summer. Like I said, spiritually and emotionally manipulative, and I was so naive. And yet, I still poured my heart and soul into that place. Really connected with some of the Natives and the children (see my avatar). I had some incredible experiences there that...despite all the pain, I still wouldn't trade in.

I finally sat down with her and shared my concerns. I tried to do so in a loving manner, but honestly it's hard to hear any sort of criticism. But, she took it very hard. She thought I was betraying her, thought I was attacking her. Two weeks later or so, I was fired. In a painful way. She brought me into a room with her, her husband, and another worker. I didn't even mention this other worker...he and I had similar concerns, he knew my heart, we prayed for her, for all the staff. I trusted him. But he was in this meeting, and as she ripped into me, he just sat there. He agreed with her.

She fired me by saying that I was dragging the ministry down, I was causing strife, I was a disappointment. I was a good worker and great at my job, but as a person, I sucked (in so many words). This was very hard to hear, considering a lot of what she said is stuff that brought up feelings from high school. I know that I made mistakes; I know that I hurt her in the process as well, or she probably wouldn't have lashed out as much as she did. But the fact that this older Christian women was coming down on me so harshly and personally, me - a 22 year old fresh out of college...I feel the burden fell more on her to know better, to be the one to protect my heart. But instead it was shredded apart.

Two weeks later, my parents drove 14 hours to come help me move my stuff. My apartment people were understanding, even though I had to cut my lease 2 months early. That other worker actually came to see me before I left. While he completely broke my trust, I didn't blame him very long. I think he had a change of heart about the woman or he just wanted to save his own butt from getting fired (or both).

I was in South Dakota from May 2012 until the end of September 2012 - 5 months. A 3 year buildup to a train wreck of 5 months.

It wasn't until December of 2013, over a year later, that I was able to forgive her. I had been going to a women's Bible study and we were watching a series by Matt Chandler, and one of his sessions taught hard on forgiveness, and it impacted me. When I got home that night, I sent an email to her. I wanted to tell her so that I could show her that I recognized my mistakes, and that I also forgave her. Her response? "I forgave you a long time ago, thank you for your email, but I'm not sure what I did that you are forgiving me for?" I decided that if she really didn't know what she did, how she impacted me, that she still had not learned, she was still blinded. I didn't respond. It saddened me, that in that time she still didn't realize what she was doing, driving people away (I came to learn I was not the first, nor the last).

But, part of Matt Chandler's message was saying that forgiveness is all on us; the other party involved, if they do not see their ways, that is between them and God, just like my part was between me and God. And that's hard, because I wanted her to feel remorse, to say sorry, etc. But that is not up to me. Some days I still feel anger and resentment, not nearly as often as I used to. But I have to remember my forgiveness and that it is not conditional based upon my feelings.

So, I wouldn't say it's 100%, but it's getting closer every day.

 

[MadParrotWoman]

I have experienced supernatural forgiveness. For 6 years I had lived with a deep hurt inflicted on me, it was eating away at me and my marriage but when God showed up the forgiveness arrived with Him. I don't feel able to go into details here but I guess it's not difficult to get the gist of it.

 

[SoulWeaver]

Forgiveness is not natural. It is in the nature of man to demand the offense paid back... I think?

 

[MadParrotWoman]

Some forgiveness is easier to master than others. Also I find it easier to forgive family than anyone else. It's a lot easier now knowing I've been forgiven so much it cost Jesus His life on earth.

 

[SoulWeaver]

I had a lot of struggle with forgiveness in the past, especially towards myself.
The supernatural is that God allows me more and more to see others as myself. Some call it empathy, but it is effectual faith that we are all the work of His hands, which fruitions in the real sense of equality of men. And realizing by the work of the Spirit that I make mistakes helps me let go easier of others'.

 

[seoulsearch]

I am a person of very strong emotions, both good and bad, so it often seems as if I have two very distinct sides to my personality. I have to admit that reading some of these stories in which people I really like were treated unjustly... is seriously frying my rice and causing me to have to ask forgiveness for myself... because I'm getting angry at people I don't even know!

Currently I'm struggling with some emotions I'm not sure how to deal with because of the nature of the situation. I usually don't think about it that much anymore, but I am really having a hard time with feelings towards my birth parents (whom I never met and most likely never will) and my ex-husband (who never spoke to me again after our court date in 1999 after he divorced me.) The feelings those experiences left me with are that sometimes when I look in the mirror, I can hear a voice loud as day saying, "I Am Unwanted." As it's been all my life, I'm just not sure how to even let God heal that feeling, and I'm so worn out emotionally in those areas that I don't even know what I feel towards those people anymore.

I have another example though, and I can't say it's supernatural forgiveness, but rather, maybe a sense of supernatural empathy. I used to work in an area with a "small town" mentality in that everyone knew everyone's business. There was a man who would come into our store who was in his 50's, and no one would wait on him because he was a known pedophile who would victimize a child, serve a prison sentence, and then get out and repeat the cycle over and over. He was currently free because the family of his latest victim didn't want the publicity and decided not to press charges.

When this man would come through our store, the other employees who knew who he was would push me to wait on him. I felt as if I had no choice, and I remember the first time looking at him face-to-face and up close. In all honesty, I wanted to ram my fist through his nose and hopefully do enough damage so that he couldn't victimize anyone ever again. I was filled with anger, hate, and violent thoughts. I walked away from that encounter shaking because I was so upset. I also personally knew one of the families he had caused such harm to.

But you know what God told me? He said, "No, Kim. I want you to forgive him." What the hee haw??!!! You have GOT to be kidding, God. I don't even know him and I don't want anything to do with him. In fact, I'm pretty upset that you'd even allow a scumbag like that to be out and free to do it again! I fought and argued with God for weeks about this. But you know when God is after you about something... He doesn't let it go, and He made sure I had to wait on this man several more times in the future.

And then one day, it happened. The girls called me to go up front to wait on him... and as I looked into his face, I sighed deeply to myself, and said only inside my own heart, "Lord, please help me. I forgive this man and ask that you would bless him." I said the words in my heart. And I didn't feel that tumultuous anger I'd felt every other time he stood in front of me. But did I suddenly feel a wave of Christian understanding or deep concern or love for this man??

No way!! You've got to be kidding me!!! I would rather that he drop dead on site than harm another child. But what I thought of were the other inmates I had written at the time, some of whom were convicted of sexual crimes against women and children, and the fact that God convicted me very heavily that my sins are no better than theirs. Of the ones I had written, at least, they had also all been victimized as children themselves.

And for whatever reason, God was asking me to pray for them, and to understand that in many cases, they were repeating actions that had been done to them as well. NOT that this is in ANY way an excuse for what they choose to do AT ALL, and I am certainly NOT saying that someone who goes through this will repeat the cycle.

But I've gotten to a point now where, when I see or hear about such incidences of wrongdoing, I pray for BOTH the victim AND the perpetrator, and I know without a doubt that it's only through God's supernatural power that I am able to do that.

Are they all warm, fuzzy prayers of reconciliation and forgiveness? No. Often, what I pray for the most is that this person will be brought to justice. But, that also includes justice for the things in their own life that were committed against them, and not just what they've done to others.

 

[SoulWeaver]

The feelings those experiences left me with are that sometimes when I look in the mirror, I can hear a voice loud as day saying, "I Am Unwanted."

The voice actually says "you are unwanted" - demons get tricky like that to deceive us that it is our own voice, when it is actually hell whispering their stuff. The wretched spirit saying that surely is unwanted! Some of them have tried in the past to convince me that also "I was unwanted" and that "I wanted to die" in unison with them but God finally cast them out and their opinions. It is important to remember it is not our voice, but hell trying to feast on and exist through us, consuming us with their destruction. Evil does not know any healthier mode of existence. Bless you Sis and I have absolute faith that you will overcome these thoughts.

 

[gypsygirl]

the closest thing i can call "supernatural forgiveness" was my relationship with my mom. i was very, very angry with her in my 20s, mostly because she continued to deny what existed and was constantly rewriting history. any attempts i made to sort of work through my scars were greeted with many remarks expressing a lack of welcoming that sort of scrutiny or conflict-resolving, including the following flavor of messages:

"you brought that on yourself"
"if you think you had it bad, it was still not as bad as my situation"
"you were defiant and disrespectful and that is what happens"
"that never happened" or "i would never do that!"
"why do you have to bring that up?"

i was always trying to work through and understand things i couldn't wrap my brain around. i longed for words like, "i made a mistake" or "i wish i had done things differently". the thing that killed me was that she would never take any responsibility for even the most egregious of her mistakes. i felt like i was held hostage in my anger and sadness, but mostly rejected by her and that my pain was unimportant, even treated with outrage, like "how dare you try to blame me!".

things started to change after i turned 30. i learned how to see her in a new set of eyes--with the eyes of a person who saw her insecurities and difficulties in a fresh light. to imagine what her life might have been and to see her with compassion and acceptance instead of the eyes of a hurt daughter.

i feel like God helped me release all that anger, the bitter vitriol that that toxic stuff that deeply colored my views. while i still struggle to understand, i have no anger or resentment, only sadness about her life's choices. i know that she suffers greatly for her choices and my heart has become really soft towards her.

the only way that could happen is because of God. : )

 

[Roh_Chris]

Hey Steve, I hope that what you say is true because I am in desperate need for what you experienced. I don't know what made you share this but it seems that God is telling me something. I've been carrying a lot of unforgiveness for the past 14 or so years. Though I have heard and spoken about Christ's forgiveness I have not been able to forgive the ones who abused me spiritually, emotionally, physically and sexually. So, yeah, I do need that 'supernatural forgiveness', if it truly exists.

 

[JesusLives]

The thing I have learned about forgiveness is that a lot of times it helps the person who is doing the forgiving. It is not good to hold resentment, grudges and bitterness in our hearts and there is something freeing about being able to forgive someone who is not worthy of such forgiveness. In cases there have been times when I didn't want to forgive someone, but then God says to me maybe this person does not have anyone to pray for them and maybe you should be the one doing that praying.

So forgiveness doesn't always change the person we are forgiving, but with God's help the forgiving of that person changes us and frees us to learn to love where we didn't know how to before and forgiveness releases us and we can rest in peace that God gives us to rest in Him knowing that our hearts are right and are in tune with His.