Taking a Risk

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Jan 14, 2017
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#1
Hey Sisters and Brothers,
I hope I am not repeating myself in this thread. But there are so many threads and yes I will browse through them soon and looking forward to it too.
You guys seem like a lovely bunch of coconuts *didleedum* and I feel excited to make some friends here hopefully :)


I am struggling to know how much to share to make myself clear without being soppy. Hm, and I am also struggling to put in words what I am feeling exactly.

I guess I am wanting to talk about "Taking a risk by letting yourself fall in love. Because it is better to love and be hurt than to never have loved." I read that in a book by Stacy Elder "Captivating".
Which I honestly don't have the book to quote it word for word - but I am sure it was not about falling in love, but loving people vs. rejecting people out of fear of rejection.

But I think that it also goes hand in hand with falling in love as well. Because for me, taking the risk of opening up to someone is the most scariest thing I can imagine myself doing. I hate rejection and I hate to feel like someone has that kind of power over me to make me devastated and sad.

What exactly brought this black whole of thoughts on, you wonder? Oh let me tell you!

So tonight I went to an Easter play at an Assembly of God church. I was invited there by a really, really wonderful guy I have been getting to know for a month now. A genuine, godly, mission minded, dedicated, funny and musically gifted guy. And I love hanging out with him. He was playing the e-guitar for the play tonight (and every other night this week) and had invited me to see it and made sure I'd stop to say "Hi!" before taking off. He had only a tiny window to talk to me since they had to break down the stage stuff which will take them till about 2am tonight.

When I saw him Monday he opened up and said he was not ready really for a relationship because of some emotional healing things he has to take of and that it doesn't seem wise since he is going to Europe for a year or more in two months. But since that day we have seen each other 3 times. Short visits, but I find that I like him probably much more than he likes me.

So - I guess tonight on my way home I was just struggling to understand what to do. Should I pull back so I don't get hurt. Or hope that there eventually maybe could be something more than friendship. And truthfully having him as a friend would be a blessing, but also pretty painful I think.

I don't even know if I am looking for advice or if I am just sharing because I want to talk to other singles that I am sure have faced this kind of situation before.
Hod did you find courage to go on loving a person if they maybe couldn't love you back right then? What did you do? How did it end?
Or have you regretted giving up on a person too soon? Or regretted not letting go of a person?
When is it good to take a risk?

I am 30 and have only been in one short relationship and I knew I should not have been in it. I said "God I am ready, Ima get me a boyfriend." and so I did. And it was a disaster and God was there to fix the problem.
But since I have been waiting and waiting and being smart and turning down many a guy because I knew they were not right for me. For whatever reasons.
But some days I feel that life is passing by so fast, and I never take those kinds of risks.


ARG haha! :confused::p
So here is my ramble-rant... If you read it and can make sense of it...
Please let me know what youuuuuu have experienced!

I just want hugs, blankets and cookies right now....!!!
I really wish I had a big sibling.... or a little one..... always have...


good night! Be blessed all you wonderful people!! *whereistheheartemoji-ialwaysexcessivelyoverusewhenineedit*
Angel
 
Jun 13, 2017
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#2
i dont like switzerland, you people stole german, french and italian.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
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#3
i dont like switzerland, you people stole german, french and italian.
And this is why females wouldn't touch you if you were the last man on earth, and the species was going extinct.
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
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#5
Hi Heart
I am the opposite of you. I tend to give too much away too quickly.
But one thing I have learned in my relationships is you are either willing to take a risk or you're not. If you aren't up to taking the risk and the possibility of being hurt, then don't bother even bother considering.
Fact: Every single relationship you'll ever have will come with some degree of hurt. And you will hurt every oerson you're on a relationship with. It may be small, but it will happen. That's the nature of humanity. And is not limited to romantic relationships.

If you aren't willing to give all them don't waste another person's time and inevitably hurt them.

I'm 42, been any a number of relationships. Many if not all I have given a lot. I'm still single. They were all painful in the end.
I dated one woman that I was engaged to. She ended the relationship by disappearing on me with no explanation or warning.
One I was involved with left me homeless for 5 years. Even when I had surgery she wouldn't let me stay a single night. By the end she nearly abandoned me completely. When I said I was moving out of state she begged me to move in. I refused and left.
One woman ditched me without warning. I tried to win her back, she ended up becoming emotionally abusive.
My last gf that I was more in love with than anyone ever had to end things because she wasn't ready and still had to heal from things. She didn't want to end things, but felt she had to.
And I have more stories i won't get in to. But I kept trying. Even with my last gf I still wear the promise ring, despite that we aren't even talking.
But to each of them I was devoted and did the best of my abilities to treat them right and to be everything they needed in a relationship. I often failed, but I tried. They got, from me, much of what everyone wants.

Some people are like me, where it never works. I saw a couple on tv the other day married for over 60 years. It's am unknown for everyone. Preachers and ministers aren't even immune.

Of you're content being single then I, personally, eoils encourage you to remain that way. If you struggle with it then you have to decide if the difficulty of being single is greater than the risk of heartbreak. No one can answer this for you.

The quote you may be referring to "tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all". This is actually a line from a poem from 1850 by Lord Tennyson.
 

Mel85

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2018
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#6
Hi Heart, the only advice I can give you is to pray and ask God for direction in this especially cause you sound so invested in this guy :)

Blessings.
 
B

Bella37

Guest
#7
Stop doing things your way, you are a Christian, make GOD number 1 in your life. Stop trying to make things happen. Keep your eyes on the creator, & not on HIS creations. Start being who GOD created you to be, obey & trust in GOD & HIS choice & will for your life. Grow in the LORD, fall in love with JESUS first, & when HE has done all HE plannes to do in your life & for you, so that you will shine as the Woman of GOD that HE planned you to be. HE will send you a Man Of GOD that will cherish, adore & Love you as GOD loves you!

This is my advice to you & to all, myself included! We all need to be equally yoked, GOD doesn't make mistakes, we do!

Love & Hugs!
Bella xo :) <><<

 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#8
I am surmising that the OP you have written is going to get a lot of attention from the eligible single lonely guys on this site.

You are so right in that it is a risk to allow yourself to fall in love as you are definitely making yourself vulnerable. However, allowing yourself to become vulnerable is an opportunity for a man to see the real you that is inside.

I assume that you have prayed for God to search and find a man of your heart's desire. I believe that this will happen for you, sooner rather than later. You seem wise in turning down the wrong guys but be prepared to act when the right guy comes into sight.

You just never know who you are going to meet. You might meet your future husband tonight or tomorrow morning. Certainly the next day for sure if this is what you truly desire.

If you want hugs, blankets and cookies you might want to check into the "Conversation About Nothing In Particular" thread in the Singles Forum. I can almost guarantee that you will fit right in there. Some zany and zesty peeps frequent there. They are very good people too.

Cake and ice cream is served there as well.
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,701
662
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#9
Stop doing things your way, you are a Christian, make GOD number 1 in your life. Stop trying to make things happen. Keep your eyes on the creator, & not on HIS creations. Start being who GOD created you to be, obey & trust in GOD & HIS choice & will for your life. Grow in the LORD, fall in love with JESUS first, & when HE has done all HE plannes to do in your life & for you, so that you will shine as the Woman of GOD that HE planned you to be. HE will send you a Man Of GOD that will cherish, adore & Love you as GOD loves you!

This is my advice to you & to all, myself included! We all need to be equally yoked, GOD doesn't make mistakes, we do!

Love & Hugs!
Bella xo :) <><<

What exactly is she "doing her way"? She's only been in one previous relationship and now, before making any more relationship decisions she's asking for others council. Which part of that is "her way"?
She's trying to use wisdom and listen to the advice of those more experienced, nothing "her way" about that. Nor does it say she's "trying to make things happen". She's trying to learn and make an informed decision.
So often we see people not even attempt to make right choices, and now that one is she's falsely accused.
 
Jan 14, 2017
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#10
Good morning, Mel85, Bella37, Ugly and Tourist!

Thanks to you all for reading this post and for stopping to remind me and encourage me of some things!!

Bella37, What you said struck a bell especially because I know that is true. And I should pour myself more into Christ daily and not worry about anything. Thanks for the reminder.

Ugly, I am sorry for all the heart ache you have experienced... I think I would have given up a long time ago, so you have a lot of courage. :) Thanks for your advice as well... I will pray about it and honestly I was thinking today I can do two things : I can stop seeing him or I can continue seeing and talking to him. And I imagined both and not seeing him seems to hurt more than to see him even if we remain just friends. :)

Tourist! Thanks to you too for your words and they are true. And I should trust God to bring him along in his timing. It seems God was holding things in front of me lately, opportunities etc and then as I was SO close to receiving them taking them away and I know that means there are other doors he means for me to walk through - but I am not used to being told "No" by God when I do go for something when I feel it was his direction. Maybe God is trying to teach me that my value does not lay in all the things I get - but in Him alone ;) seems like the kind of wisdomy-daddy thing He'd do. And same with this Man who came along with it and then again it is a "no...".... I am trying to understand this season and I am honestly not doing a good job with it....

Oh and Ugly, I don't think Bella 37 was accusing me at all. She was giving Godly and wise counsil straight from the word :) It stung for a second - but only because I know she is right! So peace :)


I really, really hope you all have a wonderfully blessed Monday!!
 
B

Bella37

Guest
#11
Stop doing things your way, you are a Christian, make GOD number 1 in your life. Stop trying to make things happen. Keep your eyes on the creator, & not on HIS creations. Start being who GOD created you to be, obey & trust in GOD & HIS choice & will for your life. Grow in the LORD, fall in love with JESUS first, & when HE has done all HE plannes to do in your life & for you, so that you will shine as the Woman of GOD that HE planned you to be. HE will send you a Man Of GOD that will cherish, adore & Love you as GOD loves you!

This is my advice to you & to all, myself included! We all need to be equally yoked, GOD doesn't make mistakes, we do!

Love & Hugs!
Bella xo :) <><<

Thank you Heart_Melody for understanding why & what I wrote to you as something positive & caring. You are a nice Lady & I did not write anything unkind or attacking you in any way, I appreciate your understanding where I am coming from.

GOD BLESS YOUR HEART ALWAYS!

Donna XO :) <><<

The LORDS WILL BE DONE! Amen!
 
Jan 14, 2017
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#12
Yeah No Problem Donna :)

I also loved the picture you sent with it. I honestly felt my spirit soar at it all... It really lifted me up and encouraged me to not look at the what if - but to look at my constant: Jesus!

xoxo Angel
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
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#13
It sounds like he's interested in you but he doesn't want to make any commitments because he is going abroad.... I would just take it at that. If you can wait til he comes back and if he can wait too then that's great, but then you'll need to ask him if he is willing to wait... or else take the chance of waiting only to find out he met someone abroad... I think the most logical thing would be to enjoy his company while he's here but don't save yourself for him. Sometimes people leave for a year to explore and never come back (they stay over there or go to other countries to explore more).
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#14
And truthfully having him as a friend would be a blessing, but also pretty painful I think.
If I can say this without sounding weird, I think I just heard my heart speaking in your words. I absolutely know that situation. What to do? Where to turn? I don't have those answers. BUT. I have a lot of experience making cookies, giving hugs, and being a little sibling, if you ever need someone :)
 
Jan 14, 2017
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If I can say this without sounding weird, I think I just heard my heart speaking in your words. I absolutely know that situation. What to do? Where to turn? I don't have those answers. BUT. I have a lot of experience making cookies, giving hugs, and being a little sibling, if you ever need someone :)
Thanks so much for these sweet words ❤️
And I’d really love a little sibling ^_^

I am feeling our paths taking different turns actually the last week had been very eye opening... in a painful but good way I guess...

How are you?
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#16
Thanks so much for these sweet words ❤️
And I’d really love a little sibling ^_^

I am feeling our paths taking different turns actually the last week had been very eye opening... in a painful but good way I guess...

How are you?
I'm doing pretty well. Keeping busy, which is good for me right now :). Yes...eye opening events tend to be painful! But I'm glad you're seeing it as a good way, as well. God is good.
 
Apr 14, 2012
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#17
Life is a wonderful adventure full of risk and excietment.

There are traps, pitfalls and treasure chests for those looking for an X on the map. Only past pains can make the next joy "oh so sweet" and only single light can cast out the biggest darkness.
When you're down, express it all in the moment, heal, let it all out.. then... live again, enjoy life and what you love to do, in my experience when I see a woman enjoying her passions, interests and hobbies it naturally grabs my attention and I think that is also captivating to most men. Especially christian men.
It was a surprise but I found myself in the eye of someone special when I wasn't even looking. Maybe dumb happenstance but she and I naturally gravitated to each other within the common ground in which we were both passionate about.. art. It was a mixture of bestfriends and lovers (wholesomely of course) in the making. Like old souls dealing in puppy love it blossomed and led to some of the best years of my life.

The point is, risk wether concious or subconcious is a part of growth that we all need. Like a notch on your belt, faliures can become a symbol of strength. They're much better to have than the path never taken or the or the options never explored. Its up to you if you want memories to be painful or simple reminders of the grand adventure that is the greatest gift from the Lord, life.
I'm single all over again and even though my scars ache every so often, I feel a new romanticized sense of wonderment awaken from within again at the prospect of meeting that special someone that can enjoy life in Christ with me once more.

Take time to do know what you want THEN do it and that will naturally attract the right type of eyes.

Be happy and blessed.
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
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#18
These types of situations are always tricky, aren't they? And one of the trickiest things about relationships is timing. Sometimes it can seem like the right person but the timing just isn't there. I have had a couple of experiences that I think are relevant to what you are talking about, and this is what I have gathered. Heart_Melody, I would say the healthiest thing you can do is move forward as though a relationship is never going to happen. I don't think there is anything wrong with holding out a little hope in the back of your mind, but don't let that be the reason you stay friends with him. Ultimately I think this is a question you have to answer for yourself, and I think the answer really lies in whether or not you can be just his friend at a heart level. If you think you would struggle too much with feelings for him, I think I would let it go for now and keep in touch occasionally at best. Please never put yourself in a situation where you have to put your feelings aside in order to maintain relationship with someone. That's just not a healthy place to be.

Also, I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but you could ask 1,000 different people about their opinion of you and you are going to get a whole variety of answers. And those answers might even change over time as well. You spoke about having a fear of rejection, and I think everyone has that on some level, but I hope you can know that you have impassable worth and beauty because you are a creation and daughter of God. Man's opinion is so flaky, but God's always has and always will remain the same. You are someone in particular who I have really admired because of your heart for the Lord and for serving Him. His love seems to radiate through you, but I hope it reaches your heart as well. Rather than feeling like you are taking a big risk by opening up to someone, maybe you can lessen the feeling of risk by grounding your sense of worth in God and His truth about you. Then once you find someone who is worth opening up to you will have the freedom to do that.

I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you were hoping. I once pursued a woman who had such a beautiful and joyful heart for the Lord. I felt like I had known her for years after knowing her just a few days. But the timing for a relationship wasn't right and eventually she left the country for a year to do mission work. When she came back I lived 8 hours away but still kind of hoped I could get back in touch. Instead, she met a guy within a very short time of coming back home, and was engaged less than a year later. I have always wondered what could have been and think my life would look so much different if things had worked out at the time, but ultimately God's plans are better than mine, and all I can do is trust Him with that.
 
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Jan 14, 2017
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#19
aw Thanks so much brother!! That was true and sweet of you to share!
You are right of course. But for some reason I am just way more reluctant to be experimental or risky in the relationship department :)

Hope all is good with you!
 
Jan 14, 2017
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#20
Wow Chandler, that is a sad story!
Incredible that you waited that long... I wonder if she even realized it that is such an honor. :)
Did you ever find anyone since then?