Hey Everyone,
If singles received a dollar for every time we heard, "Use your blessed single time to get closer to the Lord!" and donated it to the church, the Christian church would be THE richest organization on earth, hands down. I've probably heard this phrase spoken to me more times in my adult life than I have heard any of these people call me by my own name.
Starting at about age 29, I set out to try to follow this advice as closely as I possibly could. I used to keep a list of all the classes, devotions, outreaches, retreats, seminars, and ministries I had participated or served in and it filled several pages. Now, I know someone is going to bring up the passage about "Not letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing" (Matt 6:3) in our service to the Lord, but the reason I kept a list was because I CONSTANTLY felt I had to PROVE to other "Christians" that I actually WAS trying to get closer to God. It always felt as if other Christians were constantly accusing me of being a lazy heathen who was wasting all her "blessed single time with the Lord."
How in the world could I defend myself against this constant barrage of "advice"?
For instance, this is my current personal study Bible:
The note cards, tabs, and markings are all from my own personal studies OUTSIDE of any classes or other things I'm participating in. I use a separate Bible for those things. This is the 6th Bible I've done this to in about 20 years, and I'm often able to pray at work while finishing up mindless tasks. But yet, people tell me I'm just not doing enough to get closer to the Lord.
In addition, here are some of the problems I've come across in the ministries I've been part of--have any of you noticed these things, too?
* Children's ministry -- parents who were 10 years younger than I am talked to me as if I were the teenage babysitter. I'm not saying they need to treat me like I'm anything special, but being treated as a grown adult--who gets listened to-- would be nice.
* Prayer ministry -- I had problems with people becoming a little too attached to me, like the woman who started calling me at all hours of the night (an elder had to intervene), and the man who was struggling with a pornography addiction who started asking for me to talk or pray with him by himself. (I declined, and always made sure my prayer partner was with me after that.)
* Prison, veterans, and homeless ministries -- All kinds of issues with the wrong people trying to make the wrong attachments here, as you can imagine, to the point where I stopped doing any of those things altogether. I realize some people would say I was foolish for even trying to participate in such things, but I felt at the time that this was where the Lord was calling me. There just weren't any safety ropes put into place to allow me to continue.
* Teen ministry -- a good friend of mine (male) was being asked to drive a van load of teenage girls home alone by himself at the end of the evening so the leaders could get home to their own families. They completely ignored any concerns he brought up about his safety or reputation, which caused him to have to quit, and because of their treatment of singles as second-class servants, I decided it was best to back away from anything these people were leading.
These are just a few of many examples. What are some of yours?
When other Christians tell singles that they should be using their time to get closer to and serve the Lord, I think they should also have to state what responsibilities they are taking up in order to make it POSSIBLE for singles to BE ABLE to serve SAFELY in the first place.
* What dangers have you encountered while getting closer to or serving the Lord, and how did you overcome them?
* How did your leadership handle your concerns?
* What was done to protect your safety and integrity as a Christian single?
If singles received a dollar for every time we heard, "Use your blessed single time to get closer to the Lord!" and donated it to the church, the Christian church would be THE richest organization on earth, hands down. I've probably heard this phrase spoken to me more times in my adult life than I have heard any of these people call me by my own name.
Starting at about age 29, I set out to try to follow this advice as closely as I possibly could. I used to keep a list of all the classes, devotions, outreaches, retreats, seminars, and ministries I had participated or served in and it filled several pages. Now, I know someone is going to bring up the passage about "Not letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing" (Matt 6:3) in our service to the Lord, but the reason I kept a list was because I CONSTANTLY felt I had to PROVE to other "Christians" that I actually WAS trying to get closer to God. It always felt as if other Christians were constantly accusing me of being a lazy heathen who was wasting all her "blessed single time with the Lord."
How in the world could I defend myself against this constant barrage of "advice"?
For instance, this is my current personal study Bible:
The note cards, tabs, and markings are all from my own personal studies OUTSIDE of any classes or other things I'm participating in. I use a separate Bible for those things. This is the 6th Bible I've done this to in about 20 years, and I'm often able to pray at work while finishing up mindless tasks. But yet, people tell me I'm just not doing enough to get closer to the Lord.
In addition, here are some of the problems I've come across in the ministries I've been part of--have any of you noticed these things, too?
* Children's ministry -- parents who were 10 years younger than I am talked to me as if I were the teenage babysitter. I'm not saying they need to treat me like I'm anything special, but being treated as a grown adult--who gets listened to-- would be nice.
* Prayer ministry -- I had problems with people becoming a little too attached to me, like the woman who started calling me at all hours of the night (an elder had to intervene), and the man who was struggling with a pornography addiction who started asking for me to talk or pray with him by himself. (I declined, and always made sure my prayer partner was with me after that.)
* Prison, veterans, and homeless ministries -- All kinds of issues with the wrong people trying to make the wrong attachments here, as you can imagine, to the point where I stopped doing any of those things altogether. I realize some people would say I was foolish for even trying to participate in such things, but I felt at the time that this was where the Lord was calling me. There just weren't any safety ropes put into place to allow me to continue.
* Teen ministry -- a good friend of mine (male) was being asked to drive a van load of teenage girls home alone by himself at the end of the evening so the leaders could get home to their own families. They completely ignored any concerns he brought up about his safety or reputation, which caused him to have to quit, and because of their treatment of singles as second-class servants, I decided it was best to back away from anything these people were leading.
These are just a few of many examples. What are some of yours?
When other Christians tell singles that they should be using their time to get closer to and serve the Lord, I think they should also have to state what responsibilities they are taking up in order to make it POSSIBLE for singles to BE ABLE to serve SAFELY in the first place.
* What dangers have you encountered while getting closer to or serving the Lord, and how did you overcome them?
* How did your leadership handle your concerns?
* What was done to protect your safety and integrity as a Christian single?
