The perfect partner: is there The One?

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Lifelike

Guest
#1
;) What a topic. Does God choose, or do we? Is it fate? Does our 'soul mate' exist, or are there many compatible partners that God would approve of amd bless? I once believed that God knew who my wife would be and that she was predestined for me, just one. And God gave me a supernatural vision of her and revealed her to me. I met her a short time later and i felt God told me that it wasnt the right time yet, so I gave it back to Him in trust. Then after a few years of Christian growth and excitement and an awesome supernatural walk with God, I was lured back into the drug scene. I went through two relationships also, still believing that my wife was the girl in the vision, and that God, when He revealed her to me, knew all of the choices i would make and where i would end up and that at some stage she would be my wife. ( I even shared my dream with both girlfriends and told them that i believed that God had revealed my wife to me.) That vision was 13 years ago. I since have recommited to fellowship and to the service of God in the Church setting and have been going from strength to strength over the last 5 years in my relationship with Him. I never doubted once that she would be my wife. It was like i had a gift of faith for it. But during my second relationship, which ended with me attending church full time again, some concepts began to be introduced to me that I hadnt known before, the main one being that personal prophecy is conditional, even if conditions arent specified, and that our choices can cause us to miss out on God's best or negate them. That was a tough one to come to terms with as I had believed a certain person was going to be my wife for 10 odd years, and now there was the possibilty that i could have forfeited it because of my choices (which at the time i didnt feel i had a choice, as i was deeply hurt and wounded from the past and it took years to work through to a place where i could even choose for myself without being driven by needs) "So what now then" i thought? If it has been forfeited then do i still have a wife ahead of me? is she a different person now? is this one as hand picked as the first? And how will i find her ( in God's timing of course). Where i was once so sure, now the whole topic was plagued by uncertainty.

In the world things are so differnet, for example, there is no question of "is this Gods choice for me?", but more "am i attracted to this person"? And usuallly people hook up with other people they feel or sense will fulfill needs within their lives, not looking to give but to get, being in NEED of love, lonley or just meeting by 'chance' and hitting it off, spending more time together getting more serious depending on what the circumstances, and the intenion of both party's, until the relationship becomes very knitted and they move in together or get married and then see what happens. There is no foresight in the world (of the omniscient variety) but they just hope for the best. And theres a lot of painful splits and disfunction, and relationships are faaar from what God call love and respect.

But in the Christian world we have access to a God that knows all and and He is within us. We are - or should be - accountable to others, to leaders, who watch over our lives. Some have their partners revealed to them in a vision or a dream, some get a leading or check in their spirit regarding relationships, but theres still a lot that operate as the world does, still having deep needs unmet, unwhole, desperate, needy, without God truely being first place in their lives. But sometimes its so hard. Im part of a congregation that has very few single females that i would consider as a potential wife ( i dont want to sound like im desperate to have a wife, i could happily go either way but God has revealed that i will have children and a family and that it is His plan for me and im 33 now haha) the church im in only has about 60 people, and we dont really go to any christian events or other churchs, so the potential of meeting someone in my social circle is pretty slim, unless God supernaturally brings her into my life. And if He does then we are back to "shes the one" that God has prepared and brought into my life, opposed to me choosing a "compatible" wife - which how do i know if shes compatible anyway, i know nothing about her or who i would be compatible with or who a relationship/ marriage would work out with. Only God has that ability to know who is suited. Do i go looking for a partner? do i socialize, date, and use that process? Or do i just trust and be open to opportunity?

Different religions have different views about partners, so does the world. But its pretty hard to get a clear view of what the biblical/ Godly view is with stepping over into some of the philosophies - ie predestination/ fate, soul mates, etc

But this is what i think could be considered biblical.

I should firstly be in faith toward God that He has a plan for me, and if He has revealed to me that im to be married then even if i dont know how it works or how its going to happen i can believe that God does and that He has my best interests at heart and I can trust Him to work on my behalf in this area and bring it to pass. So if im doubting its going to happen (like the israelites in the desert) just because i cant see how it could possibly happen then i need to keep coming back to my Father and putting my trust back in Him, instead of entering into dispair. This also will strengthen my faith and deepen and reinforce my relationship with Him - as a by product. God calls us to forsake the world and its pleasures to a large degree and to take up our cross and follow Him, so instead of looking at the pleasures of the world, and the desire to be with the woman that you see everyday (because they are awe inspiring creations of God!) but to devote yourself to Him and His choice for your life because this is what it takes to become faithful. First to God, then to yourself, then to a wife/ husband if that is what God intends for you. Because if we are look 'out there' to have our needs met we are not relying on God as our all sufficiency, and when we do come into a relationship we will be still looking 'out there for satisfaction instead of to God, and our needs can never be met by anything but God - they are unsatiable. I think when we are lost in His Glory, seeking Him that these other things fall into place, because the God who loves us is the giver of gifts, He know what is important to us and He wants to bless us with the most special displays of His goodness because He is a Person and the best kind of Person. He is Love
Second i think it is so important to submit to His process of character developemnt in our lives, to be perfected in the Love of God, so that we can be good husbands and wifes, a blessing, not a person full of things that dont honor God or others, full of self seeking and pride and unable to be honest and supply the things that families need to grow. If we hold on to our own lives God cant make us into people that are His heart to the world.

So to me its not so much a matter of knowing how it all works but putting your faith inthe hands of the One who does.
Hope this helps ;)
 
K

Kay_Kay

Guest
#2
I really enjoyed reading this post. (Especially that "awe inspiring" bit! ;) ) I'm finding that as I get older there is an unspoken pressure in the church to find your "soul-mate". I've heard a lot of girls express they look in the pews and think, "I guess these are my choices." This isn't the Dating Game! LOL!

Maybe I'll feel differently when I'm older, but I don't have any desire to find a husband. I believe God will cause me and my signifigant other to cross paths when we're both ready, and since it's in His hands and completely out of my control there is no need to stress over it. I've always felt disconnected from my peers in this way because I truly mean it- the prospect of marriage has never been a big deal in my life! (And my mother told me she felt the same way when she was young.)

I can understand why women and men are so hungry to get married though- I was born with an advantage. I have a twin sister who is my best friend, we do a lot of things together, it's hard to feel lonely when you've got a best buddy living with you. I think Christians are lonely, and it's not surprising given how hard it is to meet and do things with church-people. (As explained in your post above.) After church you usually have a small window to meet your peers, and it isn't long enough to really get to know someone.
 

Pheonix

Senior Member
Jan 17, 2007
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#3
I'm too busy trying to stay afloat in this quagmire called life to care one way of the other whether there is a "One" out there for me. If there is great if there's not... oh well.

Personally I think God presents opportunities and it is up to us to use what wisdom God has given us to determine our future. Which ever we choose, there are consequences for those decisions. some are bad, some are good, but God gives us the choice.
 
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MissHannah

Guest
#4
well said Brother :) (he really is my brother) There's totally a perfect one, just gotta trust God and be patient!! Gods timing, not ours.
 
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littleRay

Guest
#5
Left to my own devices my relationships don't last. Now I am at the age where it really doesn't matter. I put my furture in the hands of God so if there is a mate, or even a friend to share with, iIknow that he will provide. When in doubt I listen to The Birds "Turn, Turn, Turn".
 
Oct 1, 2009
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#6
Well the best thing I have heard, sermon wise, is that God gives us a mate according to his will. Whether his will be give us someone so totally uncompatible he uses that person to mold us in the image of Christ. That is God's goal in marriage, if possible to give us maximum joy but mostly to give us an opportunity to be like his Son, to show unconditional love to an "unlovable" spouse. Now i'm not saying go and find the worst match you can find, but if you find someone who didn't turn out how you wanted them to be, that doesn't mean God didn't mean to put them in your life in order for you to grow.

It's like the preacher was saying, it's kinda as though God puts the blinders on us and then we get married and then we go, oh no! what have we done? I want out! Christ is not like that, when he betrothed his bride he knew exactly what he was getting himself into.
 
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Lifelike

Guest
#8
Well the best thing I have heard, sermon wise, is that God gives us a mate according to his will. Whether his will be give us someone so totally uncompatible he uses that person to mold us in the image of Christ. That is God's goal in marriage, if possible to give us maximum joy but mostly to give us an opportunity to be like his Son, to show unconditional love to an "unlovable" spouse. Now i'm not saying go and find the worst match you can find, but if you find someone who didn't turn out how you wanted them to be, that doesn't mean God didn't mean to put them in your life in order for you to grow.

It's like the preacher was saying, it's kinda as though God puts the blinders on us and then we get married and then we go, oh no! what have we done? I want out! Christ is not like that, when he betrothed his bride he knew exactly what he was getting himself into.
Yeah we definately are used to develope the character of our partners, a couple of other things I've learned personally about marriage from the word is God wants to display His glory through us and there is a glory in marriage, and its seen in Christ's love for the Church, His bride. Also God desires Godly seed in the earth and as Godly parents we produce children that are powerful in Him to fulfill His purposes in the earth. Another purpose for marriage is to counter sexual immorality, and Paul says it is better to be married than to burn with lust. I personally believe at this time in History God is doing a special work in the earth concerning marriage - trueGodly marriages, and ordained partnership that is of Him. There has been an outworking in the earth of selfish desires and people being married and coming into relationships for the wrong reasons Resulting in all manner of disfunction, evil & hurt but God is now working a wonder in the earth through purpose built marriages that honour Him and are not formed by the will of man but the will of God, it's gonna be a mighty work that will bring him great glory :) thank you Jesus!
 
Mar 2, 2010
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#9
Sadly, how many people who believe there is "One" have had two, three or more?

I tend to believe that any two relatively like-minded, mature believers SHOULD be able to marry and make it a happy and loving marriage. I've noted on other forums that we love what we spend our time one, not the other way around. If two people have enough in common that they want to spend a lot of time together, love is probably going to be the result. When the two decide to love each other no matter what, well then you've found your "One".
 
Oct 10, 2009
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#10
how are u going to choose wisely if u don`t believe,an if u are move by your own feelings,this is for sure we have mind,a heart,one soul and one spirit,wich is the one u think is leading u to belief in what God telling u to do,who can u trust?the only that is capable toknow what God wants for u, is the spirit,have`t u read when it says in Malachi 2,15 and he did not make them one having a remnant of the spirit?and y one?because he seeks godly offspring,here is the thing we think that when God give us something in this case our significant otheris just to satisfied our needs, and thats being selfish when we take it that way,the purpose of my wife, i know is not just to have a partner with me or to have kids,is way beyond that,and remember that when the scriptures says that God made Adan to fall into a big sleep,so that he can take a rib from him to create Eve for him, is just a parable,and that when Adan woke up he knew that she was taken out of man.
 
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Lifelike

Guest
#11
Sadly, how many people who believe there is "One" have had two, three or more?

I tend to believe that any two relatively like-minded, mature believers SHOULD be able to marry and make it a happy and loving marriage. I've noted on other forums that we love what we spend our time one, not the other way around. If two people have enough in common that they want to spend a lot of time together, love is probably going to be the result. When the two decide to love each other no matter what, well then you've found your "One".

Nicely said :)
 
V

Vidy

Guest
#12
Dunno, tricky question I don't even know myself...

I want to believe that there's not a "One" and there are many you can "choose" from. If you find someone you COULD be with, but ruin it somehow, all hope isn't lost lol. There's still a few out there ^_^ however, once you choose someone, there's no turning back, and that makes them your "One."

And I've also heard that in a few cases, God has told a person "THAT'S the One" and it's worked ever since. While I certainly agree that it's possible, I doubt that it will happen to everyone, even if you're walking right with God.

If that's not how it works, then I'm very confused and probably don't even WANT to know the truth <admissionofmystubbornness>
 
L

Lifelike

Guest
#13
Dunno, tricky question I don't even know myself...

I want to believe that there's not a "One" and there are many you can "choose" from. If you find someone you COULD be with, but ruin it somehow, all hope isn't lost lol. There's still a few out there ^_^ however, once you choose someone, there's no turning back, and that makes them your "One."

And I've also heard that in a few cases, God has told a person "THAT'S the One" and it's worked ever since. While I certainly agree that it's possible, I doubt that it will happen to everyone, even if you're walking right with God.

If that's not how it works, then I'm very confused and probably don't even WANT to know the truth <admissionofmystubbornness>
Very honest answer :D I like it
 
A

Andy232

Guest
#14
Your perfect partner is Jesus... You will notice that relationship counciling and specific examples in the bible regarding how important it is to keep your commitments to your partner. A Christian relationship between a man and a woman is a union between them to sanctify the desires of the flesh and make them holy so that we can be fruitful without sin....

Your partner should have some basic things in common with you, but you should not give up your relationship if things go rough, or you realize you're not quite as simaler as you once thought. But it is very clear in christianity that the things that there are things that must happen before christs return, so yes everything is within God's plan... But the important thing to remember in a relationship is that your main focus between both of you needs to be God. He is your #1, and by agreeing on this and focusing in the Lord the vows we take in marriage are to be lived up to.

This is why it is important to make the right choice before going into marriage. Sure it is possible that Soulmates in this respect, but the important part is to focus in on the Lord,and your relationship with your partner is second to that. Working as hard as you can to stay together after you take the vows is also a part of a working relationship.

This whole "Teenage Girl" Ideal of finding a man like prince charming who bows to her every need and both of them are helplessly in love is utter garbage, and the only way to clear that up is to find the Lord and focus in on him.
 
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Robert1857

Guest
#15
I don't know about this whole "perfect partner" idea. You start trying to find a perfect human as your mate and you are going to stay single for the rest of your life. For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. But God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son....
When you find someone you can love, faults and all, the way God loves us, faults and all, then maybe that's the person for you to spend the rest of your life with.
If you are waiting for perfection, you'll be waiting forever.
 
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lightbliss

Guest
#16
Dunno, tricky question I don't even know myself...

I want to believe that there's not a "One" and there are many you can "choose" from. If you find someone you COULD be with, but ruin it somehow, all hope isn't lost lol. There's still a few out there ^_^ however, once you choose someone, there's no turning back, and that makes them your "One."

And I've also heard that in a few cases, God has told a person "THAT'S the One" and it's worked ever since. While I certainly agree that it's possible, I doubt that it will happen to everyone, even if you're walking right with God.

If that's not how it works, then I'm very confused and probably don't even WANT to know the truth <admissionofmystubbornness>
I agree somewhat.

God showed my mom in a vision that she'd be with her current boyfriend "the One" (they're getting married in 1-2 years). At that time she didn't know him and was like "eww" (well not literally). After warming up to the idea, they soon began dating and walla.

I think people need to be in a close relationship with God (very spiritual) in order to hear Him in all situations.

While not everyone is going to get married (or meant to), I think if you are, you just have to be patient, content and wait on the Lord. 'Cause even if you want to get married (if you ever do) by the time you're 25 or whatever, in God's plan for you, you might have to wait a lot longer.

As for perfect. Ha. Am I perfect? Are you perfect? Absolutely not. But I think it means by "perfect" that whomever God has for you (again if there is one for you), being with them, you have no choice but to step up and improve.

They may not be "perfect" (things may not be perfect) but after 40 years down the road, when you're looking back on your life with them, you'll realise everything was pretty great (in general).
 
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Lifelike

Guest
#17
By the concept of "perfect partner" i mean the one that is suited to you, but also with the idea that God foreknew, and predestined that the union between you and your wife would take place as part of His plan since before time. That they compliment your gifting/ call and dreams, as u do theirs, in a way that only God could know in His vast wisdom. Or whether we have much more of a choice in the situation, and that God is active and helpful in our decisions and there are many possibilities, or potential, compatible partners. I guess the concept of predestination is a topic that is still not really clear in the mind of a lot of Christians, although there are a lot of strong opinions out there amongst different groups, and i believe a lot of extremes that are out of balance one way or the other. I wont go into the topic more than that at this point, but have enjoyed the replies so far, the different perspectives, relating to the idea of a "perfect partner'. Thanks.
 

ty

Banned
Feb 11, 2010
520
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#18
my avatar is the perfect partner..........
 
Feb 18, 2010
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#20
If we honor God with our choices then he will honor us with the right one if it is in his plan that we receive a mate. If we dishonor God with our choices you can bet good money that God will dishonor us with our own folly. It's better to be single than stuck with a terrible partner or living down a failed marriage and a broken family.

I've been of the opinion that there are quite a few compatible people out there for me, but I'm only going to choose one of them. So if I ever get a good relationship with a nice lady I'm going to stick with her rather than doubting and wondering if there's someone better for me out there. She may say, "But you shouldn't settle for less." And I might reply, "That's BS. Don't get all whiny on me. You're the one I want," but in a kinder tone perhaps.

This is not to say that you should settle for a relationship which you don't think will work out. But if you're getting along fine in it there's no magic trick out there that convinces you that you have the perfect and very best one in the entire world. You just pick one you can get along with in a meaningful and fulfilling way and you stick with them. There's settling for less, there's being greedy and selfish and then there's settling for good.
 
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