This just in... Florida man....

[Pipp]

Anyone on the internet for any amount of time has most likely heard of the outrageous "Florida Man " headlines.... example: "Oct. 23, 2014: Florida man once arrested for fighting drag queen with tiki torch runs for mayor"
"Dec. 7, 2015: Florida man killed by alligator while hiding from cops"
"July 20, 2020: Florida man tries to evade arrest by cartwheeling away from cops"
Believe it or not, these are real headlines. I saw this pic and thought this could be pretty funny. Hope it doesnt offend anyone !

 

[Pipp]

This just in ...Florida man apparently marries his Fiancee's sister and didnt notice till morning, when asked for a statement his only reply was " guess Ill just marry em both"

 

[Lynx]

Florida man and leader of a "faith healing" cult takes little boy's lunch. Followers are confused.

 

[Lynx]

Florida man and decorated war veteran killed yesterday by puny teenager. Friends and relatives blame the influence of rock.

 

[Pipp]

Florida man kills his brother in a jealous rage when the brothers meal consisting of meat was preferred over his vegan one.

 

[Lynx]

Close friends of Florida man report seeing him 3 days after his death. Other friends are skeptical. One close friend named Thomas is quoted as saying, "I'll believe it when I see it."

 

[Magenta]

Florida man relinquishes birthright for a pot of stew.

 

[Magenta]

Florida man interprets dream and wins king's favor to be released
from jail after being wrongfully imprisoned for thirteen years.

 

[Lynx]

Florida man and local celebrity boldly defies local church ruling about working on day of rest.

 

[Lynx]

Florida man gets so fed up with traffic conditions that he makes his own transportation path across a sea.

 

[Lynx]

Florida man denied the right to go home ever again because he hit a rock instead of talking to it.

 

[Lynx]

Local Florida preacher claims to be able to raise an entire army from the dead by simply preaching to them.

 

[Lynx]

Group of Florida boys defeats entire army... By singing. Find out how right after these messages.

 

[Lynx]

Florida man makes an iron axe head float by throwing a stick in the water where it sank.

 

[Lynx]

Local Florida cult leader brings down devastation on entire country 10 times in a row. Leaders baffled and afraid.

 

[Lynx]

Florida man loses wife in bizarre incident, uses rather salty language about the matter.

 

[Lanolin]

Florida Man slept with his daughters after escaping Sodom and Gomorrah, alcohol was a factor

 

[Magenta]

Florida man chops up rape victim and sends pieces to inheritors.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

42 young men were mauled to death by two bears for mocking a Florida man's bald head, eye witnesses described the mob yelling and pointing, “Youuu Baldheaddd, youuu baldheaddd, you baldheaddd hahaha.....!” Then the Florida man turned red in the face and cursed the mob and immediately the bears miraculously came out of the woods to attack the young men. Florida man has been identified as Eli and, according to his mother, started balding at the age of 4. “He was mocked all through grade school,” says the mother. “He was always a nice boy but carried lots of anger due to being bullied.” Local county officials say Eli was last seen preparing a hike to some mountain. If you see this man, he is dangerous, and we caution anyone not to speak or stare too long at this man's head.

 

[EternalFire]

Florida man eats the flesh and drinks the blood of Jesus.